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  • Jul 18, 2010, 05:13 PM
    brightsky
    Older guy... just being friendly or actually interested?
    I'm a 19 year old girl and there's this man who's probably 30 something possibly even 40 (I'm not exactly sure of his age even though he doesn't look old) who's a neighbor of mine. We live in the same apartment building and is someone that I see every now and then. He's married with kids and trust me, I understand that and I am not after him, but, I've been thinking that this man may be attracted to me and/or flirting with me. We don't know anything too personal about one another. Not even each others' names but here's why I think he may be attracted to me/flirting with me:

    Every time he sees me, he says hi and I know that it seems like no big deal to say hello but this guy will pretty much go out of his way to say hi to me. For example, he sees me but I don't see him, and he'll still call out something like "Hey girl! How you doing?!" even if I'm like 5 feet away from him. He's always being nice to me and to my dad who I'm really close with and whom I live with. He also stares at me and if/when I catch him staring at me, he won't look away. Instead he'll try to hold eye contact with me. He has actually held eye contact with me longer than you normally would hold eye contact with someone. He always looks at me as I was walk past him. Whenever he sees me, he seems to find something to say even if it's silly and unimportant. Sometimes, I can't help but think that he does it to try and grab my attention. Whenever he gets the chance to, he tries to make small talk and when we talk the conversation is pretty much always about me. One day, as I was walking outside while he was driving past, he saw me and wouldn't take his eyes off me until he had driven too far ahead to keep looking. One time, as I was entering the building, he held the door open for me and as I was walking through the door, he reached over and touched a small part of my hair that was up by my face with his hand. I was so shocked, confused, and uncomfortable that I just walked away without saying anything or even looking at him. Then, another time when he and I saw each other we had a small conversation and when our conversation ended he suggested that I give him my email address. This wasn't the first time that he implied that he wanted my email address (he had also done it before a couple of years ago).

    A few weeks after that, I was on my way out one morning with my dad. He said good morning to my dad as he greeted him with a handshake. Then proceeded to greet me the same way. The difference was that when he took my hand, he wouldn't stop looking at me, & he didn't exactly shake my hand, he just gave it a slight and gentle squeeze, and held my hand a little longer than normal. It felt as if he didn't want to let go. There was also this time when I was going out and he was across the street from me. He seemed distracted but as soon as he saw me, he went "oooh" and seemed really happy to see me (I wasn't wearing revealing clothing (I never do) just simple fitted jeans and a fitted shirt) but his face just seemed to light up.
    There was also a time when we ran into each other at a gas station. I was sitting in the passenger seat of the car I was in, with the window closed as he parked his car right next to the one I was in. He kept looking at me the whole time and even playfully stuck his tongue out at me. I tried my best to ignore him but, I could just feel his eyes on me the whole time. Even when he was paying for the stuff he bought, he kept turning to look back at me. He even did the "call me" thing where you hold your pinky finger and thumb finger up to your face to me twice. The weird thing is that I don't know whether he was trying to ask me for me for my number or if he was trying to tell me to call him. Either way, he doesn't have my number nor do I have his. He also didn't leave till I waved good-bye to him.

    After that, some time went by where we didn't see each other but, when we did, he asked me if I was done with school for the year and I said that I was. Then he said "Oh no wonder I don't see you in the mornings anymore."
    And now, just about a week ago, I was in the car across the street and as he was he headed into the building (on the other side of the street) he saw me, didn't take his eyes off me once and even turned his head to look back at me until I was out of his sight.

    So, is he just being friendly or is he interested? I'm asking this question because I'm confused and sometimes don't know how to react to his actions because I'm not sure whether he's just being friendly or not.
    Sorry for making this a long post but I thought the details might help.
  • Jul 18, 2010, 05:22 PM
    Kitkat22

    He's married doesn't matter if he's just trying to be friendly or not.
    If he wants to be more than friendly,he's a sleaze and still married.
  • Jul 18, 2010, 08:22 PM
    Homegirl 50

    He is behaving inappropriately.
    Don't make any contact with him. I hope you didn't give him your e-mail address. I would not even speak to him. If he continues his flirting, tell your dad.
  • Jul 18, 2010, 08:24 PM
    Kitkat22
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Homegirl 50 View Post
    He is behaving inappropriately.
    Don't make any contact with him. I hope you didn't give him your e-mail address. I would not even speak to him. If he continues his flirting, tell your dad.

