I lost my mother three days ago,although I am 40 years of old but can't cope with my mother lose ,I found her dead sitting in her chair after I returned from shopping ,so she was alone when died and this really scares me ,I feel that I never can deal with her absence,Im afraid to close my eyes and sleep because I might see my mother complaining from dying alone I have feelings of sadness and depression and I really need help.
Shakeh

Any time we lose someone we love we have a process of grieving that has to be gone though.

Death is a part of life, we all are born and we all will die at some point.
Since she was sitting, it shows she went peacefully and most likely you would have merely though she had fallen asleep if you have been there, and would then try to find some other way to blame yourself, (needed to be in the room, needed to be this or that)

And why would it scare you, a person can not be attached to another 100 percent of the time, we each have duties, jobs, shopping, car repair and the such that has to be done. That is merely part of life.

You miss her company and this is normal. If after a couple of weeks you are still having such serious issues, then you need to get professional help to follow though with the process of grieving.

I hope you have family and friends near you who are trying to be with you now. You need the company of friends and those that love you. Do not turn it down if they are offering.

I with true Peace for you Shakeh.

HI,
I am sorry to read about your Mom dying.
As other answers have said, please talk with others, face-to-face about it.
Talking in person always helps. I went through this many years ago with my own parents; about a year apart.
We cannot determine how we will die (unless of course, it's suicide). We do not know if others will be around, if we will be alone, or what the circumstances will be; unless it's in a hospital, and nothing can be done, knowing the end is near.
You didn't know this would be happening, so there is no need for you to be stressed out about it.
Can you talk with a Minister, Priest, Rabbi, or anyone about it?
You really do need to talk with others, and come to know there was nothing you probably could have done, or known about.

Hey, I know how you feel. I really do. I'm 16, but I lost my mom about a year ago, and my dad about 4 years ago. My dad was alone when he died too. I blamed myself even though he died of cancer, because the one night in really about 6 months, I actually went to sleep, he died.and I felt so bad for leaving him all by himself to go, and for about 8 months I couldn't sleep well, because I had dreams where he was calling for me to help him and I could never reach him or if I did my grip would slip and he would fall.but you can't blame yourself. It will take some time to deal with no matter what your age. The only thing you can do is talk to someone who can sympathise with you. And just know that your mom is so much better off. She's not hurting and she's happy, even though I know she misses you, and you miss her, but one day the two of you, and anybody else you miss will all be together again, and there will be no more saddness, or pain and it will last forever. I'd love to talk to you if you just need someone 2 listen to you.

Dear Shakeh

I really do feel for you at this very sad time. I lost my mum last June, and It affected me very badly. When you are alone, you may find it helpful to talk to your mum, either aloud or in your head. Tell her how you love her and miss her, and how you wished you could have been there when she passed.

Know that she understands this.

My mum died in the hospital at 5am. I had just left her at 4am.

The heart never wants to let go of the physical. I hate that your heart is broken. I think right now you might want to gather a few of your mothers things and say goodbye. Just take a little time outside looking at her things in the sunlight. Remember her alive with these things. Maybe a hair brush, her favorite pillow or blanket. Hold them, talk to them, she will be there to hear your goodbye.
Do not feel sad over her dying when you were not there. She did this for you, so you didnt have to watch her go. you will always be a part of each others lives here and in the after life. Do not be sad, she possibly is another persons child right now. Born again into bliss.

Hypatia

Thanks a lot for all af this wonderful answers,it is really good to know that the people hearts are with you .Thanks again...

I understand what your going through although noones feelings are truly alike. Everyone deals with death differently. I lost my best friend, my life, my all, my mother last year myself. It tore my world apart being only 20 at the time. I went through the same thing you did with the thought of having a dream. Every time I closed my eyes I saw her taking that last breath. I had dreams about her every time I slept which would wake me up sobbing, I still have dreams about her, but now I kind of enjoy them I guess it's my way of thinking she's still here with me. She will always be in your heart her memory will never die in your mind. The best thing I found with coping was talking about it like someone mentioned. Just remember to take your time in the healing process there are so many stages and find whatever is most comfortable for YOU not what someone else thinks you should be feeling. I once thought that time healed all wounds, but this is a wound that will never heal for me. Remember that she is still there with you, talk to her tell her you love her she will listen. I know I felt so many emotions; anger, frustration, sadness, guilt, happiness, etc. Just take your time in the healing but I do know beating yourself up over it isn't the best just know your mother wouldn't want you to do that to yourself. Things will be OK, if you need anyone to talk to your more than welcome to contact me. :)

