Hello. My husband is a dog person, I HATE dogs... (HATE!! ).

He wants a dog and won't shut up about it, I DO NOT want a dog. I am not willing to take on the responsibilities... I know what it's like to have to care for a puppy/dog... he does not. He couldn't take care of a goldfish, if that gives you a clue.

There is no way to compromise this issue, obviously. If we had a dog, I would be forced to take on a huge burden AND live with something I find just plain disgusting. Dogs are a huge responsibility, he just doesn't "get" that. And if we got a dog, I would be the one who would have to take on the majority of the responsibility.

What can I say to him to get it through his head? I'm sick of arguing about it. Whenever I say "No, I am not willing to take on a dog", he plays it as if I'm punishing him and the kids by keeping them from having a dog. He knew well before we were married that I HATED dogs, so no surprise there.

I would be most keen to know why you feel so much hatred for dogs... is it because of past experience? I have known people who hated dogs... but with time, they got used to dogs, and even became dog lovers. I'm just saying that not all dogs are the same, if ever one did hurt you. You should try living with a dog. I'm not saying you should have a dog, but for example, you can try visiting friends who have (a) dog(s) and try knowing more about them, how they usually behave etc. Give it a try, that cannot hurt. :)

What I would suggest is taking on the task of dog ownership for a while. You can do so by fostering a dog for a period. Bring it up that you are willing to "try" out the possibility of a dog. You can foster dogs at about any shelter. Let him know that the fostered dog is his responsibility.

If, after a few weeks goes by, he is still on top of the tasks involved with dog ownership and proves to be a good pet owner, you may reconsider your stance of getting a dog based on his lack of caretaking.

Make sure you go to the vet for a visit... let him see what that costs per visit... make sure he is keeping up on walks and grooming... try to do this without being too overbearing though.

Fostering will get the dog out of the kennel for a while and is a temporary solution and can prove his intent for being a good "parent". I have fostered numerous dogs and had good ones and bad ones... it tests your patience and it is a good way to see if you can handle the pressures of dog ownership. If it doesn't work out for any reason, you can return the dog. If he proves himself a good "parent", you may want to consider his point of view.

Either way, you have helped a dog in need... by either providing them with a good temporary home... or by deciding to permanently adopting it.

Why do I hate dogs? Um, well... it's deep. And believe it or not, it's gotten more intense with time. It's not going away, trust me.

I've lived with dogs before, hated it. Absolutely HATED IT!! My parents always had dogs, they forced me to care for them a lot. Not only did I care for them a lot, but I lived with them, their nasty smell, their hair everywhere, annoying habits like chewing and barking... I cannot tolerate it.

We have 2 little kids... I have enough responsibilities.

And once my kids grow a bit more, I am looking forward to a time with less responsibility... not MORE. I am finally getting some of my freedoms back since having crawling babies, then curious toddlers, and so on... I want to ENJOY IT!!

Oh, if your children are really young, then you may wait some more time. But if your hubby is willing to care for it, I mean, take all the responsibility (do the bathing, cleaning when necessary, etc), you could let him.

Clean dogs do not smell bad... :confused: And a well trained dog will behave...

epawls, I am not willing to live with a dog. My house is too small, and I don't want a dog in my house, period. I like my house to be clean, and an animal makes it NOT clean to me. Sorry, I just have zero tolerance.

Also, what do you propose I do when he is at work full-time? That is part of why I say that I will be the one taking on a majority of the responsibility. Because he is gone most of the day! So... therefore... I would have to potty-train it and take it outside (gross), feed it and stuff, and BABYSIT it... and not to mention deal with the smell and annoyance of it regardless of if he is home or not... so when it barks at 2 AM or chews up MY shoe, how can I ignore that or look [past it?

Look, I am just NOT willing at all to live with a dog, period.

LOL, ALL dogs stink to me!

My parents fostered many puppies for a blind organization, so I got to experience a quite intense training! Of course, the whole family had to participate in the training, because of specific words that were used at certain times and because of strict rules regarding what the dog was/wasn't allowed to do.

Maybe you should post something in the marriage area instead of dog, since it sounds like you are not going to budge on this.

