Ask Me Help Desk - My wife is a slow eater. Embarrassed in public

We just do not know how to enjoy "nothingness" anymore.

Some of the best meals I've ever had were with loved ones, sharing "small plates"... some call them tapas... over a long time.. over great conversation.

We just don't get it anymore.

Food isn't best enjoyed with one hand on the steering wheel and one hand on the cell while driving. Likewise, relationships aren't best when conviently brief or cut off.

I do appreciate your question. You are conflicted. It makes sense. I get it.

I also think, when in doubt, consider your loved one first. She isn't trying to harm anyone. She takes time to enjoy her meal.

Sure... ill break the rule and get irritable when my 6 year old will diddle daddle and not eat. And then complain that his food is cold.

But here... unless there is other compelling info that's not been stated... you stand by her. So... she doesn't shovel it in like the rest of us. Good for her!

When the buddies make noise about her eating too slow, tell them that she's always been one to appreciate her life, to savor her experiences.

If they still don't get it... well... they never will and it isn't your job to make them happy.

Tend to your wife. This is not the battle to fight. Stand by her. See her side. Defend it.

Unless she intentionally disturbs your life with patient food... I just don't see how to put her to the wall for this.

I agree with kp on this. Your wife should not feel embarrassed - the ones who should are the ones making disrespectul remarks. Often rudeness is disguised as humor. Ha ha - it is not so funny.

Be supportive.

I think it's weird people comment on it. Unless they are vaccuuming and locking the place up for the night, who cares how long it takes her to eat? Does she object to them moving on to dessert and coffee while she finishes her entrée?

I think if someone comments she should just say, "I'm not able to eat faster so I take my time - don't wait for me because it makes me feel rushed." If she truly is out of time to finish her meal, she can ask for it to be wrapped to go and take more time to finish later.

I agree with the others that unless someone's behavior is outrageously offensive, we should not correct one another's manners at the table unless they are our minor children.

I get the impression her husband supports her, Bleusong 52. He's trying to find out how to manage rudeness his wife is subjected to by others but doesn't appear to have issue with it himself.

I did not get that impression. He has not ever said he stood up for her in those situations and maybe I expect him to speak up for her.

Bleu, this is what I got out of Fred's posts:

Quote:

Originally Posted by fredfox

I am a member of a fraternal organization that has a Friday night dinner -- we sit at different tables each time -- 10 people to a table. My wife is a slow eater but it seems that someone always remarks about how slowly she eats. They generally make it sound like they are joking, but she has become so uncomfortable that she doesn't want to go any longer. Is there anything she or I can do?

Quote:

Originally Posted by fredfox

That is a terrific answer. If she doesn't say it, I will. Thanks very much for your help.

Quote:

Originally Posted by fredfox

Hi, this is fred's wife. I want to thank you all for being so helpful and supportive. I'm going to get ready to face the rabble :-) and enjoy my dinner. I could put up with someone just making a one sentence comment that they notice I eat slowly, but most of the people who say something make an entire dinner conversation out of it. Go figure!

Fred was ready to fight for his woman! LOL! :)
He just didn't know how to respond, which is why he posted here. It is a rather uncomfortable position these other people put them in. I find it very distressing that a number of people appeared to band together to poke fun at her over this. I was a member of a fraternal organization at one time. For a very short period. I found the other members spent much of their time together drinking and tearing down their friends (all supposedly in the name of "fun"). I don't know if all fraternal organizations do this, but I decided after my experience, I wasn't interested in finding out. There are better ways for me to spend my time.

The husband is the one who is taking up for his wife. He is very nice.