I was in a relationship (live in) with a single mother for over four years. When we first started dating, her son was about a year old. For all the time we were together, I accepted him as my own. I grew attached to this little boy. We fished. We camped. We did all the things that his biological father "wanted to do", or "tried to do" on his once a month weekend.

When the relationship ended, on good terms, the hardest part was saying goodbye to her son. It broke my heart. It broke HER heart. I stayed in contact for a year or so. Until I met my future wife, and kind of faded apart. I still see him in town. He's going to graduate this year. He's a good kid. We share fond memories. He still remembers me, and certain events.

You see, you simply cannot stay on for the children. Especially when you have no blood obligation. He's abusive and hateful. He's using you as a nanny, cook, maid,. there's no telling what else.

Go be happy.

You can always try to stay in touch with the children. For a while at least.

I know the pain. But I also know the joy of marrying the RIGHT person for me, and having two wonderful healthy sons of my own to love.

May God help you find happiness.

Someday, you will meet another man, and you just may have kids of your own. And they will be blessed because you have already proven what a wonderful caring mother you can be. And your new husband will love you for who you are. So give yourself that chance to have the life you want. If his kids want to be part of your life in the future, then hopefully they will be allowed to make that decision. But there is nothing you can do about that. But what you can do is follow your heart, and I think your heart is telling you to end your marriage.

Sadly it sounds as though he didn't learn anything from why his previous marriages did not work out.
You certainly have not given up without working at trying to make things better.
An option to consider could be a trial separation, along with the continued counseling, and see how it goes. But if you don't feel it would make a difference, if you have basically come to the decision that it is time to move on, then that is what you need to do.
In time you will likely meet someone who is stable and who does want to have children with you. In the meantime, if it works out for all involved, you could continue to remain in contact with your stepchildren.

Wow, I have followed your posts through a lot of your hard times, and wish you could keep the kids, and divorce the husband, as you took on a lot, and worked hard, and it would seem he is should be happy, and grateful to have found you. He is not, and for whatever reason he can't appreciate his good fortune, its clear he doesn't deserve you, and honestly you don't deserve such a fellow as he is.

I guess that long ago love has been replaced by reality, and its time to go. I hope your next romance will be better, and you get all the facts about him before you make the choice to marry him.

It looked good on paper, and seemed so right before, but you did ignore some real red flags along the way, and jumped in rather fast. Clearly a mistake given the outcome, but its time to finally let this go. He has too much healing, and growing to do to be a good partner.