Hi everyone!
Here's the story: I have just come out of a painful relationship with my ex... I had a really tough time because of my ex boyfriend. OK it was over some weeks ago... I went to a party with another friend to think about something else and change my mind. I stumble upon a guy that I met through that friend. The partying with their group was great, we were talking and joking, it ended up at some bar, I was almost drunk, my friend suggested to look for a cab to take me back home, no cab available as it was really late. So the guy mentioned above suggested to take us to his home the closest one to the bar. I said OK as I had no choice, my friend too agreed. So we all went back to his place, his bedroom was underground, my friend took that bedroom, I wanted to sleep on a chair, the guy insisted that I share his bed... Ok, we ended up in the same bed, he was so nice so caring, I kept the distance so that nothing could happen. And nothing happened that night. The next morning, getting up with a hang over, but going home. We kept in touch through Fb, he was inviting me, at first, I wasn't accepting, until I said yes for a drink in town, we talked a lot around a drink about relationships, I felt that he was not the serious kind, and not willing to start something where commitment is involved, because of some past relationships.. I thought it was the same for me, and made him feel it. The night after, he suggested paying me a visit late at night... In the same concept, always thinking I could handle it, I said I was OK. He came in really late. It made me angry because I kept awake waiting for him. Once together, I really enjoyed the times we had together, he was playing the guitar and talking. And then first quick kiss, I ignored it at first, but quite fast things evolved, and again together in bed, this time kisses and hugs all over again, we didn't even sleep that night, it was tiring, as we both are students and we had our studies to worry about. Something worth mentioning is that he asked for sex, I was reluctant, it was too early for me, so we didn't go that far, although we were close. Sometimes, we were wondering how it was too quick! The next morning, he left early because we both had to study for exams. We are on different campuses. We kept in touch through sms. I am too demanding and when I get nervous about studies, I am too fussy with him and want him to comfort me all the time! During the week, we wanted to meet, but quite impossible... he sent me once "I want you now", I said no no. And as the weekend got closer, I was looking forward to meet him, he didn't show up because his friends came to his place unexpectedly...
I was so angry, I thought it was over, I wanted it to be over because I was starting to get very close to him and he seemed careless sometimes. I decided to go and see him on Sunday, to talk it over, it made him really happy, instead of really talking, we spent the day in bed, I was almost in the state of mind yeah let's keep it not serious, not a big deal, let's keep on. I had a great day, we both agreed that we need to know each other more and that we would keep it not serious until we want it to evolve or one of us gets fed up... I said OK but somewhere hidden in me I wasn't OK with that...

We got really close to each other, and no one of our friends knew about it although they suspected something going on. After that long day together,I got a message from him saying he needs a time off. I said OK but I couldn't understand why he was asking for that. So I became fussy again and things got worse little by little until he said I was invading his life, too demanding, putting restrictions to his freedom etc... and especially that I haven't respected his wish of a time off, so we went apart with me almost crying in my corner of anger... I didn't realize he was right and that it was too much what I was doing... Now, I know it but it is too late indeed. Sometimes I feel I miss him although it was a quick "adventure", I feel guilty, I don't know if I can get him back or if it was what I really want, Now , I just want someone close beside me and he seems to be the greatest person but he's still angry maybe... I have to see it as over but I can't help it, it makes me feel bad... What do you think please?
Thanks in advance for any answer..

You seem to be needy. I don't know why you were geeting so angry and demanding about. You jumped into a physical relationship with this guy too soon. It does not appear you are healed from your previous relationship. It also could be that this guy wanted to get in your pants, he did and now he is moving on to the next one.
I suggest you just stay away from guys for awhile, get comfortable with yourself and being alone. Maybe speak to someone about your issues with being so needy.

I don't feel as the needy kind, but I thought a physical relationship will help me get through all this and actually my ex is no longer a big trouble to me, I really moved on to something else, it's just the fact that I always want someone to comfort me and I can do any craziness to keep that person by my side. And if you want to know although it was physical, we didn't go as far as you can think... sometimes I see happy people in couples and I wonder why it failed for me... My ex almost gave no explanations, this guy took some time to explain what he felt... only because I was nagging too much and asking for answers! I did some mistakes for sure... maybe the same mistakes twice, nagging too much and complaining... Now, I'm still thinking about it, it's not the greatest thing to think about, such an "adventure"... How could it be so easy for him? I just wonder again... There's something I want to add is that I get easily angry when people do not answer me by sms... it's a very bad behaviour, I was demanding as I was asking for an immediate answer... I really regret that... :'(

Wanting to always have someone to comfort you and answer you is needy.