I am only 13 I lost my father two weeks before my 11th birthday
I think we all always blame ourselves inside I know I do
There is nothing we can do
Maby sometimes it relly was parshly our falt but it was an acsident and we could not help it in your case I do not think it was at all you falt so never blame yourself it was not in my case ether but I can't help but blame myself some times your mother lived a long life and every one must go sometimes we just must be perpared for it and understand that we all new it was going to happen eventually we just did not want to admit it to ourselves

My condolences to you Shakeh and welcome to the motherless child club; it does get easier with time. Simply put, I missed my mom very badly until one day I looked down and saw that my hands were her hands and now I know she is with me in many ways.

Thanks for your kind words and sympathies...
Nearly two months passed since I lost my mother.. again I am missing her physical presence in every corner of our house and everywhere we were together and again that feelings of sadness and emptiness is back again.. I saw my mother several times in my dreams she was resting peacefully and many times told me that every thing is just fine and that you don't need to worry about me ,this is really good and I feel better now..

No matter what age you are, you had a mom you lost

*big hugs*

It must have been very heavy for you being the first one to discover her.
I'm so sorry for your loss of someone so close to you

It must feel at least some what relieving that she is telling you she feels at peace

Hi.. I don't know what it feels like to lose my mother... but I know what its like from my best friends point of view..
My best friend lost her mom almost two years ago to breast cancer... every night my friend would sleep on the couch which was close to her moms room so when she(my friend) woke up in the middle of the night she could check on her mom and the machines and such... Well one night my friend fell asleep.. and when she awoke something bad had happened... the nurse told my friend and her family that her mom would have at the most a week to live... but her mom only lived for a few more hours... I was really close to her mom.. my friend and I have been friends for over 11 yrs.. we are both 18 now... But she blamed herself for her moms death because she had fallen asleep.. but you can't blame yourself because nature took its course... yes you will miss you're mom greatly but just know that she is looking down on you everyday and she is by you're side in everything you do.. I don't even like to think of losing my mom.. it scares me to think that one day I won't get to call her or anything anymore... and no one is prepared for it.. but like I said just know that she is there with you no matter what you do! I hope this helped ease you're pain.. even if just a little!

Thanks pennybot and BRiGRL for your sympathy ,it is nearly four month now lost my mother,Im crying everyday and sometimes really don't understand how is life going on for me after my mothers death ,I was too attached too her although I'm 40
Im missing her more and more ,and you want to Know the truth I don't want the time to pass,because I want to remain closer to my my mother memories Im afraid to lost them or to forget them ,I had a wonderful time with her,I just can't imagine to live the rest of my life without her.

You will never forget her. Some memories might fade while others might come to light, being triggered by something else. I think it is all right to grieve as long as you are still able to live your life. Your mother would not want you to be so sad. She probably spent most of her life trying to give you the best and making sure you were happy, now is not any different. I don't know your beliefs in the after-life, but I'm sure she is around you all of the time. You will get to see her again. She would want you to be happy. Cherish your memories and enjoy what time you are on the earth. If you have children, tell them about her. She will always be alive in your heart. Please don't feel guilty. She is definitely in a better place. Take care.

Thanks aqua@home for your kind words.
Im christian I believe that there is a life beyond the phisycal body ,but this days sometimes I feel very sad that want to feel my mother to speak with her,Im missing her pyisical and spiritual presence that always was a comfort for me ,sometimes I want to join her to be near her whenever she is but I know I can't .
Thanks for your symapthy it was a comfort.

You are welcome. When you feel that you want to talk to your mom, do it. She will hear you. God will hear you. You are not alone. I lost someone I was very close to a few years ago. I cried for months and months and months. It's okay to be that sad. It's not okay to feel that you want to join her. She would not want that. I think you need to talk to a professional. Please do not do anything drastic. If it is that bad then you should realize that must mean that it can only get better. Please pray and keep talking.

