I just found out I had a 5 yr old son, the baby's mom never told me, I just received court papers and her name was in them, I never signed the birth Certificate but the reason I have to go to court is because she is on welfare and she named me the father on the claim papers so I'm guessing Welfare wants their money back …. We are due to go to court and I will def be doing a DNA test put if the child is mine can I get full custody of the baby because she is on welfare, Also she has 2 other kids from different dads…

I have my own family I take care of, how will this whole thing affect me financially, don't get me wrong if I could get full custody of the baby I will be raising him and will give him everything I can possibly can but I know when you go through all the courts they will try to squeeze every penny out of you and me and my wife barely make ends meet, she makes most of the money and we also just bought a house so I'm just so frustrated at the fact that me and my wife have been working so hard and sacrificed so much for my son and now everything might go down the drain…. Like I said if that child is mine I will want to take responsibility for it but I also don't want this to effect my current family as well

What kind of questions will the Judge ask me at the hearing

4-5 yrs ago I fathered a son and the mom never told me, until recently I got served with a court order, I guess she got on welfare and named me the father so the court papers I got served with had her information, she is asking for a DNA test and so will I, If I am the father can I get any custody of the baby, will I have to pay back child support? I live in Tx and the mom lives in Ca... by the way she does not want me to pay child support and wants me to give up my right so that her husband now can adopt him legally.

I have my own family I take care of, how will this whole thing affect me financially, don't get me wrong if I could get full custody of the baby I will be raising him and will give him everything I possibly can but I know when you go through all the courts they will try to squeeze every penny out of you and me and my wife barely make ends meet, she makes most of the money and we also just bought a house so I'm just so frustrated at the fact that me and my wife have been working so hard and sacrificed so much for my son and now everything might go down the drain Like I said if that child is mine I will want to take responsibility for it but I also don't want this to effect my current family as well

You are not going to get custody. Although it may not be your fault, the fact remains that you don't even know him.

And I doubt that the court will order retroactive child support, especially if she just went on welfare. The welfare agency is only interested in recouping what it has paid out.

The judge will probably ask you if you are going to consent to the adoption. I question whether an adoption is appropriate if the parents cannot support the child (mother on welfare), but I suppose it's possible.

Well that's another problem I have, I don't know weather or not to give my right over if he is my child, I don't know the kid and the kid has been raised by someone else and in his eyes he is the babies father, and also I have my own family to worry about so I really don't know what to do?? She just doesn't want me to be part of their lifes and I could understand why but she just put me in a real bad situation here!

I was wondering, for my child support hearing next week how will the judge determine how much I would have to pay... if the baby is mine? Will they only base it on my income alone or will my fiance's income be combined as well? Remember I have my son I support as well with my fiancé how will that effect them?

It will be your income alone that makes the determination. After that depending on the state they may or may not take your other child into consideration. In general your obligation (primary) is to the first child then after that it goes down the list.

Will the judge take into mind we just bought our house and we have our own debt, expenses, or will that not matter?

By the way I live in Texas and they live in California.

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Originally Posted by leee22

Will the judge take into mind we just bought our house and we have our own debt, expenses, or will that not matter?

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Nope. In fact if your case is out of California they don't care if you live in a cardboard box. Sorry if that sounds harsh but it is the truth. The family court system in California is very strange. The good news is you can get an idea of what to expect from online sources. In California they use a calculator called a Dissomaster. They are available online. You can plug in the numbers and see the outcome. Also they should allow you the deduction for the child if you are currently doing so on your tax returns. If your not then they may or may not allow it.

Im in trouble, if this kid is mine!! They won't even take into consideration I didn't even know about this kid until I got served with a court date a few weeks ago?? By the way thanks for your input I guess I will have to accept whatever the judge determins is fair, if this kid is mine!

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Originally Posted by leee22

Im in trouble, if this kid is mine!!! they wont even take into consideration i didnt even know about this kid until i got served with a court date a few weeks ago??? btw thanks for your input i guess i will have to accept whatever the judge determins is fair, if this kid is mine!

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You are getting a DNA test done right?

Oh yes Def!! That's why I'm saying "if the child is mine"

Another thing to remember if you decide to help raise the child and be a part of their life (which I encourage) as far as California is concerned the only time that counts with the child is overnights. So when calculating support the percentage of time with the child is only counted at those times and must be under court order. Also should you get yourself into arrears they charge 10% interest on it. Be careful with that.


Being in another state doesn't preclude you from being a part of your child's life and as far as visitation goes you could work up to summer vacation and other extended holidays allowing for a full relationship to develop.

OK so, if she is on welfare, will that effect me financially, woudnt that put her as an unfit mother? She does have 2 other kids from different dads, should I fight for full custody if that child is mine? Too many questions I think I should just wait until the DNA test is done and then ill go from there!

They go by your income, unless there is joint custody of the child, ( not likely living in different states)

But they use basically a percentage of your gross pay. They will look at other court ordered child support but that is about it.

Agree, they don't care how you live or how you pay YOUR bills, here in GA you will pay about 20 percent of your gross pay.

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Originally Posted by leee22

ok so, if she is on welfare, will that effect me financially, woudnt that put her as an unfit mother? she does have 2 other kids from different dads, should i fight for full custody if that child is mine? Too many questions i think i should just wait until the DNA test is done and then ill go from there!

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Some plans need to be laid now as a foundation for what may occur later. Being on welfare doesn't make her an unfit mom in the courts eyes. Also the courts don't like to split up siblings yet it does happen. But if your wanting some sort of physical custody then your going to need a gameplan. Most likely the reason they are coming after you for support is because she is on welfare and the state is trying to recoup the money it is spending.

In California there are 2 types of custody
1) Physical custody (meaning where the child lives or stays)
2) Legal custody (meaning the power to make decisions for your child's benefit )

In most cases legal custody is almost automatic. Most of the fighting occurs around Physical custody. So you will need a reasonable gameplan inorder to get it. You won't fit the "standard" 80/20 split because of living in another state. Also at this point you don't know the child. But being prepared will have its advantage when the time comes. And expect drama.

Here is a link you might want to look at and see how things can go.

California Courts: Self-Help Center: Families & Children: Child, Spousal, & Partner Support

Well I don't know about the drama, the babies mom doesn't want me to pay her anything and doesn't even want me to disturb their "family" but I know its not up to her right, specialy if she is on welfare!! Thanks for the link! Every little bit helps!

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Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

They go by your income, unless there is joint custody of the child, ( not likely living in different states)

But they use basicly a percentage of your gross pay. They will look at other court ordered child support but that is about it.

Agree, they don't care how you live or how you pay YOUR bills, here in GA you will pay about 20 percent of your gross pay.

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Just as a reminder for those not familier with it. Gross pay is the amount of money you make before taxes are taken out.

Net pay is the number you see on your pay stub and take to the bank. For some there is a significant difference.

Her being on welfare doesn't make her an unfit mother. However, it does make it more likely that the state will aggressively pursue you for support.

You asked a question similar to this one previously, and I'll restate what someone answered before. You have virtually no chance of getting custody away from her unless you can prove that she is a danger to the child. You have said yourself that you just found out about the child... the court is not taking custody away from the mother and giving it to a perfect stranger.