Hello to all my old friends here. I had to start a new post because the old one began to steer way off course. So to begin here I want to vent on how my lawyer is frustrating the hell out of me.

When I first went to her I was seeking somewhere near sole custody realizing I would wind up with somewhere near joint. But she just did her bare minimum working just enough to achieve the status quo. I had a lock tight case, and she blew it.

Furthermore, she gave away more visitation time than I agreed to. I had a written statement that my ex could visit on alternate Wednesdays... she gave the ex every Wednesday. On Fridays when there is no school, I get them until noon. But on Mondays when there is no school, she gets them until 5PM. And because I fought to put the kids in school with me, they gave her an extra 26 days during the summer. These are all things I didn't agree to, never received the document for review before it went to the judge, and never signed it. I'm not trying to keep the kids from their mother, I just want a fair resolution. With this plan I basically get downtime with the kids M/T/TH, while she gets
W/F/S/Sun, and most of the summer. This is not acceptable to me, nor do I think it is fair.
I feel like I was railroaded by both attorneys who just wanted to get through this case.

My first hearing is in a few weeks. Right now we are working on the financial part of the case. So the situation is getting sticky.
I want to talk to her about the custody thing, but don't want her to get too ruffled to care about the financials.

I want to fire my lawyer, and report her. But it is getting down to the wire, and finding a new lawyer, and getting one up to speed seems dangerous.

What are my rights here? Can I ask my attorney to file for a modification of the custody agreement? Would it be worthwhile going to another attorney?

You can certainly fire your atty if you think she isn't getting what you want. But remember divorce is a negotiation. Maybe she is getting you the best deal she thinks she can,

I would at the very least take it to a new attorney and see if there is something that can be done under the circumstances. It can't hurt to find out what another (or even a couple more) would say. Not having agreed and submitting "agreements" to the court without your signature at the least sounds like ineffective counsel. Since the divorce isn't final in it's entirety I would try now because afterwards it will need to be presented under a modification which will probably require a change of circumstance and be far more difficult if not impossible. You are paying for services that should be performed to the best of their ability and not explaining why and keeping you fully informed especially if they can't get you what you want is something you should be getting from your lawyer at the very least. So, take it to someone else and see if there is any possibility they can somehow file a motion to re-review or at least what you could do in the immediate future to rectify this. Good luck.

First your attorney can't give anything away, if you don't agree and sign it don't happen.

Next your attorney can not do any more or less than you tell or allow them to do.

You can see if you can get a time ( put things on hold) to allow you to get a new attorney. But in child custody, there is no "slam dunk" and even the best cases lose before some judges no matter what for some reasons

I also had an atty that I had heard was so good. Very hard to reach and her prices began to escalate and she prolonged everything. I ended up doing most of the papers myself and then she asked when I became an atty. Well, you do what you have to do when you have so much to lose! I was too far involved to switch at this time and it is very costly to get another atty and then start all over. I also realized during mediation how little she knew. I had become consumed with learning as much as I could. The mediators made major mistakes but in my favor and I never said a word. They scolded me for not settling sooner and afterwards they saw a smile on my face. The experienced mediator then asked me "said there was more wasn't there ?" and I only smiled. Because they forgot to mention other assets but the way it was worded in divorce, they became mine. I did not do this maliciously, but the courts do not look at fairness in a divorce. My ex was a drug user and I had supported him for years. He ended up with what they thought was 1/2 of estate in settlement. No fault and community state.

Good luck!

Your just getting started in this whole messy thing and if your already frustrated, you will be more so later I think it would help to look at the bigger picture, and get through this process of give and take. You will not get everything you want, your way for sure, since the other side is as determined as you are. You must understand that from the start. To bring in another attorney at this point for basically a few less days of visitation, may not be better in the long run, especially with property and assets still unsettled. Better to detach yourself for now, and wait for the final product, that requires your agreement. AND HERS.

Point taken Talaniman,

I have since taken many deep breaths. I'm still a bit upset about these things, but have
Decided to ride it out until after the initial hearing, which is in a few days.

If I am not satisfied with the final outcome what are the parameters of an appeal?

One other tidbit: The temporary court order stated that she has to give me the address
Of the new residence where my kids are staying. She has yet to give that to me. I have
Asked for it via email several times, and she just tells me to drop the kids off with her at the local market. Isn't this contempt of court? What are the consequences?

