I have a son that's about to turn 16 years old this year, from my past relationship. I've never been allowed to see him (I don't know why). He's currently not in the custody of his mother and is being taken care of by another man. I've known about my son since before the day he was born, and I've wanted to be a part of his life since then. Just yesterday, I found out that he and his mother's current husband moved LITERALLY right next door to me.

Since finding out, I've not been able to stop looking out of my living room window. I've wanted to be a part of his life for years and I've never gotten that chance. Right now, at this distance, it's incredibly painful for me to stomach. I want him to know that he has a father that loves and cares for him. He's 15!! I've missed so much time with him, and I absolutely do not want that to continue. Please, I need some advice. I can't go on like this.

Have you been paying child support all these years?

Had there ever been a DNA test to prove he's yours? And a court hearing for custody/support?

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Have you been paying child support all these years?

Had there ever been a DNA test to prove he's yours? And a court hearing for custody/support?

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I was never asked to pay child support, and there's no need for a DNA test. Both the mother and I know that he is, in fact, my son.

She has been keeping him from me all these years without a justifiable reason.

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Originally Posted by DisgruntledDad

She has been keeping him from me all these years without a justifiable reason.

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You haven't taken her to court and arranged for joint or some kind of shared custody? And you've had no interest in paying support?

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

You haven't taken her to court and arranged for joint or some kind of shared custody? And you've had no interest in paying support?

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Child support had been discussed around the time that he'd first been born but was taken care of by her wealthy parents. She moved away shortly after, had no idea where she was, what she was doing. Nothing. Now this happens.

I think you wait and see what the real deal is before you go blundering into an unknown strange situation. You have made no moves for 15 years and shouldn't now until more is revealed. I doubt this is a coincidence, moving next door, but don't panic yet. Stay cool, but pay attention, and be alert.

Are you married, and have kids?

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Originally Posted by talaniman

I think you wait and see what the real deal is before you go blundering into an unknown strange situation. You have made no moves for 15 years and shouldn't now until more is revealed. I doubt this is a coincidence, moving next door, but don't panic yet. Stay cool, but pay attention, and be alert.

Are you married, and have kids?

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I'm divorced, in a serious relationship and I have two children from my ex wife. We split custody. I get them almost every single day from school and I pay child support. My inclination is to be visible. Not to pressure, but to be where I can be seen, playing with my other kids. I think in time, that will invite conversation sooner or later.

Sorry, no, it is a load of bull. You let mother tell you what to do, for 15 years.

When child was one, or two, or 6... you go to court and ask for visitation and prove child is yours with DNA test.

You do not sit at window and stalk...

And you do not discuss child support, you pay, if the child is yours, to the court. After you do custody paper work.

You were happy all those years, not paying and not seeing.

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Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

Sorry, no, it is a load of bull. You let mother tell you what to do, for 15 years.

When child was one, or two, or 6... you go to court and ask for visitation and prove child is yours with DNA test.

You do not sit at window and stalk...

And you do not discuss child support, you pay, if the child is yours, to the court. After you do custody paper work.

You were happy all those years, not paying and not seeing.

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Clearly, you don't read well. They were gone. They disappeared. I had no forwarding address. I had no way of knowing where they are. Maybe you should learn a lesson in tact before addressing me that way. The fact of the matter is, I didn't know whether they were in Alaska, South Carolina, Illinois, Texas, Oregon or any other state. I came on here to get sound advice. Not to be judged by someone who knows nothing of the subject and furthermore, doesn't bother to read what's written. Dismissed.

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Originally Posted by DisgruntledDad

Clearly, you don't read well. They were gone. They disappeared. I had no forwarding address. I had no way of knowing where they are.

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Her wealthy parents didn't know where she was? There ARE ways to find someone.

And I totally agree with Chuck. In fact, how do you know so much about this guy's marriage and separation (?) or even if this boy is really yours?

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Her wealthy parents didn't know where she was? There ARE ways to find someone.

And I totally agree with Chuck. In fact, how do you know so much about this guy's marriage and separation (?) or even if this boy is really yours?

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Her father passed away and I had no contact information for the mother. She was also not around. Whose marriage and separation are you talking about? I said I was previously married. The boy is mine. I was told that in the beginning, I was there when he was born, the kid looks like me, and she has always admitted he is mine. Even to her ex-husband. I have found out quite a bit of information in the last two days about their whereabouts and what's been going on in their lives. Before that, maybe a message out of the blue every 5 years or so, then gone.

