Hi I meet this guy online and we started talking and after one day he asked to meet I told him lets talk first and see how it goes. So we have been texting for about a week and half and he wants to meet. One problem he does not have a car. He said he is a plumber and uses the truck for work. Its to expensive to have a car. SO he wants to meet but not to far because he does not have a car. I don't want to be judgmental but he is like 41 and does not have a car. Should I meet him I'm not sure if I want to start something. What do you guys think?

If you don't want to meet the guy just because he doesn't have a car, leave him alone. I wonder if he would want to meet you knowing this. A lot of people don't have cars. Depending on where they live, they don't need one.

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Originally Posted by jackies202

Hi I meet this guy online and we started talking and after one day he asked to meet I told him lets talk first and see how it goes. So we have been texting for about a week and half and he wants to meet. One problem he does not have a car. He said he is a plumber and uses the truck for work. Its to expensive to have a car. SO he wants to meet but not to far because he does not have a car. I don't want to be judgmental but he is like 41 and does not have a car. Should I meet him I'm not sure if I want to start something. What do you guys think?

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This is a Dating Answer!

It is up to you. There are many people that age that don't have cars or use work cars. Running a vehicle is expensive, depending where you are it can be VERY expensive. That being said, Before I got married, I had dated a few girls who did NOT have a car. I had no problem meeting them. It seems to be more socially acceptable for a woman to not have a car then a man. Do you think that is right?

The question is, how into this guy are you? Do you want to give him a chance? Or has his lack of car already soured you on this possible relationship? I think you've already made up your mind and you're looking for validation.

My advice is to give it one date, you're not obligating yourself to a year long relationship by agreeing to a date. You're only agreeing to a single date. IF the spark isn't there, then there is no need for a second. No need to start anything up. Don't put more gravitas on this then necessary.

Keep talking until you learn enough to be comfortable, or decide it's not worth it. What's the hurry?

True your right what's the hurry we haven't talked long and it seems he keeps pushing to meet and we have to meet near his home because he doesn't have a car..

Do you have a car? How far would you have to travel?

Something also to consider. Will mental/personality attraction is important, physical attraction is as well. He could be wanting to make sure that you're what you say you are, and not someone 'catfishing' him. You have to look at this from both angles. He is wanting to make sure you're legit as much as you want to make sure he's legit. In this world of online dating it is hard to know if the person you're talking to is who they say they are.

Another thing to consider is that he's probably hit the "I know what I want and I Don't want to mess around" age. When you've realized that you're not interested in the games and such surrounding dating and are just looking to meet a life partner. Things could go quickly with him.

Good luck, whatever your decision is.

I hope you realize the pitfalls and red flags of on line dating. Ok, he hasn't got a car, no problem BUT he said he wants to meet NEAR HIS HOME. Just make sure you meet him in a well populated open area, and even then if you are attracted to him, don't go to his residence. Get to know him a better before being alone with him. He may not be what he seems to be.

How old are you, and where are you in life, career, romance? Do you have more dating options than just this fellow, or a GREAT social life?

Hi thank you everyone yes I will be careful no I have no other dating option at this. I'm 37 and I would say I have a normal social life. He also lives about 5 minutes away from me,

And yes I don't really like online dating. I wish I could meet someone in person

And yes I have a car

But yes not ready to meet up yet and not sure how to tell him

If chatting for a few weeks hasn't convinced you to take a chance then I would surely be exploring other options like group co-ed functions and other social gatherings, including causes and educational volunteering and participation.

I'm old school and if I wanted to spend time with a female I would have a good plan to offer her to meet and greet, and he doesn't seem to have one, and least not a convincing one obviously, right?

Lol I guess your right its almost two weeks chatting and yes I guess I'm not ready or convinced

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Originally Posted by jackies202

But yes not ready to meet up yet and not sure how to tell him

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Just tell him out right. That you are not ready to meet. That is honest, but why would you care about that ? You don't even know if he is who he says he is. Anyone on line who would like to meet me, and said, we could meet 'not far from his house' would make me run the other way for sure. So think about it that way.

I say this over and over: When you do meet, meet in the middle of the day in a coffee shop. No dinners, movies, trips, overnights, apartments, houses. NOTHING. Not even his 'relatives.' You have zero way of knowing what is truth and what is lies.

So if he is 5 minutes away, how difficult is a coffee on a Sunday afternoon?
Meeting in person is a million times different from online. I don't blame anyone for wanting to do so.

Thanks tickle yeah he said we cant go to far because he doesn't have a car that's why not far from his house

I would not meet him. It's fine to be selective about potential partners. This is an indication of probable financial issues. At 20, fine. 40's? Not so much unless he lives in a major city and doesn't need a car.

41 a plumber (and SHOULD make good money at this point) unless he lives in one of the boroughs of NYC... "not being able to afford a car" is raising all kinds of red flags. Poor people can afford cars... I think he's hiding a LOT from you, Alimony to 4 previous wives, reckless spending habits... huge gambling debt... even a DUI where he only has permission do drive for work and nothing else by the court.

I'd drop him like a hot potato.