Something like "My husband is pushing for the 'Deal Breaker' and it's too late to break the deal, we have children, What do I do?"

Passerby...

Just so you know you are not alone. My partner is like you, refuses them, not because of the responsibility but because of the OCD things, slobber, hair, smell, licking.

I am your hubby.

You are right there is not a compromise. Our house is not allowed animals and it does hurt me, but this is a battle he wins that breaks my heart.

Hold your ground... I gave in and have suffered from doggie hell. I already had 1 dog when I met my hubby, then he had it in his mind about puppies. I agreed to look , but not buy. He took a look at this one pup and he had to have it. We put down a deposit on him, but I changed my mind and told him no... he threatened divorce we did not get him... needless to say divorce would have been better. He is a money pit, sick all the time, naughty, troublemaker, can't go on a vacation without him, gets in the way or loving hubby, and has yet to ever kiss me (the dog)! The puppy is almost 8 years old!

Ok then... we can shift gears then... you are dead set on not having one... and he is just aching for one...

Well, I have learned that if something I want to introduce into my home has any kind of effect on the person I live with, the decision must be unanimous. If you both cannot agree on whether to get a dog (or whatever the stimulus is), then one of you is disregarding the feelings and emotions of the other. This is a huge red flag.

Explain to him that this type of decision has an effect on the both of you, thus you must both agree. I have found that it is better to avoid saying no, closing the subject and giving no consideration to the matter. Let him know that now is not the right time for you to assume parenthood of a dog. Let him know that you may not always feel this way, but you are making no promises of changing your mind. This allows you to say "no" without actually saying it. This attempt would satisfy most people.

In the future, who knows, your hatred toward dog ownership may change and you may, with some great timing and planning, get him an awesome birthday, holiday or anniversary gift some day that you can both enjoy... but only when you are both ready!1`

Well, I debated on putting it in the marriage section or here... I really just tossed a coin! On one hand, the marriage section seemed right because it is somewhat of a marital problem, but on the other hand it's a pet thing because much of what I want to convey to him relates to the fact that dogs are a HUGE responsibility in many ways (care, financial, liability... etc... ) so people in the dog section would certainly know all about that!

It's not that I don't like animals at all... I grew up on a farm, I worked alll day with animals. I love cats, I had a cat... but I had to get rid of it because it began making a mess in the house. Something psychological, I think, it just began refusing to use it's box properly.



I try to see it from his point, but it always comes back to the fact that I will be forced to care for the thing when he is gone at work and also let it live in my house (and EVERYTHING that comes with having a dog in the house), that's HUGE on my end.

I'd just ignore him but it's hard when he attacks me on the issue and makes me defend myself. Whenever he sees an ad for a free puppy or whatever, we have to rehash the whole thing... I'm sick of it.

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Originally Posted by passmeby

epawls, I am not willing to live with a dog. My house is too small, and I don't want a dog in my house, period. I like my house to be clean, and an animal makes it NOT clean to me. Sorry, I just have zero tolerance.

Also, what do you propose I do when he is at work full-time? That is part of why I say that I will be the one taking on a majority of the responsibility. Because he is gone most of the day!! So.....therefore....I would have to potty-train it and take it outside (gross), feed it and stuff, and BABYSIT it....and not to mention deal with the smell and annoyance of it regardless of if he is home or not.....so when it barks at 2 AM or chews up MY shoe, how can I ignore that or look [past it?

Look, I am just NOT willing at all to live with a dog, period.

LOL, ALL dogs stink to me!!

My parents fostered many puppies for a blind organization, so I got to experience a quite intense training!! Of course, the whole family had to participate in the training, because of specific words that were used at certain times and because of strict rules regarding what the dog was/wasn't allowed to do.

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I have to wonder why your husband is so intent on getting a dog when you're so adamant about not getting one.

Does he not care?

Why is he pushing this issue?

There has to be a compromise. Why not tell him to volunteer at the humane society? They are always looking for dog walkers, people to clean the cages, socialize with the dogs. He can have his dog fix and you can remain dog free.