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Originally Posted by DisgruntledDad

The boy is mine. I was told that in the beginning, I was there when he was born, the kid looks like me, and she has always admitted he is mine. Even to her ex-husband.

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A DNA test would still be in order. I look like all sorts of people who aren't my parents. So you have been totally helpless in trying to track her and the boy down all these years? Why does this man have custody -- and where is the mother? How do you know what you do about your neighbors?

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

.. How do you know what you do about your neighbors?

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Good question.

Another one: why have they suddenly moved next door to OP. Much more than a coincidence, I think.

If you were there when the child was born is your name listed on the child's birth certificate? Is there a reason you didn't get a court order for visitation right after he was born? That is something the judge will want to know if you decide you want to go to court over this matter.

So you have solid proof that your son is next door? I'm not hearing exactly how you know. First his mother disappeared totally; now she popped back in every 5 years or so, and you are 'finding out' - what exactly?

(Forgive us but we do get both trolls and delusional people, and it felt like you were staring out the window at some random kid who looks like you, that's all.)

This has creepy written all over it. OP has to step back and really give this some thought. He probably hasn't gone unnoticed by his new neighbours as being too intent on their daily routines.

If this man is not on the birth certificate, and if this man is not on a custody order, from the courts, he may (or may not) be a biological parent, but he is just that. He has no legal rights to this boy and needs to first , go though a third party and contact the boys (parents) or (guardian) it may be this man, either adopted the boy, or even listed on birth certificate.

If this is the case, then that man is the legal father, and you are really nothing. With no legal rights.

Your first step, would be to use a neutral third party to contact and find out the facts.

Hopefully the adults work this out before they totally screw up the lives of two families with impulsive useless drama.

I agree with Chuck. I really don't see that you did very much to find them. I don't see you did very much to enforce your parental rights. People don't completely disappear, especially wealthy people. A good PI would have found them. Also, its very possible that the boy was adopted. Illegally, since you weren't informed, but at this late date it is unlikely to be overturned.

And you don't know the child is yours. Unless you were with the mother every second of every day during the period the child was conceived you can't know for sure.

The bottom line is you need to go to court to enforce your rights. Until you do that, you have no rights. Any move you make until you do that could get you in trouble.

Does your girlfriend even know your baby mama has moved next door with your child? Another can of worms yet to be opened? After 15 years there are too many hidden motives and agendas, to take any actions at this time.

Chances are great that she had no knowledge of you living there but who can know at this point. Whose house is it you are living in?

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Originally Posted by AK lawyer

Good question.

Another one: why have they suddenly moved next door to OP. Much more than a coincidence, I think.

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Or perhaps when OP wrote "LITERALLY right next door to me", he didn't mean it literally, i.e.: in the house next door. Many people mis-use "literally" when they really mean just the opposite (figuratively). If they are close by, perhaps in the same town or neighborhood, it wouldn't be such a coincidence.

In reviewing what OP has written, I see that a woman with whom he had been intimate got pregnant and, just before giving birth, broke off contact with him. She had indicated that the child was his, but disappeared. She made contact with OP once every few years thereafter. Presumably OP knows that the man now raising the boy is the woman's husband. Thus it would be reasonable to assume that the boy might be OP's natural son.

If this is the case, I suggest that he might contact an attorney &/or a detectvie for the purpose of (in no particular order) determining what happened to the woman, whether the man has any legal rights to the boy, and going to court to establish paternity and (if so) visitation rights and child support obligation.

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Originally Posted by ScottGem

... People don't completely disappear, especially wealthy people. A good PI would have found them. ...

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If you don't want to be found, in many respects it would be much easier to hide if your parents have a virtually unlimited bank account and are willing to write checks for whatever you need. OP might have asked the parents where she went and they could have simply ignored him. And such a PI would be beyond the means of many folks.

I believe the overriding issue is what's in the best interest of the 15 year old child since any legal action would take months and years not days and weeks and any court order would involve a paternity test. It's a mess and a huge can of worms to be opened, and no doubt disruptive for many for who knows how long. Much to far reaching for emotional, impulsive responses legal or not.