Our extended family has always exchanged gifts with each other. One Christmas years ago, without any warning or previous discussion, a sil decided to give donations to an area zoo in everyone's name. We received from the zoo a handsome Christmas card with a photo of a manatee and its life story.

I couldn't decide how I felt -- like a spendthrift for daring to spend money on family members' gifts or like a spoiled kid who was mad because he got rocks in his Christmas stocking. Actually, I think my biggest problem was that there had been no discussion about this during wish-list exchanges. And I really do like manatees...

So if you're planning to drastically change your gift-giving m.o. tell everybody involved.

Perhaps the gift this year could be a donation in the person's name.

However, consider the recipient - gifts are meant to be selected and given to bring joy to the recipient so if a donation to a charity would not do that, it's not the right gifts for that person. Gifts are also to be received to bring joy to the giver, so receive them graciously. If they won't find out about it, sure - return it and donate the cash, or donate the item itself to a charity.

Bottom line is, it's admirable to want to give to those in need, but don't offend all the people you love in the process - that's not very charitable in the end! And some gift giving - like those annoying office grab bags and secret santas? Might as well just participate instead of irritating all your colleagues... part of getting along.