I've been talking to this girl from Match.com for a few weeks now on AIM and on the phone, and tomorrow night we're meeting for the first time in real life.

I'm keeping it to a short and casual dinner after we both get off work.

Any advice?

I've never done this before and I'm kind of skeptical. But for those of you who know me on these boards, I think this is good for me to learn how to be chill about these things and not have any expectations. Just kind of get to know someone, plain and simple.

The weird thing about online dating is that you know a lot of stuff about each other without ever having interacted in the simple ways. I don't know how this will play out.

If any of you have had experience with this, PLEASE POST!!

Hi Pat,

Oh, go and have fun tomorrow. The great thing is, as you said, you know a lot about each other already, and you didn't have to suffer through that beginning awkard stuff "oh what do I say now" kind of thing.

I have had friends who have gone this route, and I think it is so much better than the bar scene. Some had great success and some others, well, they just didn't connect. I do know of a couple that met this way, and will be getting married in August.

Anyway, just go and have fun, try and relax and get to know this new friend a little better. We can always use friends in our lives and the two of you must be comfortable enough, based on the things you shared so far, so the worst that could happen is that you met a new friend, and that is not a bad thing at all, it's actually a very good thing.

Go and have a great time! And let us know how it went :)

Yes, Just have fun... Enjoy your outing together. My wife's cousin actually had an online boyfriend from another country they eventually met, got married and now they are living together. Getting a head of things now, but you get the point. Things have a way of working out if they are meant to be.

I agree with allheart, that the online dating is a lot better then the bar scene.

So no expectations. Be casual and just be yourself and have fun.

Let us know how your date went.

Joe

Thanks Allheart.

Is/Are there any things I need to be careful/aware of? I mean, as long as the girl I meet doesn't turn out to be a hulking 6'7 400 pound man I should be OK, right? LOL... you know what I mean?

LoL

Now your letting your imagination is in overdrive. Imagine if it looks like a women, but has male anotomy.

Okay, I am just joking.

Believe me, your meeting in a public place. You will be fine. I do not think you have anything to worry about.

My motto and I believe Allheart would say the same, is RELAX.

Joe

Had to spread the love joe, but yes relax!!

LOL, well yes, please run the other way if it is a 6'7 400 pound man. Run fast and do not turn around to see how closely he is following you.

Did you not exchange pictures?

I promise you, this is going to be an enjoyable evening. I am excited for you. It's a night out, with someone you both obviously have similar interest, so deep breath and bring your running shoes. Hee hee.

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Originally Posted by Jesushelper76

LoL

Now your letting your imagination is in overdrive. Imagine if it looks like a women, but has male anotomy.

Okay, I am just joking.

Believe me, your meeting in a public place. You will be fine. I do not think you have anything to worry about.

My motto and I believe Allheart would say the same, is RELAX.

Joe

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Oh no! You just put a horrible image in my head! LOL!!

We did exchange numerous pictures, so it's very clear to me what she looks at. Not just pictures at decieiving angles, but plain photos with friends, by ourselves, etc.

She left me a message and I must have listened to it 3 times to make sure it was an actual female's voice... yes, I am being very paranoid about this online thing... ahha.

I'll try and have fun and do my best not to think that there's something wrong with her or she's out to get me. Hell, I'm doing the same thing and she's prob afriad of me too!

Thanks for the advice guys... I'll keep this updated.

More comments are welcome too.

I dated many girls I meet online when I started dating again about 10 years ago.

I meet a lot of great ladies, and a lot of strange ones,
One was a great lady but after three or four real life dates she started planning my life and carrerr ( she had the connections to do it)

One was a self proclaimed witch and told me she had a spell on me so I could not break up with her

One , well let me say police handcuffs have all sorts of purposes in her mind

One had a girlfriend also that she let me meet after two or three dates.

One started talking marriage on first date

A few must have thought I was strange since we never dated again after the first meeting)

And a couple who most certainly did not look like their photos by about 200 lbs.

But I did meet a wonderful lady about 6 hour drive away from me at the time and we got married and have been for about 8 years now.

