Ask Me Help Desk - Unwanted Child

Unwanted Child

I'm 7 weeks pregnant and my boyfriend is threatening me about using his last name. He wanted me to get an abortion but I didn't. I told him I'll keep the baby and give them a life. He said if I chose to use his last name, he will now stop communicating with me regarding with my pregnancy. Or if I don't use his last name he'll still could communicate with me and visit the baby but only once. He's scared that the state will force him to pay child support. Yes, he's an army-based in Anchorage, Alaska, he's 21 and I'm 28. I really don't know what to do. But I'm solid on my decision to keep the baby. Please help me.

Last name or not...if it's his baby, you go after him for support. The baby does not need his last name for you to get support from him.

To be honest, he sounds like a real a-hole....I hope you go after him for support.

@Odinn7 Thank you! I will go after him even if he said he's poor and only getting small pay.

First, the US armed forces frowns on deadbeat dads. So yes you go after him for support. The state (and the Feds) WILL require that he pay support, but it will be based mostly on his income.

Whether you choose to give the child his last name or not is up to you. You can still list him as the father when you fill out the paperwork in the hospital without giving the child his last name.

Whether he wants to be a part of the child's life or not is his choice. But helping to support the child financially is not.

Clearly this is an immature person. I wonder why you got involved with him.

When the baby is born contact the Child Support Services Division about requiring him to pay child support.

He may have small pay but it was not his finances, that got him in trouble. His other head is as dumb as the one on his shoulders. Make him pay regardless. He did the crime do the time. 18 years min.

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Originally Posted by catonsville

... He did the crime do the time. 18 years min.

Figuratively, of course. Fathering a child is not really a crime (not in this case anyway). Both parents are to blame for this irresponsible behavior. But he will be required to pay child support until the child is no longer a minor (or adopted).

Quote:

... Whether you choose to give the child his last name or not is up to you. You can still list him as the father when you fill out the paperwork in the hospital without giving the child his last name. ...

I'm not sure that is correct (Although perhaps I should, because Alaska is my turf). But I believe OP may give the child any surname she chooses by putting it on the child's birth certificate. And she cannot have the father's name put on the birth certificate without an affidavit of paternity or court order.

For example, say the putative father is named John Smith, the mother is Mary Jones, and the child is a boy, to be named "Bob". In such case, OP can name the child "Bob Smith", "Bob Jones", or even "Bob White", if OP wants. But the name of the father would be left blank.

You are correct, if the mother is unmarried, it will require a signed and witnessed Affidavit of Paternity to include the father on the birth certificate.

Thank you all for the advice. I asked him if he could be with me on my EDC and he said he will be deployed overseas. Is there any way he could use his emergency leave?

No. Birth of a baby is not considered an emergency. My son was in Iraq when his daughter was born.

Quote:

Originally Posted by megami8elie

Thank you all for the advice. I asked him if he could be with me on my EDC and he said he will be deployed overseas. Is there any way he could use his emergency leave?

I'm still wondering what you see in this jerk?

Quote:

Originally Posted by QUOTE

I'm still wondering what you see in this jerk?

I'm guessing that it's exactly the same things which motivated her decision to have sex with him.

Contrary to popular belief, you cannot give the child any last name you choose. Unless the father signs an Affidavit of Paternity, the child will have the mother's last name, unless the couple is legally married. Since he won't be at the birth, and will not be available to sign the Affidavit of Paternity right after the birth, the child will be given the mother's last name.

Quote:

Contrary to popular belief, you cannot give the child any last name you choose. Unless the father signs an Affidavit of Paternity, the child will have the mother's last name, unless the couple is legally married. Since he won't be at the birth, and will not be available to sign the Affidavit of Paternity right after the birth, the child will be given the mother's last name.

Unfortunately, neither the statutes dealing with birth certificates, nor the regulations on the same subject, address that point. So there is no way to verify this statement.

He's now talking with a girl on Facebook, not only he's a loser but a big-time cheater. From this day forward, I'm leaving him because of his immaturity and being an a*hole . I want to take revenge but it's not worth my time. Please don't let them know about this.

