I wonder what is going on in her mind. Surely she knows she cannot marry this boy, unless she is emotionally challenged.

My most sincere apologies to Cat, who took exception to my response to his comments in #26. None were intended I assure you. I meant to say, and I thought I did, that OP is in a rush to propose and get married, because, and he insists he and his g/f have never had sex before. She is holding out, for probably good reasons.

Tick

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Originally Posted by tickle

My most sincere apologies to Cat, who took exception to my response to his comments in #26. None were intended I assure you. I meant to say, and I thought I did, that OP is in a rush to propose and get married, because, and he insists he and his g/f have never had sex before. She is holding out, for probably good reasons.

tick

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Apologies accepted and extended for misunderstanding your intentions and point.

Cat (not Cats) :)

Is she a school teacher?

Wait till you're 23 and she's 30, then you may be able to understand each other better.

What do you two have in common? I am curious.

Actually--the BEST comparison here is asking the OP whether he'd be interested in dating a 9 year old.

No?

Well, why not? It's the same age gap as between you and your girlfriend, and with the same number of life changes that happen in those 7 years! Do you have a lot in common with 9 year olds? Well, what in god's name do you think a 23 year old has in common with you?

I ALSO think this is your FIRST girlfriend. Most of us are madly in love with our "first" while the relationship lasts, but the perspective of years lets us know how truly wrong that relationship was for us.

You have some growing up to do still, whether you like it or not. YOU have nothing in common with a 23 year old, unless you are one of those rare genius children that has graduated high school at 14 and is now in his sophomore year of college----which I truly doubt.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Synnen

Actually--the BEST comparison here is asking the OP whether or not he'd be interested in dating a 9 year old.

No?

Well, why not? It's the same age gap as between you and your girlfriend, and with the same number of life changes that happen in those 7 years! Do you have a lot in common with 9 year olds? Well, what in god's name do you think a 23 year old has in common with you?

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Had to spread the rep, but that is a GREAT suggestion. I would love to see the OP try to answer that one.

Quote:

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Actually--the BEST comparison here is asking the OP whether he'd be interested in dating a 9 year old.

No?

Well, why not? It's the same age gap as between you and your girlfriend, and with the same number of life changes that happen in those 7 years! Do you have a lot in common with 9 year olds? Well, what in god's name do you think a 23 year old has in common with you?

I ALSO think this is your FIRST girlfriend. Most of us are madly in love with our "first" while the relationship lasts, but the perspective of years lets us know how truly wrong that relationship was for us.

You have some growing up to do still, whether you like it or not. YOU have nothing in common with a 23 year old, unless you are one of those rare genius children that has graduated high school at 14 and is now in his sophomore year of college----which I truly doubt.

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While true I wouldn't date a 9 year old, its because I would not want to date someone with that low of a maturity level.

Try looking above, smart one

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Originally Posted by dannyo013

While true I wouldnt date a 9 year old, its because I would not want to date someone with that low of a maturity level.

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And what do you think a 24 yr old woman would feel towards a 16 yr old kid?

Well of course the maturity level would be low, we are talking about a child, a minor.
But compared to most 23 year olds a 16 year old maturity level is lower than his/hers, but they would not date one because at 16 you are a minor and you have little to nothing in common.
How does this 23 year old woman justify her relationship with you, knowing she is breaking the law and basically robbing you of your teen years?
What do you two do? I'm not trying to be funny, but I don't understand what a 23 year old woman sees in a 16 year old boy.

Quote:

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Actually--the BEST comparison here is asking the OP whether he'd be interested in dating a 9 year old.

No?

Well, why not? It's the same age gap as between you and your girlfriend, and with the same number of life changes that happen in those 7 years! Do you have a lot in common with 9 year olds? Well, what in god's name do you think a 23 year old has in common with you?

I ALSO think this is your FIRST girlfriend. Most of us are madly in love with our "first" while the relationship lasts, but the perspective of years lets us know how truly wrong that relationship was for us.

You have some growing up to do still, whether you like it or not. YOU have nothing in common with a 23 year old, unless you are one of those rare genius children that has graduated high school at 14 and is now in his sophomore year of college----which I truly doubt.

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I forgot to mention this in my last answer. I have dated at least 40 girls, my fiancé is not my first girlfriend, far from it. I have plenty in common with my fiancé, we are both mature, caring of each other, have almost all the same likes and dislikes, even the same freaking favorite color (green), we agree on nearly everything.

Age difference does not mean we have nothing in common. Im sure a lot of people have quite a bit common with their parents, does that mean that they are going to date? No (or at least I hope not).

I like to think that I am mature for my age, as I have been told this most of my life. I think that my fiancé is perfect for me in every way, and she believes the same about me.

Can any one of you think back to when you were in school and you were told not to discriminate because of religion, race, age, weight, height, etc. Why does it all change suddenly when someone my age falls in love with someone the age of my fiancé? I know for a fact that if any one of you were to be accused of discrimination, it would be nothing but the truth.

I came here in search of advise, not criticism. Some have helped me, but almost everyone has given me nothing but criticism. I say shame on you all.

I'm not criticizing you, I'm wondering why this 23 year old woman is messing with a minor.
This is not a matter of discrimination but breaking the law. At her age I'm sure she knows that is what she is doing is wrong on a whole lot of levels. Are you going to be satisfied with this woman supporting you, signing everything for you, because as a minor there is very little you can sign for.
I have a problem with her not you. She should know better

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Originally Posted by dannyo013

I came here in search of advise, not criticism. Some have helped me, but almost everyone has given me nothing but criticism. I say shame on you all.