A lot of it is how much and how honest each person is when they are chatting online.

Next of course on the women's side, I understand about 1/2 of the men they talk to end up being really married.

Relax and have fun, that's what your doing this for isn't it. Keep us updated and if she is a 400lb man be honest if you really like her/him.:eek: That's where the good advice will come in handy.:)

I agree with all the other posters. Just have fun!
Are you worried that she's not going to be who she says she is?
I've met up with people I found online, people who I thought I knew really well, and it hurt when I realised they weren't nearly as friendly as they had made out.
The majority, though, have been really great to get to know in person. It was just the odd few that weren't.
Best of luck!

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Originally Posted by Pagan_soul

Are you worried that she's not going to be who she says she is?

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YES. YES.

... and did I mention, yes?

That's my number 1 concern.

OK I got to share my online dating story too.. haha

Ok so we and this guy had talked and chatted via webcam for several months (this was about 5 years ago). Well we lived 4 hours from each other so we decided we would both drive 2 hours and meet up to have dinner.

So we meet at an Outback Steakhouse. He was like really hot in his pictures and on cam so I was really nervous.
He said he would call when he got closer (I had gotten a hotel for myself so I was waiting there) and well 2 hours past our meeting time I am thinking 'oh great I am being stood up'. But then he calls me from a pay phone saying something about his car staring on fire... I was like hmm OK well here come the excuses.. but he said he was still on his way so I just went with it

I head to the restrurant and wait outside for about 30 minutes alone. He shows up and well he didn't look as hot in person... lol! I mean he looked the same, but he was balding (age 23).. which I wouldn't have thought it looked bad, but he was obviously trying to do the whole comb over effect. I guess that's something that webcams couldn't pick up, haha.

So we end up waiting 30 more minutes to get a table... no big deal we small talk. All the while I am kind of laughing in my head about this whole thing... I mean really car on fire, comb over at 23...

Ok so we get our table and we get one of those blooming onions.. you know how sooo good they are! And so messy! Haha. Well I have my little plate and doing the proper thing, but he's just like mauling the thing.. which I don't care but he's being so messy about it. The restaurant had those nice cloth napkins too and he's just making a mess of everything. Then he looks over at me and says why don't they have any napkins here? I kind of laughed and told him he's been using it.

Well he calls over our waitress and tells her I need some napkins... I am like oh wow this is funny... waiting for him to let her in on the joke... but he doesn't. So she looks at me and says I am sorry we don't have paper napkins here... I could get you some from the bathroom. I look over at him and he's just looking at me expectedly, so I say sure... please.

She leaves to get them and I am waiting for him to laugh or something... but he goes on like this is totally normal! I am GROANing inside, but laughing too. So the whole thing is kind of awkward, but I got over my nervousness and just wanted the whole thing to be over.

So we are finishing up and I am preparing to pay for my own dinner, and I expected us to just pay our own... haha then he pulls the I don't have my wallet on me. I just give him this incredulous look like I am not about to pay for you... and he's like well I have some cash, but its not enough. So I tell him to give me his cash and I will pay for the rest on my card... I just want this night to be over!

So we are leaving and he's walking me to my car. Ive got a cute li'l Honda Civic that I baby... haha doesn't matter to this story, but I have pride in my car. So he's doing the whole macho, so you want to hang out some more thing. I was wanting to just bail back to my hotel, but I figured I would see if he can redeem himself.

So we go to this park and are walking around the pond looking at the ducks. He sits down on a bench and goes to grab my hand and pull me to sit on his lap but I end up tripping over a tree trunk and fall on the floor... I am laughing so hard inside and out at this point... this guy is a total GOOBER!

Ok well I will make this shorter... in the end I ended up seeing his car, and he's got some big brown thing, that I am certain it DID start on fire! Lol. But to make it worse it looks like he's living in the back seat- it had so much junk in it!

I know he was a college student and living with his parents... so yeah I didn't want to tease him about the mess.

We went our separate ways from there and whew let me tell you I get laughs every time I think about it or tell others...