Quote:

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If I am not satisfied with the final outcome what are the parameters of an appeal?

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You don't appeal, you keep negotiating. This can go on forever.

Quote:

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Isn't this contempt of court?

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You report it to the court, and a judge decides.

Well, this divorce is winding down. I didn't get the kids as much as I wanted, and I wasn't thrilled about the money distribution. But neither was she. So I guess this is the nature of divorces. No one wins, but the lawyers.

A milestone happened yesterday. When I brought my kids out to meet the ex for her visitation she was standing there with her boyfriend. (If you have been following this mess
You'll remember this is the affair she swore she wasn't having as she secretly moved my kids in his house, and told the kids to lie about it). I had been wondering what I was going to do if I ever saw this low life. Would I knock him out, would I thank him for taking her off my hands, would I lose my cool? Well... all I did was give my kids a big hug and kiss, told them I loved them, and then walked away without even acknowledging the ex and her dork. I was relieved because it really didn't bother me at all. It was such an obvious
Attempt of my ex to do one or more of the following: She wants me to pine for her because her ego can't handle the fact that I got over it. Or she wanted me to lose my cool
So she could feel justified in abandoning the marriage and being unfaithful. One of my close female friends said that a woman will do this in an immature and selfish way of showing how happy she is with her newbie. My friend also said that this is her unconscious way of telling me that she misses me. (This sounds like a stretch to me, but who knows).

In any event, she is still playing games, and I am moving on. She is a bit angry because
I got the kids in school with me, so she has to pay ME child support. I definitely don't need her money, but it is great that she finally has learned that there are consequences to her actions. Maybe she just brought this guy around me to send out a feeble jab...

To your credit, you acted maturely and wisely. She can play all the games she wants, you don't have to. No one wins in a divorce, especially the kids, but we can ease the blow by acting like adults. Guess what? Your life has just started over, and you should enjoy it.

Just more frustrations. Not quite sure what to do...

My ex is driving around in a car that is in my name. She has been ordered by the court to
Make the payments, reimburse me for my contribution, and pay off the car.
So far she has not paid a dime. She knows that if the car payments aren't made it
Hurts my credit. So I have been forced to make the payments every month as well as her insurance. If I take the car back then I am going to lose money on the resale, and
She won't need to pay for the car. I helped her get this car a few years ago because her
Credit standing is 0. It's shot. She promised to keep up with the payments, but hasn't.
My lawyer sent a note to her lawyer to have her pay me immediately, per court judgement. But she still has not made any payment.

Is there anything I can do? How can I get this enforced? My lawyers only advise was to
Repo it. But I don't want to ruin the good credit I have spent my whole adult life building.
This is very frustrating...

Can this hurt her case when we go to the final hearing? She is also supposed to pay me child support because the kids go to school with me. Again... nothing. I wish this could
Help me gain more custody time with my kids.

There has to be something within my rights to have this enforced. I can go to Child Services Dept for the support, but can I go to them for the car payments as well?

Just a lot of uncertainties here...

I think you are misunderstanding something here. The car is in your name, you are paying for it. When your lawyer says repo it, they don't mean have it repoed they mean that YOU take possession of it. If she wants the car back, then she has to give get financing and pay it off.

Your only other option is to sue her in small claims court and get a judgement against her to garnish her salary.

I realize that I can take it back, but then she definitely won't make payments... I will look into small claims. Thanks

FAMILYMAN2, do you have an update you can share with us? How are your children? Are things amicable between you and your ex-wife? I know many of us would like to know how you have handled this difficult time in your life. Please post a message if you are looking in. Our thoughts are with you.

Delilah, great to hear from you. And thank you again and again for your concern and support during this low point in my life.

The divorce has been taking ugly twists and turns. She keeps threatening to take the kids out of the great school I put them in and take them back to her town. She make these claims of abuse and uncooperative negotiating. Nothing could be farther from the truth.
My gut feeling is that she is trying to get out of paying support, which is very little. She is also thinking more about her best interests before the kids'. The kids love their school, they are getting straight A's, they are making friends and becoming stabilized. I have not missed one day of getting them to school. Yet, she wants to rip them out of this to get them to school near her. This is a crime! And the unfortunate thing is that I fear that the courts are biased, and they might give her the kids no matter what.