    Yes, tell your Dad. I'm sure a nice conversation between him and your dad would put an end to it.:rolleyes:
  • Jul 18, 2010, 08:26 PM
    Homegirl 50

    Yep, that should do the trick.
    Perhaps if you ignore him, he'll get the message.
  • Jul 19, 2010, 07:56 AM
    brightsky
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Homegirl 50 View Post
    He is behaving inappropriately.
    Don't make any contact with him. I hope you didn't give him your e-mail address. I would not even speak to him. If he continues his flirting, tell your dad.

    Don't worry. I haven't given him my email address. The time(s) that he asked for it, I just brushed it off as if I didn't even hear him.
    I've thought about telling my dad about him but, I'm afraid that he won't believe me.

    I also kind of tried to tell a friend of mine, who's my age, about him once but, I couldn't even explain the situation fully to her because she approached it immaturely right off the bat.
  • Jul 19, 2010, 08:11 AM
    Homegirl 50

    Why do you think your dad won't believe you?
    You tell him this guy makes you feel uncomfortable, that he is coming on to you.
    You can ignore him, that should do it, but if he persist you need to tell your dad about him.
  • Jul 19, 2010, 10:31 AM
    Kitkat22
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Homegirl 50 View Post
    Why do you think your dad won't believe you?
    You tell him this guy makes you feel uncomfortable, that he is coming on to you.
    You can ignore him, that should do it, but if he persist you need to tell your dad about him.

    Or you could tell the guy to "knock it off" or you'll tell your boyfriend and your Dad. Scare the living daylights out of him. And be emphatic when you do it!
  • Jul 19, 2010, 10:54 AM
    Homegirl 50

    Kitkat has a point.
    The next time he says something to you, tell him you are not interested and to knock it off, if he doesn't tell your dad.
  • Jul 19, 2010, 12:46 PM
    brightsky
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Homegirl 50 View Post
    Why do you think your dad won't believe you?
    You tell him this guy makes you feel uncomfortable, that he is coming on to you.
    You can ignore him, that should do it, but if he persist you need to tell your dad about him.

    Well... sometimes, I feel like my dad won't believe me because he's always thought of this guy as a nice guy and the guy has never really given him a reason to believe otherwise. Plus, my dad is a little naïve at times and I'm afraid that if I told him, he'd say something like "the guy is married, why would he be interested in you?" or just simply think that I'm one of those girls who can't have a guy be nice to her because she just assumes that he's interested in her.
  • Jul 19, 2010, 12:51 PM
    brightsky
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Homegirl 50 View Post
    Kitkat has a point.
    The next time he says something to you, tell him you are not interested and to knock it off, if he doesn't tell your dad.

    Yeah. I guess I'll try that but, the problem is that he has never actually flat out said that he's interested in me or anything like that. He just drops hints of interest like the ones I mentioned in my original post. So, if someone doesn't tell you straight out that they're interested in you how can you tell them that you're not interested in them?
  • Jul 19, 2010, 12:51 PM
    Kitkat22
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by brightsky View Post
    Well...sometimes, I feel like my dad won't believe me because he's always thought of this guy as a nice guy and the guy has never really given him a reason to believe otherwise. Plus, my dad is a little naive at times and I'm afraid that if I told him, he'd say something like "the guy is married, why would he be interested in you?" or just simply think that I'm one of those girls who can't have a guy be nice to her because she just assumes that he's interested in her.

    Tell him anyway. Daddies have a built in radar when it comes to their baby
    Girl. See if he doesn't react just as all daddies would.:eek:
  • Jul 19, 2010, 12:54 PM
    Homegirl 50

    I doubt your dad is as naïve as you think. He is a man after all.
    I don't think he would appreciate a married man making passes at his daughter.
    You still should tell him this guy is creeping you out.
    Are you out spoken enough to tell the man to just leave you alone?

