Quote:

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Originally Posted by s_cianci

Once a court order is established, it stands until it is modified by the court. A verbal agreement between the parties to do things differently does not invalidate a court order. As such, whatever was stipulated in your original order still stands, unless it was actually modified by the court. This includes such things as child support, visitation, custody, etc. Typically, items for modification are considered on an individual basis. So if the provision that granted you both joint physical and legal custody was modified to give him sole physical and legal custody, that would not impact what was originally stipulated regarding child support or visitation, so these things would continue as per the original order.

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Supplemental addresses:

• Sole custody to father
  
• Parenting time - Minimum parenting time of 3 hours a week; Father is to encourage children to see their Mother during this scheduled parenting time. It is recognized that Father may not be able to force the children to follow this schedule and that the children may choose not to go. **The children shall not be shown this order.
  **I asked for this because ex shared every minute detail of the prceedings with the kids**
  
• Family counseling vacated
  
• Child Support Ordered

That's pretty much it - all lumped onto one page (of course there's all the other standard format stuff for this type of judgment too).

The original order noted joint responsibilities, so I'm not sure if all of that is vacated since he now has sole custody.

I think you need to take it back to court and let the Judge know that he is refusing you to go to appts and you feel it is in the best interest of your relationship with your kids to show that you do care.
The Judge may say no but at least you tried.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by N0help4u

I think you need to take it back to court and let the Judge know that he is refusing you to go to appts and you feel it is in the best interest of your relationship with your kids to show that you do care.
The Judge may say no but at least you tried.

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Thanks! This just may be the perspective I need to focus on when I appear in court. The motion I filed doesn't say anything about my right to be there, but since ex has responded with this as a condition, I feel I need to make a stance.

It is so tempting to want to share the truth with my children but it cannot and will not come from me. They believe (or have been believing) that everything their dad says is gospel. They are beginning to show signs that they're questioning him. Sooner or later, they will understand that both parents have qualities and faults.

You can share the truth with them that
YOU ARE their mother and YOU will always love them no matter what.

Threads merged, hope it does not confuse things too much.

Please I believe I have warned you before, don't start new threads about the same thing

Comments on this post
MomWontGiveUp disagrees: With all due respect, it's been ages since I've been on this site and I don't recall being warned before. I also don't understand how these two questions are related.

First, may I call your attention to the guidelines for using the comments feature found here:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/feedba...ure-24951.html


I'm in a bit of a quandry here, however. While on one hand, the threads are related because they are both essentially about dealing with the father of your children. I agree they are different enough so I wouldn't have merged them (in fact I saw them and decided not to). Unfortunately its impossible to break them apart now.

But whether I agree with Chuck's actions or not and there was enough to justify merging, you still used the Comments feature inappropriately.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ScottGem

Comments on this post
MomWontGiveUp disagrees: With all due respect, it's been ages since I've been on this site and I don't recall being warned before. I also don't understand how these two questions are related.

First, may I call your attention to the guidelines for using the comments feature found here:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/feedba...ure-24951.html


I'm in a bit of a quandary here, however. While on one hand, the threads are related because they are both essentially about dealing with the father of your children. I agree they are different enough so I wouldn't have merged them (in fact I saw them and decided not to). Unfortunately its impossible to break them apart now.

But whether I agree with Chuck's actions or not and there was enough to justify merging, you still used the Comments feature inappropriately.

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Thanks for the clarification, Scott. I think everyone's answers were very helpful. I was just disappointed to see these two topics merged - as I wouldn't consider addressing the unregistered car issue in the hearing for the motion I filed. Oh well - what's done is done and I DO appreciate everyone's help and will abide by the comments feature guidelines.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by MomWontGiveUp

Supplemental addresses:

• Sole custody to father
  
• Parenting time - Minimum parenting time of 3 hours a week; Father is to encourage children to see their Mother during this scheduled parenting time. It is recognized that Father may not be able to force the children to follow this schedule and that the children may choose not to go. **The children shall not be shown this order.
  **I asked for this because ex shared every minute detail of the prceedings with the kids**
  
• Family counseling vacated
  
• Child Support Ordered

That's pretty much it - all lumped onto one page (of course there's all the other standard format stuff for this type of judgment too).