She continues to use the kids against me. I got a flyer about a daddy/daughter dance. I showed it to my daughter and in her excitement she asked if she could be my princess for the entire weekend. When I asked my ex if we could do this she replied "no, you can take her to the dance, but that is all". I emailed her and asked her to reconsider, stating that this could be a magical weekend for a little girl to always remember. We would go shopping for a new dress and shoes, get her hair done, etc... My ex emails back saying, "your days of control are over. You will not use my daughter to hurt me and make me feel guilty. She went into ranting about all the bad things I have done (all untrue) and that I could only take her to the dance.

I emailed back saying that my intentions had nothing to do with hurting her. It was merely a weekend that our daughter really wanted. It had nothing to do with me or the ex. But she made it that way. And in doing this she used my kid to hurt me, and it hurt the kid.

This is just a sample of what is going on. I am dealing with a very irrational person, who is making all kinds of false accusations to take the focus off her and to make me look like the bad guy.

If you recall, I was the one who didn't want this. I wanted to save my marriage and family.
This whole ordeal was her choice. I even agreed to an amicable divorce for the sake of the children. But when I heard that she secretly moved my kids into the house of the guy she was having an affair with (and had been supposedly just a friend), told the kids to keep it a secret, and told my kids that I was basically a bad person, all bets were off. I couldn't stand by and allow this to happen. It was then that I filed with a lawyer, filed for an emergency hearing, and told my ex that I would be keeping the kids until the matter was resolved. I wasn't about to let my 6 year old daughter to live in an undisclosed home with some man I don't know! But to this day she still tells everyone that I kidnapped my kids because I was jealous and vindictive. I told her she could visit with them and talk to them as much as she wanted, but I would not allow them to go into that home until I was able to do a background check on this guy, and get to know him if he planned to be a part of my children's lives.

Anyway, I am going on a bit too much. But this gives you an idea of the torment I am facing. She is using the kids against me, she hasn't paid anything for the car (and owes me 5K), making all kinds of outlandish allegations, and is threatening to take the kids back.

Even with the major roadblocks an frustrations I have kept it cool mostly. I have lost it a couple of times and given her a piece of my mind, but I am only human. Right?

The final thing is that I am very frustrated with my lawyer. She is keeping me in the dark, making many mistakes, and doesn't seem to be really fighting for me. It seems like the other lawyer is taking a client with a poor case (ex) and is kicking me in the butt.
Whenever I try to bring issues up she either claims it was my fault or that my concerns are irrelevant. It is too late to change lawyers, I think, because we have reached the mediation stage. So I though I would just voice my frustrations here.

Sorry for dumping all of this in one post Delilah. But it has been a while, and a lot has happened. I could go on and on... But I won't

Thank you so much for caring.

Hang in there, buddy. All you can do is keep it real. Much luck!

I was so happy to see that you looked in and updated us! Thank you!

I'm so sorry that your ex continues to use your children to get back at you. And why she wants to 'get back' at you when you are the one who wanted to keep it together.. doesn't make any sense. Unfortunately, children are used like pawns in separations and divorces and made to suffer. It's so sad. No matter what anyone says, children will grow into adults and remember certain traumatic periods of their life. I have a neighbor who had gone through a divorce. His ex wanted to make his life so miserable because their 4 young sons clung to him and not her.. so she accused him of possibly molesting them. It was, of course, totally untrue. My point is that she didn't care how it would affect the boys.. or, how they would now think of their mother or father. The youngest boy asked what the word 'molesting' meant! That was 14 years ago. The wife didn't get her way.. the boys (now men) still 'hang out' with their dad.. their mom is off doing her own thing. She obviously didn't care what happened to her sons or what they would think of her.

I commend you for doing all that you can for your children, familyman2. I couldn't believe that your ex wouldn't allow you to make a fairytale/princess weekend for your little daughter after the father/daughter dance. It would have been perfect and something she would have always remembered. It was just a way to hurt you and not think about your daughter at all. So sad.

Continue with providing your children hours of happiness when they are with you. Know in your heart that as they mature they will remember their moments with you.. selecting certain special ones to remain in their heart. You are doing the right thing and you know it. You're not the game player.. your ex is. I hope that you will someday soon meet someone who will be nurturing to both you and your children.. someone who will love you for the person you are. Your children deserve that type of love, too.

