Ask Me Help Desk - My father is Dying and I don't know how I would deal with it.

I found out about 2 mounths ago that my father is dying and I don't know how I could deal with loseing my dad. I found out that he has known for 5 years that he was sick. He never told any body and I don't know how to deal with it. My mother and father has been separated since I was 3 and I call him about once aweek and sometimes he feels OK but others he don't. I as so scared that he is going to die. My father is a very strong person my step-mother is very upset but my dad says every thing is going to be OK. The other day my father looked at me and my step-mom and said "im dying" I don't know what to do so if any body could help me I would really be grateful. Thank you very much.:confused:

Of course in one aspect we all are dying, we each age every day and all of us die, that is part of our cycle of life.

But you are facing the fact that it will happen some specific time frame most likely. Although I have known some people given 4 months that have lived 10 years.

But it appears he has made peace with the fact it is going to happen, So you celebrate his life and you honor his wishes. You visit him and use and share the time left to the best you can.

An excellent resource is some writings by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross called "Death and Dying".
Her website: Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

I have put some links on articles about coping with a parent (family) dying. When I really knew my Father was dying, I was beyond consolation. Thankfully I had a very strong church family that opened their arms and prayed with me; not so much for my Dad's healing, but that I could accept whatever the will of the Lord was in my Dad's life. While my Dad had made his peace and was ready "to go" as he said, I was not ready to let go.

A wonderful person in hospice would talk to me when I was staying with my Dad during the last three months of his life. She said to celebrate all his good, all his deeds, and what we (his children) felt were his great characteristics. She said to speak to Dad and give him permission "to go". That was the hardest part. The selfish part of me wanted him alive till he was 100. But think of that, as I had to think of that, would you want your Dad alive but not enjoying life? Being alive and in a coma? Or being alive and not be able to recall anyone or anything? I know that sounds hard, but it is reality.

One thing I found out - I was afraid to cry in front of my Dad. I did not want him upset. I wanted to be as strong as he had been when he was well. But is it okay to cry and say how deeply you will miss him, how much you love him, and that life has special meaning because of him. Thank him for all the good he taught you. Forgive anything that needs forgiving. Love him. Love yourself too.

I honestly and truly will pray for blessings and peace and courage for this part of your life's journey. God bless.

Coping with the Loss of a Parent - Dealing with the Death of a Parent

Pain Medicine & Palliative Care: Palliative Care

If you would like to create loving memories with your dad, then start now. Call him often, visit when you can. I think your dad is more scared than he's letting on. Dad's are special, special men, remind him of that every chance you get. When he does pass, as difficult as it may be, you'll have beautiful thoughts that will get you by.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amanda 2

I found out about 2 mounths ago that my father is dying and i dont know how i could deal with loseing my dad. I found out that he has known for 5 years that he was sick. He never told any body and i dont know how to deal with it. my mother and father has been seperated since i was 3 and i call him about once aweek and sometimes he feels ok but others he dont. i as so scared that he is going to die. my father is a very strong person my step-mother is very upset but my dad says every thing is going to be ok. The other day my father looked at me and my step-mom and said "im dying" i dont know what to do so if any body could help me i would really be grateful. thank you very much.:confused:

If your father is suffering from a terminal disease then there is no way to help him but to be there for him. No matter how far you live from your father... go visit him, no matter what you have to do. Spend time with him, share stories, and learn everything you don't know. Pray for him... hope is the strongest cure. And as for spending time with him(a weekend or so). This gives you time for closure. Which will make you feel a lot more informative. You will still miss your father but you will not be left with too many loose ends and questions. Make sure you tell him everything you want to say, you will both appreciate it.

I have grown up without my father who left when I was young so I thought of my grandad as my dad and when he died I was heartbroken but the time I spent with him the months before his death I hold dear to my heart its always going to hurt once they have gone but you find strength in the fact they are not in pain any longer but just spend time with them like the other people of said and tell him you will always love him I'm sure he will take comfort and strength from that. I'm sure everything will be OK amanda

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amanda 2

I found out about 2 mounths ago that my father is dying and i dont know how i could deal with loseing my dad. I found out that he has known for 5 years that he was sick. He never told any body and i dont know how to deal with it. my mother and father has been seperated since i was 3 and i call him about once aweek and sometimes he feels ok but others he dont. i as so scared that he is going to die. my father is a very strong person my step-mother is very upset but my dad says every thing is going to be ok. The other day my father looked at me and my step-mom and said "im dying" i dont know what to do so if any body could help me i would really be grateful. thank you very much.:confused:

Sweetheart I know what you're going through. My Mom had cancer for 8 years off & on and decided to not tell anyone for quite awhile until she had to take kemo. The last 4 months were really horrible, I wasn't prepared because I didn't know the severity of what was happening to her body. Because parents our protectors, they will fight to the death to keep us strong. I spent the last 3 months by my Mom's bedside doing anything & everything I could to make her comfortable. She died in my arms on the 10th, and sometimes, when someone you love is suffering you have to think that there is a better place. It doesn't make it easy for the people that are left behind, but it ends the pain for the person that is ill. And even if something happens, just understand that they can't be there for you to see all the time, but there are within you, around you & live through you... Look for the signs & you'll know that the people who have left are always watching over us. If you need to talk message me any time OK.