I don't know where to start, I have been trying to get help with my divorce, but I keep getting turned down. I hope I can get some help from here. My story is long and frustrating. I moved to Idaho in 2007, I do not have no family here, all my family live in Minnesota. I have 2 kids, 1 is from a different dad(my daughter)my son is from my husband and I. I left my husband and moved out in Aug.2010 with my 2 kids. I've been supporting my kids and I since Aug.2010. I filed my divorce back in Oct.2010. I don't have the money for a lawyer, so I've been doing all this on my own, which is not easy. I had to go to a class which was court ordered, Focus on Children. Then I had to go to mediation, which again court ordered. My son is with me Monday-Friday, then he goes to his dad's on Friday-Sunday. That's how it's been since I moved out. I do no get child support from him! My husband wants 50/50, so he doesn't have to pay support. My husband sees only one direction,him! I have tried discussing what I think is best for our son in mediation but it just goes through 1 ear and out the other. My husband doesn't care what I say, if he doesn't like it, then he threatens he's getting a lawyer! He does not get one, it's he's way to get me in his corner. I have a learning disability and he knows that too, and he uses it againist me!

I might of left things out, if you have questions just ask and I will answer as best as I can. Any help will be greatly appreciated. Thanks, Cynthia

Why doesn't your husband pay child support?

Have you looked into free legal representation?

My concern is that you have answered other questions, indicating you know the law, when you do not - https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/family...ml#post2767966

You should NOT be representing yourself in this matter.

Why were you ordered to take parenting classes?

I think you need to explain the entire situation, what papers have been filed and so forth.

Why doesn't your husband pay child support? What I've been told is that Child Support will not step in until the divorce is final. Have you looked into free legal representation? Yes I have, my husband works over 40hrs week. Makes between $65,000-$70,000 yr. That's why I can't get help. My concern is that you have answered other questions, indicating you know the law, when you do not. I don't know the law, I was just repeating what my lawyer told me, I'm sorry I should have said it better or not said anything. I do not want to sound like I know a lot because I don't. I DO NOT want to be representing myself, because of my disability. Why were you ordered to take parenting classes? That's what they do here in Idaho, other wise I don't understand it myself. I think you need to explain the entire situation, what papers have been filed and so forth. Here's what papers I filed, COMPLAINT FOR DIVORCE, SUMMONS. There's more but running out of room.

What I've been told is that Child Support will not step in until the divorce is final. Have you looked into free legal representation? Yes I have, my husband works over 40hrs week. Makes between $65,000-$70,000 yr.

Have you filed for an emergency support order?

If his income precludes you from reasonably-priced representation it should be very easy for you to retain an Attorney who will collect fees, disbursements, from your husband. That is not at all unusual.

You need a consultation with an Attorney who specializes in matrimonial law.

I don't know what an emergency support order is and how to get one started. How can I find one of these Attorney's that specialize in matrimonial law?

You can not get child support till a motion is filed and approved by a judge to give you child support, And even after you have a order, it is often hard to get the money,

But an emergancy order is just that, one that is rushed though, who ever told you that the divorce has to be final, lied, no it does not, child custody, child support and the divorce are all separate issues.

Most US areas have a city or county legal aid society that often helps with either legal rep or at least filling out the forms. That needs to be your first stop.

Ok but how do I go about doing this? I feel like I'm on a roller coast that doesn't stop! When I ask questions I really don't get the answers I'm looking for, they seem to beat around the bush, if you know what I mean. If I Google all I get is stupid stuff that really doesn't help me either.

A couple of resources you can explore for legal help.

Local law school: Many run free clinics that may help you devise a strategy and prepare paperwork (motions, briefs, etc.) for free.

Woman's support groups- Start with a local chapter of NOW and also look for other support groups from women going through a divorce. They can refer to attorneys as well as offer advice.

It is not unusual for a court to award legal costs to the party filing for divorce. So you can search for Family Law attorneys in your area. Some may offer a free consult.

I have done that, they say they can't help because my husband makes way too much. Woman's support groups- Start with a local chapter of NOW and also look for other support groups from women going through a divorce. They can refer to attorneys as well as offer advice. This I don't have no clue about, is this NOW a name of something. Could you explain a little more about it?