Thank you smoothy I agree don't want tojudge anyone but its strange and he keeps insisting on meeting after work etc around 7 first time I don't want to meet in the dark etc

He said why not meet in the park o don't think so

Here is a question for you to think about: You wish you could meet someone off-line. However, you aren't ready to him in person. Why? What makes meeting him in a public spot more unacceptable than meeting a stranger and asking them out after a minute or two of talking?

If you are putting off meeting him in person because you are hearing alarms going off, then don't lead him on with thoughts of meeting up when you don't really think that will happen.

Are you afraid of ruining a fantasy by inserting too much reality? You don't think the man will live up to the myth?

What are the chances you have already met/seen each other in public but didn't realize it?

I think, there are things not being said. Yes he has a truck, so it is a work truck, he uses it, I am sure everyday shopping, going to the store, and so on. My son does the same (no he does not have another car he uses, so, why can't he use the truck to meet.

Seems obvious if you had other options then you wouldn't have to wonder about meeting this fellow at all, you would just check out someone else. On the other hand, given the proper precautions, why wouldn't you meet and see what happens? That's the whole dating experience, and you are under no obligation to have a second meeting/date.

LOL, online dating should come with a rigorous background check, and a mandatory course in how to have good clean (SAFE) adult fun. If you are going to date online, it's best to leave the romantic notions out of it, and see if the stranger is fun enough to get to know ASAP, because why waste the time?

Since you don't like on line dating, out of fear I bet, then what's wrong with asking guys you know out for coffee, a meal, or a show? Is this your FIRST online dating experience?

Fr Chuck thank you he said he does not have the truck for work that's why I'm a little curious how does he get around etc. That would be no issue if he had that. No I have been online dating before it just seems its not working for me at least not now.

The beauty of online dating is you don't have to assume, or be curious, you just ask what you want to know. No matter what they say you are the judge if it is sufficient or not. If it's not, you simply move on to the next one. Be it online or in person, the dating rule is generally "You kiss a lot of frogs until one turns into a prince(ss)".

Tired of frogs or what?

Lol yes true I'm tired of frogs to be honest

The only issue with this guy too is I said lets meet a Sunday afternoon during the day he want to meet at 7 pm at night you know first time you meet you want to feel comfortable etc

I get you, screw that frog!! :D

Find one more agreeable to what you want. You found him, and there are PLENTY more.

You can meet him at your requested time or forget him. It's your choice. He is not the only guy out there.

True thank you

Sounds like this frog is not even worth a kiss. Just move on until you find a frog that you might want to kiss. On your terms, the pond is full of frogs.

Thank you all!

Hi everyone I wanted to give you a update I was going to go meet this guy one time just to see because he was texting so I said let me give him a chance.. Ok I just found out he doesn't even have a license and never did. He needs to get one.. So would love some input on this. He is 42 how could he not have a license. Thanks

He is lying to you. This is a HUGE red flag. When lying is identified then trust starts to leave, and without trust there can be no solid romantic relationship.

Move on. There is too many red flags here...

Also should I respond to his texts and tell him its time to move on or should I just ignore the texts he wanted to see me this weekend.

We would have no clue why his situation is what it is but I have to ask in all that texting why you have never asked him your questions. That's the beauty and benefit of online dating in that YOU can ask ANY question that pops in your head at ANY TIME. Why one would not take advantage of this opportunity to ask and evaluate the responses is beyond me.

Clearly you should be more aggressive about getting the facts about this fellow and not just fall for his persistent texts. You do yourself no favors by wondering what, and why when you can do your own due diligent digging.

Why have you NOT?

Yes your right I guess I was falling for his persistent texts without getting the information but now that I have I do find it very strange how could someone not have a license he said he is from Albanian and has been in this country for 20 years but still should have got a license in all these years. he said he getting a car next year.

jackies202, you are asking total strangers to answer questions that can have a thousand possible answers EACH. It isn't fair to us to have to guess why he doesn't have a license. What good will it do anyway?

Also - You are also only just now finding out more about him. Either find out more online, or take 5 friends with you to meet him in a public place in the daytime!

My question to you is why are you looking for love online? How old are you? What makes you imagine that someone super wonderful isn't able to meet people in person every day?

Hi would love to meet someone in person. Online I figured It would be easier... I'm 37 by the way. I have decided to stop talking to this guy should I tell him or just not respond to his text. Thank you

Tell him. After these 3? weeks, it's best to be honest and polite, but clear and short. It's fair to him and it's more likely to prevent a possible retaliation.

But don't get into why.

Yes thank you your right I will text him my concerns and be honest

This guy is a TOAD... if he hasn't gotten his license in the last 20 years and STILL doesn't have it, why do you believe he's going to get it next year? If he doesn't live and work in the middle of a major City... you really have to ask yourself WHY?

Then there is the fact he lied about it... which also is another big WHY? Then his strange hour requests for meeting you, another WHY?

Then the biggest one of all. WHY are you wasting time with this obvious loser? Surely you can do better.


Only a couple answers I can think of...

#1. He's a momma's boy and still living at home.
#2. He's an alcoholic thats had his license taken away and he's telling lies.
#3. He's too lazy to hold and keep a real job...

because #4. I'm guessing he doesn't live and work in the heart of NYC one of the very few places a car is a luxury rather than a necessity.