Ask Me Help Desk - My daughter is 8 and wants her father

My daughter is 8 and wants her father

My daughter just turned 8 and wants her dad and not me.
I sent her to visit him overseas as I was not happy about but she was excited to go for 6 weeks and so was he. I thought it was too long for her to be away but thought it would make her happy to spend time with him. She now says she doesn't want me hates me and he will not return her unless she wants to come back. He wants to send her too school their and I am now intouch with ministry of justice to get her back. Why she hates me not sure.. We have been through a lot since me and her dad broke up 4 years ago moving every year. But also I feel her dad has said stuff. Which my daughter said her dad hasn't. Told her I love her and want her back home. Please can someone give me advice. Her dad is sending her to a child pycatrist out their.. But I feel it's all an excuse to keep her. Don't know what's going on why she hates me I don't know. She just says please let me live here... And I know why she hates me. Which I really don't know why xxx

The child truly may perfer the new country "right now" most likely the last 6 weeks was like Disneyland, travel, sightseeing. Real life has not happened, dad has not had to yell at her for not putting clothes away, he has not grounded her for not doing homework.
He is right now the "fun" parent. This is very common.

But yes, you will need to work to enforce your custody order.

Thank you for your quick respons.
I was a bit tuff with her latly with homework etc.
She's a very brite chiled.
I'm flying out to visit her in a week to go to pycia gist with them but she hates me and don't want me their she said.
I told her dad that he is not disaplining her and he said he dose put her in her room when she misbehaves.
But she still wants him.
I did say its Tge sun sea and sand as he lives on the beach.
But it all closes down all the fun in November. He said he will not send her back unless she wants to.
But Tge courts will not take a 8 year to make a choice as she is not mature enough.
I like what you said about Disneyland because I know he has been spoiling her.
I'm so upset that if she keeps insisting she don't want me :((
I hope the child pycatrist can tell her dad that she's just playing up and also because I'm sure she's missed out on her dads love and she is loving that now.
But I don't deserve this and she didn't know what's best for her do you think she will change her mind soon?? Xxx

My daughters 8

Dose she have a choice who she lives with as she wants her dad now not me he hasn't been around and now, I'm the bad guy after I have loved her and brought her up? Xx

I also started to go out once aweek she got a bit clingy she didn't like me going out once aweek xxx

First ANY question on law needs to include your general locale as laws vary by area. Second, because this involves 2 countries, you have major problems.

It depends on whether his country has reciprocal agreements with your country as to custody orders. If they do, then he is required to return the child until a court can decide custody. If he wants custody, he has to go to court to have the current order modified.

If there is no reciprocal agreement, they may not honor your custody and not force the child to return with you.

You NEED an attorney who is familiar with international custody law. Before you go there you need to understand what your rights will be.

I'm in london and she's In Cyprus I think the judge desides
But surly if she lies to stays Tge judge can see, sges doing it to stay. Tge Hague convention is helping me... And I think they will call him thus week to send her back voluntary if he doesn't he gets taken to court... I'm going out their so to try see her xx

Most courts will not take what a child that young says into evidence, most require them to be about 12. But then what your court will decide varies, They should order the child back to you and if he wants custody he will have to return to where the current court order is at.

Ok thank you.
I'm flying out to Cyprus next week or two. To try get see her. Tge courts would have phones him by then to see if they will send her back. Then take it from their I guess hope they send her home or he dose so it don't go to court 😓

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zahide

I'm in london and she's In Cyprus I think the judge desides
But surly if she lies to stays Tge judge can see, sges doing it to stay. Tge Hague convention is helping me... And I think they will call him thus week to send her back voluntary if he dosnt he gets taken to court... I'm going out their so to try see her xx

Ok, So both the UK and Cyprus subscribe to the Hague Convention? Frankly, what I would do is postpone your visit. Before you go there, I would get a court order to bring your daughter back with you. So, if he hasn't sent her back voluntarily, then you can get the Cyprus authorities to help you.

I agree with Chuck, that a court is not likely to put much weight on a child's preference, if they even listen to her. But the psychiatrist's evaluation will be important.

Thank you but the child abduction team Hague convention is getting back to me next week.. I will let you know what happens thank you do much xxx😓😓

Has there ever been custody through the courts ? I don't see that mentioned anywhere. If it has never been decided by the courts and an order issued your going to have a lot tougher time getting your child back.