OK you suggested to talk to someone about being needy, I did it when I had issues with my ex boyfriend. It led me nowhere but again to the same point, before my ex boyfriend I was quite OK with myself, handling everything on my own... he was there, it was like sharing the burden, I was there for him too and I always did my best to make him feel good, it went wrong once with me having too much pressure from the studies and my surroundings... I was being unbearable with everyone and with him too... I messed up and he messed up more than me... now it's over ! But this end left a hole that no one could fill, an unusual hole, I always dealt with problems on my own now, I need this back up, this hug to make me forget everything... The new guy almost filled everything although he was away during the week, when we were together I felt secure and forgot all my problems. I told him once don't let me get attached to you because I might do and it will hurt even more when we part. He said yes and kept his promise because he made me hate him by moments as he was mean, he removed me from fb and so on. But at last, we spoke on the phone, and he said I was invading his life, it was too much for him and he needed his time off, for me time off meant ending it especially with something so new! So it went wrong again and here "back to black"...

You still need to talk to someone. This need for back up and being hugged is a bit extreme and to lay that on someone who have not even known that long is a red flag to someone. Get those issues taken care of you will be emotionally healthy for someone.

Just some facts: I am studying away from my family and my closest friends are with their boyfriends, I spent the summer away again working on my own, now studying, my friends are around, everyone minding his own business, some living in their bubble because of their boyfriends "he's great he did this he did that"... I just wonder why they are happy and I'm not with the ones I choose... because I have my best friend, he lately confessed somehow his love for me, I said no because I consider him as a friend, we are still good friends but something has changed... Anyway, a friend is a friend, that's it... If I were that needy, I would have accepted his love with pleasure, it's more complicated, you were right when you said that I need time away from all this to work on myself, but how to get rid from his thoughts?

The
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The more you work on yourself this guy will fade. You are lonely and away from family. How long were you with this guy?

2 weeks, too short for a time off, he wanted to end it, I thought he would be brave enough to tell me in the face!

Two weeks is no time at all. The drama you put him through in two weeks... Let him be. Move on and work on yourself.

Do you think there is any chance that I could fix things with him! I ruined it myself! Now it has been a week and I'm still mumbling about it in my corner. He was travelling this week, I focused on my studies and had an interview for studying in another university, it went quite well, he knew about it and didn't even say how did it go?
I don't blame him although I used to wish him good luck every time with his exams...

I think you need to leave him alone. He will contact you if he wants. You have been a bit much already. Leave it be.

I know I did too much already, Hopefully, last week, I was focused on my interview, now, the studies are lighter, I thought about him again too much today, I know he's back from his trip, no messages allowed for me, I should let him be, I keep thinking it went too far so quickly, a lot of memories for so little time, I know I am exaggerating, but it's hard right now... I was talking about him with one of my friends... it's not the biggest affection on Earth but it's something weird, I wished I could do something to change things right now or fix a part of it :(

You need to let this go girl. After only a 2 week relationship and I would not even call it that, this is a bit much.

Threads have been merged

Hi everyone! Will there be an after part?

Hi to you to.. can you ask again, and explain what you mean?

Sorry I did a mistake while typing and lost the message.
It's about a guy who had a crush on me at a party, we danced and kissed and finally slept together... I was drunk and frail that night because I just got out of a messed up relationship that caused me a lot of pain, but in the next morning, I almost wanted to get rid of that nice guy. I told him I had to study, he kissed me and just left. Since then, I avoided him and had no news, we didn't even exchange phone numbers when he left... it was weird and I don't know if it's worth it, I know it's not so great and that I shouldn't have done that, but I was rather depressed and he offered me a chance to chill and forget. Now I still haven't talked to him, and don't know if I should he gave no life sign either. I got thoughts about my ex and tried to contact him that was even worse... that's the story and my question is in the title... thanks in advance

I think you need to forget about him as he has probably done the same with you.
Having sex with one person because you are bummed out about another is a foolish thing to do. Stay away from guys and alcohol until you get yourself together.

