Ask Me Help Desk - What to do with my girlfriend??

What to do with my girlfriend??

I'm 17 and my girlfriend and I have been dating for about a year now. You can say oh it's just puppy love, and I don't know maybe it just is (if it is hormones suck) but we are madly in love. We even plan to get married. I know she is right for me. I dated around I know what I do and don't like. And she is just perfect I can be myself around her we are both so happy when were around.

Now just a heads up me and her are both very active lds (mormons) And mormons don't want the youth to date tell 16. Which makes sense, the church also doesn't like youth to have a bf/gf when there dating. Which does make sense. But me and my girlfriend can't help it we love each other.

Like all relationships it has its up and downs. But we really do love each other. Just man when I look into her eyes I know its real.

This last month has sucked balls though. I noticed that like she would stop sending smiliey faces to me. And our txting conversation just got super boring. It bugged me. I kept asking what was up she wouldn't tell me which pissed me off. Finally after I said you don't love me. I really didn't feel loved she hasn't shown any love for me and it drives me crazy.

I found out she was distancing herself. So that she could get closer to God. I was hurt and furious. Why could she do this to me? Well we kind of tried to get back to our orignal selves but I don't know I was just so upset about it I would bring it up and she would get mad at me saying let it go.

One time we got in a fight about it and that same day she was leaving for a camping trip which sucked, she was going to be gone on my birthday. I tried to make it better. Usually when we got in fights we would make up that day I would make it all better.

I tried my hardest too, well on my birthday she got in service for a sec and txted happy birthday and I gtg service. No smiley face no I love you nothing. Last year she was camping on my birthday and she climbed up a mountain to call me.

She didn't do that. Well she got home yesterday. Last year she posted on my Facebook happybirthday sorry I'm a day late :). She hasn't posted anything and she was on Facebook.

We have lost all passion, I feel so alone from her. I asked her if she loves me she said you but she hasn't done anything to prove it. She says she still wants to get married to me but she never talks about it anymore. I don't know what to do?

I love her I would rather take the hard road of making this work again then just taking the easy way out and ending it. I'm absolutely crazy for her. But I don't feel like she is doing the same. My ex gf's wished me a better birthday then her. And it sucks cause I went all out for her on her birthday. Her favorite drink I made a huge note of how much I love her and how much she means to me. I did everything I could on her birthday to make her feel special and loved.

But she hasn't done nothing it sucks. And I'm 17! This should be the time of partying and hooking up with a bunch of chicks. But the girlfriend I fell in love with I wouldn't mind being tied down. But not the one I'm dating now. Before her I never wanted a girlfriend. I played 5 girls but then I got serious with her and let them all go. I want to be with her. I have dated a bunch of girls and non of them are like her. Is it set in stone that were going to get married no. But I can see it happening I really want things to work. I told her you got to show you love me. I'm thinking playing hard to get. Then she can realize how much I am to her. Or is it too late and I should just moove on?

What should I DO?

I told her you gotta show you love me Dude that is crazy. She is distancing herself or you feel she is because she is not ga ga over you like you are over her. Her focus is elsewhere; her church. Respect that and find someone who will drool all over you.

I'm thinking playing hard to get. Then she can realize how much i am to her. That's real mature!
Or you can accept who she is and have a relationship with her.

Quote:

Originally Posted by V3i18c97

Man! I'm so sorry too here that, maybe she with someone that you don't know about ? Or she just having a bad time right now & she just don't know how too tell you ! The right way (maybe) but just give her sometime, I think you should ask her if she okay /or/ talk about your relationship with her <3

She's not the type that would cheat, I have asked her if there's someone else and she said no. And that she truly does love me. I think it's a bad time for her. The thing that sucks is a constantly bring it up to her.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

I told her you gotta show you love me Dude that is crazy. She is distancing herself or you feel she is because she is not ga ga over you like you are over her. Her focus is elsewhere; her church. Respect that and find someone who will drool all over you.

I'm thinking playing hard to get. Then she can realize how much i am to her. That's real mature!
Or you can accept who she is and have a relationship with her.