The original order noted joint responsiblities, so I'm not sure if all of that is vacated since he now has sole custody.

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OK here is another quote from you and after reading the post you had made it seems you're a bit confused.

( quote ) Also, since I don't have legal custody, it's not my decision to make whether they are allowed to drive or not. ( end quote )




From what Im reading of what you posted the order says you need to understand the rhelm of legal speak. In many cases there are 2 kinds of custody.. Legal and Phsycal


It sounds like your custody ( physical ) has been reduced in the order but your Legal has not. You really need to clarify your position on that. Having joint responsibilities means just that. 50 / 50 legal custody. And if that is the case then he MUST co operate when it comes to decisions of the children. You need to be sure. Because if he keeps pulling the same BS over and over and you show a clear pattern then him doing so constitutes Parental Alienation. And the outcome of that can be that full custody is in your future. Don't let him keep walking on you... Know and understand your rights as a parent. If you don't already have it seek legal council and have them explain it to you. March into court and demand parenting classes. Kepp all corespondence you get from him and buy a tape style recorder for your answering machine. The child shouldn't have to be stuck in the middle.

Added after posting: if you do have 50% legal custody then yes you can sign for medical forms etc.

Thanks, dad. As I said - the order is ambiguous but it was my understanding that ex has both legal and physical custody. The order just says that custody goes to the Father.

There is a clear pattern... Sooner or later, he'll hang himself with his own rope. I don't expect to "win" the motion (with the reimbursement). I do want to express my desire to BE THERE for my children and HIS desire to PREVENT me from being there. This may be springing too soon; before I have anything that can really be used to my benefit.

Neither of us have an attorney any longer. I mortgaged my house to pay everything off so borrowing more money is not in the cards. Not to mention - the kids are 15 and 17 now. Even though I inserted "Children shall not be shown or informed of this Motion" ex STILL told them about it and my daughter wouldn't see or speak to me for over a week. I have to weigh out my battles here. If I fight dad, he just uses it against me by telling the kids "See what your mom is doing?"

Keeping the motion open and letting it go to hearing may be what needs to happen for BOTH of us to understand the boundaries of our parental rights.

Not to beat a dead horse but... I am wondering if I should file a Motion for Clarification of Custody Order. This gets back to my question that was merged into this unregistered auto thread.

If I'm to keep the motion that I filed open and appear in court before the judge, I want to be sure that I have a clear and focused defense. In summary, I filed a motion to compel my ex husband to sign consent for our daughter's orthodontia and requested 50% reimbursement for the expense. Prior to filing the motion, I had offered to pay for all of the out-of-pocket expense and ONLY asked for his consent. When he didn't respond after a week, I filed the motion. Sometime between the time I left the summons with the Sheriff's office and when ex was served, he made the appointments to get orthodontia started for our daughter. Afterward (same day), he emailed me and told me that he had made the appointments but that I was not allowed to be present for any of them.

That being said, I'm wondering if I need to file another motion (and hope that it be heard in the same hearing) for clarification of our custody arrangement. We recently stipulated to my getting visitation for 3 hours a week, but the kids have the option of scheduling additional time with me if they choose. It also states that Father is to encourage the children to see me during those times. Overall, when we align it with this situation, it's a little ambiguous.

I do not want to be bullied by this man any longer. I feel like if I withdraw this motion, it will only reinforce ex's sense of total control.

Would filing a Motion for Clarification strengthen my position for keeping the other motion open, or will it just look like sour grapes to the judge?

Help! And Thank you :)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by MomWontGiveUp

Not to beat a dead horse but... I am wondering if I should file a Motion for Clarification of Custody Order. This gets back to my question that was merged into this unregistered auto thread.