Quote:

Originally Posted by megami8elie

Please don't let them know about this.

We have no control over who can access this site. That's why we removed the identifying info and attached photo. If you don't want them to know, you shouldn't post such info.

Quote:

Unfortunately, neither the statutes dealing with birth certificates, nor the regulations on the same subject, address that point. So there is no way to verify this statement.

I will see if I can find it at work tonight. Unfortunately, the lady who does our birth certificates only works day shift.

Here is a sample PDF from Mn.

It allows for ANY name to be given to the child.

http://www.health.state.mn.us/divs/c...worksheets.pdf

This is for Tennessee.

Quote:

Based on TCA Section 68-3-305 and 36-2-304

- the father's surname, or
- the mother's maiden name, or
- the mother's legal name, or
a combination of the above.

No other surnames can be used unless the parents have a court order to that effect.

Again I am looking at the Vital Records Act, Section 68-3-305 in the Tennessee Code Annotated.

Will the OP be giving birth in Alaska? If so, we can clear this up for her better as it appears this is a state specific law.

Quote:

Will the OP be giving birth in Alaska? If so, we can clear this up for her better as it appears this is a state specific law.

That was my assumption. But now that I look again at the opening post, all we know is that the putative father is in Alaska. As I say, the Alaska Statutes (The Vital Statistics Act, in particular) and the regulations pertaining to the same subject fail to address the issue.

It appears that we may be off on a tangent anyway.

I was just looking at that AK. It does indeed fail to address that issue.

The OP does appear to live in Anchorage when viewing her profile page.

The only other thing is that some parents want to give their children hyphenated surnames. If the use of the mother's surname (or the father's if the parents are married) were required, hyphenated surnames on BCs would be problematical.

Here's our conversation from last night:

Me: Are you aware of signing and witnessing the Affidavit of Paternity on the Birth Certificate? But then you said you'll be deployed.

J: ?

Me: Registering you as the father but not going to use your last name for the baby.

J: I am not going to be on as father.

Me: Ha? Even if we do that you still be forced to pay child support.

J: No.

Me: I know you don't want to but it's not me that will force you to pay... it's the State of Alaska.

J: If you leave me off it and not worry it, it'll be fine.

Me: Worst case scenario, if the state will find out, they will let you pay for it. They could even take your driver's license, or put you in jail, and/or force you to pay.

J: Leave it off and I'll deal with what comes. I'm on sleep meds so might not remember this in the morning. G'night.

Me: Ha? How come?

J: Because I have trouble sleeping now. I'm going to sleep. Goodnight.

Thinking he's being haunted with his own conscience and GUILT.

You need to file for child support whether his name is on the birth certificate. Raising a child is expensive.

The state doesn't automatically force him to pay support, but a court order does and your will need to file for it.

My daughter was born in Palmer/Wasilla before I married her father. I know how this all works up there.

Interesting conversation. You said:

Quote:

Are you aware of signing and witnessing the Affidavit of Paternity on the Birth Certificate?

But an AOP is usually not signed until AFTER birth. Did you really get him to sign one already? And he doesn't witness it, someone else does.

You can work it out with him to pay support directly without a court order. You can use an online calculator (Alaska Child Support Calculator - Use the Alaska Child Support Calculator) to estimate the amount of support he will be required to pay and enter into an agreement with him. Then, if he misses payments, you can take him to court. But I wouldn't advise it. I would advise getting support ordered by a court as soon as the child is born.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScottGem

Did you really get him to sign one already?

I believe OP was trying to inform the father of the need to execute an AOP.

Quote:

Originally Posted by megami8elie

...
Thinking he's being haunted with his own conscience and GUILT.

Haunted by megami8elie, actually.

OP should consider refraining from harassing him late at night like this. He might just want to program his phone to refuse her texts, in which case that line of communication would be effectively cut.

Not harassing him. He actually called me twice two nights ago and he was telling me he wanted to talk to me, but I told him I'm already in bed >>>> sleeping. And the time I texted him it was only 10:30 in the evening, he usually go to bed 12:sh to 2sh. Sorry I don't think I'm the reason behind his "disturbed sleeping pattern."