Ask Me Help Desk - Joint Custody of Infant

Quote:

Originally Posted by califdadof3

If your sister were to leave suddenly then he would have to go to court. The nuts and bolts of a legal document require that times be listed for custody to show in the courts eyes the relationship to percentage.
As far as seeing it from your sisters eyes I can see that to but again she hasnt spoken here. If you go into the courtroom and call him crazy you will need to back that up. Almost all custody battles involve someone who is " crazy " in the other parties eyes.

Well thank goodness I'm not going to court to speak to anyone. But the fact is that she is not leaving.. suddenly or otherwise. That is why this is a shock to everyone. I think that he could have at least let her know that he wanted to be 'recognized' legally as the father in the custody sense. I really don't think that she would have disagreed with it. But to just serve her with papers and they live together was just poor taste.

I know understand what you are saying about establishing 'legal' joint custody. I really appreciate you taking your time out to explain that to me. But it still doesn't make much sense for HIM to do this in my opinion.

I know you mentioned the 'rosey' relationships of my friends and family but to me that should be the ideal. I haven't read any other posts here, and I don't know any women who have tried to take children away from their fathers. But I have heard of other 'horror' stories, that seem more like novelas (Spanish soap operas) than real life.

My father had a child from a previous marriage and my brother lived with us. There was no custody dispute and, everything was cordial. Before he lived with us, he would come for visits... If he didn't want to visit, it wasn't a big deal... if he didn't want to go back home to his mom.. it wasn't a big deal... He went to school with me when he came to live with us. My father is a good dad, my mom is a good mom and step-mom. In fact his mother has babysat us (other siblings) at times when we were little. It wasn't all this court crap. "I'm gonna call the police", "I'm taking you for custody", "I wish I could give birth", "Stop breastfeeding so I can take the baby", "I need more child support", "I don't want you to see the baby"etc, etc, etc!!

I didn't say.. oh this is my 'half-brother'... he's my brother, plain and simple. Sorry for the flashback:eek: Got a little carried away with the anecdote!;)

The second thing that you stated about the nuts and bolts... why do they need to show a percentage when they both see the baby equally because they cohabitate?

Honestly, it sounds like there is more to the relationship and that it isn't as peachy keen as you believe.

If things were going so well maybe there would have been a wedding ring produced, but since things aren't well he opted to protect his rights with his child.

If he is fighting for visitation there is probably a plan of moving on that you are not aware of. Guess we will know more when they make their first appearance for court.

Quote:

Originally Posted by janis321

why do they need to show a percentage when they both see the baby equally because they cohabitate?

If you believe that the relationship is already 50/50 physically and legally, then what is the problem with a 'BOYFRIEND', not a husband, wanting the court to honor and order that. A back up, just in case policy for him.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Justwantfair

If you believe that the relationship is already 50/50 physically and legally, then what is the problem with a 'BOYFRIEND', not a husband, wanting the court to honor and order that. A back up, just in case policy for him.

I'm the sister, not the mother. I'm married, over 14 years. So the problem for me is that they own the home together, neither one believes that marriage is a pressing issue, but are engaged, and my question is WHY is that needed?

When you are in a relationship with someone, the least the other person (male or female) could do is give some courtesy and talk to the other person about their feelings. That is what adults do.

They live together, they bought a home together, this is NOT their first child together! That is why it is strange to me.

What I just don't get is what is the use of doing this? How can this even be done (asking for visitation schedule) when you both live in the same home and sleep in the same bed?!

It doesn't make sense at all.

As said over and over we don't know that a judge will order a visitation schedule because the kid does live with him. This is a legal board not a mind reading board so asking us to tell you why he filled a request for visitation would be lilke me asking you to tell everyone why I picked the names I did for my kids (sure I know why and everyone could take a guess but no one else on here at least knows the whole reason behind it). However, because they are not married a judge can award him with joint legal custody.

Has your sister asked him why? We can only speculate on what his state of mind is. Maybe he recently made friends with a legal type who told him that he's crazy if he doesn't legally nail down his rights. We can't read his mind.