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Originally Posted by crzyhopper71

I have done that, they say they can't help because my husband makes way too much.

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WHO says? What have you done? What your husband makes should not enter into helping you get a divorce.

NOW stands for National Organization for Women (NOW)

I have called legal aide here in Idaho, I've gone to the Health and Welfare office to see if they could help, they gave me ph. Numbers, that I already called. I even went to the court house to see about getting help from them they gave me a sheet. I called the number that was on there and gave them my info. I got a call and they said they couldn't help me! So I don't know what I'm doing wrong, maybe I'm just not saying the right thing.

But that's not what I told you to do. Is there a law school in your area? Have you tried to find woman's support groups?

Legal aid is generally for criminal cases. But, if they handle divorce cases, then you husband's income should not matter only your income.

Also, as I said, you may be able to have him pay your legal costs. Many Family lawyers will give a free initial consult. So they can tell you if it will cost you.

I am beginning to think this is not a serious thread - no one can be this confused.

I'm not even sure OP is reading the answers before she responds.

To tell the truth I really don't know what is here, I ask questions and I don't get answers. To me it seems like if you don't have the money, your not going to get the help you need. When I went and seen 2 different lawyers right in the beginning, I told them what I wanted to do, which was to move back home to Minnesota! I have been here for almost 4 yrs. And I only got to go back once because my husband spends money like it's growing on trees. He hates my family. The lawyer told me that "I and my daughter could go" "but my son would have to stay until he was of age" so I stopped everything. My mom is very sick and she needs me, but yes I can go that I know. And if I leave I would have to come right back because my divorce is not final. But I can't just leave my son and only see him 3 months out of the yr. Which is what my husband said to me yesterday.

You want to make a bet! I have been with my husband since 2001. The first yr we we're married I wanted out because I noticed that I was changing. I started drinking like a fish just to get by, I listened to him call me crazy at least 5 times a day. I worked 40+ hrs. week, came home took care of the kids,cooked, cleaned and did everything else that needed to be done. When I needed something done it never got taken care of, I had to do it. I started believing what he said to me. Yes I should have left him a long time ago but I didn't because I thought I was doing the right thing by staying with my son's dad. When my son was 2, my husband and I were at the bar having a few drinks, we got in a fight and I left to go home. He came home after while. Fight continued, I put kids in car to drop them off at my sisters, my husband called the cops. I was arrested. I did my time in jail and I got treatment. It helped but my drinking didn't stop, just didn't leave the house.

You have no idea why you are taking parenting classes BUT (in your words), you began to drink like a fish, you were driving intoxicated with your children in the car, you were arrested, you served time in jail, you got treatment.

I think I know why you were required to attend parenting classes.

You continue to shadow box, addressing everything except what is asked you.

No one here knows what has happened, why it happened. You apparently aren't very good with the details of what/why happened.

We can only address what you should do now.

You seem to think you have all the answers and we can contribute nothing. You argue with us at every turn.

This thread is a waste of time - time to close?

I lost my job and my life just got worse. I stopped living. I was a wife, a mom and a maid. I tried to pull myself out of the bottle more then once, but I just couldn't do it, if I had to stay with him it had to stay too. Years went by and I figured out that we were just staying together because of the kids. My husband didn't talk to me, all I had was my kids. One day my husband says were moving and we did. My drinking slowed down a lot then. I statrted working again after 3 yrs of being home. I got pregnant and I was so happy but when I found out that something was wrong I didn't believe it, until the day my tube broke. I had to go to emergency and have surgery. Year after that it happened again. My husband and I tried to talk but we just couldn't. In 2007 we moved out of state to Idaho. Things started looking up for him, not us me and the kids. I got a job and I thought me and my husband were doing a lot better started talking more. But that wasn't the case.

I didn't have to do parenting classes! Both parents have to take this class. To get a divorce you have to take a class called focus on children, it helps you when your children think it's there fault that your gettig a divorce. And how to answer them. It also helps you figure out a parenting plan (visitation). I'm not trying to shadow box your questions! Maybe I'm just having a hard time understand them. And I don't think if I told you when how or what, would even help. So if u want to close this it's up to u. I'm done crying because I really don't know how to ask about it, maybe you're a better person then me. Thanks for helping

Thanks for your advice, I think I'm just going to have to get a lawyer because I don't know really what to do, and I have to look out for my son. Thanks again

Many states in the US require a parenting class for couples getting divorced, it is suppose to teach you not to use the child as a weapon and to consider the needs of the child

Thank you so very much.