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Oh, get off your high horse. A lot of people come here for advice, it is a diverse community answering all questions. Are we all supposed to give the same advice every time we answer. That is what makes us different. We are all volunteers here from all walks of life, different age groups, different ways of looking at life.

If you feel that there is nothing left to find here, then, don't come back. There is nothing more for you here anyway. Some people ask questions and don't like the answers, and tell us so in sometimes very different terminology. Sobeit, then, we can't please everyone and we don't know you from a hole in the ground.

You live your life at l6 the way you want, with your 23 year old and I hope it lasts long enough for you to find yourself and exactly what you want.

Tick

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I'm not criticizing you, I'm wondering why this 23 year old woman is messing with a minor.
This is not a matter of discrimination but breaking the law. At her age I'm sure she knows that is what she is doing is wrong on a whole lot of levels. Are you going to be satisfied with this woman supporting you, signing everything for you, because as a minor there is very little you can sign for.
I have a problem with her not you. She should know better

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We actually didn't know each others ages till a few weeks after we started taking. She wasn't looking for someone my age, it just happened to end up that way. She wouldn't be able to sign my papers, that's why Im only moving about a block from my current home with her.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by dannyo013

I came here in search of advise, not criticism. Some have helped me, but almost everyone has given me nothing but criticism. I say shame on you all.

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No you came here for affirmation of a relationship that is questionable at best. You did ask some specific legal questions, which were answered accurately.

But you are asking us to believe that a rational, reasonable 23 yr old woman, would enter into a relationship with a 16 yr old boy. And then you become surprised when people are incredulous about this.

Next lets look at your claim about age discrimination. By that logic it would be OK for a 50 yr old man to have sex with a 14 yr old girl. After all isn't that just as much age discrimination? Sorry, that argument doesn't work. We are talking exploitation not discrimination.

And lets look at your claim that you have had dated at least 40 girls. Lets say you started dating at 13. That means averaging about 1 girl per month. Not an argument for being able to know what a real relationship is about!

Do you know what a troll is on the Internet? I'm beginning to think that's what we are dealing with here.

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Originally Posted by ScottGem

=
Do you know what a troll is on the Internet? I'm beginning to think that's what we are dealing with here.

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Actually you may have hit the nail on the head because the OP fits all the criteria for trollism. You have no idea how that thought occurred to me after reading through some of the OP's replies. There is a pattern.

Tick

I'm not criticizing you.

I'm warning you.

You may be mature for your age at 16, but you simply do NOT have the experience to determine that this woman is what you want for the rest of your life.

Hate to tell you this, but I've been married nearly 10 years, and with my husband for nearly 15. We have the same favorite color and like some of the same books. We also have different religions, different politics, and different ideas on how to budget. We don't agree on a LOT of things, and sometimes we fight.

That's a LOT healthier than "we agree on everything and like the same things".

How do you both feel about kids? How do you feel about being tied down with kids before you're an adult yourself? How do you both think kids should be raised? If you're not thinking of kids, you should be--birth control fails. I was using THREE forms of birth control correctly when I got pregnant.

What about money? You say you have a job, and so does she--what about college? Who's paying for it? You won't qualify for parental aid in student loans if you're not a dependent, you know. What about insurance? Do either of you have the kind of job that has the kind of insurance that could cover a crippling accident or disease? What do you each think about major purchases? How will you determine where money is spent when it's so tight you have to choose between a phone and food? Married without children actually qualifies you for LESS aid than you would believe in that sort of situation.

Money and kids are the two big causes of divorce--but what about the others? How will you feel when she goes out to the bars without you? What about when you can finally go to the bars at 21, and she's upset because she's stuck at home with the kids? Have you even TALKED about the age difference and what it will mean to different life goals? She should be focusing on a career right now, and you should be focusing on graduating high school and going to college. You're BOTH focusing too much on each other if you're talking marriage to get that done to the levels it should be.

Have you talked about families, yours and hers? How about how you'll spend holidays? What about if your parents or hers interfere in your marriage--have you talked out scenarios like that? What about how you will deal with parents after you have kids? Have you even THOUGHT of these questions?

I have a feeling that the focus has been on the honeymoon, feel-good part of the relationship, and that you haven't even fought about anything serious enough to know how the other person fights yet. I am sure you've also not thought of things like dividing chores, dividing costs, and determining "house rules" once you're living together.

And if you have NOT thought about all of these things ---ALL of them--then you're not ready to get married yet.

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to ScottGem again.


I think you might be right about the troll thing.
He has not answered one question about this woman. What she does for a living, why he has not asked her about the law.
He says he met her Online. I wonder if she knows how old he is and if in fact they have even met.
I also cannot imagine any mother being OK with a 23 year old messing with her son and being OK with a relationship between them.

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Synnen again.


That says all there needs to be said.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ScottGem

No you came here for affirmation of a relationship that is questionable at best. You did ask some specific legal questions, which were answered accurately.

But you are asking us to believe that a rational, reasonable 23 yr old woman, would enter into a relationship with a 16 yr old boy. And then you become surprised when people are incredulous about this.

Next lets look at your claim about age discrimination. By that logic it would be OK for a 50 yr old man to have sex with a 14 yr old girl. After all isn't that just as much age discrimination? Sorry, that argument doesn't work. We are talking exploitation not discrimination.

And lets look at your claim that you have had dated at least 40 girls. Lets say you started dating at 13. That means averaging about 1 girl per month. Not an argument for being able to know what a real relationship is about!

Do you know what a troll is on the Internet? I'm beginning to think that's what we are dealing with here.

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I have to ask at this point. Since the OP mentioned it. If there wasn't discrimination of some kind then why did he reject automatically the notion of dating a 9 year old??

To OP:

There are laws to protect minors as they know not what they do. Your one of them.