I still talk to him from time to time, he's a nice guy... but goodness he has like no manners, no social skills...

I hope your date goes better than that! lol.

PS. I HAVE had successful dates since then..

THE DATE WAS AWESOME!!

All right guys, here's what went down last night:

I basically fell asleep when I got home from work and woke up to my cell phone ringing... it was her... lol... already at the restaurant she said. I quickly got ready and met her there and ended up being 10 min late, which wasn't that bad and she didn't care.

When I saw her sitting there I was like "wow"... she actually looked even better than her photos... nice skinny little brunette chick. I gave her a hug and did the whole "nice to finally meet you thing" and we had a nice sushi dinner which I paid for.

I asked her if she wanted to go somewhere else for dessert and she said yes, so we ended up spending another hour at this place sharing a chocolate cake or something... I think it was a cake. She paid for dessert.

By then it was about 10pm so I told her I had to go. She said she wanted to hang out again so I said maybe next time she can bring friends and I'll bring mine and we can go out to a bar or something.

The whole time, conversation flowed without pause or any awkwardness. I could tell she was kind of nervous because she's be pulling on her shirt or whatever and looking at me and then back at the table every now and then. I was nervous too but I played it cool. Didn't say anything dumb and I didn't come off as clingy or needy.

I think it was good that she wanted to go for dessert and that she suggested that we hang out again. That shows she had fun and there's probably some interest there.

I'll prob wait for her to contact me. I'll just chill for now. It was a good time and a fun experience.

I was so afraid she'd turn out to be either A) a man, B) 200 pounds overweight, or C) a tranny.

I bet she and the people in the restaurant could see the look of relief and amazement in my face when I saw that not only was she normal looking, but very cute as well.

I'm not sure if I was aggressive enough though. When she stood up to greet me she offered her hand but I gave her a hug instead and she was like, "oh, hugs!" lol. I wanted to set the tone, you know? But after that I kind of laid back and chilled... I didn't want to come off as a touchy creep. It was the first time meeting her, so I limited it to a hand on her waist when we were crossing streets and that's about it. Don't know if you guys think I should have done more?

EDIT: I am now a supporter of online dating. I think anyone who has thought about trying it SHOULD try it. This date was everything I expected and more.

I agree that you should just go and have fun. If there is anything bad that I have to say about internet dating is that I have found from personal experience that the people never look like they do in their pics. Lots of people don't update their pictures on those sites and unless they are recent then its anybody's guess. For that reason alone I gave up on the whole dating website thing. I met 4 people and they looked nothing like their pics. And not that looks are everything but lets be honest here people it helps if you like what your seeing!

Oops sorry I posted that last comment without reading how the date turned out! My bad! I am so glad you had a good time and I don't think you were too aggressive with he hug. Sounds like everything you did was right cause she suggested hanging out again. I'm glad she was everything you expected!

Great Pat, Glad to hear she shaved before the date and I hope you did too.:eek: , just kidding but way to have a good time.

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I'll prob wait for her to contact me. I'll just chill for now. It was a good time and a fun experience.

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Just me though, a thank you note would be a nice touch in a few days. Always be a gentleman with CLASS.:cool:

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Great Pat, Glad to hear she shaved before the date and I hope you did too.:eek: , just kidding but way to have a good time. Just me though, a thank you note would be a nice touch in a few days. Always be a gentleman with CLASS.:cool:

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A thank you note? What do you mean? Lol. I send thank you notes after job interviews...

Do you mean IM her and say "i had a great time"? That sort of thing? Because I was going to do it anyway.

Don't know how internet dating works but will she dislike me if I don't send a thank you? Because I don't do that after regular dates I've had with women I've met in real life...

So much to learn... lol.

That is awsome Pat. Happy you enjoyed yourself. I personally would have said that would be great to hang out again. Too soon to include friends especially if you want to get to know each other first. That is just my thought anyway.

I am with tal, I would contact her in a couple of days.

Joe

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Do you mean IM her and say "i had a great time"? That sort of thing?

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Okay I'm showing my age, Don't know what IM is . Is it the same as LOL?

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So much to learn... lol.