I think she is still crazy for me she just got comfortable. Like she knows I love her so she doesn't have to do too much? Maybe I don't know I'm thinking of going on a date soon with another girl. But I want her that's the thing

Quote:

Originally Posted by ballar2795

I think she is still crazy for me she just got comfortable. Like she knows i love her so she doesnt have to do to much? maybe idk im thinking of going on a date soon with another girl. But i want her thats the thing

If you are thinking about going out with another girl you don't love her that much unless you are doing it for spite and that is just immature.
She may still care for you but she is just not as crazy for you as you are for her.
If that bothers you, you leave her or you accept her

No its not like going out with another girl... it would be a date with a friend and a double date... im not going to cheat on her

Quote:

Originally Posted by V3i18c97

Alot of girls tells a guy that there's no one else , the do that cause they don't want too hurt the one's that loves them so much , but that's just me ! You know her way better then me too know If she has love for you or not but if I was a guy that was doing that too a girl , I would think that he trying too get a way from me but he not showing it ?

She loves me... when we first started getting serious she was the one that came for me... we already liked each other but she wanted more so she really tried and got me... in our relationship she was the first one to say I love you... like when I look into her eyes I know its real... but school just got out and were both busy we haven't seen each other for a week

Would it bother you if she went on a date with another guy? When you are exclusively dating someone, you don't go out on dates with another person.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Would it bother you if she went on a date with another guy? When you are exclusively dating someone, you don't go out on dates with another person.

Remember I said I'm lds my church wants us to date a lot... she has gone on a date while we were together I have gone on one... its not like cheating at all

Well why call each other girl friend and boy friend, just date. Maybe that is what she wants to do. You two are too young for all the serious stuff any way and she obviously does not want that. So you go out with other girls let her go out with other guys and if you two are meant to be together, it will happen somewhere down the road

Quote:

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Well why call each other girl friend and boy friend, just date. Maybe that is what she wants to do. You two are too young for all the serious stuff any way and she obviously does not want that. So you go out with other girls let her go out with other guys and if you two are meant to be together, it will happen somewhere down the road

Lady you don't know.. you can't say I'm too young sure I maybe young but I know what love is... you can't tell me that she doesn't want to be with me... you don't see the way she lightens up when I walk in the building. She wants to marry me

All relationships have ups and downs

Quote:

Originally Posted by ballar2795

Lady you dont know..you can't say i'm too young sure i maybe young but i know what love is...you can't tell me that she doesnt want to be with me...you dont see the way she lightens up when i walk in the building. She wants to marry me

All relationships have ups and downs

I really don't understand why you are here asking about this if you already know the answers. Homegirl was trying to help you based on what you wrote but then you tell her she doesn't know anything and that your girlfriend does want to be with you.

Well, if you're so sure that she wants to be with you... then what are you hoping to get from anyone here?

And really, to hand out negatives like that simply because you didn't like the answer she gave you... an opinion that can neither be right or wrong... how many people do you figure are going to rush in to help you when you do that?

So... good luck with your girlfriend that wants to be with you but for some reason seems to be blowing you off.

I'm a Mormon as well but do what God wants you too do don't let the church live you let God live you it's a tuff situation your in I wish I can help she clearly is trying to find herself give it some time I'm 16 and I clearly know that I have to have pacients for things but not only is it that if your pacient good things will come but if you change better things will happen do you really want to be on a wating list because that's what she's doing pray to God and see what he can do surely we both know it won't just come to you right away but maybe it might God does everything for a learning experience see I like the church but the church isn't living me I take peoples advice only if it'll really work on me and I give that advice to you she seems like a great gal but move on I once dealt the same way about a boy and now look we walk and were truly strangers again I think till this day if he was here I would be pregnant and he wouldn't be around as much if I had a child so just be positive if its meant to be it'll work if it didn't you'll find a great girl ;)

Yours truly zuely girl

Quote:

Originally Posted by odinn7

I really don't understand why you are here asking about this if you already know the answers. Homegirl was trying to help you based on what you wrote but then you tell her she doesn't know anything and that your girlfriend does want to be with you.

Well, if you're so sure that she wants to be with you...then what are you hoping to get from anyone here?

