Originally Posted by smokedetector
Granted, children should never be used like pawns. But there's a difference between her giving you the kid and leaving and you taking the child from her. I still don't understand your reasoning for that. It's all well and good that you want to do right by your kid, but what is your reason for trying to get full custody? In your original post, you said, "now she is telling me that she doesn't want me to be a part of the little girls life." That doesn't sound like she is wanting you to have the kid so she can bolt.
From my perspective, this all looks like (and correct me if I'm wrong) you got her pregnant, you decided to have an abortion (and either you suggested it and offered to pay and she thought that would make you happy so she agreed, or you bullied her into it, or something in between, which I think is closer to reality), and she had been going back and forth on whether or not she is pregnant, now you assume (rightfully so, since she hasn't been giving any straight answers apparently) that she is indeed pregnant and you are about to have a daughter. I hope what I have said thus far is accurate, because from there I think we are not in agreement.
Now, she is wanting you out of her life and her daughters, you are hurt that she lied to you, she has not proven to be an unfit mother, but because she's lied to you you want to hurt her back and taking the baby would be the best way to do that. You don't want your daughter growing up without a father, but growing up without a mother is ok. Now you say she says she is going to dump the baby on you and leave (which is not in line with what she has done so far, what with nixing the abortion to keep it and trying to make you believe there is no baby, presumably so you won't have anything to do with the child), and you want full custody because of that.
Let me make this simpler:
She has acted in a way that makes me think that she wants to keep the baby. She didn't go through with the abortion, and in what I assume to be an effort to keep you from the baby, has told you that she had a miscarriage, and later her conscious got to her and she came clean.
You have acted in a way that makes me think you are just trying to get back at her. You wanted her to go through with the abortion, then found out she didn't and instead had a miscarriage which she blamed on you, making you feel horrible. Now, you found out that she didn't have a miscarriage either. You are hurt that she didn't go through with the abortion, not necessarily because now you're having a baby, but because she didn't include you in the decision she ultimately made. You are hurt that she lied to you about the miscarriage and it being your fault. She made you feel horrible about it and it wasn't true. You are perhaps hurt that she doesn't want you in her life anymore. So now you want to get back at her.
I have a few questions:
1) Did you break up before or after you found out you were pregnant, and if after, at what point?
2) What would you say to the judge to prove that she is an unfit mother and you deserve full custody of the baby? Is there something besides what you have told us that makes her unfit to parent?
3) If you got joint custody, would that be acceptable, or would it have to be all or nothing?
4) You said you are 19 and she is 22. How do you expect to care for the child? She lives with family who can help her out. Do you have a job, money, stable home?
Please try to help me understand. I want to believe you only want what is best, but all I am seeing is you are hurt that she didn't listen to you and lied to you, and then you suddenly go from not wanting the baby to wanting only you to have the baby. You see how this looks, right?