I can see why mediation isn't working, and you really need to make it work. You have recent history that a lawyer may not want to take on without a retainer.
It's possible that your dream of leaving the state with your son (and daughter) is never going to happen, and you are the one who needs to get realistic about 50/50 custody.

Mediation worked just not for me. I went in there and told her about my husbands work, I told her about my work. I then told her about what he does on the weekends and what I do. I thought by telling her about my husbands gambling and his late night partying, she would see why I wasn't going toagree with this 50/50. I quit doing all my bad habits, while I was still living with him. I told her that I do not go out, I stay home because at times my daughter wants to come home. I asked if it is good to have a live in girlfriend when we are still legally married, she said no relationship is good when your going through a divorce, you should rethink that. My son has told me when he's there at his dads that dad doesn't spend time with me(one on one time) I told her that and my husbands respond was that he didn't know. All I know is my needs didn't get answered. Yes I know I might not be taking my son with me. And I know in my heart and soul I won't be doing 50/50.

And the retainer I can't remember but I think they said that I would have to pay. Now I would like to know why you said I can see why mediation isn't working? Can you explain more, please.

Mediation by it's very definition is something in which both parties agree! To say it 'worked just not for me' is meaningless, and I'm afraid it is also an indication that you may not understand compromise in general.
Your 'bad habits' record is unfortunately right there in black and white, whether you have stopped or not. It may not be fair while he still gambles and parties, but that's life.
If the 50/50 is what is holding up the divorce settlement, then I would accept it and be done, and work on custody arrangements for long distance living, and maybe expenses for travel every other time. You might even lose travel, since you are the one moving far away.

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Originally Posted by joypulv

Mediation by it's very definition is something in which both parties agree! To say it 'worked just not for me' is meaningless, and I'm afraid it is also an indication that you may not understand compromise in general.
Your 'bad habits' record is unfortunately right there in black and white, whether you have stopped or not. It may not be fair while he still gambles and parties, but that's life.
If the 50/50 is what is holding up the divorce settlement, then I would accept it and be done, and work on custody arrangements for long distance living, and maybe expenses for travel every other time. You might even lose travel, since you are the one moving far away.

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Mediation when it applies to Family Law isn't as your stating. Its usually a forced situation by the state that parents have to participate in. There is no agreeing about it. The idea is that it is prefferable for the parents to reach their own settlement but its not always going to happen. And depending on the state it may or may not be admissible in court if there is no agreement. In this case as was stated by the OP, they broke a lot of the rules of mediation. So their statement is a valid one. Many states don't employ mediators but rather use councilers for getting the job done with no formal mediation training.

I am as much concerned about the truth coming out in bits and pieces as I am about the rest of this thread.

I work in the legal profession. I simply cannot believe that with the husband's income (he is not getting rich but he's also not unemployed) there is NO Lawyer in the entire area who will take this case, asking that the husband pay the legal bills.

When every avenue closes, when every suggestion is met with "Yes, but ...", when the World is against a person there is usually a reason why. Note that the parenting class offers divorce assistance (http://www2.state.id.us/fourthjudici...20Children.htm). Why is this avenue also not available to the OP?

My feeling? OP is not going to listen to the Attorney anyway, is consumed with some sort of need for revenge or teaching the husband a lesson or something.

And with the criminal record (DWI/DUI with the children in the car?) jail time was the end of it - no probation, no classes?

Sorry. I'm in NY, not in Idaho, obviously things are different in Idaho but I find this beyond belief.

And to OP - just because you don't like the advice doesn't mean it's wrong. Unfair reddie.

Comments on this post
crzyhopper71 does not find this helpful : because it didn't give advice

First, may I call your attention to the guidelines for using the comments feature found here:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/feedba...ure-24951.html

A negative rating is only to be used for a factually incorrect answer. The answer you rated was not factually incorrect, therefore the negative rating was totally uncalled for.

