Well, I just lost two of my best friends in a fight... and I'm kind of, bisexual and liked one of them... she was my best friend and she kind of liked me back. She said a few days ago that I was her best friend but she needs a break from me and she don't know if she's going to come back. I've talked to my best friend and she's been begging me to try harder and stay alive. I don't know how much longer I can stay strong... I don't want to be here that much... and I want to get back in touch with God so much... but I feel like there's no way. The devil took over me and know I'm alone and I need an escape.

This is in the death or dying section. Did your best friend get into a knife fight, gun fight? Are they dying? Are you wanting to die?

I hope your okay. If you really want to connect with God here is a number that will help you to do that:

1-888-Need-Him

Keep us posted- tell us more so that we can also help you.

Sarah

There was no gun fight or knife fight... its me... I don't want to kill myself or anything... I've thought of it a few times... but I'm to afraid and I just... need my escape.

What kind of escape and from what?

School? Friends? Boys? Or just everything?

Sarah

Everything.

How old are you? Have you tried talking to your parents about this?

What is bothering you?

I'm here to help.

Sarah

I'm 13, I'm way to afraid to talk to my parents, they never understand me... and its bugging me that I lost my best friend, the only one who understood me completely... she just walked away from me... and it hurt so bad.

Hey now... 13 is way to young to be thinking like this, and average age of a person is at least 65-80 isk exactly but look how long you have ahead of you.. you have to have a lot more friends the one(s) you lost if they are your friends they are your comfort they will do the best they can to help you threw your heartbreak... and you guys will become better friends... life is a winding road, some times we tend to slip off the path a little but no matter what it isn't impossible to get back on that road, you just need to take your time and do it carefully
~hope this helped at least a little~

I have some phone numbers you can call if it makes it easier for you to talk on the telephone.

Canada:
1-800-668-6868

USA:
1-800-448-4663
OR
1-800-785-8111

They are completely confidential, there are no recordings and you can ask to speak with a female or male councilor if you want to.

I know 13 is a tough age, hey I was there too. Your parents may be just as understanding or even more- they are your parents.

Why did you and your friend fight?

Sarah

Well, we didn't exactly fight... she just moved on... she said there's bigger and better things ahead of her... and that shed be better off... and I had to let her go.. I couldn't see her suffer being my friend... even if her leaving makes me suffer... its better then her suffering... I need her more than she realized though.

That doesn't sound like a good friend. A friend wants to BRING you to those BIGGER and BETTER things NOT leave you behind.

Please call those numbers if you feel lonely. I will be back here tomorrow after work.

Please be safe, I'm here for support,

Sarah

Thank you so much, don't forget about me ? And she is an amazing person... but I ruined her life, as well as mine.

Omg sorry when you said you lost them in a fight I thought that you meant that you phisicaly lost them as in death... I am sorry my bad

Its okay... I reread what I wrote.. and it did kind of sound like that.

Hey, I'm at work right now just checking up on how your doing. Hope your OK.

Why do you think you ruined your friend's life?

Sarah

I don't exactly know. I asked her if I did, and she said that I didn't completely... she said she's been going through allot and she thinks it just be better for her if I wasn't in her life because she said that she thinks the majority of what has happened to her was my fault... but I honestly don't know how.

What is it that happened? Did you experiment with drugs, steal? Where there any rumors? What sort of negative things were in your friendship?

The more I know the more I can help you :)

Sarah

Well... like... cutting myself... and um, we were both sort of bisexual... but only liked two people each... we liked each other, and then like, that changed after we told each other... and I think that had a major effect and I asked her and she said that it had nothing to do with that.

Did you guys try stuff together?

Perhaps the whole liking each other and being bisexual is very new to her and she's a little afraid of stepping into that territory. As her friend, I do believe you should back off a little and let her figure things out.

As for you, cutting- Why? Besides your friend-- why are you sad, depressed or angry about? Have you told your parents? Did you call the numbers I gave you? Self harm is never the answer.

I'm here to understand and help you,
Sarah

No no, I stopped, that was a while back, and the bisexual thing was new to both of us... and like... we were kind of long distance friends... and I do understand that she needs a little space... but I need to know what I did, its killing me!