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Originally Posted by Shakeh

thanks aqua@home for your kind words.
Im christian i believe that there is a life beyond the phisycal body ,but this days sometimes I feel very sad that want to feel my mother to speak with her,Im missing her pyisical and spiritual presence that always was a comfort for me ,sometimes I want to join her to be near her whenever she is but I know I can't .
thanks for your symapthy it was a comfort.

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So you said yourself you believe there is a life beyond. The life your mum is in now.
So she is watching you, watching over you, you're gardian angel. She doesn't want to see her loved son crying for dismiss, she wants to see her son carry on forward but always with her in his heart :)
I know from experience.
It helps me get through each day.
My father is with me, everywhere I go.

My father died yesterday, and my sister left a message at work (I am on vacation this week). So there is this odd feeling of... so now I am on my own. Its all a part of it, the living and the dying. Take it in gentle stride, take it with some measure of grace, borrow some grace from those around you or from us here, if you find yourself short. Death makes life precious. Death makes life possible too. When I die, you can plant me under a patch of sunflowers... that would do nicely.

Im so sorry about your fathers lose,I lost my father 12 years ago and I know what it means to lost both parents , dear valinor I know you are a little sad know but this does not mean that if Im grieving for my mother I'm short or I need to borrow grace from others I don't understand what you mean but I wish you comfort .

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your mother. I know you may not feel this way, but you have spend lots of quality time with your mom. She was not alone when she passed away, because you are always in her heart. You were there with her in spirit. I also believe that Her spirit is being taken care of. Believe me there is no complaining. Your mother wants you to know that. She is at peace and you need to be at peace as well.

Joe

Thanks Dear Jesus helper for your kind words.

Shakeh I'm very sorry to hear of the loss of your mother, it seems that you where very much a rock for one another, your mother is in peace now and I'm sure she would want you to be in peace to.

Thanks Jay_Jay for your sympathy.

I have lost both of my parents, and I arrived minutes after my mother died. I felt so bad about it for some time. One night she came to me in a dream, it was such a peaceful dream. She put her arms around me and held me and said she knew I was coming but did not want me to see her take her last breath. She said it would have been harder on me to always remember watching her die. I do not know if that would be true or not. We do not know the exact moment we are going to come into this world or leave it. To feel guilty that we were not with a loved one is guilt for us, not them. You know she would not want you to feel badly about it. I have thought about it and I too would rather a loved one not watch me go. Their love surrounds me now when they are not here so it would surround me then. You know your mother new you loved her, if she was afraid to die she would have waited for you. I have worked in hospice and you would be surprised how many will hang on until they are ready. Your mom was ready and is at peace now. You need to be at peace also, feel her arms around you, look at her picture send her your love and cry. She lives on in your heart each day, things you say or do are things she taught you. She will live forever.

Cassie, I tried to comment but was not allowed. I would just like to say that your words touched me very much so. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

Shakeh... hang in there... this will make you stronger.

Cassie, thank you very much for that. Like you, my two brothers and I arrived 30 minutes after our Mom died. I have always felt terrible because of that but you know, I do not remember the minute she died... I remember her life. Like you, I had contact with my Mom a little while after she passed. I did not see her but she spoke to me in a very clear voice telling me to not worry about her, no more pain and suffering but just happieness. That helped a lot.

The thing with losing Mom is, for me any way, is that it is like you really can never go back home.

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Originally Posted by valinors_sorrow

My father died yesterday, and my sister left a message at work (I am on vacation this week). So there is this odd feeling of ....so now I am on my own. Its all a part of it, the living and the dying. Take it in gentle stride, take it with some measure of grace, borrow some grace from those around you or from us here, if you find yourself short. Death makes life precious. Death makes life possible too. When I die, you can plant me under a patch of sunflowers.... that would do nicely.

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Val, I am so sorry for your loss. Bless you

Cassie, need to spread some love around, as I wanted to add what nice words. People who passed through such experiences are the only one who know what it means.

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Originally Posted by Shakeh

I lost my mother three days ago,although I am 40 years of old but can't cope with my mother lose ,I found her dead sitting in her chair after I returned from shopping ,so she was alone when died and this really scares me ,I feel that I never can deal with her absence,Im afraid to close my eyes and sleep because I might see my mother complaining from dying alone I have feelings of sadness and depression and I really need help.
Shakeh

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Acceptance is the hardest part of such traumatic experiences.

