So I met this girl, we've been hanging out everyday for a while now, she stays at my house, we feel a strong connection when we kiss and all that fun stuff blah blah blah basically we have fallen for each other.

Here's my obstacle, she is still talking to, and on top of that, hanging out occasionally with her ex boyfriend of four years. And she is torn because she wants to be with me but is scared of losing him.

Normally I would say work out what you have to and call me someday..
But I've already grown attached to her before I realized how serious it was.

This kid is a bad influence on her, sits around all day, boring person, lives off his parents, screws her over, and doesn't treat her like someone you care about should be treated. But that doesn't matter obvioiusly because she was with him for four years.

We are rudely honest with each other about all this, I told her that ill stick around for a short period if she wants to figure out if she's ready to cut him out of her life to be with me or not. I know he exists in her life, and he doesn't know I exist in her life. I know that in a million ways I am the far better candidate for her and she would rather be with me, but if she dates me, than she'll loose him forever.

Any advice on how I should go about this situation? Like what you'd do? Or what you think I should do? Thanks for your time

It's up to her to cut him out. So don't worry about things you cannot control. What you can control is your interactions with her. Instead of talking about her ex with her, focus on showing her a good time and enjoying each others company. One of the best way to move on from a past relationship is to meet new people. You're considered a new person in her life and the more people she meets, the less time she will have to focus on the past. Once she's too busy having fun hanging out with you, there's a higher chance she can let go of the past and move on with her life.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by I wish

It's up to her to cut him out. So don't worry about things you cannot control. What you can control is your interactions with her. Instead of talking about her ex with her, focus on showing her a good time and enjoying each others company. One of the best way to move on from a past relationship is to meet new people. You're considered a new person in her life and the more people she meets, the less time she will have to focus on the past. Once she's too busy having fun hanging out with you, there's a higher chance she can let go of the past and move on with her life.

---

Thanks for the advice, I've always had problems worrying about things I can't control, I think a lot of us do. Good reality check.

I do the rest of that, we don't speak of her ex hardly ever. What I meant by honest was she doesn't lie to me about seeing him, which isn't the best thing to hear, but I'd rather her be honest so I can trust her in the future

I just got out of a long term relationship too, except I refuse to talk to mine for now. Everyone needs that few month space to get past each other and their resentments, in which case they can maybe be friends in the future, but she hasn't experienced that I don't think.

We do have a lot of fun, but there seems to be no way she will move on if they continue to contact each other. This whole situation is just somewhat of a painful stressor in my life and I don't want it to go on much longer. If it persists for much longer I might have to walk away.

The thing that would concern me is she is lying to him. I think you need to back off and let her make up her mind. She has both now so why should she give up either of you

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

The thing that would concern me is she is lying to him. I think you need to back off and let her make up her mind. She has both now so why should she give up either of you

---

Thanks for the input.

Not so much lying as holding back information. Your right about the no reason to give up either of us. Which she have doesn't, yet. At some point I will have to back off, but I'd rather wait till he knows of my existence, which she will tell him soon. I feel like if I do just back off, I'm walking away from someone that makes me happy, when she can easily just turn to someone that satisfies her lonliness, like nothing ever happened.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by canadiancharbel

Thanks for the input.

Not so much lying as holding back information. Your right about the no reason to give up either of us. Which she have doesnt, yet. At some point i will have to back off, but i'd rather wait till he knows of my existence, which she will tell him soon. I feel like if i do just back off, i'm walking away from someone that makes me happy, when she can easily just turn to someone that satisfies her lonliness, like nothing ever happened.

---

If she could do that, you were not that important to her to begin with. How do you know she will tell him soon
What difference is his knowing of your existence going to make?