And really, to hand out negatives like that simply because you didn't like the answer she gave you....an opinion that can neither be right or wrong....how many people do you figure are going to rush in to help you when you do that?

So...good luck with your girlfriend that wants to be with you but for some reason seems to be blowing you off.

First off how can you say I'm being negative when your doing exactly that!! I appreciated homegirls advice at first but she doesn't understand where I'm coming from with the dating thing. Which is hard to understand for non mormons. We do it differently then society does it

Second of all I know she cares about me. I was just confuzed when I wrote this article I was mainly doing it to spill out everything that I have been building up. So no I'm really not coming for advice. I already had a plan. I just did it to spill my feelings OK. Ok. And she's not blowing me off. We actually fixed things so there

Quote:

Originally Posted by zuely96

I'm a Mormon aswell but do what God wants you too do don't let the church live you let God live you its a tuff situation your in I wish I can help she clearly is trying to find herself give it some time im 16 and I clearly know that I have to have pacients for things but not only is it that if your pacient good things will come but if you change better things will happen do you really wanna be on a wating list because that's what she's doing pray to God and see what he can do surely we both know it won't just come to you right away but maybe it might God does everything for a learning experience see I like the church but the church isn't living me I take peoples advice only if it'll really work on me and I give that advice to you she seems like a great gal but move on I once dealt the same way about a boy and now look we walk and were truly strangers again I think till this day if he was here I would be pregnant and he wouldn't be around as much if I had a child so just be positive if its meant to be it'll work if it didn't you'll find a great girl ;)

Yours truly zuely girl

Thanks zuely girl. That's what I do. I pray to God I have him guide me not the church. But she does it differently and her dad is the bishop but it's the churches way. She wouldn't have a boyfriend with any other boy but she did it with me cause she truly loves me. Regardless of what the church says.

But her parents know nothing about us she constantly has to lie when everyone will tell her parents they see her with a boyfriend. So I think its just tough on her to keep lying and lying so her parents won't flip and we would never see each other.

So I think she has had enough for a sec... But we fixed it just barley :)

Then you are a selfish boy.
You now tell us this girl has been lying all this time to her parents about you. No wonder she is distancing herself. Keeping up a lie uses up unnecessary energy.
I will say I again, you both are young you have your life ahead of you. Don't have this girl lying and sneaking around. You say you love her, you think you are not too young and immature? Show some maturity and do the right thing. Stop this sneaking around and behave as you are supposed to.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Then you are a selfish boy.
You now tell us this girl has been lying all this time to her parents about you. No wonder she is distancing herself. Keeping up a lie uses up unnecessary energy.
I will say I again, you both are young you have your life ahead of you. Don't have this girl lying and sneaking around. You say you love her, you think you are not too young and immature? Show some maturity and do the right thing. Stop this sneaking around and behave as you are supposed to.

Hold up what happened to I'm so mature? I have told her all the time you don't have to lie for me we can break up. She said no. I have told her over and over this lying isint good. If you want we can break up but she told me no. So I have given her the oppurtunity multiple times.

I have given up so much for her. I have done so many selfless things for her. So saying I'm selfish is such a false statement

She has distanced herself from you, you said so yourself. She is not as ga ga over you and maybe she is tired of lying to her parents. Encourage her to either be honest with her parents or stop dating you. That would be the mature way to do this.
Then you two can see each other the honest way.

A very important piece of information seems to be missing. How old is your girlfriend?

Good question.

I'd be curious to see the answer to that one as well.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

She has distanced herself from you, you said so yourself. She is not as ga ga over you and maybe she is tired of lying to her parents. Encourage her to either be honest with her parents or stop dating you. That would be the mature way to do this.
Then you two can see each other the honest way.

I took your advice thanks... she did it cause like she doesn't want us to make a mistake in having sex so were like broken up but friends with benefits type thing

What kind of benefits? What's the point if you are still seeing each other without her parent's knowledge?

How old is she?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

How old is she?

17... ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm I can't really answer that I have no clue... well she has told her parents we both really like each other but that's about it... she says she will tell them everything when she feels they are ready for it... its like another blog about her parents

You have been dating this girl for a year and you don't know how old she is?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

You have been dating this girl for a year and you don't know how old she is?

