Ask Me Help Desk - My wife is a slow eater. Embarrassed in public

My wife is a slow eater. Embarrassed in public

My wife tried to register but we can't seem to do it, so I am asking this question for her.

I am a member of a fraternal organization that has a Friday night dinner -- we sit at different tables each time -- 10 people to a table. My wife is a slow eater but it seems that someone always remarks about how slowly she eats. They generally make it sound like they are joking, but she has become so uncomfortable that she doesn't want to go any longer. Is there anything she or I can do? She tried hurrying last week and nearly chocked.

The others should take a lesson from your wife and slow down their eating. She's right; they're wrong -- plus it's poor etiquette to comment on a fellow diner's behavior unless it is gross.

What do they do eat a whole slab of ribs in a minute? Take up for your wife and tell the gobblers where to get off.

I am a slow eater too. It really is quite rude of others to make comments like that. I can understand why your wife feels the way she does.

Your wife might want to plant a smile on her face and say:

"I didn't realize this was a race. I prefer to take the time to enjoy my food and digest it properly. I am sorry you find my eating habit so disturbing. "

That will shut them up without stooping to their level of rudeness.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Just_Another_Lemming

I am a slow eater too. It really is quite rude of others to make comments like that. I can understand why your wife feels the way she does.

Your wife might want to plant a smile on her face and say:

"I didn't realize this was a race. I prefer to take the time to enjoy my food and digest it properly. I am sorry you find my eating habit so disturbing. "

That will shut them up without stooping to their level of rudeness.

That is so great. He should do that. LOL:D

Thanks Wondergirl. She has always been a slow eater and I've slowed down too and it gives us nice peaceful meals at home or in restaurants (alone) when we can chat. Unfortunately, not much we can do about other people when we are kind of forced into a situation. I want her to continue coming with me to Friday night dinners.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Just_Another_Lemming

I am a slow eater too. It really is quite rude of others to make comments like that. I can understand why your wife feels the way she does.

Your wife might want to plant a smile on her face and say:

"I didn't realize this was a race. I prefer to take the time to enjoy my food and digest it properly. I am sorry you find my eating habit so disturbing. "

That will shut them up without stooping to their level of rudeness.

That is a terrific answer. If she doesn't say it, I will. Thanks very much for your help.

I'm glad you love your wife enough to see this hurts her and I'm glad you are gong to speak up for her. Good for you!

KK, I second your last comment!

You're welcome Fred. :)

I am a very slow eater as well... my excuse (and yes, I've said it) "Than you for noticing. I like to savor the flavor, I'm not a hoover vacuum you know."

Quote:

Originally Posted by J_9

I am a very slow eater as well....my excuse (and yes, I've said it) "Than you for noticing. I'm not a hoover vacuum you know."

LOL I can see you saying that... lol.:D

Hi, this is fred's wife. I want to thank you all for being so helpful and supportive. I'm going to get ready to face the rabble :-) and enjoy my dinner. I could put up with someone just making a one sentence comment that they notice I eat slowly, but most of the people who say something make an entire dinner conversation out of it. Go figure!

Quote:

Originally Posted by fredfox

Hi, this is fred's wife. I want to thank you all for being so helpful and supportive. I'm going to get ready to face the rabble :-) and enjoy my dinner. I could put up with someone just making a one sentence comment that they notice I eat slowly, but most of the people who say something make an entire dinner conversation out of it. Go figure!

Have a great time and eat extra slow tonight just cause you can:D
It'll drive them crazy.

Quote:

Originally Posted by fredfox

Hi, this is fred's wife. I want to thank you all for being so helpful and supportive. I'm going to get ready to face the rabble :-) and enjoy my dinner. I could put up with someone just making a one sentence comment that they notice I eat slowly, but most of the people who say something make an entire dinner conversation out of it. Go figure!

Let us know later what happened if someone criticized, and you nicely responded. Tell us about the food too. :D

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Let us know later what happened if someone criticized, and you nicely responded. Tell us about the food too. :D

Wouldn't you know it--I get some great advice on how to take care of a problem that's been a pain forever, and nobody said anything this time. The place was packed so we weren't all served at once. That didn't give anybody a chance to pick on me. But, I will be ready for them the next time now that I have two good responses from here. Maybe I should practice in the mirror LOL. The food was actually better than usual, I had the lasagna with a salad and garlic bread. Thanks for asking Wondergirl.
Fannie (fred's wife)

Quote:

Originally Posted by fredfox

Wouldn't you know it--I get some great advice on how to take care of a problem that's been a pain forever, and nobody said anything this time. The place was packed so we weren't all served at once. That didn't give anybody a chance to pick on me. But, I will be ready for them the next time now that I have two good responses from here. Maybe I should practice in the mirror LOL. The food was actually better than usual, I had the lasagna with a salad and garlic bread. Thanks for asking Wondergirl.
Fannie (fred's wife)

The angels were watching over you, Fannie! You go, girl!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

The angels were watching over you, Frannie! You go, girl!

