I'm constantly second-guessing if this counts as abuse.

My mom and dad often get mad at me for no apparent reason.
They'll yell at me for lying when I didn't, but they won't apologize when I've been proven innocent.
I'm essentially not allowed to be in a bad mood. If I'm in a bad mood and try not to talk to them as a result, they get mad at me. If I do talk to them and sound the least bit angry as a result, they get mad at me. I can't win.
In the past, they've called me retarded and that it's a wonder I don't get/I might as well get (I can't remember which anymore) straight F's after I brought home A's and B's.
They'll intentionally make me fell stupid, laugh at me, then become angry with me for being upset.
Despite being closer to seventeen than fifteen, I don't have a drivers license. Half of the lessons ended in my dad furious and me crying. He'd say things in a way that I couldn't hear or understand, then yell them angrily if I asked him to repeat. If I didn't understand what he meant or get it right quickly enough, he'd yell at me. When my driving got worse because he was yelling at me, he'd get even angrier, then angrier still if/when I started crying.
During my last lesson with him, I told him I was afraid of him and he became even angrier than he had been and asked why. When I said it was because he and my mom have anger problems, he denied it, then said that he and my mom feel like they can't even talk to me because I "get upset too easily".
Every time I make any comment against their behavior, they make it out to be my fault and never take any blame. They never take responsibility for anything they do and blame other people.
I feel like I can't be honest with them about anything. I'm not sure how badly they'd react if they knew my political beliefs.
The frequency at which I have emotional breakdowns has just kept increasing. The first time I thought about killing myself, I was twelve, and while that's gone down due to acquiring friends, the thoughts still occur. I almost constantly feel bad about myself.
They invalidate my feelings and make me feel like I'm crazy. I've begun second-guessing my own perceptions and wondering if they're right, and I really am just oversensitive.

Is this abuse? If it is, is it grounds to have me removed from the house? I'm desperate to get out of here. I want to leave as soon as possible and never come back, but it'll be over a year before I'm eighteen. I don't think I can last that long.

Have you spoken with a school counselor or a trusted teacher? If you are suicidal, you need help. Are there any family members you can speak with? Go to school, explain your situation, and get some help. Please let us know that you've told someone, and that you are getting help. Suicide isn't the answer.

I won't go to the school counselor, but I'm considering going to my favorite teacher. I've confided in her before and she seems like the best option. Suicidal thoughts don't come much anymore, and with lower intensity. I've learned to manage them. But... I don't want to stay here.

Speak with your teacher. If she feels you need to speak to a counselor (psychologist), please listen to her. Also, let her know about what's going on at home. Teachers are mandatory reporters, and we are legally obligated to report abuse or suspected abuse. She can help you.

But does it even count as abuse?

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Originally Posted by Heart27

But does it even count as abuse?

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Emotional and verbal abuse.

If you were my student, I'd definitely consider your parents abusive. It's not physical abuse, but emotional and verbal as Wondergirl already stated.

This is emotional and verbal abuse. If this is really going on (I say if because we only have your side of the story, and we're very often biased when telling only our side of things) then you need to tell someone and get out of this situation.

I have to say this, because too many teens and kids have this romantic notion about foster care. Foster care sucks. It's the worst thing that can happen to a child. In many cases the home the child is placed in, is worse than the one he/she was removed from. There are just too many kids in the system, and not enough case workers to monitor all of the foster families.

Not saying that all foster families are bad, there are good ones, but they're few and far between.

You said you're almost 18. You've stuck it out this long, maybe it's worth it to stick it out a few more months, then leave. But keep in mind, even if you're removed from the home and placed in care, once you're 18 you're on your own, whereas at home, that's not always the case. So unless you know you can support yourself once you turn 18, it may not be worth it to go through all the hassle.

Just playing devils advocate and looking at this situation realistically. But yes, from what you describe, it's not an ideal home situation from your point of view.

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I'm considering going to my favorite teacher. I've confided in her before and she seems like the best option.

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I agree wholeheartedly in this decision you have made and hope you keep us updated. Having followed this thread and your other one it's really hard to say if this is a case of teen angst caused by growing pains, or all on your parents that their treatment of you is as abusive as you say, though no doubt your feelings are real and that I believe.

