I am getting married in 3 weeks. We moved to California a few years ago and 95% of our guests are coming from the other side of the country. It's a smallish wedding on the beach. We could have flown back to Chicago and had our wedding there, but this is our home now and like a few other people mentioned, it really cuts back on the people who are attending. Those who are our closest will be there and those that couldn't afford it, we totally understand. I didn't have a shower, I'm not having a bachlorette party (fiance not having a bachlor party either) and aren't registering anywhere and expect absolutely nothing from our guests. It's enough that they're all making the effort to attend and support us on our special day... I haven't seen most of these people in 2 years, so them being there is gift enough. I've even told all of our guests this. I know though that if I were attending a wedding across the country or anywhere for that matter I would still bring a gift, or give cash. But that's just me... Some of our guests will probably feel the same and if people give us gifts or cash, it will be greatly appreciated and they will definitely receive a big thanks. But it's definitely not expected and if I'm not getting mad at people (my own father and sister can't make it) for not attending, why on Earth would I get upset or offended if someone who is attending doesn't give a gift? Kind of seems childish and materialistic if you ask me...
An idea for those attending a destination wedding who still want to give a gift, but can't really afford it... Make a donation to a charity that you know the bride and groom support... It doesn't even have to be big and most places will send the couple a little thing that says a donation has been made in their name, and it doesn't usually say how much. I would think it was great if any of my guests did this. I'm actually doing this in lieu of favors at my wedding because who really remembers or keeps the favors anyway? A donation to a local charity, and an announcement at the reception (cuz again, it'll probably get tossed and printing individual cards with this information wouldn't be very eco-friendly) is a lot more satisfying to us then wasting money on cheesy favors.
:D