    Quote:
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by brightsky
    Yeah. I guess I'll try that but, the problem is that he has never actually flat out said that he's interested in me or anything like that. He just drops hints of interest like the ones I mentioned in my original post. So, if someone doesn't tell you straight out that they're interested in you how can you tell them that you're not interested in them?
    The guys actions are inapporpritae. He should not be asking for your e-mail address. He should not be talking to you and staring at you.
    Ignore him. See if he gets that message.
  • Jul 19, 2010, 12:59 PM
    Kitkat22
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Homegirl 50 View Post
    The guys actions are inapporpritae. He should not be asking for youe-mail ddress. He should not be talking to you and staring at you.
    Ignore him. See if he gets that message.




    Yes they are. HG is right.. he's a dirty old man with the leer and the asking for your email. Tell him outright you aren't interested. He probably already has another young "squeeze" at his office.
  • Jul 19, 2010, 02:18 PM
    Just_Another_Lemming


    Brightsky, you are a very perceptive young lady. Your inner voice is steering you correctly. In the future, always listen to that voice. Never doubt it. To answer your question directly: The guy is DEFINITELY very interested in you, as the others here have stated. His behaviour is downright creepy. It sounds like his attention is bordering on obsession. I know you don't want to be rude so you haven't said anything to get him away from you BUT... you need to start being rude. When you see him, look him square in the eye and ask VERY loudly "Where are your beautiful wife and children?" Then scowl at him and walk away quickly. If on the next occasion, he attempts to stare at you, get your attention, or speak with you, say & do the same thing as before. It may take a third time of doing it, but I can guarantee he will stop. Especially if any neighbors are within earshot. He may actually attempt to avoid you after that.

    If you are not comfortable with the above, or if it doesn't work (that would mean the guy is REALLY obsessed with you), then you need to do what I told a friend to do. She was literally in the same situation you are in. She thought her father wouldn't believe her too. I suggested she write down everything this guy said & did (as you have done here).

    I told her to go to her Dad with the paper in hand & tell him that she thought this man was making inappropriate passes at her but since she wasn't experienced she wasn't sure, so she wrote it all down & would he please read through it and tell her what he thought.

    Her father told her that her instinct was right, he went and spoke to the man. We don't know what he said BUT, the man never bothered her again and actually avoided her. I suspect the Dad told the neighbor that if he heard he was staring, or attempting to make conversation with his daughter again, he would go over to his apartment, have a chat with the guy's wife, and show her what his daughter had written.

    So, if the second option is something you are more comfortable with, my suggestion to you is to print out this entire thread. Talk to your Dad as my friend did with hers & let him read all of this.
  • Jul 19, 2010, 02:44 PM
    brightsky
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Homegirl 50 View Post
    I doubt your dad is as naive as you think. He is a man after all.
    I don't think he would appreciate a married man making passes at his daughter.
    You still should tell him this guy is creeping you out.
    Are you out spoken enough to tell the man to just leave you alone?

    I honestly, don't know if I'm outspoken enough to tell this man to leave me alone because I'm actually a very shy person but, I guess that if things ever came to a point where I felt like they were out of hand, than I COULD. The problem is, we don't want things to get out of hand in order for me to tell him to leave me alone.

    Just_Another_Lemming, you're right. I AM a percerptive person and you're right... I don't want to be rude. I guess I just need to find it in me, to be rude or just try to do what you mentioned in your second option. Thanks for responding to my post. :)
  • Jul 19, 2010, 03:07 PM
    Kitkat22

    My husband used to say;Gosh you gave him the look" I didn't have to say anything, The look is raising one eyebrow and glaring without blinking. Used it a lot when I was with my girls and these old pervs would look at them. It worked!
  • Jul 19, 2010, 03:07 PM
    Just_Another_Lemming

    Bright, you are welcome. I can tell you are very nervous over this or you wouldn't have posted. AND, frankly, I am very nervous & worried for you. So, please, before the guy manages to find a way to corner you when you are alone, I really want you to do one of those things immediately. Do whichever thing makes you the most comfortable.

    BTW, since I don't know what my friend's Dad said to the man, for all I know, he could have told the guy that he would beat the living daylights out of him if he even looked at his daughter again!

    Just my suggestion to your Dad. :)


    KK, I just saw your post. Have to spread the love but wanted you to know that is a great idea. "The look" has worked for centuries!
  • Jul 19, 2010, 03:18 PM
    Kitkat22
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Just_Another_Lemming View Post
    KK, I just saw your post. Have to spread the love but wanted you to know that is a great idea. "The look" has worked for centuries!




