[grace31]

My husband cheated on me an got the girl pregnant. She has two kids an lost them over drugs. We got ba h together now we want a dna test. If its his kid he wants nothing to do with her or the baby. Can he sign his rights away? If so how do we go about it?

[cdad]

What rights does he want to sign away? The rights to this child and any future children ?

Or does he really think he gets to pick? No he can't sign his rights away and if this is really a problem for him he should consider getting a vasectomy. That way he won't have this problem again.

[Synnen]

Let's get this straight:

1. Your husband cheated on you.
2. He didn't use protection and got a girl pregnant--no telling what diseases he brought home to you.
3. He has no sense of responsibility for his actions, since he wants to make any child that resulted from HIS actions suffer from his lack of love and support. What do you think he'd do to YOUR children when he decides he's done with you again and leaves you for yet another woman?

The short answer is that NO--he can NOT sign his rights away. He SHOULD pay child support for a child he helped create, because as a taxpayer, *I* do not want to pay for his child. I can barely afford my own, thank you very much. Paying more in taxes so that his kid can have welfare makes me feel sick.

So... my question to YOU is this: Why do you stay with a guy with such low morals?

[ScottGem]

There is this myth that a parent can just sign a paper and give up their rights to a child. But its only a myth.

If you had searched around on this site first you might have found this thread:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/family...st-116098.html which answers your question.

He will not be allowed to give up his rights and definitely not be allowed to give up responsibility. He will be held to supporting the child if it is his. However, he is entitled to a paternity test to confirm its his child.

I would also like to add to Synnen's points. This is a woman who has a drug habit so there is the question of how he got involved with her. So not only is he a cheat and irresponsible, but he may have a drug problem.

[grace31]

We have two kids together a 15 year old and a12 year old. We've been together for 17 years yes he takes care of his kids. No he doesn't have a drug problem. I meet her through a good friend an she didn't know anything about her at the time. No he doesn't want anything to do with it only because I don't want her in my life. I don't need somebody like that around my kids. My kids aren't around drugs an I'd like to keep it that way. SHE HAS TWO KIDS SHE CAN'T TAKE CARE OF SHE LOST THEM.. So can he take her rights away?

[JudyKayTee]

We have two kids together a 15 year old and a12 year old. We've been together for 17 years yes he takes care of his kids. No he doesn't have a drug problem. I meet her through a good friend an she didn't know anything about her at the time. No he doesn't want anything to do with it only because i don't want her in my life. I don't need somebody like that around my kids. My kids aren't around drugs an i'd like to keep it that way. SHE HAS TWO KIDS SHE CAN'T TAKE CARE OF SHE LOST THEM.. So can he take her rights away?

HE doesn't want anything to do with "it" (the baby he fathered) because "I/YOU" don't want HER (the mother of his child in YOUR life. Have I got that straight?

You don't want HER around YOUR kids? I wouldn't want HIM around YOUR kids either - she didn't get pregnant by herself. He chose to have sex with someone who apparently has an addiction problem. The fact that she is or was an addict didn't influence him to keep his pants on.

This is the price he now pays.

He wants to take her rights away for what purpose? So HE and YOU can raise the child you so clearly resent?

I thought he wanted to sign his rights to the "kid" away? That won't work so now he wants to take HER rights to the "kid" away... and, again, this is your choice. I don't see him posting.

He's made a bad choice which is now part of your life and his... forever.

[grace31]

I'm sorry I thought this was about family law not your opinion. Is it ethical by law for you to give your opinion about welfare. By the way I'm also tax payer.

[Synnen]

She can lose her rights through the courts if they prove she is unfit.

The child would then probably go into the foster care system, with your husband paying child support for HIS child.

Great! You're a taxpayer--so you UNDERSTAND why people don't want deadbeat dads off the hook for paying for their kids, right?

Bottom line is this: If the child is adopted by someone else, your husband is off the hook. In EVERY OTHER SITUATION, he is responsible for paying for the child he helped create.

Just because YOU want the whole situation to disappear doesn't mean it will. The courts are going to look at the best interests of the CHILD--not you, not your husband, not your family--in making decisions about the child's welfare.

And guess what? If the mother DOES straighten up and retain full custody, you WILL be dealing with her for at least 18 years--if for nothing else but child support. However, I would hope that your husband steps up and tries to be a good father to the child he created--there is nothing sadder than a child that is punished with withheld love because the child's PARENTS were irresponsible and too immature to deal with their mistakes.

I do have to ask where your anger with your husband is, though--you seem to be throwing all of the blame on this other woman when your husband is at LEAST 50% responsible for the creation of the child.

[ScottGem]

I'm sorry i thought this was about family law not your personal opinion. Is it ethical by law for you to give your personal opinion about welfare. By the way I'm also tax payer.

This site is somewhat unique in that we don't just answer questions but provide solutions and feedback on the issues raised.

So in addition to the accurate legal advice you received (for free I might add), we also get to make suggestions about the side issues raised by your question. You are free to ignore any advice you don't like or report any responses that violate our rules (none have so far). But you can't dictate who answers or how.

There are no laws that govern giving advice on a forum like this so there is no ethical issue in our expressing our personal opinions relative to the situation.

Now, if you and your husband decide to raise this child, you MAY get custody of the child, you may even get her rights terminated if she has a history of it.

But then you will have to deal with this child.

[Fr_Chuck]

Also remember that you are asking the question and you have no standing or legal right in this what so ever. Your husband has the legal rights and/or obligations. You have to either accept or not accept what legal choice your husband makes in this.

He can file for custody of the child after proving it is his using DNA. He can use the proof of the other chidren being taken away, or use criminal record or use proof of drug use. To get custody of the baby ( perhaps) The baby will most likely have withdraw issues if mother is still using drugs and the child may have other health issues due to mothers drug use. So taking custody of the child can lead to many future issues. But of course as the father he will be paying child support either to the mother if she keeps custody or to another person if custody is given to them. This is his obligation and has nothing to do with his rights.
Even if he was allowed to give up his rights ( seldom happens) he would still be paying child support.

IF he gets custody the mother would most likely get some rights to visitation.

[Fr_Chuck]

Also remember that you are asking the question and you have no standing or legal right in this what so ever. Your husband has the legal rights and/or obligations. You have to either accept or not accept what legal choice your husband makes in this.

He can file for custody of the child after proving it is his using DNA. He can use the proof of the other chidren being taken away, or use criminal record or use proof of drug use. To get custody of the baby ( perhaps) The baby will most likely have withdraw issues if mother is still using drugs and the child may have other health issues due to mothers drug use. So taking custody of the child can lead to many future issues. But of course as the father he will be paying child support either to the mother if she keeps custody or to another person if custody is given to them. This is his obligation and has nothing to do with his rights.
Even if he was allowed to give up his rights ( seldom happens) he would still be paying child support.

IF he gets custody the mother would most likely get some rights to visitation.

[AK lawyer]

... If its his kid he wants nothing to do with her or the baby. Can he sign his rights away? ...

No. If she lost the children to CPS, or whatever you call it where you are, the state is going to want to be compensated for child support. He can't escape his duty to support his children by "signing away his rights".