Take care and post when you have a chance with any updates. Good news is always welcome! And, even when things aren't as you'd like them to be, it helps to talk (write) it out here. :-) You're doing a great job. Stay positive and strong. Your babies love you.

I have a friend who was divorced, way back in the 80's, his kids and mine are about the same age (now 30's). She moved a few states over and he spent a lot of time and money just to see his kids. As they grew up, and became adults his older daughter, found a box of letters he had written his kids through the years and was livid with her mom for not giving them to her. Both kids hates their mom to this day, and they have gotten close to their dad. The point is her nastiness now, will come back and bite her butt, so your job is very simple, be the good loving dad you are, no matter what she, or the court do, because your kids will always love you for fighting for them.

Thanks you all. Your support and words always keep me focused. By the way, the father/daughter dance was incredible. My little angel was beaming all night!

Now for some twist in the saga:

I just received a letter from my lawyer that the respondant's councel has moved and been adjudged to withdraw from the case. She fired my ex!

Sighting that she didn't meet her financial obligations and that there has been a complete breakdown in the atty/client relationship.

I can only imagine that the ex has stiffed her lawyer too. She has more than likely refused to heed her councel's advice, and has probably been her typical stubborn self.

So, what does this mean? Will this hurt her case? We are approaching the mediation, and I am wondering if this gives me a little more leverage realistically and psychologically.
She doesn't know that I know, and I will keep it that way. I don't want to take advantage of the situation, but this is a fight for what's best for the kids. And that is to keep them in the school they are in without the ex ripping them out and shooting for full custody.

Got to go. Kids are here!

I think this will slow the process down until she retains another lawyer. I doubt she gets full custody, as that seems a long shot given your actions so far, a very, very looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong shot.

I agree, this will allow your ex to postpone matters until she obtains new counsel. This leaves you in the same position until she does. I don't know if this is good or bad for you. If you need to hurry things, your attorney can try to hurry things.

I understand what you all are saying. I guess the delay might help me, being that the longer the kids are in school here the less likely a judge will allow the ex to remove them.

My question is a hypothetical one: Being that this is a small town and all lawyers and judges know each other, how big of a negative effect can this have on the exes case?
Won't other lawyers be hesitant to take on such a client? Is this something that happens often, where a lawyer essentially fires a client? I've never heard of it. How would you handle this situation if you were me? Are there ways to use this to your advantage?

Incidentally, we have filed with the court to have an expedited hearing to address this issue. Hopefully, we can get this rolling before another attorney enters the case.

I'm walking through the dark here, and learning as I go...

Take care!

There is always a lawyer to take her case, but they may require a big retainer. LOL! Your correct in assuming this helps your kids stay in school, but don't get comfortable, or cocky at this point in time. I put nothing past your ex.

OK... here's another strange twist...

My ex-to-be has seemingly vanished! She brought the kids back on Tuesday the 19th, and I have not seen nor heard from her since. I emailed over the course of the subsequent days relating to child issues and schedules. I didn't get any response. Then she didn't show up for her Tuesday visitation. Then the weekend came and another no show. Her sister called to see if I could bring them to her (claiming that my ex was coming home late).
I was very skeptical. The kids ended up staying with me anyway because they were invited to a local sleepover. I had emailed my ex during the week in reference to it, without one response. I ended up having them the whole weekend. Her sister called again Saturday morning to ask if I was bringing them to their karate class. I asked her where my ex was and she said that she was probably at her house. (Can you smell a cover up here?). I called the house... no answer, I called her sister back... no answer...

Then she missed more child visits this past week. And now it is another Friday, and I am supposed to bring the kids to her for the weekend. But she still hasn't returned any emails or calls. The kids will remain with me until this mystery is resolved. I can't call her family because they won't give me a straight answer; or the truth.

So I am baffled. She is in the middle of a pretty bitter divorce. She has not paid me the money the courts ordered her to pay. She has not paid her atty, who has recently withdrawn from the case. And now we are approaching the mediation stage.
She has picked a bad time to go AWOL. By not keeping me informed as to her whereabouts and by blowing off her custody time this can't look too good on her resume.

I guess it is ironic to be very concerned, however.

Weird, for sure, but you did right keeping the kids with you, and not listening to anyone else, as no telling what's up. She may just have needed a break after all those downturns she has been through. This is when you have to be more cautious, and alert.

