It's not harsh-I've said this all along,Bella,he has committed a very serious crime.
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It's not harsh-I've said this all along,Bella,he has committed a very serious crime.
How is that not harsh.I know what happened was wrong I mean he's married and he's my best friends dad but if he had of just left it then I wouldn't of needed any advise now I'm just confused.I rang him to talk but he didn't pick up he sent me a txt saying he couldn't talk he would talk tomorrow.I'm totally overwhelmed at the moment by everything and honestly don't know what to do.I never thought about it the way you all have put it.I don't want to be the reason my friends dad goes to jail.How messed up is this ****
You see your best friend's 'hot' dad-we,from the outside,see an adult male who seduces at least one underage girl-that's the crime;it's a criminal act in most countries,so ,again,even though I feel as if we are a l l talking to the wall-go tell a responsible adult.
Quote:
Originally Posted by bellaroo
I'm sure you are upset and confused and emotionally torn, overwhelmed. That's what adults who have sex with underage women/girls count on. You would be amazed at the number of these incidents (which could also be called crimes) which are not reported for that very reason.
I think you need to step back and look at this clearly for a second - first, there was alcohol involved. You are under age. Who/where/how did the alcohol get to you? That's step number one.
As a side issue - where were his wife and child when he was having sex with you?
You aren't the reason he could go to jail; HE is the reason HE could go to jail. He had sex with someone who is underage. Being married, being someone's father, those are moral issues, moral considerations. Having sex with someone who is under age and LEGALLY unable to consent to a sexual relationship is a crime. That's not a moral issue.
HE put his family at risk; HE put you at risk (you have no idea who else he's been with so at this point you have no idea if he's risked your health) concerning an STD; HE put you at risk for a pregnancy - and there is no such thing as being 100% safe. I don't want to add to your concerns but these are valid things you must consider.
As a side issue if he's so "hot" why is he preying on underage girls and not women his own age?
You need to speak to someone, an adult, who will understand.
Im sorry if you feel like you are speaking to a wall,I have been listerning to everything everyone has said and I guess I'm just scared it's not something that's easy to do and no matter what anyone says I do feel like it's my fault to.I care heaps for my friend and what are people going to think of me,what type of person I am.I wouldn't even know who to tell or even how to tell I am ashamed of what happened.My parents will be so disappointed in me.Everything my mum said to me about sex and being careful I didn't even listen to.What happens if I tell,will I have to go to the police and tell them what happened.Everything will just be even more worse
I don't know what will happen when you tell, because I don't know all of the laws in your country.
I DO know that you will be hurting YOURSELF if you do not tell. You will have issues with relationships, you'll have issues with trust, you'll have issues with authority---you need to tell so you can get the help YOU need to get over this.
We know it's not easy, hon. That's why we're here trying to encourage you to do what the right thing for YOU is.
You make mistakes growing up, it's a part of life - I never really listened to my parents either growing up regarding sex. But now that I'm older I see potentiel danger I brought myself in.
But what's done is done nothing you can do about it. What matters now is how you react to the circumstances, I'm sure your parents will be disappointed at first, that's natural - but they will also respect you for coming clean and realizing that you put yourself in harms way and your mature enough to seek help with a problem that you can't solve yourself. Part of growing up is to know when you reach out and ask for help, EVERYONE faces a hard time or choice they themselves can't solve without the guidance of some of your fellow people.
Deep down you know something's wrong that you needed help with, but there's only so much we can do from here, the rest is up to you - act like an adult and do the right thing even though its very hard.
What seems like the right thing to do could also be the hardest thing you have ever done in your life. It's always worth it.
And I'm not terribly certain that the mistake wasn't the alcohol which may have started this chain of events, not the sex.
If the OP were an ADULT, intoxicated, the male should have known better.
It's not about the mistakes we make in life. It's about how we get over them, whether we learn from the experience.
I spoke to a person from kids help line she said he would get charged with sexual penatration of a minor and supplying alcohol to a minor.I would have to be inteveiwed by police and then he would be charged,if he pleaded not guilty it would go to court and I would have give my statement to the court and be asked questions.Thats pretty full on.I'm going to tell someone I'm not sure who.Do you think I should tell my friend I know she isn't going to want to be my friend anymore and I wouldn't blame her but maybe I should tell her first.
Well done for speaking to the helpline!
You're doing the right thing.
I think you should speak to your parents and/or your school counsellor.
Don't speak to your friend-let adults take over now.
Tell your parents... you will need their guidance and support.
I think I will tell my mum.Maybe I should write her a letter I don't know exactly know how to tell her.I feel like I should tell my friend.I feel really bad if I don't tell her myself.I just want to telll her I'm sorry and I didn't mean for it to happen,if I don't tell her now then when she finds out she won't speak to me and I'll never get to say sorry
Speak to your mother rather than writing her a letter-she's your mum-she loves you.