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Me too I guess. You do know that the best part about being single is date a lot of ladies, or am I moving to fast? Or am I showing my age again?

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Okay I'm showing my age, Dont know what IM is . Is it the same as LOL?

Me too I guess. You do know that the best part about being single is date a lot of ladies, or am I moving to fast? Or am I showing my age again?

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IM = instant messaging on AOL

Yeah, I'm loving the single life now. Remember when I was dumped by my girlfriend 7 months ago? I'm feeling A lot better now!!

:)

I met my current boyfriend at match.com 19 months ago and I must say that we hit it off right from the beginning. The advantage with this dating system is that you know you are meeting somebody who has your same intentions and you don't have to keep wondering whether they are interested in you or not. The disadvntage is that sometimes we think that because you met in such a way you are meant for each other and, unfortunately, it is not always the case( I am going through a relationship crisis right now and this is one of the topics we have discussed). So I would recommend you to have fun and enjoy, be yourself as she must have read your profile and knows what you want+do, etc. But keep in mind that it is only a first date and it will work exactly as any other date you had. GOod luck and keep us informed!x

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Great Pat, Glad to hear she shaved before the date and I hope you did too.:eek: , just kidding but way to have a good time. Just me though, a thank you note would be a nice touch in a few days. Always be a gentleman with CLASS.:cool:

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Pat, I so agree with Tal here. Finish the date the way you started it as a gentlemen and follow up with some kind of acknowledgement of the date. IM - Pm whatever M you guys do these days, it would be an incredibly impressive gesture to make some sort of contact. As Tal said, shows Class.

Way to go though. So happy for you Pat!

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Originally Posted by Allheart

Pat, I so agree with Tal here. Finish the date the way you started it as a gentlemen and follow up with some kind of acknowledgement of the date. IM - Pm whatever M you guys do these days, it would be an incredibly impressive gesture to make some sort of contact. As Tal said, shows Class.

Way to go though. So happy for you Pat!

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I was going to just sit back and wait for her to thank me... haha... no but seriously, I wasn't going to contact her again until she contacted me.

But since you guys urge me to do so, I'll give her a quick instant message tonight or tomorrow just to see if she got home OK, etc... she drove an hour to meet me.

I'm just trying my best to take the OPPOSITE approach as I have before with girls. I'm all about having fun now, and not really caring about what she thinks or what I'm supposed to do. I'm just so glad that Match.com worked for me and I think that I'll be able to meet many women through that site and improve my social skills since I didn't have a chance to because I was in LT relationship.

One question though- I wouldn't mind seeing this girl again... maybe next weekend or something. Don't know if I should ask her to hang out again or what. I'm actually meeting up with a different girl this weekend! LOL.

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Originally Posted by PatBateman

One question though- I wouldn't mind seeing this girl again...maybe next weekend or something. Dunno if I should ask her to hang out again or what. I'm actually meeting up with a different girl this weekend! LOL.

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You dawg!! Already have another one on the fishing line huh?? I can not be supporting this... can I?? LOL. Just kiddn.

Just my opinion here, but it would be nice to check to see if she got home okay. That would be very nice. I understand that you want to do this opposite thing (did you ever see the Sienfeld episode where George did everything opposite with the girls, he actaully made out quite well, but keep in mind that is TV.

All joking aside, the one thing you don't want to loose of yourself, is the caring about others feelings side of you. It is okay to care if she got home okay and express that. You don't want to go to far to the other side either. You don't want to become cold and indifferent. Reaching a nice middle ground would be good and retain who you are in the process.

Enjoy this time!! Show the ladies (had to use plural since there's another one this weekend LOL ) respect, and finally, this is very important... please... keep their names straight!! :) Issue nametags if you must... (just kiddn) Relax you are doing great. Really sounds like she enjoyed herself. Good for you.

I'll be doggone what have we created?? Player, player, Mac Daddy. All kidding aside, Go slow and be real... your REAL self and have bunch of fun. Always remember dating is about FUN and laughng, oh Gosh, I hope I can wait till next week.