Cautious and alert in the sense this could be a game she is playing? Or that she is planning to run off with the kids, or spinning this against me, etc..

If she is taking a break it is a break from her kids as well, and I personally would view this as anything but a break. But she can be irrational, so anything is possible.

Has she been incarcerated, or institutionalized, or severely injured? Who knows... I really hope it isn't the later.

It could be anything. I hope its not serious, but be alert as her history suggest she is devious.

Definitely something is going on and her sister knows what it is since she has called you. Your sister-in-law even said she would be arriving home late and/or was probably at home. For whatever reason, your soon-to-be-ex-wife is in touch with her sister. Have you alerted your attorney to what has been going on.. for the record? Yes, I agree.. she definitely has been devious in the past, so you must be careful. Keep your attorney updated. Don't allow anyone else to have your children unless it is clearily specified in writing somewheres that you are to do so. Make sure your children know NOT to go off with anyone while at school (when not in your sight). Please keep us updated.

Right... I will not take my eyes off them. Great idea about getting in writing as to where I should take them. I don't think I will accept letting them go with anyone but my ex.
I did leave a message for my lawyer on Friday. She is very difficult to reach, but at least there is a record I called in referernce to this latset issue.

I called her sister again yesterday, and tried to get an answer. Her response was that she doesn't really speak with her sister much because their relationship is not very good. This may be true but I find it hard to believe that she is unaware as to her sister's whereabouts.
She also said it was my fault for not droppong my kids off with her last weekend (the accorn.. ). I just let that one go. I kept pushing for an answer but got nothing.
I am considering filing a missing person's report. Maybe they will get some answers.

If my ex happens to just return to earth and ask for the kids, what should I do? What questions do I ask if any? Do I just return them with no questions asked? Do I return them without getting something in writing, etc..

Beyond the agreed upon visitations, just say no. I doubt she will give any answers. Letting your lawyers know what has happened is prudent, and assuming she still works, you will always be able to track her down. Just do your homework, and be discreet in what you do. Be a good idea, to know something about this fellow. I honestly feel she was just going through her sister, to get her kids for a regular visit, and keep her whereabouts, secret from you, but staying alert, can't hurt.

My lawyer said to go on about my business and enjoy the kids. The ex is an adult (supposedly), and is responsible for her own actions. While this may be true the fact remains that she is missing. Is she in jail? The hospital? In hiding? Building up a plan?

Who knows!

The fact also remains that she has a vehicle that is in my name. I have paid the last 6K on this, plus insurance. Shouldn't I be concerned about the car too? My lawyer says not to worry about anything, but she isn't paying for a missing vehicle. I suppose it will all play out at some point when and if the ex returns. It is just difficult to be shelling out that cash as well as paying for a mortgage, rent, lawyer, kids, etc... There's got to be some kind of relief offered by auto loan companies. :} yeah right!

Bottom line: I love having my kids full time. This is great. I guess... I would like to know how long the ex will be gone, so I'm not wondering from day to day when this dream will end. Don't get me wrong, I am still concerned for the ex's well being. I hope she isn't hurt. Anything short of that is more than likely what she deserves.

Guess who came back from the dead?

She did it in typical fashion too. Instead of letting me know she was back and the wheres and the whys, she just went into the kid's school to tell them she was back and would pick them up after school. She used the kids as messengers! She told the kids she was in the hospital with a blood infection. She couldn't call the kids because she left her phone at work. (I didn't realize hospitals don't have phones!). It is also odd that her sister, who lives four miles away was unaware that she had been in the hospital for two plus weeks.
This is a fishy story at best. She also told the kids that (if) I had dropped them off with her sister last weekend they would have been able to see their friend, and would also have been able to know where she was. Fishy... She is using and manipulating the kids like a pro.

I'm not sure if it matters whether she is lying as to where she was. If she was in the hospital or jail or on a vacation is not as significant as the fact that she did not communicate with me. How can I trust her to be a competent and reliable coparent?

I alerted my attorney about this and she asked if I wanted to modify the court order to restrict her visitations until the final hearing. I think I should, but I would also like to try to become the kid's legal custodian.