What's obvious though is some outside help is needed, and I hope your teacher can provide that and help you cope, and maybe even bridge the gap between you and your parents. Often I have found that teens are so self consumed they fail to see or understand what their parents are going through, or coping with themselves, which may be a bigger factor in their behavior than their children can imagine.

So yes talk to your teacher and I hope it helps you.

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Having followed this thread and your other one it's really hard to say if this is a case of teen angst caused by growing pains, or all on your parents that their treatment of you is as abusive as you say, though no doubt your feelings are real and that I believe.

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In regards to my other thread, yeah, that was a bad idea. Deciding to go was an impulsive decision that I didn't think through. The risk is way too high. I'm not going to go, although a couple of my friends, who have parental consent and openness with their parents, respectively, are still going.

As for this thread... I wish I could defend my position, but I can't. I don't know. I don't know how to trust myself and my own perceptions of what goes on in this house. I don't know if this is normal and they're right that I just get upset too easily. I don't know how to talk about it without feeling like I'm sounding like every other teenager, overreacting to something minor. I hold all of the guilt and blame without knowing if it's supposed to be mine. I don't know if I'm just ungrateful. They make me feel like I am. None of my feelings are ever justified to them. I stopped expressing them as much as possible years ago. It's just easier to let them assume my silence is agreement and being all right.

It's not like it's a constant thing, which increases the doubt. When they're being really nice and thoughtful is when I can't possibly imagine anything I've felt has ever been their fault. But then I'm having an emotional breakdown, or they're mad at me for no reason, or I'm keeping my mouth shut as they spew hatred for groups of people that I unbeknownst to them belong to. And then I remember why I have to keep reminding myself that I can't trust them to be there for me.

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I have to say this, because too many teens and kids have this romantic notion about foster care. Foster care sucks. It's the worst thing that can happen to a child. In many cases the home the child is placed in, is worse than the one he/she was removed from.

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I know. I would rather be here than foster case as much as I hate it. I added the point about being removed from the house because there's a chance a friend's family would take me in. I'm not getting my heart set on it or my hopes up. I know better than that. Essentially my aim with that was to know if I moved out of here and in with them, would what's happened be grounds for emancipation.

Sadly no. To become emancipated means living on your own, and showing that you can support yourself. It would require you to get a job, get funding for your own place, show that you can handle all of that and still go to school, can fund your own health care, dental care, and everything else that your parents currently take care of.

As for moving in with your friends family, that's also unlikely. Much more likely that if you're removed, other family members will be asked if they can take you in. Grandparents, Aunt, Uncle, older sibling.

So essentially I always lose. Despite my cynicism I always managed to be disappointed anyway.

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Originally Posted by Heart27

So essentially I always lose. Despite my cynicism I always managed to be disappointed anyway.

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How would your parents handle your moving in with your friend? Can you give it a positive spin somehow so your parents see an advantage for themselves? Could you visit your parents on a regular basis?

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How would your parents handle your moving in with your friend? Can you give it a positive spin somehow so your parents see an advantage for themselves? Could you visit your parents on a regular basis?

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I'm not sure, honestly. It's hard to tell how they'll react to things. On one hand, they care very little about what I do. On the other, they'd likely view my wanting to move out as an insult to them and be extremely bitter. My best guess is that they'd be against it. Months ago a (different) friend's parent agreed to teach me to drive, but my dad was against it and called me asking them a new level of disrespect despite how horribly it was going with him. I can't imagine either of them would take kindly to something so much more drastic. The only positive spin I can think of us is that I'd be out of their hair. They wouldn't have to fight with me, and they'd have an extra room to do with what they wished. Plus they'd save money on food. I'd prefer not to visit but would be completely willing to if I could move out as a result. It'd be easy; my friend is only about ten minutes away from my house.

Still, I don't know what the chances are that they'd let me move in anyway. They've told my friend upon her asking that I can stay a few days if I ever need to escape for awhile. She and the siblings she asked both think there's a reasonable to good chance they'd let me move in if they knew what I deal with at home. But again, I'm not getting my hopes too high. I don't want to be crushed. After all, I'm a sixteen-year-old and these are people with four kids already, and I've only been over twice, even if it's actually amazing how well I fit into their family. I know it's not likely. Maybe I'll ask them after they know me better. Maybe I won't.