Oh well thank god hunny that cutting is in your past- I was getting worried.

She's probably scared of these feelings. Some people don't want to admit homosexual feelings to even themselves- sometimes it takes years for them to "come out". Be there to support her at a distance.

Sarah

I was, she said she had something to tell me but she wasn't ready, so I told her to tell me when she was ready, and when she was ready she told me and she said that I was the only one who understood that completely... and a day latter, I told her that I think I was too... and she said that she hoped I was because itd be easier to talk... then a day latter... she left me.

She is just confused darlin'. Like I said many people react differently to that situation.

I know losing a friend is tough- but I am sure she will realize that you are a good friend and she'll contact you in the future.

Sarah

I honestly don't think I can wait... she was my BEST friend. Everything I've been through, she's been through... she understood EVERYTHING! And she's though only one who understood completley... I NEED her in my life... so badly.

The only way to do that is to wait. If you keep insisting she will only push you away. Be patient my dear.

If you really want to talk to her try it a less invasive way. An email. Write to her and tell her that you miss her and your there for her whenever she needs you, give her your phone number [in case she forgets] and just wait for a reply.

Sarah

I have... and I asked her if she was going to come back and I told her that I need her and she said shell think about it... but like... I don't know how much longer I can wait... I need her... I never took the time to realize that I had an almost perfect life before she left... and now I realize it and I can't do anything but cry now... she hurt me.

Well first thing is first- you need to learn to let go a little. You are starting to sound quite clingy. I had a clingy friend before, and soon enough I shook her off like a dirty dog.

It is hard to find a friend that knows you inside out but it's also hard to be with a friend who just has to have you.

You need to start doing things on your own now. Go volunteer, become a big sister to a little girl who'll look up to you ; Big Brothers Big Sisters - Share a Little Magic! , get a part time job, socialize, just anything to get you going and busy.

Sarah

I cant... have a job... I tutor a little girl... kids arnt exactly my kind... I'm not clingy to her... I just, love her... she was a part of me... and like, we live four states away its hard to be clingly... just no one understands that she like... was my life... she woke me up every morning to talk and we talked for hours everyday... and she just became my other half almost.

Ah, I'm getting most of the picture now.

Well beaut all I can say is that you need to give her time and space, if you can't do that than I believe it is a sign of clingy behavior. You might have gotten used to her calling you every morning and it got routine and you got comfortable with that. I understand.

Now it's time to focus on you. She wants to be left alone and as her friend you need to respect her wishes.

Sarah

I know that. I'm giving it to her. But if she doesn't come back... I don't think I can live...

I couldn't spread the "love" after already giving it to you so soon here, Sarah. But, great job you're doing here!

I'm not trying to crash this thread, because mudweiser and you seem to be having a really good, informative and caring time here.

But, I'm wondering, theresbeautyinu, since you asked your original question about escaping, what you like to do for fun and recreation?

Thanks!

Uhm... what do you mean?

How do you like to express the way that you might be feeling about something or anything.

This might be in writing, music or arts of various kinds...

I don't know... different ways...

Do you like to write poetry or lyrics to songs?

I write poetry...

Would you be interested in writing a song? I can show you how to do that as well as show you how it might be set to music that you can actually hear!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by theresbeautyinu

i know that. im giving it to her. but if she dosnt come back... i dont think i can live...

---

YES YOU CAN! Yes you can! Yes you can!

If you live for someone, you'll never live yourself!

Clough is right--write!

You need to find away to get those endorphins up and running! Unless your job is a 16 hour job, and very demanding I can see why you don't have "time". However, you can always do simple little things, like writing more poetry or songs, walking to and from work [I do this now, It is a 30 minute walk but let me tell you it's worth it: I get a great start to my morning and no matter how cruddy my day was I walk home, hear the birds, see some flowers, and see the world as my playground]. Be open to new experiences Beaut!

Life is wonderful if you just step out of that box.

Sarah

I've tried... no matter what I do though... I can't ever stop looking at the bad side of everything... I write as much as I can... but I have track everyday and I tutor my dads friends daughter... and like... school and everything... its just getting harder..