It seems pretty irresponsible to me that this mother, who supposedly loves her children, would not find SOMEWAY to contact them over the course of two weeks. The children depend on consistency.. and if 'Mom' usually picks them up on so and so day at a specific time... they count on it. Then suddenly she's not there and WITHOUT an explanation? With the turmoil their young lives are already going through, the last thing they need is a parent not 'being there' for them (in more ways than one). They could think she could do that again in the future. Yes, I agree... a very lame excuse not having access to a phone to contact ANYONE? Couldn't she have asked the nurse to call.. a visitor visiting the patient in the next bed... her sister.. a hospital pay phone... her lawyer? What if she had the kids with her when she developed this blood infection... where would they have gone? In my opinion, she didn't seem too concerned. A mother is like a pit bull.. a raging bear.. when it comes to protecting her children and looking after their welfare. Disappearing for two weeks and not contacting them through some way shows a huge lack of concern, in my humble opinion. Stepping down off my soapbox now. I hope you get total custody, familyman2. I would think this last shenanigan on her part would work in your favor. Just my 2 cents.

My thoughts exactly Delilah. I still don't believe the hospital story. It doesn't add up. Maybe she went in for a day or two, but not two weeks. It's likely she went on a trip but didn't want all the people to whom she owes money to know about it (especially her ex-lawyer, who withdrew from the case due to non-payments and atty/client issues).
She could have received a week or so in the slammer for a bench warrant, or something else, that caught up with her. In any event it was irresponsible. Who knows what her next special event will be... but I'm taking bets!

One last thing. I treat this thread like a journal so I need to write for therapeutic reasons. There is never a need to reply, but I always, always appreciate the support and wisdom I get from my e-guardians... most of all from Talaniman and Delilah. You two have been walking with me the whole way. You're great karma!

So to end my daily diary, I was a little peeved when I dropped off my kids this evening. I pulled into the driveway and got out of the car to let them out. I forget what was said first, but then my son got out and said I wasn't allowed in the house! I don't care if my ex doesn't want me in her house, I do care when she tells my kids this. She doesn't get it that this effects the kids more than it effects me.
It's more attempts on her part to sabotage my relationship with my kids. I was put off at first, but then I realized that she is losing the battle and all she has left are cheap shots.

And she will NEVER take away the bond I have with my two angels.

It seems as though she WAS in jail. She was picked up and detained in one state, and then was extradited to the state where she was a "fugitive from justice". Not quite sure how long she was in, and what the exact charges were, but I assume it was a 10-14 day lock up for passing bad checks.

I kind of feel sorry for her on one hand. It must have been a terrible ordeal. But hopefully this will get her to be a little, I mean a lot, better at paying her debts.

On the other hand I would like to use this info to get legal custody. I want to be tactful about it, and not boastful. In a humble way I just want to point this out as a firm reason why I should be the decision maker for the kids. I'll pass this to my lawyer and see how she handles it.

The hearing went well yesterday. The judge ordered her to pay me back for the car payments I have been making on her car.

She got a new lawyer. Some loud mouth guy. He began with her two days ago and was professing to know the entire case. He doesn't realize the lies she made on her statements and evidence report. He is backing her up 100% without really knowing the truth. My lawyer said he was just blowing smoke.

The biggest lie of them all goes like this: On Nov 5th, she owed me $4715 for car payments and other reimbursements. She sent my daughter into my home with two checks, one for $1500 and one for $1200. She had a note accounting that this was all she owed me. I ripped up the checks in little pieces and handed them back to her. I said she has to pay what the court ordered, not what she feels is the correct amount.

This issue was brought up at a hearing in January. She stated that she paid me checks for $1500 and $1800. (a lie) and still short of what she owed at the time. So it was established that she still owed me that amount.

OK, so yesterday at the hearing, we got a copy of the checks (exibit A). This was so funny. It was obvious that she just wrote new checks and ripped them up. First of all she got the date wrong. It was nov 5th, but her check was written for nov 7th. Also the checks were ripped in four even sized pieces. There were other tell tale signs, but her lawyer was adamant that these were the originals. He doesn't realize he is being had. My lawyer said it is no big deal. The issue was closed anyway. I want to get that lawyer to see he was wrong. I am thinking of asking to get a finger print test done. I want him to see he has a deceptive client. This will lower his trust in her testimonies and should help my cause.

What do you think. Any other ideas?