Leave it be with your friend for the time being;either way she probably won't want to speak to you-but the main thing is tell your mother.
You need to talk to your mother rather than a letter. She needs to see it in your face that you are telling the truth.
I agree to leave it be with your friend for now. Talking to her first would be the worst thing you could do at this point.
Speak to my mum that's going to be hard,I doubt she will be very happy with me I'd rather not be there I thought a letter would be better then I don't have to be there when she finds out.I'm worried I know she will go off,if it's in a letter she can cool down not be so mental.Or maybe your right maybe it is better coming straight from me
You're going to have to face the music sooner or later.
Make it sooner.
Good luck.
I told mum what happened.I feel so horrible she made me go to the police station,I had to tell them everything they took my mobile and came to the house and took my clothes I was wearing that night.I feel so bad,it was the worse thing I have ever had to do in my life.All the questions I had to answer and my mum had to be in the room with me and she kept on crying.I don't think I should have told, my parents have hardly spoken to me this was a big mistake.I can't even imagine what I've done to my friends family.I should have just dealt with this myself instead of doing this.God I wish I could just disappear
I'm sure I can speak for the others here. We are all so proud of you! Good job!
Honey, you did the right thing. I know it's hard to believe now, but you saved other young girls from going through the same thing.
What you did was very brave!
You did the right thing. Good Luck...
Honey--you did the right thing.
I know it's REALLY hard right now--your parents are disappointed, it's embarrassing to go through, it hurts and you feel horrid.
It WILL get better. You did the right thing.
While you are only 15, you made a choice to sleep with a married man. That you had always found him 'hot', was surely picked up on. While the infatuation continued, you did nothing to stop it, and consented to have sex with him. You had opportunities to stop, and you had opportunities to realize that if you did sleep with him, both your friend, and her mother would very much be affected by your actions.
That in NO WAY excuses HIS behaviour. As an adult, and you technically a child, laws are in place to protect children from predators. You, at 15, are not expected to have the maturity or life experience to protect yourself, in other words, you do not have the capacity to consent with full understanding, thus the onus is on him, and it the becomes criminal behaviour.
Regardless of your consent in other words, you are now dealing with a man, who has had sex, with a child. That is all you are dealing with, and you must step up, and stop him.
The consequences of your actions will probably be the loss of your friend, but the consequences will also be this man will be held accountable for his actions, and you could very well be saving other children from also being involved with him.
I would be surprised if this man hasn't had a history.
There is no option for you but to tell your parents immediately. It is their job to take appropriate action, and stop this man from pursuing you. Keep your texts from him, this is direct evidence.
While you may lose your friend in the process, it is a small price to pay, in the overall scope of things, to do the right thing. He will not go away, you are in way over your head, and like it or not, you have to deal with this.
Jake, please read the whole thread. She did tell her parents AND the police.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jake2008
My apologies- did not read carefully enough to see all the posts.
I am so so sorry for what I've done to my friend and her mum.I really hate myself for ever letting any of this happen
I'm so proud of you, what you have done shows that you're a strong person with the will to do right by others.
I know the next 3-4 weeks is going to be hard, but it is going to get a lot better, you just wait and see. :)
Very good job... SO PROUD.. :)
I'm sending you the biggest cyberhug-you did the right thing,Bella and I'm adding to the others praise,I'm so very proud of you!!
Things will be tough for a while,but you'll be able to handle it-you are a strong,good person who's grown up tremendously in the last couple of days.
Take good care of yourself.
I've been following this post since the beginning but have refrained from advising until now.
Bella,
The courage it took for you to face your fears and do what is right, far surpasses any courage I have or will ever have. You're a brave girl and you did right by a lot of people. It could have been easy to turn away from askmehelpdesk and do whatever you wanted, but you stuck with us as we stuck with you to help you, guide you, through a very unfortunate circumstance.
I know I speak for many when I say I wish I had the courage you do, as we know facing our fears can be one of the hardest things we ever do.
Your parents cry and are quite, but put yourself in their shoes. Some pediphile touched their little girl and forever altered her life. Give it time and you will see, how proud of you they are. For stepping up and speaking out against this horrible man.
Keep your head up, and know we're always here if you ever want to talk.
Edit: removed
Bella,
I, too, am SO proud of you. You are so much braver than many, and you have done a great service to yourself, to other young people, and (believe it or not) to your friend's family.
I know that you feel a lot of pain right now, and you don't feel like you're such a good person, but you ARE. You have done a very good thing owning up to what's happened, and you've gone to the right people for help in taking action for your mistakes.