I have three dogs, I love it. Yes, there can be mess, but it's easily dealt with. Still I understand that not all people can love a pet, love a dog. I don't understand it, but I can accept it.

Just tell him what you've told us. You cannot get a dog unless everyone's on board, only the dogs will suffer.

Don't get me wrong... I like dogs, just not this one, maybe because I never truly wanted him!

Unk, I sort of agree with passmeby. The person wanting the dog always renegs on caring. The person in the household who makes most of the decisions usually get to do the feeding, cleaning, washing and walking.

If passmeby doesn't like dogs, then she doesn't like dogs, that's all there is too it. I respect that. She knows her hub by better then we do.

Tick

This is another example where reading past threads helps make this particular issue more clear than it would appear to be.

It is not fair to either the person or the dog if the dog hates the person or the person hates the dog.

So don't get a dog. And if this has turned into a major problem in your marriage, go to counselling.

I never understand hatred of an animal, particular a species, but it is apparent from the responses on this thread that it does happen.

So don't have that particular pet.

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Originally Posted by passmeby

He wants a dog and won't shut up about it, I DO NOT want a dog. I am not willing to take on the responsibilities....I know what it's like to have to care for a puppy/dog...he does not. He couldn't take care of a goldfish, if that gives you a clue.

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So, why don't you compromise? Marriage is all about compromise. If you can't both work things out, its more like a mother-son/father-daughter relationship, where you live together but one makes all the decisions... (Don't even start! You know who you are.)

Here's an idea:
I say, make him a deal. Get him a goldfish. If he can take care of it, by himself, for an agreed upon time (say 3 months?) then get him a guinea pig, and if he can take care of that, by himself, then think about the dog. For the safety of the animals, if he can't take care of them, don't let them go, take them back to the store. :)

Good luck with this.

We tried that idea... it is a good one. But now beside the lovely java, "mad" max we have 2 birds, tons of fish, hermit crabs.

Personally I can handle a whole pack of dogs but keep a goldfish alive for a few weeks? Unlikely. I'm not terribly good with fish.

Rodents such as guinea pigs can also be a mess and require constant cleaning and the OP clearly does not want a pet that causes significant changes or smells.

Keeping this in mind I would suggest looking into something a bit more low key, yet unsmelly like perhaps hermit crabs or possibly something like a gecko.

I own a Leopard gecko and not only does it not smell and requires little cage cleaning, it only needs to eat a few times a week. Gentle and quiet it's a real winner in my book.

True, however, I was just trying to give an idea. It wasn't like "if you don't use these animals it won't work" type of thing.

I suggested Goldfish because it's what the OP mentioned. I suggested a Guinea because all of the reasons you said. If the husband can handle all of that without his wife's intervention, it relates more to handling a dog than, say, a leopard gecko. :)
I love geckos though!

Your suggestions weren't bad and handling a gecko is a far stretch from a dog like you said. In my experience though I've had an easier time taking care of adult, house trained dogs then keeping on top of Guinea Pigs or similar pets. They use the bathroom a lot more and I've always had the problem with them kicking bedding all over the place. It just worries me that if the husband does not absolutely stay on the ball 24/7 then it will only make the OP even less willing to consider trying a dog in the future.

I see your logic, HelpInHere, but how can there be a compromise here? That is what I'm trying to tell him, too-there's no way to compromise this issue. No way around it, I'd be stuck with a good portion of the dog's care (he has to work during the day, so who else is going to do it?) and I'd be stuck living with the thing and dealing with it's antics. So that's not really a compromise, that's more like a total defeat, but it involves a living creature, so yikes! No good!

I think in the case of getting pets, all parties should agree to take the animal on. Kind of like if it were a question of having a baby. No one would EVER tell someone who doesn't want kids to "just have one for the other person's happiness" or to compromise on that issue, so what's different here? As I said before, my husband knew there'd be no chance of a dog well before he married me, so...

I'm definitely going to hold my ground on this, I just wanted to post it partly to vent and partly to get ideas. Thanks for reading and responding, guys. I've got a pretty good response put together for next time! Thanks!

We do have some hamsters and a flock of chickens, but I care for those guys.