In the future please keep any documentation, such as checks and receipts, and make sure the lawyer has copies. Her lawyer doesn't care about anything but his fees, and the outcome is not his worry, so forget THEIR motives, and actions, and do as your lawyer says, FORGET revenge, her actions are irrelevant. Act in the best interest of your kids, and Protect them from BS, in other words, keep your cool, no matter what she does. Taking the high road, will get you through this, so do not stoop to her level, or take your eyes off the real goal, a healthy, caring life for you and your kids. As always much luck.

Agreed. And I was already wrist slapped by my lawyer for not making copies of the checks. In my feeble defense, she blind sided me. It was 8AM Monday morning. I am shuffling about getting the kids ready to take to school. It was then that the ex delivered the checks. She knew I was very busy, and it was too early to contact my lawyer. I just didn't feel I had time to copy these. In hind sight I blew it. But I was also concerned that if I took the checks than it would possibly mean I accepted her accounting. If I just handed the checks back she would have cashed them and said she paid up. The only thing I thought to do was to rip them up so small she couldn't tape them up. This was the last time I let her get to me. I learned from it, and have not taken any of her bait since then.

By the way, she has told her ex-lawyer, and her new lawyer that she was in the hospital for the past two weeks. She doesn't know that we know the truth.

Anyway, I guess I was looking to get proof that she rewrote new checks so it would get her lawyer thinking twice about her claims. And then when we get to the custody hearing in April we can unload the truth about her true whereabouts. It will make her and her lawyer look pretty bad in front of the judge.

I am not looking for revenge. I AM trying to get the best custody arrangement for the kids.
Doesn't this all tie together? If we can show her irresponsible and deceptive nature wouldn't that give me the edge in getting the proper custody? I am all for taking the high road. I never talk bad about her in front of the kids, nor do I ever put them in the middle of our divorce. But when the other side isn't playing fair, shouldn't we take every advantage we can get (bad checks, lies, jail, etc)?

There is no need to take advantage, since she is going to hang herself. That's the sweetest outcome, as I see it, when the enemy shoots themselves. And she will. Stay alert though.

Hi, I am now Familyman20 because I got a new email address.

Anyway, Talaniman you were right. She continues to amaze us.

Last week she was three hours late for her visitation, and this week she never made it. She called last week saying she would be late, and then again, and then again. Finally she shows up with one hour left of visitation. This time she called right at the time she was supposed to be here, saying she was tied up and running late. I asked when she thought she would be here and she said she didn't know and asked to talk to the kids. They were outside playing so I said I would let them know she was running late. She asked for me to have the kids call her. I said I would. I gave the kids the news and then played the clean up role... again. I need to calm them and assure them that it is not their fault. I got fed up with this and then took the kids to the park. I figured she would call back when she had an idea of an ETA. She never called back and never showed up.

Was I wrong not to have the kids call her? Every time she is late she gives the kids some sob story and gets them upset. I wanted to protect them from this, so I gave them the news of her status instead. They handled it fine and we had a great time. Why should I have risked that by letting her upset them. If she wants to talk to them or have them call her it can be under normal circumstances, not when they are wondering why their mom hasn't come for them. I had no intentions of hurting her by keeping her from talking to the kids. Although I am sure she is thinking this. These things are always my fault. Whatever I do is the crime. But she never realizes that she is the catalyst for the conflict. If she would have just showed up when she was supposed to show up, or at least kept us informed, there would have been no need for me to do what I thought was best for the kids; right or wrong... sensible or not.

Finally, at our last hearing in February the judge ordered us to mediation. The mediator called me to set up a date for the meeting. I said I could make myself available at her convenience. We settled on this coming Monday. I told her I would be there ready and willing to negotiate. However, the mediator called yesterday to cancel the mediation because she never got a reply from the ex. She said she was going to tell the courts that I was cooperative and available, but the respondent was not reachable. Our next status hearing is next week and I will assume that the judge will be angry that the mediation never took place. She wants to move these things along. I just hope she doesn't get mad at me as well. Or maybe this will work in my favor... we'll see!

This also could be a sign that the ex wants to go straight to a trial.

Right now I am just asking to be the legal custodian for the kids. I am not try to get sole physical custody (perhaps 60/40). But I want to make the major decisions for these kids.
The cards are stacked against the dad, but this could be an exception. In any event I am cautiously optimistic and on alert for any of her tricks. Her new lawyer is a real obnoxious snake. He is buying all of her testimonies. My lawyer told me to keep my cool and not to let him get me ruffled.

So, wish me luck. I'll post again after the hearing.