Thank you dear Cassie ,Im really impressed with your words,last night in my dream I was with my mother she was happy and healthy we passed through streets ,we did shopping a very realistic dream made me to think she is still with me,she told me to not hold her hand and to walk quickly and to not worry about her .

Its true, dreams about a dear deceased loved one seem so realistic.
My only problem is when I awake it hurts to know it was only a dream but then again, at least its something :)

Yes I know it hurts ,many days ago I saw another dream of my mother she was sitting in her chair as usual,drinking tea I hold her hand with all of my power and told and begged her to not go again she pushed my hand away gently looked at me in a way that she couldn't stay more then she disappeared ,but as you say it is at least something and someway to speak with your deceased one that you love through your life.

I had a similar dream.
Where I saw my dad walking along the corridor in our house, whistling away ( as he used to ), then he looked me - smiled and winked, and told me " dont worry baby im ok " :)
Then the corridor turned out to be this vast long bright road and I saw him walking into it - away from me, he looked back again and smiled and he slowly slowly kept walking further :(

This shows that your father is in a safe place and he is happy , I think there is some reality about dreams,may be they are the result of our deepest thoughts,wishes and hopes,I saw my father 12 years ago the day after he died.- he was suffering from parkinson disease for years and that last year he hardly could move and walk-,In my dream I saw him filled with joy walking and running in a beautiful green field filled with flowers he was as happy like his healthy days smiling to me.in the day my mother died I saw him holding me in his arms and told me not to worry .these dreams really help me always and give me power in someway.

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Originally Posted by magprob

Cassie, thank you very much for that. Like you, my two brothers and I arrived 30 minutes after our Mom died. I have always felt terrible because of that but you know, I do not remember the minute she died...I remember her life. Like you, I had contact with my Mom a little while after she passed. I did not see her but she spoke to me in a very clear voice telling me to not worry about her, no more pain and suffering but just happieness. That helped a lot.

The thing with losing Mom is, for me any way, is that it is like you really can never go back home.

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Yes, there was no place like's mom's, the unconditional love, the smell, the light and the all over good feeling. Now it is my turn to have that safe haven for my loved ones. I feel she lives on in me by doing that.
I also think she sends angels from time to time to love and care for me in many forms.

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Originally Posted by Shakeh

thankyou dear Cassie ,Im really impressed with your words,last night in my dream I was with my mother she was happy and healthy we passed through streets ,we did shopping a very realistic dream made me to think she is still with me,she told me to not hold her hand and to walk quickly and to not worry about her .

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I want to believe our loved ones come to us in our dreams or meditation to comfort us and help us through difficult times. I have a very good friend who's daughter was killed in a car accident, she heard her calling her the next night and she said "I love you". It was not a dream, she did not see her, it was a feeling and she heard the words "mom" and "I love you". It gave her such great comfort.

One of the hardest things to do is to let go when one you love passes away. It is easy to hang onto feelings, whether the feeling is guilt, saddness, anger, lonliness etc. We hang onto these feelings because it is an attatchment to that person, and we are afraid if we let go of that feeling we will loose them or forget them or we don't care any more. We want to keep a tight hold on them, since we can not touch them we do it through feelings. Once you replace those old feelings with pure love, for yourself and the loved one, and just let go, peace starts to come and the memories flow. I found the first year was the worst. The first mothers day without her, Christmas, birthday (hers and mine). I decided to find someone that had no one to think of her on those days and I gave her a gift of love in memory of my mother. I still do that each mothers day. Often times more than one person.

Our mothers know when we are born that they will have to leave us someday so they teach us and give us the tools to live our lives without them. In memory of their hard work, that is what we have to do. Dang it, the days of curling up in mom or dad's lap and letting them be our security blanket are given to us when we want to jump out of their laps and explore the world.:)

Thanks again dear Cassie for every of your kind words,I know exactly what you mean Hanging to our feelings.. Im scared to let them go now ,because I'm afraid to lost them throughout my life and to feel empty of that great love. Tomorrow is my sisters birthday and we can't imagine to celebrate it in our home without our moms smile and kindness,we must think about it to do something that will comfort us.