Ask Me Help Desk - How do I get over my insecurities?

Quote:

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

You have no right to be insulting. You don't have a right to reply as you wish and you're welcome very much.

I guess you are outspoken. How's that working out in your life?

Apparently not too well.

Ok well you have a nice life I am a good person with serious issues that I am working on to help my attitude towards different situations and I appreciate advice in anyway and will try and accept them rather then insulting. Sorry to the user that I got rude with. I'm work in progress.

Quote:

Originally Posted by shygigglez

Ok well you have a nice life I am a good person with serious issues that I am working on to help my attitude towards different situations and I appreciate advice in anyway and will try and accept them rather then insulting. Sorry to the user that I got rude with. I'm work in progress.

We are ALL works in progress - nothing special there.

I do have a nice life. The sarcasm wasn't necessary. As far as the "only" offensive thing you called anyone was an a$$hole? And you not only think that's not offensive, you actually came back to defend it?

As I said - I was the adult victim of rape. It changes things. No one is here to hurt you. People are entitled (have the "right") to have opinions. Questions about porn and wives telling husbands they cannot watch porn are posted all the time - all the time! Not everyone thinks the husband should direct the wife's behavior... and the other way around.

As I stood in the Police Station following my rape I was asked what I had been wearing - what? And these are the Police?

It is difficult for me to understand why anyone is threatened or made insecure by photos or videos or whatever else of other women. You do need to talk to someone (which I believe I suggested some posts ago) to work on your insecurities. You are going to drive your husband away, possibly with your demands, possibly with your jealousy and insecurity, possibly because I think you shoot first and think second.

Based on your few posts you criticized a respected member of AMHD, a very respected member, who has helped thousands of people, including calling him names. You posted 7 times (I believe) before you took a shot at a long-time member who has posted 65,000 times. Your rating is in the red. His is not. That tells me something.

That is not a good way to garner sympathy and/or understanding and encourage anyone else to try to help you. I personally don't want to be the next person you take aim at.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

We are ALL works in progress - nothing special there.

I do have a nice life. The sarcasm wasn't necessary. As far as the "only" offensive thing you called anyone was an a$$hole? And you not only think that's not offensive, you actually came back to defend it?

As I said - I was the adult victim of rape. It changes things. No one is here to hurt you. People are entitled (have the "right") to have opinions. Questions about porn and wives telling husbands they cannot watch porn are posted all the time - all the time! Not everyone thinks the husband should direct the wife's behavior ... and the other way around.

As I stood in the Police Station following my rape I was asked what I had been wearing - what? And these are the Police?

It is difficult for me to understand why anyone is threatened or made insecure by photos or videos or whatever else of other women. You do need to talk to someone (which I believe I suggested some posts ago) to work on your insecurities. Yu are going to drive your husband away, possibly with your demands, possibly with your jealousy and insecurity, possibly because I think you shoot first and think second.

Based on your few posts you criticized a respected member of AMHD, a very respected member, who has helped thousands of people, including calling him names.

That is not a good way to garner sympathy and/or understanding and encourage anyone else to try to help you. I personally don't want to be the next person you take aim at.

And like I said I was was sorry but it seemed you didn't read that I'm not looking for any sympathy at all just a few things that would help my insecurities stop I am new to this and an used to people being rude and just a straight jerk and I did jump the gun to quick and you don't need to understand why I get insecure by the things I do that's why these are MY issues. I'm not going to be rude ill just try and take the advice As it comes.. sorry for it all immaturity I'm grown and I need to learn to take advice. That is the reason I posted so again I am sorry deeply.

Quote:

Originally Posted by shygigglez

And like I said I was was sorry but it seemed you didn't read that im not looking for any sympathy at all just a few things that would help my insecurities stop I am new to this and an used to people being rude and just a straight jerk and I did jump the gun to quick and you don't need to understand why I get insecure by the things I do thats why these are MY issues. I'm not going to be rude ill just try and take the advice As it comes.. sorry for it all immaturity I'm grown and I need to learn to take advice. That is the reason I posted so again I am sorry deeply.

No problem at all -

When Wondergirl drives to wherever you are for counseling sessions you can stop and pick me up and work with me at the same time. <smirk at Wondergirl>

I haven't asked but does your husband know the how/why/wherefor's of why you're insecure? Sometimes these things are difficult to talk about and, as I said, when the Police "sort of" blamed me for getting smacked around and raped it made me very wary of sharing with strangers and that lasted a very long time.

To this day I cannot sit with my back to a door - for example, in my kitchen one of the chairs faces my stove with its back toward the doorway into the hall. I can't sit in that chair. I have to sit facing the door or with my side to the door. I know it's a carryover but I've grown tired of explaining it to people (who probably think I should get over it.)

Quote:

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

No problem at all -

When Wondergirl drives to wherever you are for counseling sessions you can stop and pick me up and work with me at the same time. <smirk at Wondergirl>

I haven't asked but does your husband know the how/why/wherefor's of why you're insecure? Sometimes these things are difficult to talk about and, as I said, when the Police "sort iof" blamed me for getting smacked around and raped it made me very wary of sharing with strangers and that lasted a very long time.

To this day I cannot sit with my back to a door - for example, in my kitchen one of the chairs faces my stove with its back toward the doorway into the hall. I can't sit in that chair. I have to sit facing the door or with my side to the door. I know it's a carryover but I've grown tired of explaining it to people (who probably think I should get over it.)

I have told him about it when we had first gotten serious but in a way it feels to me that he thinks its something I should have been over a long time ago and that he will think its just an excuse for me being this way. I feel ashamed as well and that it is my fault it happened because of the situation I put myself in. :( and I do find myself crying randomly for reasons I don't know.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

To this day I cannot sit with my back to a door - for example, in my kitchen one of the chairs faces my stove with its back toward the doorway into the hall. I can't sit in that chair. I have to sit facing the door or with my side to the door. I know it's a carryover but I've grown tired of explaining it to people (who probably think I should get over it.)

That's a cowboy thing -- never sit with your back to the saloon door. (Just looked it up. It was Wild Bill Hickok, shot in the back of the head during a poker game, Deadwood, SD--I've been to his grave)

So when I pick you up, Judy, and we go to shygigglez' place, do you want counseling too, or are you going to contribute something? I heard you bake a wonderful apple kuchen. Maybe shygigglez has some vanilla ice cream to go with it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by shygigglez

I have told him about it when we had first gotten serious but in a way it feels to me that he thinks its something I should have been over a long time ago and that he will think its just an excuse for me being this way. I feel ashamed as well and that it is my fault it happened because of the situation I put myself in. :( and I do find myself crying randomly for reasons I don't know.

My very unprofessional opinion? I wonder if it's some form of post traumatic stress disorder.

You KNOW none of this was your fault. None of it. If you can't or don't say "yes," it's rape. Drunk, sober, high, straight - if you don't say "yes" or don't have the ability to say "yes," it's rape.

Everybody does not the smartest things, puts himself/herself in "situations." Sometimes we're lucky and nothing happens. Other times - not so much. I was young and single and living in NYC. Nothing could touch me. I was untouchable. We went where we wanted, how we wanted, when we wanted. When I look back I shudder. It's part of being young and thinking you are invincible.

It is NOT your fault. It's not an "excuse" for anything in your life. It's part of what has shaped you. If your husband loves you (and he apparently does), he will listen - he may not understand 100% or 1% - but he will listen.

Again - it is NOT your fault!