Thank you for replying
No her dads never had custody
She's always been with me?? xxx

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zahide

Thank you but the child abduction team Hague convention is getting back to me next week.. I will let you know what happens thank you do much xxx😓😓

That's good, Definitely work with them. Good luck and keep us posted.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zahide

Thank you for replying
No her dads never had custody
She's always been with me???xxx

That doesn't quite answer the question. Is she with you by court order?

Sorry..
No she isn't.
She has been with me from birth? x

If there is no court order giving you custody then he has.equal rights to her. Assuming he is listed as the legal father.

A court order will be put in place. But first waiting to see if he sends her back when he gets a call...
I was thinking to go to see her and see if she mite start to let her guard down with me... Make things Easyer

How lOng can it take for me to get her back?
Thank you x

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zahide

A court order will be put in place. But first waiting to see if he sends her back when he gets a call...
I was thinking to go to see her and see if she mite start to let her gaurd down with me... Make things Easyer

You need to establish legal custody before you go see her. How long that will take depends on local courts.

No I can go see her but her dad won't let me have her unless she wants me but like I said it's all an excuse to keep her .
The abduction team said I can go if I want try talking with her. & they will call me let me know if we got to go to courts and what he has said. The girlfriend has answerd the phone today and told me to visit to make my daughter to try and be normal again with me. The girl friend said in a round about way and it's a shame we can't discuss it like mature adults.. I agree but her dad said its up to his daughter which is a joke. He now.. I think... Regrets making her want to stay.. It's perfetic x The ministry/ child abduction team/Cyprus courts can contact me when I'm out tgeir? Do you not think it's a good idea me going??

Again, I would not go until you have been awarded custody. That's my feeling. It isn't necessary, but I wouldn't do it.

Awarded custody? That means to wait for it to go to the courts their?
Then I have to wait longer to see her! I don't know if I can do that... 😔
It's been weeks since I saw her.
If Tge girl friend meets me with her that's a good thing no??
I understand what your saying...
But I'm sure I have a rite to see her being awarded or not.. No?
Also as Tge girlfriend will meet me with her..?
Otherwise I mute have to wait months if it goes to court and she dose not want me Tgen the judge has to see why... I know I'll get her back in the end because I will not give up. But just don't want it draging on? X

First, you should be filing for custody where YOU live not in Cyprus! That is still her residence. I doubt if she has been in Cyprus long enough to establish residence. Plus you do not want to concede that she lives there. As you have said her home is with you,

Second, I hope you have a solicitor to advise you. I'm at a disadvantage here in that I don't know international law in these matters.

It is still my feeling that youshould only go there with the idea of bringing her back with you. Which is why I advise getting custody first. You should never have let her go there until you had custody.

I will speak with a soliciter again on Monday
Thank you for your help xx
Ps would I need to have her with me? Or dose her dad have to sign papers?
Or can I do it alone?

You don't need her, but he will probably have to be served notice. He might be required to appear or lose by default.

What's loose by default mean ?
Thank you

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zahide

What's loose by default mean ?
Thank you

If he doesn't appear to fight the custody order, the court may grant you custody.

Omg

When I think a out it when my sister got to a call from him he said the is a court on 27th and that I will have to be their. My sister said what for and she said you are not making sense!!
Do you think he was saying I need to be at a court in Cyprus on 27th to try get me to give him custody... I can't believe it.. So if I don't turn up, he may be given custody?? Or will they see my daughter has on been in Cyprus 9 weeks and they will not give him custody??

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zahide

Omg

When I think a out it when my sister got to a call from him he said the is a court on 27th and that I will have to be their. My sister said what for and she said you are not making sence!!!
Do you think he was saying I need to be at a court in Cyprus on 27th to try get me to give him custody... I can't beleive it .. So if I don't turn up, he may be given custody ???? Or will they see my daughter has on been in Cyprus 9 weeks and they will not give him custody???

Yes, this is very possible. If he filed for Custody in Cyprus a hearing would have been scheduled. You need to be at that hearing or have a representative there or the courts could award him custody.

You NEED to speak to a solicitor right away. First thing Monday. You do have to be properly served notice of the hearing, so your solicitor may get it delayed on those grounds. Also, I'm not sure if Cyprus would have jurisdiction as I said earlier.

The problem is there is too much going on here. The international aspect of it, and other legal issues. For example, you never told us that there was a court hearing scheduled. We are limited in the help we can give because we don't know all the facts or the laws.

A solicitor can research and see what the hearing on the 27th is about and will know how to deal with it.