    The "look" can turn men to stone. My girls inherited it from me.:eek:
  • Jul 19, 2010, 03:42 PM
    Homegirl 50

    It is not rude to tell a guy to leave you alone, it is standing up for yourself.
    This man is being rude, rude and inappropriate!
  • Jul 19, 2010, 04:09 PM
    brightsky
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Kitkat22 View Post
    My husband used to say;Gosh you gave him the look" I didn't have to say anything, The look is raising one eyebrow and glaring without blinking. Used it a lot when I was with my girls and these old pervs would look at them. It worked!!

    You know, now that I think about it, I have had a friend tell me that when I don't like someone or if someone is annoying me, that I tend to give them this "look". Now, I don't know what that "look" that she's referring to, looks like but, according to her and a couple of other people, I do have a look.

    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Just_Another_Lemming View Post
    Bright, you are welcome. I can tell you are very nervous over this or you wouldn't have posted. AND, frankly, I am very nervous & worried for you. So, please, before the guy manages to find a way to corner you when you are alone, I really want you to do one of those things immediately. Do whichever thing makes you the most comfortable.

    BTW, since I don't know what my friend's Dad said to the man, for all I know, he could have told the guy that he would beat the living daylights out of him if he even looked at his daughter again!

    Just my suggestion to your Dad. :)

    Yeah. You're right. The good thing is that I'm practically never alone when this guy is around. My dad is pretty much always around me when I come into contact with this guy. The weird thing to me though, is how my dad has never actually noticed anything weird like the staring, for example.
  • Jul 19, 2010, 04:17 PM
    Kitkat22
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by brightsky View Post
    You know, now that I think about it, I have had a friend tell me that when I don't like someone or if someone is annoying me, that I tend to give them this "look". Now, I don't know what that "look" that she's referring to, looks like but, according to her and a couple of other people, I do have a look.

    The "look" is telling him you are unavailable. Stand straight, lift your chin and glare with one eyebrow raised. Try not to blink but give him a cold, hard angry look. If this doesn't work walk over and say, "look gramps, stop staring at me or I'll tell your wife how you ogle the women in this building." Then walk away very briskly. I still do the look when my kids get out of line.

    My son told me once when he was a youngster, I gave him the "look' in church for misbehaving, "mom I'd rather you spank me than give me the look"
  • Jul 19, 2010, 05:46 PM
    brightsky
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Kitkat22 View Post
    The "look" is telling him you are unavailable. Stand straight, lift your chin and glare with one eyebrow raised. Try not to blink but give him a cold, hard angry look. If this doesn't work walk over and say, "look gramps, stop staring at me or I'll tell your wife how you ogle the women in this building." Then walk away very briskly. I still do the look when my kids get out of line.

    My son told me once when he was a youngster, I gave him the "look' in church for misbehaving, "mom I'd rather you spank me than give me the look"

    Haha... that thing with your son is funny. :D
    I'll try to give him the "look" the next time I see him.
  • Jul 19, 2010, 05:59 PM
    Kitkat22
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by brightsky View Post
    Haha...that thing with your son is funny. :D
    I'll try to give him the "look" the next time I see him.




    You go girl! Be careful and stay safe.:p
  • Jul 19, 2010, 07:10 PM
    brightsky
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Homegirl 50 View Post
    It is not rude to tell a guy to leave you alone, it is standing up for yourself.
    This man is being rude, rude and inappropriate!

    Yeah. I've tried ignoring him before but, I wasn't too good at it. Maybe now, it'll be easier for me to ignore him.

