The issue is in short. I am in the process of filing for divorce. I filled out the papers and I'm going to file on December 23rd my next day off work. The problem is he will not leave the house. The house was mine before I met him and neither one of us are confrontational people. He moved into the guest room but I used to do everything for him. I'm an enabler and I married someone who had nothing to offer me but I accepted him as he was. Now that I want to move on. He says he has no place to go because now the girlfriend is no longer interested either plus I was the breadwinner. Anyway, he keeps saying I don't know why you are so angry and that makes me angry. I work two full time jobs so I don't see him that much but the weekends are really hard for me. I just want to know how do I just ignore him without being angry. I know I need therapy huh? Thanks for any suggestions.

He can legally live there until you get to divorce court and the judge issues a order for him to move out. Sorry, stop doing anything for him, you can even lock your own food up separate.

And to your question, how to stop being angry, start by trying to stop caring about him.

Unfortunately, you can't really just stop being angry at him for what he did. The best you can do is try to cope with it, deal with it. Try to keep yourself busy and just try not to think about it too much. In time you will be able to let it go and move on with your life. It won't be entirely easy but you will make it through this. Believe in yourself and stay strong.

Good luck to you.

I too would be anger under those circumstances, having provided a house, being the breadwinner with two full time jobs, after accepting a husband as he was, only to repay me with cheating and antagonising foolish comments thereafter!

If by law he is permitted to stay sheltered and provided by you, I would keep it civil and simply provide the basics, noting all contributes, receipts and incidences etc. in a journal. There is no point sinking further into the depths of anger because of him. He is oblivious to the angst he has caused you! Plus he perhaps knows no better as he has been enabled throughout -

Alternatively, if he will not leave the house nor in the meanwhile live civilly, I feel your agitation and entrapment with having this constant thorn in your side. Here I would confront the situation by presenting him a short letter – setting out your personal boundaries, as mentioned. No face to face confrontation required and it will help you from enabling him any further.

Setting Boundaries -
If you - a description of the behaviour we find unacceptable (again being as descriptive as possible.)
I will - a description of what action you will take to protect and take care of yourself in the event the other person violates the boundary.
If you continue this behaviour - a description of what steps you will take to protect the boundary that you have set.

Consequences
Example continued
If you keep repeating this behaviour, I will start considering all of my options
If you repeat this behaviour, I will consider it to mean that you do not care for my well-being or deserve my attentions and I will withdraw –

It is also important to set consequences that impact the other person more than us.

Why stop being angry with him for cheating? If you stop you will go back to being an ENABLER, and taking care of his needs again, so he can cheat again.

Stay MAD until he is GONE!!

Thank you everyone. I really appreciate the feedback and believe me it really helped me.