If I'm to keep the motion that I filed open and appear in court before the judge, I want to be sure that I have a clear and focused defense. In summary, I filed a motion to compel my ex husband to sign consent for our daughter's orthodontia and requested 50% reimbursement for the expense. Prior to filing the motion, I had offered to pay for all of the out-of-pocket expense and ONLY asked for his consent. When he didn't respond after a week, I filed the motion. Sometime between the time I left the summons with the Sheriff's office and when ex was served, he made the appointments to get orthodontia started for our daughter. Afterward (same day), he emailed me and told me that he had made the appointments but that I was not allowed to be present for any of them.

That being said, I'm wondering if I need to file another motion (and hope that it be heard in the same hearing) for clarification of our custody arrangement. We recently stipulated to my getting visitation for 3 hours a week, but the kids have the option of scheduling additional time with me if they choose. It also states that Father is to encourage the children to see me during those times. Overall, when we align it with this situation, it's a little ambiguous.

I do not want to be bullied by this man any longer. I feel like if I withdraw this motion, it will only reinforce ex's sense of total control.

Would filing a Motion for Clarification strengthen my position for keeping the other motion open, or will it just look like sour grapes to the judge?

Help! and Thank you :)

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You may not need to file yet another motion. When you go there for the one that's already coming then take the email with you. And see how the judge reacts to it. It does sound like you have 50% legal custody and you can ask the judge to clarify it then. Or talk to a lawyer to find out. You can also ask the judge that since this is needed care if your allowed to sign for it. Provided you had attempted discussion with your ex first.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by califdadof3

You may not need to file yet another motion. When you go there for the one thats already coming then take the email with you. And see how the judge reacts to it. It does sound like you have 50% legal custody and you can ask the judge to clarify it then. Or talk to a lawyer to find out. You can also ask the judge that since this is needed care if your allowed to sign for it. Provided you had attempted discussion with your ex first.

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Thanks, dad

Hmm yeah - maybe so. I have not been in a court room many times so I'm not sure how the judge will react to this motion. If I walk out of there without the 50% reimbursement - okay. But what I am really making a stance on now is about the "conditions" ex has put on my involvement with our children and their care. Hopefully, the judge will clarify the order right there. I also have other emails showing that ex does not take the initiative to coordinate the children's dental and health care unless forced (I have an email my attorney sent to ex's and children's attorney, asking him to complete a vaccination series for my daughter. Ex refused to acknowledge my requests for him to do so.) I think he just assumes that since he's the CP, he doesn't have to respond to my inquiries at all.

I've had people around me advise me to stop stepping in to help coordinate the healthcare for the children and to just let ex fall on his face. While that makes some sense, I don't want my children to suffer from their father's inability (or... unwillingness) to take responsibility for their care. Good Lord - this man can't take care of himself, let alone two teenagers.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by MomWontGiveUp

Thanks, dad

Hmm yeah - maybe so. I have not been in a court room many times so I'm not sure how the judge will react to this motion. If I walk out of there without the 50% reimbursement - okay. But what I am really making a stance on now is about the "conditions" ex has put on my involvement with our children and their care. Hopefully, the judge will clarify the order right there. I also have other emails showing that ex does not take the initiative to coordinate the children's dental and health care unless forced (I have an email my attorney sent to ex's and children's attorney, asking him to complete a vaccination series for my daughter. Ex refused to acknowledge my requests for him to do so.) I think he just assumes that since he's the CP, he doesn't have to respond to my inquiries at all.

I've had people around me advise me to stop stepping in to help coordinate the healthcare for the children and to just let ex fall on his face. While that makes some sense, I don't want my children to suffer from their father's inability (or... unwillingness) to take responsibility for their care. Good Lord - this man can't take care of himself, let alone two teenagers.

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Ok. Now your taking the high road. And that's what a judge would like to see. If you bring multiple actions against some one then it can either sound vedictive or petty. By bringing one and also bringing into question his ablities then it may be possible that barring an emergency you may have the last word to medical care.

From here we really can't predict any outcomes but as far as making guesses as to how something is treated in a courtroom and your rights while in the system is about as best we can do here. Good Luck.

Thanks, again dad.

Also... sorry for all the PM's! :o Didn't realize I'd sent 2 last night.