    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Kitkat22 View Post
    You go girl! Be careful and stay safe.:p

    Thanks. I'll try. :)
  • Jul 19, 2010, 07:25 PM
    Kitkat22
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by brightsky View Post
    Thanks. I'll try. :)




    If you are ever alone and he approaches you and puts his hands on you , scream and kick him right in the family jewels. Then run and call the police.:)
  • Jul 19, 2010, 07:35 PM
    brightsky
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Kitkat22 View Post
    If you are ever alone and he approaches you and puts his hands on you , scream and kick him right in the family jewels. Then run and call the police.:)

    Thanks. If it ever comes to that, I will. It's funny because that time that I mentioned in my original post, where he touched my hair, there were people around and no one seemed to noticed what he did. :/
  • Jul 19, 2010, 07:41 PM
    Kitkat22
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by brightsky View Post
    Thanks. If it ever comes to that, I will. It's funny because that time that I mentioned in my original post, where he touched my hair, there were people around and no one seemed to noticed what he did. :/




    He is a freak... When he touched your hair you should have slapped him and said "keep your hands to yourself, you nutjob"... That makes me mad. If someone were to do that to my daughters and (they are older than you), I would make darn sure he would be singing soprano for the rest of his life.:eek: Be careful.
  • Jul 19, 2010, 07:46 PM
    aimee_tt

    Yes the 'look' does work.

    I might say seeing as you don't know what 'the look' looks like practise it in the mirror.

    I say this as I also tried to give a guy who kept bothering me this 'look' but got told by friends that it was more a seductive look. Which made things worse for me lol.

    Once I got it right it did work in the end!
  • Jul 19, 2010, 08:00 PM
    Kitkat22
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by aimee_tt View Post
    Yes the 'look' does work.

    I might say seeing as you dont know what 'the look' looks like practise it in the mirror.

    I say this as i also tried to give a guy who kept bothering me this 'look' but got told by friends that it was more a seductive look. which made things worse for me lol.

    Once i got it right it did work in the end!

    Aimee maybe we should start a thread on "How To Give The Look".:D
    Yes that "look" will be passed from generation to generation in my family.
    I'm so proud.:cool:
  • Jul 19, 2010, 08:30 PM
    brightsky
    Quote:
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Kitkat22
    He is a freak... When he touched your hair you should have slapped him and said "keep your hands to yourself, you nutjob"... That makes me mad. If someone were to do that to my daughters and (they are older than you), I would make darn sure he would be singing soprano for the rest of his life. Be careful.
    Lol. That's funny. You seem like you really care about your children Kitkat. That's a good thing. I'm sure that you're a really good mother. That day (when he touched my hair), I was so shocked, confused, etc that I didn't know how to react. I just... froze and then walked away quickly without saying anything. Not the best thing to do, I know, but it was the only thing that I was able to do at the moment.


    Quote:

    Originally Posted by aimee_tt View Post
    Yes the 'look' does work.

    I might say seeing as you don't know what 'the look' looks like practise it in the mirror.

    I say this as I also tried to give a guy who kept bothering me this 'look' but got told by friends that it was more a seductive look. Which made things worse for me lol.

    Once I got it right it did work in the end!

    Aimee, I know I said that I don't know what the "look" looks like but, apparently, I do know how to give the "look" to people who annoy me or that I simply don't like. I guess I do it subconciously without realizing it because, according to a friend of mine, my "look" tells people "leave me the "f" alone, before I f#@!#@ hurt you!". :D
  • Jul 19, 2010, 08:34 PM
    Kitkat22
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by brightsky View Post
    Lol. That's funny. You seem like you really care about your children Kitkat. That's a good thing. I'm sure that you're a really good mother. :) That day (when he touched my hair), I was so shocked, confused, etc that I didn't know how to react. I just...froze and then walked away quickly without saying anything. Not the best thing to do, I know, but it was the only thing that I was able to do at the moment.

    You were shocked and uncomfortable about his actions. Yes I love my husband, my children more than my own life. I would kill if someone hurt or harmed my children in any way. So would my husband. Your dad feels the same way as we do. He would protect you with his life. That's what moms and dads do. You should tell your dad and let him be aware of this guy. Let us know how you do. Tell your Dad.:) Practice the "look".:eek:
  • Jul 19, 2010, 08:35 PM
    aimee_tt
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by brightsky View Post
    Lol. That's funny. You seem like you really care about your children Kitkat. That's a good thing. I'm sure that you're a really good mother. :) That day (when he touched my hair), I was so shocked, confused, etc that I didn't know how to react. I just...froze and then walked away quickly without saying anything. Not the best thing to do, I know, but it was the only thing that I was able to do at the moment.