LOL, that's right Tal, I'll be doggone as well, did AMHD creat a real DAWG? Yeh, Pat Macdaddy at your service. Just kiddn Pat. That's what I was trying to say, just couldn't find the words, but Tal did...

Be your REAL self and enjoy!!

Haha thanks everyone! Well, I wouldn't be doing so well now without the support of this community. Lots of good advice here!!

I did tell her to give me a text when she got home if she wanted but I didn't get one so I figured she got home all right. Maybe I'll give her an IM tomorrow and ask just to be courteous like you all suggested.

I've been seeing this girl I met on Match.com for a few weeks now. We talked a few times, met up in person for the first time last weekend, and today I saw her for the second time. The first time we went out for sushi and we had a lot of fun. It was short, but sweet and interesting. Aside from a hug good bye, I didn't do anything else.

So today, we ended up walking around this street with all these shops and stuff but didn't go in anywhere. I asked her if she wanted to go ice skating but she said she hates it because when she was 12 she tore her quads after a bad fall... lol. So I stopped pushing it and we had some coffee and called it a night after 2 hours of walking and talking because she said she had some work to finish for tomorrow morning for one of her ad clients. (She's a director at a marketing firm)

I walked her back to her car and she drove me back to mine and then followed me because she didn't know her way back from where we were. Because of the way we left, we couldn't really do formal goodbyes... so no hugs this time.

The thing that sucked about today was that I had no chance to get physical with her. It was purely a "hanging out" type date and aside from rubbing her back for a few seconds because she said she was cold, that was all I did. I wanted to give her a kiss goodnight but it would have been weird in the car.

I think she's warming up to me more because I mean, she drove an hour plus just to walk around with me on a day's notice... lol. I just wish she'd put her arms around me or whatever or at least show me some signs she wants to get hit on... lol. I'm a shy guy and usually am really respectful so I was afraid of just grabbing her hand or waist, which would have been weird anyway.

I wish we went skating... that would have been a cakewalk.

Do you all think I should have been more aggressive?

Sounds like you had a nice date and no, I don't think you should have been more aggressive. What happened was meant to happen the way it did. Instead of driving yourself crazy with the "what ifs", give her a call or e-mail her this week, tell you had a nice time today and ask her out again. If she goes out with you again, then no worries. Right?

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Originally Posted by PatBateman

I've been seeing this girl I met on Match.com for a few weeks now. We talked a few times, met up in person for the first time last weekend,

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Pat you have only been "seeing" her twice. Chill out and relax.

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Originally Posted by PatBateman

The first time we went out for sushi and we had alot of fun. It was short, but sweet and interesting. Aside from a hug good bye, I didn't do anything else.

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Sounds great. Take it SLOW!!

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Originally Posted by PatBateman

Because of the way we left, we couldn't really do formal goodbyes...so no hugs this time.

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Good, you don't want to move too fast.

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Originally Posted by PatBateman

The thing that sucked about today was that I had no chance to get physical with her.

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Did you not learn from the last experience? You want to get physical? TAKE IT SLOW!!

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Originally Posted by PatBateman

It was purely a "hanging out" type date

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Please tell me, what is wrong with that? NOTHING!! Women like to hang out.

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Originally Posted by PatBateman

I just wish she'd put her arms around me or whatever

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She is smart and taking it slow. What is the rush?

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Originally Posted by PatBateman

at least show me some signs she wants to get hit on...

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You are kidding right? You have only seen her in person 2 times!!

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Originally Posted by PatBateman

I'm a shy guy and usually am really respectful so I was afraid of just grabbing her hand or waist, which would have been wierd anyways.

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You should be, you could have scared her off. Jeez, let her get to know you first!!

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Originally Posted by PatBateman

Do you all think I should have been more aggressive?

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No, you did just the right thing. Respect her as a woman, not as a piece of . The time will come if it is right, do not push it or you will be right back to square one where you were with the last gal.

Have you taken time to work on yourself? Have you really looked deeply?

Well I just don't want to make her think that I'm not into her. I like her, and I'm still getting to know her but I want her to know this too. I just don't want her to think I'm asexual or something... lol.