No she is 17... idk what the benefits are

Quote:

Originally Posted by ballar2795

she doesnt want us to make a mistake in having sex so were like broken up but friends with benefits type thing

This statement makes no sense... Friends with benefits means it's a friend that you have sex with.

I believe in a cycle Of five loves. First there is fear, then lies, then hate, then pain, then help. In my eyes, love is worth. No matter what, in the end it is worth it. So this cycle doesn't stop once you fall in it, and I think you and your girlfriend are in it. You fear losing her, you could have possibly lied to yourself saying it will get better (just a suggestion) then hate when you get into arguments and are lonely, the pain is striking you because she isn't with you now you're on this website searching for help. Sometimes in love you must be the one to prove them, even though your partner isn't showing affection. I need you to promise me ( a completely hopeless romanctic stanger) you won't let you and your girlfriends love die. You must both find worth because my friend you are in love. God or what ever religion you believe, who ever is up there, has blessed each of you with each other. To fall in love and to prove the world wrong that you won't be like the rest of the population,to let love die, and trie to move on. That you can find love at such a young age and make it last. Love is a fire, it can burn for years. Only doubts and fears ruin love. So my friend, I say to you, go show her worth, make her find worth, and both concure the world with love. It can't die trust me. Love can always find it's way.

With all do respect Genis, these are two 17 year olds who are sneaking around. This girl does not have her parents permission to date this boy and now he is upset that she is pulling away. We are not talking to adults in this situation. I'm not even sure how old she is, He says 17, then he says he's not sure.
He needs to have her be up front with her parents if he wants to continue to see her and if she wants him to back off, he needs to do so.

This is not a game. If she is not showing the same intensity for the relationship as you, you need to maybe realize she may not be the one for you. Allow her to be herself.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Genis

I believe in a cycle Of five loves. First there is fear, then lies, then hate, then pain, then help. In my eyes, love is worth. No matter what, in the end it is worth it. So this cycle doesn't stop once you fall in it, and I think you and your girlfriend are in it. You fear losing her, you could have possibly lied to yourself saying it will get better (just a suggestion) then hate when you get into arguments and are lonely, the pain is striking you becuase she isn't with you now you're on this website searching for help. Sometimes in love you must be the one to prove them, even though your partner isn't showing affection. I need you to promise me ( a completly hopeless romanctic stanger) you won't let you and your girlfriends love die. You must both find worth becuase my friend you are in love. God or what ever religion you believe, who ever is up there, has blessed each of you with each other. To fall in love and to prove the world wrong that you won't be like the rest of the population,to let love die, and trie to move on. That you can find love at such a young age and make it last. Love is a fire, it can burn for years. Only doubts and fears ruin love. So my friend, I say to you, go show her worth, make her find worth, and both concure the world with love. It can't die trust me. Love can always find it's way.

Genisis you are a stud!. thanks for all of that :)... and the past couple of days have been eye openeing to me we are together she is crazy for me again! We both have fixed this and promised that no matter what this love won't die

Quote:

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

With all do respect Genis, these are two 17 year olds who are sneaking around. This girl does not have her parents permission to date this boy and now he is upset that she is pulling away. We are not talking to adults in this situation. I'm not even sure how old she is, He says 17, then he says he's not sure.
He needs to have her be up front with her parents if he wants to continue to see her and if she wants him to back off, he needs to do so.

This is not a game. If she is not showing the same intensity for the relationship as you, you need to maybe realize she may not be the one for you. Allow her to be herself.

Lady I said it she is 17 I know when her birthday is February first 1995. If you haven't noticed latly teenagers sneak behind their parents

Sneaking does not make it right, and if you are encouraging her to sneak, you are not good for her and I Hope she wises up

You didn't want advice you wanted someone to tell you want to hear.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

You didn't want advice you wanted someone to tell you want to hear.

Too true. It's obvious you only came here to find someone to agree with you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ballar2795

genisis you are a stud!!!!!...thanks for all of that :)...and the past couple of days have been eye openeing to me we are together she is crazy for me again! we both have fixed this and promised thano matter what this love wontdie

I am glad I could help!