Ask Me Help Desk - Age a child can decide where to live

Quote:

Originally Posted by califdadof3

Do you have any reference to the part about a judge does what a child says ? Also children are not allowed at mediation. Thats forbidden. Mediation is a time for parents to try to reach an agreement. A mediators job is to help guide as well as make sure both sides play fair. To give a child of 14 that kind of power would be wrong in its principle. Also going by that the child could say they want to live with grandma ? Id really like to see where that comes in. Children do have some influence but in no way can they rule the court. Maybe you misspoke or I missunderstood .. did you mean evaluator ?

I realize children are not allowed in mediation, but in CA children of age to express are more-likely-than not scheduled to meet with the mediator as well as to me it is important to hear what the feeling of the children are. They are not asked questions directly as to where they want to be, but more of how things are going at home, etc. In CA we have family law mediators as well as in some cases the court appointing the chid(ren) their own attorney. I am not familiar with an evaluator other than through CPS or such.

As for when or how the judge decides to take the kids wants into consideration, in CA that too comes from the mediators or child's attorneys recommendations.

You need to remember never to ask you kids questions like where they want to live, or things that their mom does. If they want to talk to you about it, then you can listen, but you can never ask them these sort of things, especially children of such young and tender ages; it only confuses and upsets them. (Not saying you do ask them, just saying please don't, OK?)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cailleac Bhuer

I realize children are not allowed in mediation, but in CA children of age to express are more-likely-than not scheduled to meet with the mediator as well as to me it is important to hear what the feeling of the children are. they are not asked questions directly as to where they want to be, but more of how things are going at home, etc. In CA we have family law mediators as well as in some cases the court appointing the chid(ren) their own attorney. I am not familiar with an evaluator other than through CPS or such.

As for when or how the judge decides to take the kids wants into consideration, in CA that too comes from the mediators or child's attorneys recommendations.

You need to remember never to ask you kids questions like where they want to live, or things that their mom does. If they want to talk to you about it, then you can listen, but you can never ask them these sort of things, especially children of such young and tender ages; it only confuses and upsets them. (Not saying you do ask them, just saying please don't, ok?)

In California it is mandatory that when going to court for custody you must try mediation first. The idea being that a decision made by both parents is more likely to be followed then having a judge order it. That being said a child isn't required nor has any need to have a lawyer present during normal parental custody proceedings. The only time a child requires a lawyer or advocate is if they aren't going to be placed with a parent or parents and also for the purpose of child support in California they provide one for free to the custodial parent on behalf of the child. ( advocate for child's best interest ). Children have a voice but its not through a mediator. As far as an evaluator anyone going through a divorce and custody proceedings can request one through the courts but you also pay for their services.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jamerp1970

The problem is that I live about 45 min from them and they are in school during the day. I work till 8pm. I get them ready for school 3 days a week and have them every other weekend. I basically would need to have custody and give her visitation. Then I could get rid of child support and use that money towards child care when they are with me and I am at work. I go to my ex' s house at 4 am so she can work her 16 hours a week and I stay until the kid's are off to school. then I have to work 50 to 60 hours a week to survive. I feel as if I am between a rock and a hard place. She can live of the 500 dollars of child support a week plus her small income and she is home all of the time with the kids I am with them while she is at work. I have to break my back just to survive. She feels that I still do not give her enough. I am trying to buy a house which should be exciting, but I know she will get all fired up because i should have no life and live in a cardboard box and give her my entire paycheck. The calls and threats will start, and I have to see her face to face 4 pr 5 times a week. I am ready to go crazy myself. I already spent 7k trying to un do my original agreement and did not get much at all. They told me that if I was already doing certain things I could not reverse them. I agreed to things I cannot continue to do in a time of high stress thinking it would be in the best intrest of the children and it is really not, it is turning out to benefit my Ex more than the kids and I am the only one who suffers

I am sorry but what I get from this is what you really want is to do away with your having to pay child support.

I understand that but you need to realize the courts deem that a child should not have to live in poverty while another parent lives in the" lap of luxury."
That is from a direct CA court statement. I can't post links so you would need to do some research.

Also, you need to understand that child support is not just paid to the custodial parent: it CAN be granted to a non-custodial parent when the income offset warrents such, so that visitation with the minor child(ren)can be a financialhardship on the non-custodial parent, plus travel costs can be requested as well by the NCP. So, you could be granted more than 50% custodial time, but if your income is greater than the other parent, you COULD still have to pay child support to the other parent for the time the child(ren) is/are with the other parent each month.

Okay in, CA they can be; I realize we are a state far different at times from the rest of the nation, but I DO know this: CA and ND concur on what I said...

Quote:

Originally Posted by califdadof3

In California it is mandatory that when going to court for custody you must try mediation first. The idea being that a decision made by both parents is more likely to be followed then having a judge order it. That being said a child isnt required nor has any need to have a lawyer present during normal parental custody proceedings. The only time a child requires a lawyer or advocate is if they arent going to be placed with a parent or parents and also for the purpose of child support in California they provide one for free to the custodial parent on behalf of the child. ( advocate for childs best interest ). Children have a voice but its not through a mediator. As far as an evaluator anyone going through a divorce and custody proceedings can request one through the courts but you also pay for thier services.

YES, IF YOU HAVE HAD MORE THAN ONE SESSION WITH A MEDIATOR IN ca COURTS, YOU HAVE TO PAY THE GOING COURT FEE/ opps hit cl button, sorry for r that...

Still, if a mediator and judge deen=m it, the child9ren)of a matter can have their own attorney and it SI in the best interest of the parents to know this for theor children. A court appointed attorney for this child is the most impartial advocate and will insure the child(ren) get what is in their best interst, point blank.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cailleac Bhuer

Okay in, CA they can be; I realize we are a state far different at times from the rest of the nation, but I DO know this: CA and ND concur on what I said....

Too bad she's in Massachusetts and not California or North Dakota.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jamerp1970

Does anyone know at what age a child has a say to whom they live with. I was divorced in Massachusettes.

Hey, I don't Really Know BUT it does count on the court where you live.