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Originally Posted by muslimahan

Hi .... My bf goes to the same college as me,us meeting up is very limited and when I meant kiss I meant kiss on the cheaks only...... I only see him during college hoursam I don't get to visit him in holidays and other times

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Your parents would or would not approve if they knew?

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

- And so what is your decision?

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Hi...
I'm taking all the opinions on board and I'm going to take time to think about this carefully. I know me having a boyfriend was wrong in the first place but I was thinking its okey to have a boyfriend as long as we don't have physical relationship between us before marriage, I will let you guys know what my decision is when I know, please make dua for me

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Your parents would or would not approve if they knew?

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Hi...
I'm totally confused ift they will approve or not because he is from afghanistan and I'm a british pakistani, they will think he wAnts to marry me for british passport or stay, he is travell documents :( that's the reason I'm not sure if they will approve this relationship :(

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Originally Posted by muslimahan

Hi...
I'm taking all the opinions on board and I'm gona take time to think about this carefully. I know me having a bf was wrong in the first place but I was thinking its okey to have a bf as long as we don't have physical realtionship between us before marriage, I will let you guys know what my decision is when I know, please make dua for me

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And maybe if your boyfriend will be a college graduate with a good chance to have a well-paying job and be able to take care of you, your parents might be willing to permit you to marry him someday. Or maybe in two years, you won't care any longer about him.

Will you have the opportunity to get to know any young men your parents are considering?

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Originally Posted by muslimahan

Hi...
I'm taking all the opinions on board and I'm gona take time to think about this carefully. I know me having a bf was wrong in the first place but I was thinking its okey to have a bf as long as we don't have physical realtionship between us before marriage, I will let you guys know what my decision is when I know, please make dua for me

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I do agree. I don't think that having a boyfriend that you're kissing on the cheek and hugging, is a bad thing. But I'm not Islamic.

You live in London, not India. You do have options, and the option Jenny proposed is something you really should consider.

It depends on how you feel about your boyfriend. Do you love him? Do you want to spend your life with him? If you are forced to spend your life with someone else, someone your parents choose, is that okay? Are you okay with that? Are you willing to give up your life for a religion and your parents control over you?

It really depends on the relationship you have with this boyfriend, and the relationship you have with your parents and what they will or will not accept.

Do think about it, and please, do let us know what happens. I hope it all works out, and you end up with the guy you love, not the guy your parents want you to marry, have sex with, procreate with.

Having said that, I'll never understand arranged marriages, especially when the girl loves someone else. But it's not my religion, or belief, and I'm very thankful for that.

The number of questions we get on this site asking "How can I marry the boy I love? He's not the same caste, and my parents won't agree", makes me so sad for these girls, and really makes me question why this is allowed in today's world. I'm so glad I live in a country, and have a belief system, that allows me to choose, and not have other's choices forced on me.

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Originally Posted by muslimahan

Hi...
I'm taking all the opinions on board and I'm gona take time to think about this carefully. I know me having a bf was wrong in the first place but I was thinking its okey to have a bf as long as we don't have physical realtionship between us before marriage, I will let you guys know what my decision is when I know, please make dua for me

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The trouble is if you fall in love and just want him, how do you walk away and go into someone else's bed room and ever treat them properly as a wife?

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

And maybe if your boyfriend will be a college graduate with a good chance to have a well-paying job and be able to take care of you, your parents might be willing to permit you to marry him someday. Or maybe in two years, you won't care any longer about him.

Will you have the opportunity to get to know any young men your parents are considering?

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Hi... umm normaly the boy and girl speak on the phone like once or twice theN they get engaged. I won't get a chance to know him

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Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

The trouble is if you fall in love and just want him, how do you walk away and go into someone elses bed room and ever treat them properly as a wife?

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Hii... I agree with you I can't imagine being with anyone else as he is my first boyfriend when I was 19. I don't know what I'm going to have to do to please my parents and my love for him, maybe dying is the best solution but its haraam :(

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Originally Posted by muslimahan

Hi....umm normaly the boy and girl speak on the phone like once or twice theN they get engaged. I won't get a chance to know him

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Can you accept that after knowing, hugging, and falling in love with someone you did get to know?

Can you be a good wife (oi, can't believe I just wrote those words), to someone you don't love knowing that you could have married someone you do love?

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Originally Posted by muslimahan

Hii......... I agree with yu I can't imagine being with anyone else as he is my first bf when I was 19. I don't know what I'm gona have to do to please my parents and my love for him, maybe dieing is the best solution but its haraam :(

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Dying isn't a solution. Facing the problem, choosing your own path, no matter how hard it may be, that's the solution.

You discounted Jennies suggestion right away, moving out on your own. Why? Is it your parents, or your religion and your beliefs that are holding you back?

Because I really have to ask, if it's either, then why did you go against both your religion and parents and found a boyfriend to begin with?

You don't follow the rules. You've shown that already. Why are the rules so important now? Do you know that there's a world out there where you can choose what you want for your life with no consequences at all?

I live in that world. Many of us do. I'm not saying give up your religious beliefs, but don't sacrifice your life for them.

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Originally Posted by Alty

Having said that, I'll never understand arranged marriages, especially when the girl loves someone else. But it's not my religion, or belief, and I'm very thankful for that.

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Parents, even Christian ones, usually believe they know what is best for their children and will at least try to guide them in making a good choice. Parents look at financial situation, work prospects, family of origin, and other concrete things that can affect the child's entire life, whereas the child thinks only about love. With divorce hitting 50% in this country, maybe we should consider arranged marriages.