Your parents love you, and you are their priority. Yes, they're disappointed; yes, they're hurt. But they have already shown that they will do what it takes to protect you and to make sure that you will be okay. You need to trust them and the police now.
If you need anything, we are here for you. Even if just to talk. Again, I'm so very proud of you and inspired by you.
Bella, we're still here for you too. You can ALWAYS come back to talk to us.
I think everyone here is so incredibly proud of you. I know it must have been the hardest thing you ever had to do.
Stay brave. You are doing the right thing. We're all here to hold your hand through it, too.
I don't see how things are going to get better.Things are always going to be different I've ruined my life I don't have my friend any more and I've ruined her family.None of our other friends will want to have anything to do with me.My mum and dad,well I don't even know what they think they probably are disappointed in me.My mum had to sit there and listen to everything.I might have to go to court and tell everyone what happened.How can things get any better.Mum wants me to go back to school tomorrow.I'm not going back.I can't handle all this I can't even tell my friend how sorry I am I feel so ashamed.I am not brave I'm just stupid getting drunk and sleeping with my best friends dad.****ing stupid
Has nobody mentioned counselling for you?
Where I live it would be offered to people who have gone through this sort of situation.
You made a mistake,your friend's father abused a minor,her family was in real trouble long before he seduced you.
I'm amazed that the Police didn't recommend that you speak with a professional mental health care worker.
But, of course, they didn't.
We can tell you over and over that this is not your fault but we can't make you believe that.
How will everyone know about this? In my area these things are NOT published in the newspaper but, if they are, the minor's name is not given. I doubt your friend is going to be telling people about you and her father.
I am still concerned about the alcohol that was involved. Are you allowed to drink alcohol? Do you normally? I'm not blaming you. I'm just wondering how the drinking came to be.
I agree. Counseling seems beneficial in this situation.
I'm going to fourth that counseling is necessary here. If the police didn't recommend it, ask your mom and dad for it. Tell them you need help to sort through what happened and why it happened and the more you try to do it alone the more depressed you get. This is what I see happening.
Honey, you NEED a counselor.
THIS WAS NOT YOUR FAULT!
Unless you tell them, your friends will not know.
Your best friend's family was in trouble before this even happened. YOU are nothing more than the straw that broke the camel's back. If this hadn't happened with you, it would have happened with someone else.
It WILL get better. Maybe not right away tomorrow, but it WILL get better. Please go to school tomorrow and talk to your school counselor about getting help to get through this.
The police gave me a number for SARC (sexual assult resorce centre) so I could make an appointment to speak to a counselor and some other number for victims support for if I have to go to court.Where I live nothing is a secret everyone know everyone's business kids all talk about it we hear our parents talk about, so I know people will know.I'm not allowed to drink alcohol my parents are very strict about alcohol,smoking and drugs but we do drink sometimes we were at my friends house drinking for her birthday her mum was visiting her nanna so her dad said we could drink as long as we didn't tell her mum.Stupid
If people talk,remember that gossips usually find something else to talk about after a week or so.
Of course he said you could drink,so he could set the scene.
That's what predators do.
Call SARC now and make an appointment.
I just wanted to say thank you to everyone for all the support and information you have given me.With out it I don't think I would have told my mum or gone to the police.I've been to counselling this morning and understand a bit better why it was important for me to tell my parents and why what happened wasn't my fault,although I still do feel as though it was my fault to,he should have know that it was against the law.My mum and me had a big talk,she said she isn't angry at me she is upset at what has happened and dissapointed in the choices I have made.She really wants me to go back to school,I don't really want to but I don't have much choice I'm a little bit worried about going back.But mum is right I am only 15 and it's important for me to finish school I just hope it will be all right.Now I just have to wait and see what happens.So thank you it means a lot that you all have taken the time to help me with my problem.
I just read through this whole thread and while I can't say this is a happy ending, it certainly is better than the alternative. I had a suspicion that your mum wasn't angry with you. If she was really ashamed of you, she wouldn't have hustled you off to the police as she did.Quote:
Originally Posted by bellaroo
The SARC counselor sounds like a solid professional. You were told a lot of the same things we have told you. Yes, you made some bad choices. But you have learned from them and showed a great deal of bravery for which you and your parents should be proud.
Yes your friend may never forgive you. But I can tell you with a great deal of surety that he would have been caught eventually. I am sure this would have happened again to another girl. Men like that have a compulsion that they can't resist. He may have been abusing your friend and she may, someday, thank you for turning him in.
But I believe you had NO choice but to turn him in. If you didn't he would have kept bothering you. Even if he didn't, you would always worry that he was abusing another girl.
So hold your head up high and go back to school. If anyone questions you about it, tell them you can't discuss it because it is a police matter and walk away.
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