Had you talked that day, but you brushed him off, so he figured you were just another easy sex partner, He may try and have you again if you meet at another party, since heck, why not.

But who would want a steady girl friend who is so easy at a party.

Something worth mentioning there was no sex, we just slept! I actually said no, anyway, I know how it could seem, I should have talked more with him that morning

So you were more standoffish than he was... and acted blah in the morning as well. Why would he contact you? You may have lost out on a nice guy who really wanted to like you (you say he's a nice guy, and he was willing to spend the whole night with you without sex).
The burden is 100% on you now if you are hoping to reconnect.
I say go for it. Tell him how mixed up you are but don't dwell on all that, just that you are sorry it got off on the wrong foot and is there a chance to try again without booze.

I wonder if I should talk to him, He really seemed to like me so much and accepted to spend the night even when I said there won't be sex! And in the morning it was like getting rid of him, now we see each other and we don't even talk about it. There's also a lot of pressure from the students around, they can't mind their own business and love to have something to talk about it, that's why, I didn't dare to talk to him, I sent him an indifferent message on Facebook, he didn't reply. Messages always are , I agree, but I just couldn't go and say hi without him giving any signs, I don't know if I should do anything about it!

You aren't putting yourself in his shoes at all, poor guy. I think you hurt his feelings a lot.

Seriously, how? I stumbled upon him today, no word, not even hi! Why didn't he answer me then? What is he thinking? Tell me! It was the first time we talk to each other that night although we are at the same university not the same class though, he came to me and it was like an accident but nothing happened that night except kissing and sleeping, we were both almost drunk, I don't see how he is the poor guy, how should I see it then?

You brushed him off and he gave you your space. If you want to see him or talk to him again, you need to explain your actions. The ball is in your court.

yeah true, I know I'm going to see him a lot especially after the holidays, it would be better to get things straight before we leave! I really regret my reaction in that morning, however, he was still nice and didn't leave without kissing me gently! I offered a coffee with no enthusiasm and felt relieved when he declined, it all just reminded me of my ex, I was all committed and got really disappointed at the end, I was afraid and acted cowardly with this new guy! Is there a way I can fix it so that he can understand? It will surely be through talking and not a random message or mail!

When you stumbled upon him, did you say hi first? Did you stop to say hi, or breeze by?
I still think you aren't realizing that men are sensitive too.
Of course he declined the unenthusiastic offer of coffee.
Maybe it's all too soon to even try though, if you can't stop thinking about the failure with your ex.

No I didn't say hi first, I walked through the door and he was just standing at the entrance, I didn't want to look at him... I think I need some time on my own, I sent him a message to apologize and say that I had my reasons and that I have been through a lot of trouble because of someone very close but that it was over now. I know it's all confused and unclear but anyway, if it's bound to be part of the past too, It's OK for me, I know I will have the chance to talk to him in the next days, I will do it if I feel OK, perhaps to just remain normal friends. For now, he is keeping his silence, it's better this way...

Up to you , you have choices to make ? I say out with the old in with the new on this one

I think you leave this fellow alone and deal with your own issues and healing after your break up. If he wanted to keep pursuing something, he would have and so far he has not. Not fair that you rebound so quickly for another that you don't even know his feelings or your own.

Work on just you for a while.

Right that's what I want to do for now, just focus on myself. I know I will have to talk to him in the next days... there was a lot of pressure from the other students around, all they wanted was a story between two students hooking up for a while... no one could mind his own business! So just the fact of talking back in so little time could have triggered tons of stories, it was all clear at that moment in my head, I wasn't ready for a new relationship although that new guy seemed so nice that he didn't want to leave me that night even without what he expected. It was strange though... I regret it sometimes, my reaction and my confusion that morning... Apparently, it was rude! If I were in his shoes, I would have acted the same. I'm going to just leave it to time for now!

