Ask Me Help Desk - Residential parent not living with or supporting child

Thank you all for your advice. I really do appreciate it. The school let me take him because I showed up with the custody papers.

Unfortunately there is the separate issue of what this is doing to him. But I have exhausted all avenues of trying to get him help. Its frustrating because as soon as I identify myself as the other parent it is assumed that this is just a custody issue and its like they stop listening.. And yes I am talking about the proper professional people. After what he did last night I would gladly sign away any ability to ever see him again to foster care if only someone would help him.

I will go to court because it's the only thing I can try to help him but it's the help for him I want more than any custody issue. But court takes time and I truly am afraid that whatever that is terrifying him at the other home..

Sorry this is too much,

Thanks again I will take the advice.

Quote:

Originally Posted by SunshineMine

Thank you all for your advice. I really do appreciate it. The school let me take him because I showed up with the custody papers.

Unfortunately there is the separate issue of what this is doing to him. But I have exhausted all avenues of trying to get him help. Its frustrating because as soon as I identify myself as the other parent it is assumed that this is just a custody issue and its like they stop listening.. And yes I am talking about the proper professional people. After what he did last night I would gladly sign away any ability to ever see him again to foster care if only someone would help him.

I will go to court because its the only thing I can try to help him but its the help for him I want more than any custody issue. But court takes time and I truly am afraid that whatever that is terrifying him at the other home..

Sorry this is too much,.

Thanks again I will take the advice.

This is the first I've heard that the child has issues - I thought custody was changed so he could spend more time with his father. What avenues of help? What issues?

I'm afraid I'm totally in the dark here.

If it's an emergency file for an emergency order. This question was posted on August 20; today is August 22. Have you filed?

I must admit I'm confused - you'd sign him off to foster care (which can be a terrible, terrible system in some cases) and agree to never see him again in exchange for someone/someplace/some time helping him?

If I were the child - and, again, this is the first I've heard of his issues and I don't even know what those issues are - I would know that I lived with my mother (I don't know if he ever lived with you and his father together), then I got shipped off to my Grandmother's (where my father may or may not have been living), now my father has pretty much disappeared, now I'm living with my Grandmother, now my mother and my Grandmother are arguing about me, now I'm embarrassed at school, now my mother is signing off.

I'm not sure who in this scenario needs counselling and who does not.

Thanks for proving my point. The change was not the problem. These problems have arisen since the change. They were unexpected and completely out of character for the people involved.

I said I would gladly do the foster care thing because it seems that the only way this child is going to get any help. The gladly part is what a desperate parent will do when giving up a child is the only way to save them. It is the same as throwing yourself on a grenade to save the child's life. Its an act of love that you obviously did not understand.

I am not arguing with anyone. The child is happy at school because he is not home. The custody issue is a legal aspect. I am talking about recently finding out from the child that something is terribly wrong and he is asking for help from the person he trusts, me. But since I am the other parent when I say HE is now screaming for help its just a custody issue and the child has to suck it up.

I would gladly give my life for this child. If I was a neighbor saying that this child came to me for help someone (*Children Services) would actually listen and at least ask the child if there is a problem. It would not automatically be blown off like it was today as a custody issue. I just want the child to get help. How loud does he have to scream to be heard over the preconceived notion that a parent is not anyone to be listened to.

I was a school teacher before this. We were required by law to report anytime a child came to us for help. So where is the difference to the child. HE came to me for help. The breakdown he had last night was frightening. I did what a good parent in this situation is supposed to do. I reported it to the proper people. But because this an emotional breakdown with talk of suicide they put it down to a custody issue because after all parents always lie.

All of this just happened. I thought the change from MY custody (all 7 yrs of his life) to his father was a good thing. Then all of a sudden its like I do not know this person at all.

But I was actually trying to thank you all in my last post. Once again, thank you all for the helpful advice.

If I was a neighbor and voiced these concerns

Quote:

Originally Posted by SunshineMine

But I was actually trying to thank you all in my last post. Once again, thank you all for the helpful advice.

If I was a neighbor and voiced these concerns

Have you filed in Court yet?

I can't say I agree with you - I know I'm not in your shoes. I do know I'd keep knocking on doors until my knuckles were raw.

I still don't know what breakdown and talk of suicide you are "discussing," nor do I know why you are being ignored. Have a third party call Child Welfare (or whatever it's called). Tape record the "breakdowns."

I would not give up on my child - and I'm not sure he doesn't think that you are giving up on him.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

I would not give up on my child - and I'm not sure he doesn't think that you are giving up on him.

As Perry Mason would say "this assumes facts not in evidence." My son does not know I feel this way.

I am a good parent and a good parent does not frighten an already fragile child with adult feelings and worries. HE KNOWS that I will never give up on him.

I have repeated this over and over in the last few posts in more than one way. Please stop reading between the lines. This has become nothing but me trying to defend myself and my feelings and concerns against things that have ONLY been said by the other poster.

This is my final post. I thank those that gave constructive advice. As for the rest?
Please stop making a bad situation worse. I came for help. Not an unwarranted and UNFOUNDED verbal attack. You may be the best intentioned person in the world but please remember that there are a few of us who try to always do the right thing. We drive the speed limit. We never J walk. And we do not make our children carry the burden of our worries.

Thank You All.

We have tried to help you, but we can only go by what you have told us. You have mentioned some things that have caused some of us to respond in certain ways. You were not attacked.

I'm glad you were able to get your visitation, I assume my suggestion helped there.

The bottom line is you need to go to court to rescind the current order based on the father's non-involvement. Again, I think you will easily win in court. And that should help end this.