Okay. You know how your parents think and react. Is there something you can do to outthink them and prevent future skirmishes and upsets? Can you volunteer to do certain chores or bake on weekends or help more with meal preparation? (Brainstorming here....) What about spending part of each week at your friend's house?

I don't know. I pretty much try to stay away from them. That's my preventing skirmishes. If I'm not around them, they can't get mad at me. They're so easy to set off. Plus sometimes they're just foul without reason. Taking out their anger on me. They don't even seem to like each other all that much.

What about spending part of each week at your friend's house?

I'm not sure. Maybe. It'd feel better to entirely cut ties (aside from potentially visiting to keep my parents appeased), but maybe.

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Originally Posted by Heart27

I'm not sure. Maybe. It'd feel better to entirely cut ties (aside from potentially visiting to keep my parents appeased), but maybe.

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"Mom and Dad, I want to give you two some space away from me. It'll help me become a better person. Cindy 's family is willing to let me live there on [X days]. How does that sound? Could we give it a try?"

Maybe that could work. Not sure how kindly they'd take to it. Or why they'd believe it'd help me become a better person to live someone else part of the time.

You'd have new surroundings, different people to react to, pets to care for (?), be learning how to survive away from home.

Do you plan to go to college?

That's true. I didn't think of it like that. That reasoning might actually work.

I no longer plan to go to college as I want to make writing my career and I don't want to bury myself in debt for a degree I don't need. However, I never updated my parents on this plan; as far as they know, my plan is still the same college I brought up months ago when they asked.

Nowadays, everybody and his mother is a writer and often self publishes. You're not going to immediately establish yourself as a career writer and make money enough to live on, so you need a backup plan. What's your backup plan?

Still thinking....is there a community college in your area and easy to get to? Check it out for a two-year (associate's) degree in something or even a certificate program. Then you can be in school inexpensively, learn a trade or get credentials that will land you a job to pay the rent after graduation, and still give you time to write.

It's probably not going to sound like a good plan to you, but. There's a grocery store chain that has three stores in my state. They offer dental, medical, a 401k plan, a 10% on food, and if I'm working full time, I believe enough money to support myself. My best friend is willing to get an apartment with me. Since I won't have a license, I've taken note only of apartments that will be within walking distance from the store, which is actually more than expected. I've got two each in two of the towns and three in the other. I can't get a rent estimate for all of them. The ones I do have estimates for are between $227 and $400 dollars after splitting the rent in half to account for a roommate. I've been gathering estimates for food, utilities, and other necessities like soap to be accounted for in how much I'll be making if I can work there full time. Next I'm going to find jobs also within walking distance of the apartments I've found that I can acquire without experience or by taking a shorter training program in case I need a second job to pay for everything I need. I've also made a list of everything I'll need to move out with absolute necessities bolded. I'm trying to be prepared as I can be since I want to get out as soon as it's a viable option and I likely won't be able to live off my writing for a long time if ever.

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Originally Posted by Heart27

It's probably not going to sound like a good plan to you, but. There's a grocery store chain that has three stores in my state. They offer dental, medical, a 401k plan, a 10% on food, and if I'm working full time, I believe enough money to support myself. My best friend is willing to get an apartment with me. Since I won't have a license, I've taken note only of apartments that will be within walking distance from the store, which is actually more than expected. I've got two each in two of the towns and three in the other. I can't get a rent estimate for all of them. The ones I do have estimates for are between $227 and $400 dollars after splitting the rent in half to account for a roommate. I've been gathering estimates for food, utilities, and other necessities like soap to be accounted for in how much I'll be making if I can work there full time. Next I'm going to find jobs also within walking distance of the apartments I've found that I can acquire without experience or by taking a shorter training program in case I need a second job to pay for everything I need. I've also made a list of everything I'll need to move out with absolute necessities bolded. I'm trying to be prepared as I can be since I want to get out as soon as it's a viable option and I likely won't be able to live off my writing for a long time if ever.

