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Originally Posted by N0help4u

I believe in doing just what you said by 'doing everything I could'. Thats what you do and take it from there. He may have had his reasons or it was just the way things went, but you take that step and let him know that you want to start over with having a relationship and getting to know him over again. If he doesn't take you up on it thats his loss. You shouldn't let what happened with your parents cause you to be untrusting, your dad has his side of the story too. Give him a chance.

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I'm sorry but this has nothing to do with my partents being together or what hapend, this has to do with the fact the man abandond his own daughter even after I still sent cards and letters and fathers day cards as a child. He is the one who stopped the contact with me, and like I said before and connot stress this ebough, my mum is wonderful and supports what ever decision I make or made about my dad, when I wanted to send letters, she helped, when I wanted to call him, she diald the number, when I wanted to change my name and not know anything more about him she got the paperwork sorted and stopped talking about him and if I wanted to speak to him again my mum would be there to hold my hand and suport me. My feelings about my dad are my own, they are not influenced in any way by what my mum or family feel about him or what hapend in the past between my mum and him.

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Well, Google for one or two or three in your area or town? Make some calls? Is there a hospital or clinic in the area that would know about social workers or counselors around there? Or priest/ministers might do counseling or know of good ones? Is there a public library -- the reference librarian might have list of area counselors.

Please post here again as you are looking for someone, and let me know how your search is going.

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Thank you so much you have been a great help, and all your clients are lucky to have you :) tomorro I will go to our library and doctor/council building. Again thank you I feel better than I have in years knowing I might be able to get past these issues and possibly have a normal relationship with people and maybe not be so cynical :)you have helped me realise its not having a relationship with my dad I really want now, its getting over the issues he left me with. I didn't even think that was an option. Truly with all my heart thank you xxx

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Originally Posted by tifforia

Thank you so much

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You are very welcome. Stay in touch!

(And I learned at least as much from my clients about life and love and relationships as they did from me. We always worked together to solve their problems and improve their lives. It was wonderful to hear them say, "This counseling and talking about stuff that bothers me was the best thing I ever did. I feel like a weight is off my chest.")

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

You are very welcome. Stay in touch!

(And I learned at least as much from my clients about life and love and relationships as they did from me. We always worked together to solve their problems and improve their lives. It was wonderful to hear them say, "This counseling and talking about stuff that bothers me was the best thing I ever did. I feel like a weight is off my chest.")

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I will :) is there anyway on this site for private messages I could give you my email address?

And I honestly cannot thank you enough, even with the help I hope to receive from the counselors, I will allways remember it was you who made me realise it was possible and take the first step

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Originally Posted by tifforia

I'm sorry but this has nothing to do with my partents being together or what hapend, this has to do with the fact the man abandond his own daughter even after I still sent cards and letters and fathers day cards as a child. He is the one who stoped the contact with me, and like I said before and connot stress this ebough, my mum is wonderfull and supports wat ever decision I make or made about my dad, when I wanted to send letters, she helped, when I wanted to call him, she diald the number, when I wanted to change my name and not know anything more about him she got the paperwork sorted and stoped talking about him and if I wanted to speak to him again my mum would be there to hold my hand and suport me. My feelings about my dad are my own, they are not influenced in any way by what my mum or family feel about him or what hapend in the past between my mum and him.

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All I am saying is give your dad one more chance and let him tell you why he quit calling. Let him know you want a new start now that you are grown and take it from there. I'm not saying anything about your mom. I am saying that we don't always know why adults make the choices they make and they may have reasons they do not explain at the time.

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Originally Posted by tifforia

And I honestly cannot thank you enough, even with the help I hope to receive from the counselors, I will allways remember it was you who made me realise it was possible and take the first step

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I want you to be a good consumer too. If the counselor and you seem to go off course, I want you to say so out loud. (You won't hurt the counselor's feelings, trust me!) That's what I've always told my clients -- if I am not in sync with them, please tell me because I want to do the best by them that is possible. I even told them to hold up their hand like a stop sign and say "Stop!" as my alert, our special signal.

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

I want you to be a good consumer too. If the counselor and you seem to go off course, I want you to say so out loud. (You won't hurt the counselor's feelings, trust me!) That's what I've always told my clients -- if I am not in sync with them, please tell me because I want to do the best by them that is possible. I even told them to hold up their hand like a stop sign and say "Stop!" as my alert, our special signal.

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Thank you I will remember that. When ever I have tried to talk to my friends about big stuff, if we do go off course I just let it go. I allways had a feeling that I was boring them or they didn't really want to listen, or they were thinking and wanting to talk about their problems even though I know that's not the case, its just hard

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Originally Posted by tifforia

Thank you I will remember that. When ever I have tried to talk to my friends about big stuff, if we do go off course I just let it go. I allways had a feeling that I was boring them or they didn't realy want to listen, or they were thinking and wantin to talk about their problems even though I know that's not the case, its just hard

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You as the client are the driver and the counselor is the passenger who will be reading the maps and watching the GPS screen. Don't drive the counselor into any dead ends or down side roads too often. Never hesitate to ask a question. And ask for homework. :D

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

You as the client are the driver and the counselor is the passenger who will be reading the maps and watching the GPS screen. Don't drive the counselor into any dead ends or down side roads too often. Never hesitate to ask a question. And ask for homework. :D

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I will try not to. I'm really looking forward to this (as well as being nervous) what sort of homework will I get? Also its like half 4 in the morning here so if I fall asleep I will reply as soon as I wake up haha

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Originally Posted by tifforia

I will try not to. I'm realy looking forward to this (as well as being nervous) what sort of homework will I get? Also its like half 4 in the morning here so if I fall asleep I will reply as soon as I wake up haha

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Go to bed and I will whip up a homework assignment for you for Thursday.

Sleep well. You deserve it, have worked hard tonight.

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Go to bed and I will whip up a homework assignment for you for Thursday.

Sleep well. You deserve it, have worked hard tonight.

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How will I stay intouch, just through these coments? And thanks again, I feel really good now and actually quite pleased with myself, I have a big smile on my face :)

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Originally Posted by tifforia

How will I stay intouch, just through these coments? And thanks again, I feel realy good now and actualy quite pleased with myself, I have a big smile on my face :)

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We're not supposed to go off the site or off the board, so let's stay on this thread for a while yet. Okay?

I'm smiling too and already thinking of homework for you. :D

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

We're not supposed to go off the site or off the board, so let's stay on this thread for a while yet. Okay?

I'm smiling too and already thinking of homework for you. :D

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Okay :) with it nearly being 5 am I really should now say good night :)and thank you I really do look forward to hearing from you again