I absolutely do love animals, just not dogs and a few other critters. I grew up on a good sized dairy farm, and in addition to the cows we had all kinds of creatures here and there, esp cats! Got to have those "barn cats"! I was an avid equestrian, always had a horse. So it's not at all that I don't like animals!

Maybe your husband could volunteer at a dog shelter as a dog walker. He could go see the dogs when he has time and you do not have one in the house..

He wouldn't volunteer, no way. And he'd want to adopt them all anyway if he did!

Dogs really aren't as big of a responsibility as your making it seem. And you saying you have no tolerance for gross things that make messes doesn't make any sense to me, for your children probably drool, make messes, and fill up diapers which I would find way more disgusting than a dog. Your house is small? Get a small dog. Once it gets out of the 'puppy stage' they are much more independent and do not need to be looked after constantly. I really don't think hurting your relationship over your stubbornness is a good idea.

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Originally Posted by Twink24

Dogs really aren't as big of a responsibility as your making it seem.

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Some dogs are, some are not.

The trick is finding a good dog that can just lay around, be mopey and depressed until his master comes home (the husband) and still be calm and normal when the other owners are around.
That's how my dog is, I like it, except he won't play with me when it's just me... :rolleyes:

Get a cat. They are typically a little more hygienic, they sleep a lot, they don't really get in the way. They aren't dogs... consider the idea?

He doesn't care for cats unfortunately, so a cat wouldn't exactly stop the wanting of a dog! I personally love cats but I can't have one because I won't let him have a dog! LOL, so it does work both ways! But then again I never ask him if I can have a cat because I respect his position on cats.

Honestly, I'm not psyched on getting ANY animal right now. We've got the 2 hamsters for the kids and the chickens. I know, not exactly pets, but a responsibility nonetheless! I've got the most crafty chicken, "Frank", she (he?) gets in and out no matter what! So I'm not animal shopping or looking for a compromise... just looking for something to say to squash the asking for a dog all the time, that's all.

We're hoping to be able to do some travelling and possibly move very soon as well, so that itself doesn't lend well to a dog (or a cat, really)...

Twink, I'm not here to defend my feelings on dogs, OK? Some people just don't like dogs, and that's OK. My marriage isn't hurting over this, I'm just annoyed that he keeps asking, that's all. Esp since he knew long before we married that a dog would be out of the question!

That still doesn't sounds very fair to me. Marriage is about compromise. Let him get an outside dog, so you don't have to care for it? If you aren't hurting over it then what is the point in asking if for no reason other than to manipulate him. It doesn't sound like talking does any good if he knows how you feel and keeps bringing it up. He disrespects you by making you feel bad about not liking dogs, but is it really so intolerable that he talk about it, at least he hasn't just brought one home without caring how you feel.

I'm not saying any of this to offend you, I've just read through this post and it all sounds pointless. He's not going to get a dog because you won't let him. He probably talks about it just as much to express this desire as he does to annoy the crud out of you. (If he is anything like my husband that is.) I'd probably ask for advice too, because if my hubby did it all the time the only way it would end for us would be if I lost my mind and screamed and yelled at him until he FINALLY got his head out of his butt long enough to understand how much it bugged me.

That would be a pretty bad way of being forced into responding to the dog issue. I'd probably fail at this if I was in your position, so I guess I am just poking my hand in it to say I feel your annoyance and good luck. Yeah I know, pointless.

Hey, Chey, yeah, he probably does do it half to annoy me, but I'll tell you, I see this kid-like sparkle in his eyes when he asks, he really does think that one of these times I'm going to say YES.

Anyway, I don't believe in outside dogs, unless we're talking about completely free dogs on a huge farm (and we don't live on a farm! ). I cannot see a dog tied to a stake or in some little fence with a little house, barely ever getting any interaction. Sorry, but I find it a form of cruelty and I wouldn't allow it to happen!