My opinion here, for what its worth, is that you will eventually regain custody. But not without a solicitor to help you deal with this.

Keep us posted but act immediately.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScottGem

Yes, this is very possible. If he filed for Custody in Cyprus a hearing would have been scheduled. You need to be at that hearing or have a representative there or the courts could award him custody.

You NEED to speak to a solicitor right away. First thing Monday. You do have to be properly served notice of the hearing, so your solicitor may get it delayed on those grounds. Also, I'm not sure if Cyprus would have jurisdiction as I said earlier.

The problem is there is too much going on here. The international aspect of it, and other legal issues. For example, you never told us that there was a court hearing scheduled. We are limited in the help we can give because we don't know all the facts or the laws.

A solicitor can research and see what the hearing on the 27th is about and will know how to deal with it.

My opinion here, for what its worth, is that you will eventually regain custody. But not without a solicitor to help you deal with this.

Keep us posted but act immediately.

Yes I will do first thing Monday.
Thank you for all your help

Do you think I could go to court hearing if that is what it is he is talking about and refuse it for him to have custody and I file for custody in Cyprus with a soliciter it will be quicker to get her back home??
I will talk to local authorities and soliciter Monday
X

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zahide

Do you think I could go to court hearing if that is what it is he is talking about and refuse it for him to have custody and I file for custody in Cyprus with a soliciter it will be quicker to get her back home???
I will talk to local authorities and soliciter Monday
X

No you don't want to do that. The reason is because then Cyprus will hold jurisdiction. What you want is for that jurisdiction they are claiming to have stricken down. Then proceed in your local court so all future matters can be heard there. Not in Cyprus.

I agree with Califdad. This is what I've been telling you. You do NOT want ot legitimize the claim in Cyprus. Even if you do go to the hearing, your position is that she has always lived with you and therefore her country of residence is in the UK. That means the UK has juridiction and Cyprus doesn't. So any custody action has to be done in the UK. I'm sure your solicitor will advise the same.

Ok thank you
For all your help 😔

My daughter hates me

Why dose my daughter hate me.
Me and her dad broke up when she was 4 and I would be stressed as we were homeless and I would shout. Be to be fair she played up a lot. But she was always attention seeking it was tuff. Her dad came back into her life at 7 and to be honest done a lot of damage wich my daughter will not remember.
Anyway she went to visit him in Cyprus and he wants to keep her I am fight Tge legal way to get her back. Je is going to get taken to court. She now says she hates me and to die and scared to be alone with me. The only thing I can think the reason is because she thinks I will tell her off. But told her I'm not angry with her just so upset Tge way sges spking to me. I'm angry with her dad for letting her have a choice on where to live. She hates me it's hurting so bad I feel I'm not a good mum and I want her back to normal.
Please help x

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zahide

Why dose my daughter hate me.
Me and her dad broke up when she was 4 and I would be stressed as we were homeless and I would shout. Be to be fair she played up a lot. But she was always attention seeking it was tuff. Her

This is most likely why.

You were stressed and took it out on her (a child). Attention seeking? Seriously? Wow! Can you blame her? She was not only a child, but obviously felt neglected enough to "play it up".

Then you wonder why...

People go through stressful times, however, children at that age should have NO indication of what is going on. They should feel safe and secure regardless if YOU aren't. That is YOUR duty as a parent.

So... why does your daughter hate you? Ask her.

I am now going to report it to the police I have been told that I should have before my soliciter didn't advice me this. So I will tmrw. My daughter now told me after aweek not answering the phone to day they answerd and she Asi she's scared to be alone. I told her she's rude to me and not to be scared. She thinks I'll go mad at her and tell her off. Coz she told be to die like my mum. I'm so upset. Will she regret talking to me like this or even no it's ring and love me again I really hope so in so hurt 😔

Yes your rite she must of felt unsafe
I guess she saw too much!
It couldn't be helped at times.
She told me she hates me because I don't give her attention. That is not true. I think because we have moved every year since she was small it's effected her. And her dad has a big house money etc and can't remember what he done. Made me bankrupt and left Tge country. She said her dads better than me and that if I love her I will let her stay their. I wish I never let her go. I guess I never made her feel safe as a kid then? I feel sick but I don't deserve this 😔

THREADS MeRGED

What can I do to correct things with my daughter. Told her she means the world to me today and more important to me than anyone in the world. She just said if u love me let me live here. & wishes I was dead. I'm in shock. What can I do? 😓