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Originally Posted by stupidme

Mmmmm...I guess if you are in the situation you would look at it from a different light. I have 3 planned children from my previous marriage. And my husband has a child from his previous marriage. He pays child support and all travel costs to see her as well as 1/2 all special activities. He's a good father. To all of a sudden have some sleezy girl effect our families income it's a little hard to swallow. Do remember that she never told him she was pregnant or anything. He finds out when his wages are ganished.

I just don't see how it's fair for the guy. He has NO rights when it comes to child support. Think about it....I know women who don't take their pill without telling the guy or pinholes in the condom that she supplies just so she can get pregnant. Woman can be very sneaky and dishonest. What rights does the guy have...NONE. Except to say No. Well we all know how well that ends up.

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Which is why one of the things that everyone should be asking themselves before they have sex with someone is: Do I want to be paying for this for the next 18 years of my life? The knife cuts both ways... there are women out there who will trap guys, and there are guys out there who will thumb their nose at any child support order and leave the woman to pay. So, it's always been my belief that if you don't know someone well enough to trust them, and you aren't willing to be tied to this person for the next 18 years, then you really probably shouldn't be having sex with them.

Oh, and as an armchair psychologist, I'd say that a lot of the reason that you are upset with this woman is because you do not want to be upset with your husband. Keep in mind that he is just as at fault as she is in this issue.

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What rights does the guy have... NONE. Except to say No. Well we all know how well that ends up.

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If he is indeed the father, for whatever reason, he is responsible, and since we know what happens, when as a man we lay with a woman this can happen. His rights end when he didn't say NO, and the rest is about responsibility, and meeting ones obligation. We make choices and bear the consequences, or the blessings of that choice.

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Originally Posted by stupidme

Mmmmm...I guess if you are in the situation you would look at it from a different light. I have 3 planned children from my previous marriage. And my husband has a child from his previous marriage. He pays child support and all travel costs to see her as well as 1/2 all special activities. He's a good father. To all of a sudden have some sleezy girl effect our families income it's a little hard to swallow. Do remember that she never told him she was pregnant or anything. He finds out when his wages are ganished.

I just don't see how it's fair for the guy. He has NO rights when it comes to child support. Think about it....I know women who don't take their pill without telling the guy or pinholes in the condom that she supplies just so she can get pregnant. Woman can be very sneaky and dishonest. What rights does the guy have...NONE. Except to say No. Well we all know how well that ends up.

Everyone can have an opinion and that doesn't make it right or wrong. Opinions sometimes change when you are right smack in the middle of a situation that changes your life.

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I do understand and empathize with your position. But you are taking a very narrow and biased view of this. You ask us to look at your side of it, but you show no inclination to look at the other side. Your (understandable) ire at this situation loses sight of the fact that your husband could have said no. He could have made sure he was protected. As Froggy said, BOTH parents in the sex act need to ask that question about paying for 18 years. If they don't and they go ahead then both parties are, at least partially, responsible for the outcome.

I know that I am emotionally involved here and I know that both parties are responsible when they lay down together. I know that both parties have the right to say No. That's not my issue is this...

If there is an accidentally preganacny the female can decided 1 of 3 things, either to have it and keep the baby, have the baby and give it up for adoption or have an abortion. The male has no choices but to do whatever the female decides. He has no rights to help make this decision and the next 18 years of his life is decided for him. It just doesn't seem fair.

I guess it won't be so bitter if this female had told him at the beginning and he had the chance to do the DNA test to prove he is the father or not the father. It's the fact that she had the babies and then 2 1/2 years later ganished his wages. Who does that?? We are waiting for the tests now. I will tell you that if he isn't the father we will ganish her wages to recover the money that I feel was stolen from us. If he is the father, he will pay the child support.

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Originally Posted by froggy7

Oh, and as an armchair psychologist, I'd say that a lot of the reason that you are upset with this woman is because you do not want to be upset with your husband. Keep in mind that he is just as at fault as she is in this issue.

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If you think I am not upset with him, you are wrong. We have been doing consulting and honestly... I don't know if I will ever get through this. Me being upset with her has to be with the way she handled the situation , I think it is cowardly not to stand face to face and tell someone this kind of news, instead of hiding behind a court order. I believe in humbling yourself and admitting your mistakes. I have more respect for someone who does that.

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Originally Posted by stupidme

If there is an accidentally preganacny the female can decided 1 of 3 things, either to have it and keep the baby, have the baby and give it up for adoption or have an abortion. The male has no choices but to do whatever the female decides. He has no rights to help make this decision and the next 18 years of his life is decided for him. It just doesn't seem fair.

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You continue to ignore the fact that the male had options before the pregnancy occurred. I agree that there is a degree of unfairness, that the mother makes the decision after the fact. But it's a biological imperative that she alone has that choice.

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Originally Posted by stupidme

I guess it won't be so bitter if this female had told him at the beginning and he had the chance to do the DNA test to prove he is the father or not the father. It's the fact that she had the babies and then 2 1/2 years later ganished his wages. Who does that??? We are waiting for the tests now. I will tell you that if he isn't the father we will ganish her wages to recover the money that I feel was stolen from us. If he is the father, he will pay the child support.

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I've explained that before as well. Maybe the mother didn't want to involve your husband. Maybe she showed some class by not going after him. But maybe she just couldn't do it. After 2 years she found that she needs help in providing a decent life for her child. So she was left with no recourse but to go after the father.

You also have to remember too that maybe she did try to tell your husband, but just like those court papers didn't find its way to your husband, maybe she couldn't get ahold of your husband either to let him know. You never know. It makes no sense to play the blame game. Just wait for the results and all of your answers will stem from it. There is no reason getting yourself all heated up on a situation that can be argued in many ways. Just wait & let us know how the results went.

The best thing to do at this point is to calm down and wait for the results. I know that's easier said than done but at this moment there is nothing else to do. There is a possibility that the twins are not his, there is an equal possibility that they are. If the twins are not his, chances are the agency that garnished his wages will have to reimburse your husband his money because his wages were garnished before a paternity test was done, then you will go on with your life and hopefully this will be a lesson for your husband to think about the next time he thinks about cheating. If the twins are his, the only thing he can do is step up to the plate. Chances are he will not be a part of these innocent kids lives and I base that on the comments you have made, I don't see you as being supportive of him being a part of the kids lives because you seem to have so much anger toward the mother. I hear men say all the time "she tricked me into getting her pregnant". If he was conscious, he was not tricked. He made an adult decision when it came time to have sex, so now its time for him to pay the grown up price, VERY EXPENSIVE, if these kids are his. If you were willing to forgive him cheating, you don't have a choice but to forgive the results of cheating. If you can't get past this than maybe you need to think about moving on. If these are his children, you need to encourage him and be supportive of him being a part of these kids lives. If these are his kids, they are the most important in this situation, they are innocent. They did not ask to be here and they did not choose to have "one night stand booty call parents".

I posted on here to get some advise, and that is what I got. Thank you.

I guess what I really needed was just someone to talk to and maybe have someone say... damn that sucks... sorry about your luck! It's not like I can tell my friends and family what's going on.

He sees his lawyer on Monday again to have the tests set up. I will let you all know the results.

As for what I am I going to do... I don't know. We have only been married for less then a year and I already have 1 failed marriage after 13 years... I don't want to be one of those people who can't stay in a marriage, and I don't want to be alone. But on the other hand, I deserve to be happy. And right now... I am hurt and angry. So, I guess only time will tell what will happen.

Thanks again for slapping me in the face and reminding me that those 2 babies are innocent and not a fault.