Pat, if you are asking her out, believe me, she won't think you are asexual. Take your cues from her. It sounds like you handled yourself perfectly for the kind of date you had today.

Ms Ruby is curious, what make you think women want to be pawed so quickly?

I understand that, but you CAN'T be too aggressive or you will scare her off.

I prefer a man who would like to get to know me for who I am first. Be "friends" so to speak. Then things go from there. Physical in the beginning is BAD. Very BAD.

You did great, keep it up, if it is right it will come in time. You will know when that time comes, it is just a feeling. She will probably give you signals too if she feels the same.

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Originally Posted by J_9

I understand that, but you CAN'T be too aggressive or you will scare her off.

I prefer a man who would like to get to know me for who I am first. Be "friends" so to speak. Then things go from there. Physical in the beginning is BAD. Very BAD.

You did great, keep it up, if it is right it will come in time. You will know when that time comes, it is just a feeling. She will probably give you signals too if she feels the same.

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Being her "friend" is a bad thing though isn't it? Like, falling into the "friend zone" where the woman likes you, but she doesn't LIKE you like you, you know?

But yeah, the situation today simply didn't call for any touchy feely stuff. It would have been awkward if I had tried anything.

You are not at the point of falling into the "friend" zone yet. No where near that. And, believe it or not, the best matches are people who become not only mates but best friends as well.

I started reading some of your earlier postings and got a better grasp on your situation.

Take your cues from her. She will let you know when she wants more. You made a comment in an earlier post about how she was a little surprised by your hug on the first date. That tells me she is trying to take this slow to get to know you better. Play it cool boy. This girl sounds like she wants to get to know you better before any heavy contact.

Hey Pat.

Good to see your back and it sounds as though your going all right.

Just remember to take it slow. You are thinking way too much again. Remember the last girl??

You rushed and flew into something you weren't ready for. Went way too fast after everyone told you you weren't ready and it crashed and burned.

Learn from your past mistakes and just take it slow. You'll get your hugs and kisses when the time is right. For goodness sake you have only seen her twice.

What do you want? Passionate kisses in the street?

Don't worry yourself so much. When you think too much you just get clingy and needy and come off as desperate!

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Originally Posted by PatBateman

Being her "friend" is a bad thing though isn't it?

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Quite the opposite in the beginning.

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Originally Posted by PatBateman

Like, falling into the "friend zone"

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You have not even gotten there yet.

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Originally Posted by PatBateman

but she doesn't LIKE you like you, ya know?

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You haven't even gotten that far yet.

Pat, take it SLOW. How many times have we ALL told you that.

I prefer to fall in love with a friend. I like to share my life with my friend.

You have only seen her in person 2 times for cripes sakes. Chill out. Take it slow.

Hi Pat, As you know the way to mess everything up is too rush through something and not read the signals along the way. If you start to look toward your own agenda I guarantee you will miss the subtle hints that can guide you to this females heart. Slow down and pay attention and be a gentleman.

It's just so hard when all my guy friends are telling me to put the moves on her, etc.

Yeah, I know what happened last time with my little rebound mistake but I'm not looking for that now. I'm just trying to catch up a bit and act like a normal 23 year old would act on a date. I don't want to be a high school boy, know what I mean? My buddies (who all hook up with a diff girl every weekend) tell me that I've got to be more aggressive. Like, hold her from behind when we're waiting for the subway, or take her hand when we cross the street or something. We're not talking making out in the street.. just little/subtle actions of sexuality.

I don't know.. what do you guys think of that?

Pat,

My wife and I, became very good friends first. We took our time getting to know each other and we really became each others best friends. We took it nice and slow. We became soulmates. Now if I was aggressive with her and did not take my time to get to know her, she would think that I am like all the other men, who only want one thing and that would have pushed her away and I would not have a beautiful wife, now a beautiful child.

So yes, I think it is better to become friends first and I think that those who do take the time to become really close friends first makes for a nice long companionship.

Good luck and RELAX AND CALM DOWN. Go with the flow.

Joe