Ask Me Help Desk - Not ready to be a Dad but girlfriend will not give up for adoption!

Quote:

Originally Posted by notreadytobeDadyet

Help! My girlfriend of three years and I noticed changes in her body, so I urged her to get a pregnancy test. She waited until recently to discover that she was 13 weeks pregnant. Prior to all of this news, she was on the pill. I have openly expressed my non-interest in being a father now. I have also emphasized how she has no financial means to be a mother now. She makes little money, and I travel and work 70 hours a week and do well. This issue is breaking us up. We have discussed adoption and some days she says yes and others no. We have discussed abortion, but now at 15 ½ weeks, she is almost in her second trimester. Again, I am openly expressing to her that I do not want to be a father yet. She has declined all options and agreed to a “financial abortion” from me, as a result of my openly expressed concerns of not wishing to be a father, before her pregnancy, during her pregnancy (which is now just over 15 weeks), and this posture will not change after the pregnancy. How is this done? She has agreed to sign off on anything that would bind me to child support including not listing my name on the forthcoming birth certificate. Does this have to be on a legal binding document in case she changes her mind five years from now? As of now it’s simply on a word document that she and I have signed. We are not married, and I have not planned on having a child. She simply was not religious in taking her birth control pills on time and as a result, we are in this predicament.

Hey, I just read your post. What ever happened with the girlfriend and the baby? Amanda

Please be aware that even if you sign over your rights you could still end up paying child support, you'll just have no rights to seeing the child or making any decisions in the child's life. If she has to seek any type of public assistance for the child the state will automatically file child support because they are going to do what ever they can to get back the money that she gets from the government. Your going to need a lot more than a verbal or written agreement between you & her. This needs to be handled through an attorney and I don't think she will be able to get any government assistance for the child if she makes the agreement not to seek any financial support from the father. Based on what you said about her finances is why I'm mentioning government assistance.

You know what? I wasn't ready to be a mother! But I knew I could never live with myself if I killed my baby, and after feeling that baby move and carrying her for 9 months and going through the birth, I couldn't NOT be a mother. Was it easy? HELL NO! I struggled and struggled and ended up alone because my fiancée decided he could not be a father. Now that she's 12, he's decided he wants to be around in her life. Guess how I feel about that now? He finally understands what he did. My daughter knows what he did. I wish there was something I could do to take that pain away from her.

Life is not always convienent. Life is messy. Life gets complicated. Grow up and deal with it. Get a therapist or counselor if you have to. How can you possibly say you loved your girlfriend and do this to her? Love is for better or worse. Love comes through tough times. You may not want a baby now, but guess what? You got one! So the I didn't want this excuse is too late. You got it. Deal with it. Quit being selfish and thinking about yourself. Because this is truly the most selfish spoiled whiney post I have ever read!

Quote:

Originally Posted by notreadytobeDadyet

Help! My girlfriend of three years and I noticed changes in her body, so I urged her to get a pregnancy test. She waited until recently to discover that she was 13 weeks pregnant. Prior to all of this news, she was on the pill. I have openly expressed my non-interest in being a father now. I have also emphasized how she has no financial means to be a mother now. She makes little money, and I travel and work 70 hours a week and do well. This issue is breaking us up. We have discussed adoption and some days she says yes and others no. We have discussed abortion, but now at 15 ½ weeks, she is almost in her second trimester. Again, I am openly expressing to her that I do not want to be a father yet. She has declined all options and agreed to a “financial abortion” from me, as a result of my openly expressed concerns of not wishing to be a father, before her pregnancy, during her pregnancy (which is now just over 15 weeks), and this posture will not change after the pregnancy. How is this done? She has agreed to sign off on anything that would bind me to child support including not listing my name on the forthcoming birth certificate. Does this have to be on a legal binding document in case she changes her mind five years from now? As of now it’s simply on a word document that she and I have signed. We are not married, and I have not planned on having a child. She simply was not religious in taking her birth control pills on time and as a result, we are in this predicament.

Not ready to be a Dad but girlfriend will not give up for adoption

You should've decided that before you let yourself out of your pants!

It doesn't really seem to me that anyone has answered the question at hand here. I am also curious from a women's stand point if there is even a way to "sign-off" all child support. If the mother and father get along and the mother has stated that all she wants is a father for her child can she give up those rights of ever asking for child support?

I know many people who have no court ordered child support, but they are available when the mom says she needs something. It helps a lot when the parents are able to work together.