Anyway, when I think about it, it was a way too quick: a week after a break up (I was arguing with my ex almost about everything and he was more than unbearable, he made me feel depressed all the time) I spent a horrible week following a break up and I had a sentence echoing in my head "get out of my life..." for nothing... without an explanation! This new guy appeared in the wrong period, I was really down, but spending some time with him made me forget a lot of pain and especially the most awful week of my whole life... I didn't have to talk about it, the whole pain faded away and he somehow brought back the smile for one night. Now, my story with my ex is almost part of the past and I learnt a lot through this bad experience... I still think about this new guy and I feel grateful to him I regret that I acted that strange at the end when the memories were back...

You may be grateful to him for showing you that life can still be okay after a breakup, but its up to you not to get carried away by your gratitude. The last thing you need is a rebound, quick fix feel good right now, to ease your pain, but stopping a healthy healing process.

It was rebound that night there's no doubt... but when I look back at it, I wish it was more than that, if I had acted differently and if there had been no breakup a week ago, things would have been different, and I really do like him! I will talk back to him for sure...

Just one more thing, some of you told me that his feelings are hurt... Is the fact of not even talking back to each other a way to say hey girl you hurt me? He was so nice that night and even the following morning when I was rather rude, he was just saying OK as you like! He didn't leave without kissing me! And then walking past each other without a word... Right now, I am away from all this but sometimes I find myself still thinking about everything, sometimes even torn apart between old memories of my ex and getting used to this breakup. Something that I need to say is that the new guy that I met one week after the official breakup was like someone who saved me that night, I had a lot of thoughts about my so called ex and wanted to call him so badly, but as soon as I was with someone else, I thought I forgot, I kept my mind almost busy until the next morning... the new guy was kissing my hands all the time, it felt strange yet... I have noticed him at university before but never talked to each other until that night... anyway, maybe it's better to be considered part of the past too!

You sent him a signal that said "it was nothing" maybe he just respected that.
Just take your time from now on. Quick fix sex does not work.

And there was no sex! I said no and he respected that too, we just slept in each other's arms! I don't know what to think... Now he has never answered any mail I left!

I think most of us experience these same feelings after a breakup and find a feel good by a little attention while we get through this rough time, and of course want it to continue. I think the thing to do is acknowledge our dissapointment that it didn't go anywhere and look around for other, better opportunities to heal, grow, explore and experiment and not get stuck on a feel good that went no where.

I mean so much thought to a potential booty call that didn't happen? Really? High hopes for romance that went no where? Likely the reason you are still even reliving that night because you think you blew something,when you didn't.

Time to let this guy and look around and othr things to focus on.

The thing is that I have so many things to focus on starting with my studies, but I get distracted every now and then and those thoughts come back to me, maybe I missed an opportunity; and the fact that I know I'm going to see him a lot till the end of the year makes me still think about it, I won't mind talking back to him and being honest just to gain a friend or make things clear... that's why it's still coming back to me

The more I think about it the more I realise I was wrong: I didn't give time to myself to heal from this breakup... too soon I resorted to rebound twice: once with a guy who wanted to date me a year ago but failed. I met him at a party while I was having a rough time with my ex and we were like being apart but still talking to each other. I was texting him that night and drinking too. He was unnice as usual but told me to beware not to end up with a guy there and it happened. I went to the guy mentioned above and some minutes later we were kissing. It didn't go further I never liked him anyway. It was just a strange way to have revenge on my ex. The next morning I texted my ex and told him about it (I lived something strange and great... ) he acted weird and said He's jealous because of this guy and the conversation went crazy he ended up saying that his dreams might be haunted by a last night with me... I said keep on dreaming. And then he went crazy and said what do you think yourself as? Why are you telling me half of the boys around have a crush on you? I don't care about it... He was more than pathetic and we kept on talking until he became nice and caring... I stopped talking about any further "conquests" we tried to behave... but one day he changed all of a sudden because his closest friend told him sth about us while they were both drunk... he was mean and rude again after vain efforts to regain something he changed his mind I was shocked and couldn't answer him but I did say that he was pathetic and we ended up agreeing that we both never want to see each other again. I know he didn't deserve anything from me... but he's still in my head and I know I don't like him anymore. I wanted to take him off my head because I tend to give him a word from time to time saying he's a jerk. I fell for a rebound a week later and brushed off a nice guy after sleeping in his arms and having him comfort me without even giving him what he expected from this apparently easy girl... I just want to forget but don't know how... sorry for being too long!