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Good sleuthing! You're working at solving this. Be sure to read my post about community college.

Thank you. And I did. I'm considering it. I'm not sure what I'd study, though. Other interests I have are still four-year college ones, but I also have not looked a huge amount into other careers that would give me more options and possibly more money if I could get hired. Without a license and living in a small town, I have extremely limited work options right now, so I'm not sure how much money I'll have saved up by then. I've begun spending as little as possible to maximize what I'll have at my disposal for an apartment deposit and necessities. I'd prefer to not be left with very little in case an unforeseen expense would come up, although I'm trying to minimize the chances of there being one. If I do go, paying for and being able to get to that would be another thing I'd have to take into account with my living arrangement.

How far away is the community college? Does it have dorms? And a community college lets you take the basic courses much more cheaply than a four-year college does. You can transfer into one or work somewhere after you've gotten an A.A. or certificate (some aspect of medical care or business or a techie STEM thing or library tech or ????)

I don't really have much interest in those fields. I'd want to figure out what I might study before I start looking at community colleges, then find one the same way I found the four-year I had originally planned to attend. I found this extremely useful search engine a few years ago, a database of thousands of colleges in the US (and some outside it) that will eliminate schools based on my must-haves, things such as locations, courses, and tuition cost.

Journalism? American and English Lit? Linguistics? Psychology?

English and psychology are areas of interest, but don't those require a four-year?

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Originally Posted by Heart27

English and psychology are areas of interest, but don't those require a four-year?

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Again, community college is like your first two years at a four-year college--basic courses in all disciplines. Transfer to a four-year college if you are so inclined. By junior year, you decide on a major.

It's a possibility. Thank you, by the way.

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Originally Posted by Heart27

It's a possibility. Thank you, by the way.

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This is a good thing to do. Brainstorming helps clarify your thinking. Are there others in Real Life to brainstorm with?

Yes. I've finally built up a support system of friends. There are two people in particular I trust and am very close with that I go to with these things. How loyal my entire friend group is, though, became clear to me recently. As we (myself and four others) were returning home from a movie night we and a couple other friends had had, we somehow got back onto the topic of my moving out. It's more or less common knowledge amongst my friends that I have a bad relationship with my parents, although the exact details are more for the ones I am closer to. When it came up that it's likely I'll hastily pack my things and hightail it out of there when my parents are gone from the house and I have a place to go, everyone agreed without hesitation to help get me out of there when the time came. Just like that, no thinking required. It was just a given that we'd be there for each other. It's nice, even though I don't think I deserve that kind of loyalty.

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Originally Posted by Heart27

It's nice, even though I don't think I deserve that kind of loyalty.

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So please tell me what you need to do to deserve your friends' loyalty???

Btw, you're a good writer. Good grammar and punctuation. Good word choices. Have you written stories? poetry? essays?

Be less crappy of a person, I guess. I'm depressing, insecure, hypocritical. I have drastic mood swings, I'm mean to people for no reason, and I can be incredibly judgmental despite preaching tolerance [see 'hypocritical']. I rely on them too much to keep me from completely snapping and destroying myself. I'm not a good person.

I've dabbled in poetry. I'm in a creative writing class right now and my teacher seems fond of much of my work). What I really want to do, though, is write novels. I have a few ideas for another time, and one of them I began over winter break. I've been in a bad streak recently with my mood and schoolwork, so my taking a break from daily writing in order to finish outlining the book transitioned into not doing anything at all. I have two chapters (twenty pages) done right now with a bit on the next chapter, although much of it needs to be revised as I've altered the plot as what I originally had would have been contrived.

I have written essays. I took an advanced composition class first term. My persuasive paper was a flop, but the others were A's. My 300 point research paper earned a 96%, and all the errors I had were issues with my works cited page, required factoid cards, and a bit of grammar, not the actual content.

Your friends love you and support you and apparently think more of you than you do!

Are you thinking of a creative writing major?

It seems that way. I still don't get it. One of my friends keeps threatening to fight me unless I "accept my awesomeness" >.<

Yes. That was my main thing while looking at colleges, a creative writing program. But I'm not sure if it's a degree worth earning for what it'll cost.