    Don't worry I would have done the same thing. Its hard when you're a naturally shy and kind person to say anything to people who you don't like.

    I think you just need to start Giving him the look and ignoring him.. If he is going into alift at the same time as you let him go in and wait till he is gone before you hop into it. Don't let him get near you. If he stares at you.. stare back with that evil look. Eventually he will get it through his thick skull that you don't like him!
  • Jul 19, 2010, 08:36 PM
    Homegirl 50
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by brightsky View Post
    Aimee, I know I said that I don't know what the "look" looks like but, apparently, I do know how to give the "look" to people who annoy me or that I simply don't like. I guess I do it subconciously without realizing it because, according to a friend of mine, my "look" tells people "leave me the "f" alone, before I f#@!#@ hurt you!". :D

    The use that look on this guy
  • Jul 19, 2010, 08:58 PM
    Jake2008
    You have more than enough 'clues' from this man, to know that this is a potentially dangerous situation.

    That much is quite obvious, your post was very well written, and any reasonable person would feel as you do.

    But, you have to take care of your own business here. You can run the risk of doing nothing and have him suddenly be standing outside the building in the shadows after a friend drops you off late at night.

    You can run the risk of continuously not stopping him by informing your father, who would most likely have a few words with him. That alone could end this.

    You can also run the risk of appearing to encourage him- IN HIS EYES. Men who stalk, intimidate, assert themselves without provocation, see you as prey. You have described yourself as rather shy and polite. Just the type of person a stalker goes for.

    This behaviour will not stop. It will get increasingly more and more invaisive, because he sees every 'encounter' as being a green light to the next, and, as a 'sign' that you have not rejected him, therefore you must feel the same about him, as he does of you.

    There are no accidents with men like this. He knows where you live, he knows your schedule, where you buy gas, where you go, who your friends are, etc. He pretends to be a 'man' by shaking your fathers had, all the while holding yours and establishing uncomfortable eye contact. Even in the presence of your own father, he is still making it known to you, that he is interested in you, far beyond the comfort level that any female would feel with him around.

    Don't kid yourself. You need to do something. My guess is that you are not the first person he has stalked, nor will you be the last. It could very well come down to contacting the police, getting a restraining order etc. It will escalate. Expecting him to stop on his own, isn't going to happen.

    So you make the call. Do something and put a stop to it. Or, do nothing, and be prepared for more uncomfortable, potentially dangerous, contact from this man who is at least 20 years older than you. If you don't take charge here, don't complain when you run into him, and this turns into an assault.
  • Jul 19, 2010, 09:07 PM
    martinizing2

    Had to spread the rep... but everyone posting here has been right on and to the point.

    brightsky , love your description of your look, use it!

    Being a dad myself I urge you to talk to him. Dads and daughters share a special bond you may not know about and this may show you a new side of dad.

    Keep the creeps at bay and keep us posted
  • Jul 20, 2010, 03:58 AM
    Just_Another_Lemming

    Lost the electricity yesterday so I couldn't respond.

    Jake, I too have to spread it but you are right on the money. That is what I was thinking but I was a bit concerned about scaring her. In the light of day, I should have been as strong in my wording as you have been here. She needs to understand that this needs to be dealt with immediately.

    Martinizing, have to spread it as well. Brightsky needs to recognize that IF her father appears to be a gentle man, he will turn into a grizzly if he believes a man is placing his daughter in danger. Brightsky, please believe that.

    Bright, one other thing... you mentioned this guy does all these things while other people are around & quite often while your Dad is around. What may be confusing you &/or you don't notice, is that he is being very, very careful to ensure your Father or anyone else with you doesn't notice him. THAT is why he is staring so long and hard. He waits for the precise moment you make eye contact with him and the other person with you is distracted by something else. He is extremely cunning. The more you post, the more the alarm bells are going off for me.

    Kiddo, you now have quite a number of people on this thread that have told you that your suspicions are right on the ball. Print this entire thread with all the responses and show it to your father. When he reads everything that you have stated and we have said, he won't doubt you. I promise.
  • Jul 20, 2010, 02:22 PM
    brightsky
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Homegirl 50 View Post
    The use that look on this guy

    Don't worry. I plan to use it at some point. :P

    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Jake2008 View Post
    You have more than enough 'clues' from this man, to know that this is a potentially dangerous situation.