Ah, well without knowing if you have a big fenced in yard or where you live I couldn't begin to tell you the answer to that one. But if it was an idea you were agreeable to if you did have a big fenced in yard, you could always tell him, you fence it yourself you can have an OUTSIDE dog. It COULD potentially solve the problem. My ex husband was like this about dogs too, and I told him no unless he took on the responsibility, he said OK, we got her, he never did anything to train her whatsoever. The day I watched her pin my 2 year old son to the ground I called a buddy of his and gave her to them, they had wanted her badly anyway. So men who want a dog they probably won't take care of get no sympathy from me. You might even be doing the dogs of the world a favor if he wouldn't care for the dog like he claims. Have him chew on that one sometime.

You're right. I know him, I know him WELL, and I know he won't properly care for the dog... and it'll get worse and worse as the "newness" of it wears off. Just like the weight set, the project truck, and so on! I know him so well, when he had to have this stupid wieght set (once again, wouldn't shut up about it! ) I made him sign a contract. I put in everything I thought would happen, and whaddya know, it all came true! Oh, I still pull out that contract and laugh and laugh!

He's the type of person who has this grand idea in his head but he's lazy and impatient. He probably wants a dog that'll walk by his side and chase a ball and ride alongside him in the truck, but that's not really realistic. And he's not thinking about the "work" part of it all and how much time it would take to get a puppy to become what you want it to, it's generally years before your dog calms down and behaves great and is most trustworthy. He's surely not thinking of what it's like to have to take the dog out to potty all winter long, or on rainy days. Or raking up it's poo in the cold or rain (or anytime for that matter! ).

Yeah, an outside dog would be an answer, but what's the point? He'll never play with it. We can't afford fencing for a dog anyway. And my luck, the thing will get loose and go on a crime spree!

Hahaha. A weight set is way different than an animal though, you are very right to tell him no when it comes to another life. A dog isn't a novelty toy, it's a living breathing chewing fluffy being that deserves proper care and a good quality of life.

Oh.. god... you should get him one of those electronic dogs for Christmas!

Here's a point. Show him this thread!
Maybe everyone agreeing with you will throw him off just a little bit! XD :)

At the very least, just print out the replies that AGREE with you! :D
That'll show him, lol.

I forgot about the weight set, so I'll just use that as my argument next time! ;)

Or I could tell him if he gets in real good shape and gets a six-pack he can have a dog. That might be considered a win-win! :)

Lol, good mindset! Live up to your old commitments before you try to start a new one! Lol

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Chey5782 agrees: I would SO do that next time he makes eyes at you about a dog. Cynics and Experts agree!
Passmeby agrees: LOL! Yeah, I could print it out, think he'd notice huge gaps and missing pages?

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I didn't expect a greenie, let alone two, for that post. It's all good, I'll take what I can get! :D

Besides, passme, that's what paint's for! Screenshot, cut out the posts that you don't want, drag the others to look like one chain, and copy paste the numbers to look like you didn't edit it! When you print it, your husband would be none the wiser!
Lol, anyway, it was just a joke.

I do agree. If he can't commit to something to better himself, *cough*weightset*cough*, then he would only, make life miserable for a dog. Completely agree with you there.

I am a little late for this thread but I will add my comments anyway :)

Definitely do not, ever get a dog! Even with the compromise.
No matter how much he begs and pleads, a dog should be brought up in a loving home, not with someone who hates it.

I don't think a dog would be happy in your home with you as the primary caregiver.He would sense your dislike and resentment and would probably suffer from any number of neurosis.
Dogs are very attuned to that sort of thing and your husband should know that if he is even considering a dog.
They are extremely sensitive to human emotion and he would not be happy.
That should be the bottom line,it would be a match made in hell and no one wins.

I agree that taking care of goldfish is different than taking care of dogs. I think he wants to get a dog because it is something people like to have as a part of good memories for then and their kids growing up. And you can't walk and play catch with other pets. Then when you do get the dog the other pets tend to get neglected more sometimes.
I think the kids will get stuck cleaning up after the dog.
If you do get a dog I'd get something like a Jack Russel and build it a big dog house outside so it has a place outside as well as letting him in the house too if that is possible.

I don't know... I REALLY loved my pet turtle. Until my dad set it free one summer while I was away because he was too lazy to care for it.