Yes and no. Let me ask you this.. if you know this person like the back your hand inside and out, and the only reason he wants the child so he doesn't have to pay arm and leg, what are you going to do? Just sit there and let him get by or are you going to stand up and fight? My husband pushes me in a corner until I break down. He didn't even want this child in the beginning! He has a 18 yr old daughter that he didn't even fight for! Doesn't even see! And she was 7 when I started dating him, so why don't you try and figure out that puzzle. Because I've been there and done that. And right now I don't really give 2 hoots about what you say! I love my son, he's not a piece of trash that you can just pick up and toss away. If that's what you want to do then that's fine byme but it's not how I roll sister!

OP has become even more argumentative and insulting.

Legal advice is going nowhere because OP won't listen.

Her comments to "Joy" are WAY of line.

I'm sorry I didn't you!! You have been giving me some good advice. Some have just been upsetting me.

Yes, thank you.

The issue here is that if his behavior is not harmful to the child, and he can show or at least the court feels, the husband is wanting to be part of the child's life. Even if he was a drug addict he would most likely get at least visits ( perhaps supervised, but as long as the father of the child wants to be part of the child's life, you are not going to get to move away, so get the idea of moving away out of your head, The idea is what is the best deal you can get now.

Next stop listening to what you husband says, in fact he is lying, if you want lie back to him, tell him your attorney tells you that you could get this or that if you want. ** I would not but you are beliving what he is saying for some reason.

You will need to go into mediation with first realistic goals and then be willing to give and take to work out a deal.

Thank you for for link. I don't know much about searching the web. Some of my court fees have been paid for, it's getting lawyer that's hard. I don't have nothing against my husband. I just don't want him thinking he can take advantage of me. About the crimal record all that happened back in Minnesota, I didn't get a DUI, I wasn't drunk, did the test and it under the legal limit, but that still doesn't give me the right to say it was OK to do. It was wrong! I had 2 yrs of probation. And 3 yrs of treatment. 18 days in jail.

Thank you for for link. I don't know much bout searching the web. Some of my court fees have been paid for, it's getting lawyer that's hard. I don't have nothing against my husband. I just don't want him thinking he can take advantage of me. Bout the crimal record all that happened back in Minnesota, I didn't get a DUI, I wasn't drunk, did the test and it under the legal limit, but that still doesn't give me the right to say it was ok to do. It was wrong! I had 2 yrs of probation. And 3 yrs of treatment. 18 days in jail.



Now I'm really confused - you were sentenced to 2 years of probation, 3 years of treatment, 18 days in jail - and you did nothing?

Where it happened doesn't matter. It's part of your criminal record which the Court will look at.

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Originally Posted by crzyhopper71

And she was 7 when I started dating him, so why don't you try and figure out that puzzle.

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Please stop using the Comments feature for follow-up questions or info. Use the Answer Options.

So you knew this guy was a lousy father when you started dating him. Yet you married him and had a child with him?

I can understand your wanting to protect your child. But what it comes down to is the law is not going to let you. So if you want ANYTHING out of him, then you are going to have to compromise. So you let him have visitation. You then keep a detailed record of each time he fails to pick up the child. Then in a year or so, you go back to the court, show that he is not exercising his visitation and ask for a modification.

Yes I know, it's very hard I just want what's best for my son, my son wants to be with me. And that's what's hard because I'm fighting for what my son wants! I just don't want my son to think that I gave up on him! My son understands this better then me sometimes I think. And I don't want to lie, I just want this to be done right. Thank you

I didn't say I didn't do nothing, what I did I had the kids in car at time. And all I wanted to do was to drop them off at my sisters, so they wouldn't have to be there to see us fight. Yes I know they will look

If you weren't DUI or DWI why did you get this sentence? You can drink alcohol and have kids in your car as long as you aren't intoxicated.

Thanks for all your advice, I will be checking out some things at the court house tomorrow(link I got). I will also be calling a lawyer to see what they can do for me. Health and Welfare, see if they know something about this emergency support thing. I just have a lot to think about. My son, my life, my moms life and what's really important. And how I can manage putting it all together to work out.
So you knew this guy was a lousy father when you started dating him. Yet you married him and had a child with him? I think I was just blind, thinking that he will get better with time, you know what I mean. I got pregnant before we got married, and yes dumb.