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Originally Posted by Alty

Dying isn't a solution. Facing the problem, choosing your own path, no matter how hard it may be, that's the solution.

You discounted Jennies suggestion right away, moving out on your own. Why? Is it your parents, or your religion and your beliefs that are holding you back?

Because I really have to ask, if it's either, then why did you go against both your religion and parents and found a bf to begin with?

You don't follow the rules. You've shown that already. Why are the rules so important now? Do you know that there's a world out there where you can choose what you want for your life with no consequences at all?

I live in that world. Many of us do. I'm not saying give up your religious beliefs, but don't sacrifice your life for them.

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Hi me and my boyfriend were just friends and we didn't even notice when we fell in love, I started getting jealouse of other girls and overprotective about him and he was the same about me, we didn't plan falling in love or dating etc... Love is blind and I agree with that 100% because we never thought about the future until a month ago when my dad kept talking about marriage purposals, I never planned having a boyfriend until the age of 19 it just happened... :(

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Originally Posted by muslimahan

Hi me and my bf were just freinds and we didn't even notice when we fell in love, I started getting jealouse of other girls and overprotective about him and he was the same about me, we didn't plan falling in love or dating ect.... Love is blind and I agree with that 100% because we never thought about the future until a month ago when my dad kept talking about marriage purposals, I never planned having a bf until the age of 19 it just happened...... :(

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That's the norm. I wasn't looking for love either when I met my husband. But, when I did, and I fell in love, I was free to marry him. I wanted my parents to like him, but frankly, if they hadn't, it wouldn't have mattered. I married for love, and we've been together for 22 years now, married for 17.

It's really up to you. You don't live in India, you won't be burned at the stake if you decide to marry for love and go against what your parents want. So my question stands. What's more important to you? Love? Religion? Your parents happiness? Your own happiness? Which?

That's what you have to decide. You have to choose what you'll give up, because it sounds like you can't have it all. You either marry this boy because you love him, which means you may lose your parents, or you marry someone they choose, that you don't love, keep your parents, but live a life without love. But your parents will be happy. The question is... will you?

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Parents, even Christian ones, usually believe they know what is best for their children and will at least try to guide them in making a good choice. Parents look at financial situation, work prospects, family of origin, and other concrete things that can affect the child's entire life, whereas the child thinks only about love. With divorce hitting 50% in this country, maybe we should consider arranged marriages.

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My parents were Christian. My husband is not, never was. Thankfully my parents did love my chosen mate, so it wasn't an issue.

I can say, I'd rather my children marry for love, and fail, then spend their lives married to someone they barely know because that's what I choose.

I raised my kids to be independent, make their own mistakes, and choose their own path. I would never consider an arranged marriage. I'd sell my kids as slaves before I did that, but really, to me it's the same thing. I didn't raise sheep, therefore I'd never treat them as such.

Then you really and I am being honest have no "choice" After they arrange a marriage is too late, and the longer you hide this, He needs to go and talk to your family

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Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

Then you really and I am being honest have no "choice" After they arrange a marriage is too late, and the longer you hide this, He needs to go and talk to your family

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Exactly. That's the only solution if the OP wants to marry for love.

Doesn't mean mom and dad will be okay with it, but trying is better than accepting whatever fate they decide. And to be fair, mom and dad don't know that the OP has a boyfriend. Maybe if they did, they'd accept him, and the marriage to him.

Won't know unless you try. But saying nothing, that's accepting what mom and dad choose. You're not giving mom and dad any options at all! They can't read minds.

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Originally Posted by Alty

Exactly. That's the only solution if the OP wants to marry for love.

Doesn't mean mom and dad will be okay with it, but trying is better than accepting whatever fate they decide. And to be fair, mom and dad don't know that the OP has a bf. Maybe if they did, they'd accept him, and the marriage to him.

Won't know unless you try. But saying nothing, that's accepting what mom and dad choose. You're not giving mom and dad any options at all! They can't read minds.

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Hey... Thanks for your opinion its really made me consider sharing this relationship with my parents... Maybe they think I have no one in mind that's y they are considering proposals. I will try and speak to them Thanks :)

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Originally Posted by muslimahan

I came here for advice thinking there. Are people out there who will guide me the right way, however I don't think I want your advice on leaving my parents annd walking away. Maybe I'll stay confused about what to do for a long tiMe but I won't follow on ur suggestion on leaving parents.amywais thanxs for ur opinion

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Im not sure if you missed it, but I DID give you the correct answer for the right path.

Insha Allah you will will follow what God wants you to do.

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Having worked with and become friends with several Hindu women from India who were willing to discuss their arranged marriages, I learned that often the child's personal preference of a possible mate is okay and will be seriously considered, depending on caste and financial prospects. Muslim parents may have somewhat different standards.

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Even further, Pakistanis (from what I understand, I may be wrong) are more willing to accept such a thing than a Muslim from Iraq would be.

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Originally Posted by muslimahan

Hi...
I'm taking all the opinions on board and I'm gona take time to think about this carefully. I know me having a bf was wrong in the first place but I was thinking its okey to have a bf as long as we don't have physical realtionship between us before marriage, I will let you guys know what my decision is when I know, please make dua for me

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You are incorrect about that. In Islam, you are not to be alone with any boy without a chaperone. If you have been doing this, that is haram.