Wondergirl is a wonder. Good Luck.:)

I can't believe anyone would comment on something like this. How rude.

I'm a slow eater too, mainly because I gag if I eat too fast. I'm usually the last one still eating whenever we go out. Hubby sometimes gets impatient, he is in fact a hoover. ;)

I hope they do say something just so you can use one of the lines that have been posted and put them to shame. :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Altenweg

I can't believe anyone would comment on something like this. How rude.

I'm a slow eater too, mainly because I gag if I eat too fast. I'm usually the last one still eating whenever we go out. Hubby sometimes gets impatient, he is in fact a hoover. ;)

I hope they do say something just so you can use one of the lines that have been posted and put them to shame. :)

Girl, the things you come up with. A hoover.. LOL.:D

I'm a VERY slow eater because I have a severe case of GERD. If I don't cut up my food EXTREMELY small, and chew it up completely, the food tends to get stuck in my throat and I have to throw it up.

So, I just use the time to savor the flavor and enjoy the company and conversation.

We just do not know how to enjoy "nothingness" anymore.

Some of the best meals I've ever had were with loved ones, sharing "small plates"... some call them tapas... over a long time.. over great conversation.

We just don't get it anymore.

Food isn't best enjoyed with one hand on the steering wheel and one hand on the cell while driving. Likewise, relationships aren't best when conviently brief or cut off.

I do appreciate your question. You are conflicted. It makes sense. I get it.

I also think, when in doubt, consider your loved one first. She isn't trying to harm anyone. She takes time to enjoy her meal.

Sure... ill break the rule and get irritable when my 6 year old will diddle daddle and not eat. And then complain that his food is cold.

But here... unless there is other compelling info that's not been stated... you stand by her. So... she doesn't shovel it in like the rest of us. Good for her!

When the buddies make noise about her eating too slow, tell them that she's always been one to appreciate her life, to savor her experiences.

If they still don't get it... well... they never will and it isn't your job to make them happy.

Tend to your wife. This is not the battle to fight. Stand by her. See her side. Defend it.

Unless she intentionally disturbs your life with patient food... I just don't see how to put her to the wall for this.

I agree with kp on this. Your wife should not feel embarrassed - the ones who should are the ones making disrespectul remarks. Often rudeness is disguised as humor. Ha ha - it is not so funny.

Be supportive.

I think it's weird people comment on it. Unless they are vaccuuming and locking the place up for the night, who cares how long it takes her to eat? Does she object to them moving on to dessert and coffee while she finishes her entrée?

I think if someone comments she should just say, "I'm not able to eat faster so I take my time - don't wait for me because it makes me feel rushed." If she truly is out of time to finish her meal, she can ask for it to be wrapped to go and take more time to finish later.

I agree with the others that unless someone's behavior is outrageously offensive, we should not correct one another's manners at the table unless they are our minor children.

I get the impression her husband supports her, Bleusong 52. He's trying to find out how to manage rudeness his wife is subjected to by others but doesn't appear to have issue with it himself.

I did not get that impression. He has not ever said he stood up for her in those situations and maybe I expect him to speak up for her.

Bleu, this is what I got out of Fred's posts:

Quote:

Originally Posted by fredfox

I am a member of a fraternal organization that has a Friday night dinner -- we sit at different tables each time -- 10 people to a table. My wife is a slow eater but it seems that someone always remarks about how slowly she eats. They generally make it sound like they are joking, but she has become so uncomfortable that she doesn't want to go any longer. Is there anything she or I can do?

Quote:

Originally Posted by fredfox

That is a terrific answer. If she doesn't say it, I will. Thanks very much for your help.

Quote:

Originally Posted by fredfox

Hi, this is fred's wife. I want to thank you all for being so helpful and supportive. I'm going to get ready to face the rabble :-) and enjoy my dinner. I could put up with someone just making a one sentence comment that they notice I eat slowly, but most of the people who say something make an entire dinner conversation out of it. Go figure!

Fred was ready to fight for his woman! LOL! :)
He just didn't know how to respond, which is why he posted here. It is a rather uncomfortable position these other people put them in. I find it very distressing that a number of people appeared to band together to poke fun at her over this. I was a member of a fraternal organization at one time. For a very short period. I found the other members spent much of their time together drinking and tearing down their friends (all supposedly in the name of "fun"). I don't know if all fraternal organizations do this, but I decided after my experience, I wasn't interested in finding out. There are better ways for me to spend my time.

The husband is the one who is taking up for his wife. He is very nice.