But if you browse this forum, you will see lots of threads started by parent who never bothered to legalize things until one partner left with the child or the other partner threw them out. So formalizing things is a good thing by itself.

He is probably going to leave her and is covering his butt so he can see his child after he leaves her. If that is not the case, then I don't know why he would be filing for icustody and he is silly. Let us know what the outcome is please.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScottGem

Has your sister asked him why? We can only speculate on what his state of mind is. Maybe he recently made friends with a legal type who told him that he's crazy if he doesn't legally nail down his rights. We can't read his mind.

But if you browse this forum, you will see lots of threads started by parent who never bothered to legalize things until one partner left with the child or the other partner threw them out. So formalizing things is a good thing by itself.

Yes, she asked him. The only thing he said to her was, "You're a good mother and I'm filing for joint not full custody". Which of course made no sense to any one but himself.

I will keep you all posted as to how it goes. Like I said they have two children involved, but the main concern is the baby boy. He's not too interested in their daughter. I don't know if it's because she's older or what.

Maybe because he is the boy and he feels as though the boy is his heritage.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ANB428

He is probably going to leave her and is covering his butt so he can see his child after he leaves her. If that is not the case, then I don't know why he would be filing for icustody and he is silly. Let us know what the outcome is please.

I will. There are two children. The first one a girl. But his main controlling focus is their son. Maybe this is only odd to me because I have not been through this. He has hounded her since they had the son but when they had the daughter, he wasn't like this. I mean he was involved, but custody wasn't an issue. They have been together for quite some time. Never even broke up. Just trying to get things together for their wedding.

I will keep you all posted until after the court date.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Justwantfair

Maybe because he is the boy and he feels as though the boy is his heritage.

Really? You think so? Well maybe, but to me a person child is their child no matter he sex. But you could be right about that. Would you feel like that? Dispute custody due to the sex of your child? Do you know of anyone who has done this sort of thing? (Honest question, I know things can come across differently on the internet)

I am just speculating.
I know of many men that feel that way.
It shows in the family of all girls, when men end up with five girls because they haven't had a son.
I don't feel that way, but maybe that is his thought behind it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by janis321

Yes, she asked him. The only thing he said to her was, "You're a good mother and I'm filing for joint not full custody". Which of course made no sense to any one but himself.

As I have said, asking for joint custody makes perfect sense to me. Asking for visitation doesn't.

I'm also concerned about the apparent antipathy towards the daughter. Again, this is speculation, but since he didn't take this action until he had a son, it could be that he sees his son as an extension of himself. The heir to carry on his name. And that may be part of his thinking. But someone needs to take him aside and tell what damage he may do to his daughter if he doesn't treat her equally.

But we are getting out of the legal realm here and into the relationship realm. So if you want to continue that part of the discussion You can start a new thread in the Children or Parenting forums.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScottGem

As I have said, asking for joint custody makes perfect sense to me. Asking for visitation doesn't.

I'm also concerned about the apparent antipathy towards the daughter. Again, this is speculation, but since he didn't take this action until he had a son, it could be that he sees his son as an extension of himself. The heir to carry on his name. And that may be part of his thinking. But someone needs to take him aside and tell what damage he may do to his daughter if he doesn't treat her equally.

But we are getting out of the legal realm here and into the relationship realm. So if you want to continue that part of the discussion You can start a new thread in the Children or Parenting forums.

Thanks for the responses. It is just a shock to both families because he didn't even tell anyone he was even going to court. It won't work to take him aside, even in the most friendly manor. If anyone even suggest things to him, he takes it as a personal attack and insists that people are 'embarking on his authority' in the home. :cool: Gag me with a spoon! He's a control freak. I don't know what's next, but I'm just worried about my niece and nephew, I just wish that he was more concerned about the both of them growing up in this type of atmosphere. Most of us do not like to say much because he may not let us come around too much... oh well.

I will let you all know what happens after court!

Thanks for everything, everybody!:)