    That much is quite obvious, your post was very well written, and any reasonable person would feel as you do.

    But, you have to take care of your own business here. You can run the risk of doing nothing and have him suddenly be standing outside the building in the shadows after a friend drops you off late at night.

    You can run the risk of continuously not stopping him by informing your father, who would most likely have a few words with him. That alone could end this.

    You can also run the risk of appearing to encourage him- IN HIS EYES. Men who stalk, intimidate, assert themselves without provocation, see you as prey. You have described yourself as rather shy and polite. Just the type of person a stalker goes for.

    This behaviour will not stop. It will get increasingly more and more invaisive, because he sees each and every 'encounter' as being a green light to the next, and, as a 'sign' that you have not rejected him, therefore you must feel the same about him, as he does of you.

    There are no accidents with men like this. He knows where you live, he knows your schedule, where you buy gas, where you go, who your friends are, etc. He pretends to be a 'man' by shaking your fathers had, all the while holding yours and establishing uncomfortable eye contact. Even in the presence of your own father, he is still making it known to you, that he is interested in you, far beyond the comfort level that any female would feel with him around.

    Don't kid yourself. You need to do something. My guess is that you are not the first person he has stalked, nor will you be the last. It could very well come down to contacting the police, getting a restraining order etc. It will escalate. Expecting him to stop on his own, isn't going to happen.

    So you make the call. Do something and put a stop to it. Or, do nothing, and be prepared for more uncomfortable, potentially dangerous, contact from this man who is at least 20 years older than you. If you don't take charge here, don't complain when you run into him, and this turns into an assault.

    Thanks for the advice. I really liked how you explained things thoroughly. :)

    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Just_Another_Lemming View Post
    Lost the electricity yesterday so I couldn't respond.

    Jake, I too have to spread it but you are right on the money. That is what I was thinking but I was a bit concerned about scaring her. In the light of day, I should have been as strong in my wording as you have been here. She needs to understand that this needs to be dealt with immediately.

    Martinizing, have to spread it as well. Brightsky needs to recognize that IF her father appears to be a gentle man, he will turn into a grizzly if he believes a man is placing his daughter in danger. Brightsky, please believe that.

    Bright, one other thing....you mentioned this guy does all these things while other people are around & quite often while your Dad is around. What may be confusing you &/or you don't notice, is that he is being very, very careful to ensure your Father or anyone else with you doesn't notice him. THAT is why he is staring so long and hard. He waits for the precise moment you make eye contact with him and the other person with you is distracted by something else. He is extremely cunning. The more you post, the more the alarm bells are going off for me.

    Kiddo, you now have quite a number of people on this thread that have told you that your suspicions are right on the ball. Print this entire thread with all the responses and show it to your father. When he reads everything that you have stated and we have said, he won't doubt you. I promise.

    Just_Another_Flemming, thanks for the advice... again. :p
    The part of your quote that I put in bold is the one that I'm more specifically responding to right now. Honestly, I have noticed that he is what I call "slick". He seems to know how to do things and make them noticeable to me but, not necessarily anyone else. He has my dad thinking of him as a "nice guy" and every time my dad sees him or comes into contact with him, he ends up telling me about what a nice and/or great guy, this man is. When I hear him say this type of stuff, I just get the urge to tell him everything that I mentioned in my original post to you guys but, up until this point, I've never actually had the guts to do so. So, I'm just going to try to take the encouragement that you guys gave me to finally blurt out the truth (as hard as it may be).
    The good thing is that I haven't seen and/or come in contact with that guy in a while. :D
  • Jul 20, 2010, 03:02 PM
    Kitkat22
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by brightsky View Post
    Just_Another_Flemming, thanks for the advice...again. :p
    The part of your quote that I put in bold is the one that I'm more specifically responding to right now. Honestly, I have noticed that he is what I call "slick". He seems to know how to do things and make them noticeable to me but, not neccessarily anyone else. He has my dad thinking of him as a "nice guy" and every time my dad sees him or comes into contact with him, he ends up telling me about what a nice and/or great guy, this man is. When I hear him say this type of stuff, I just get the urge to tell him everything that I mentioned in my original post to you guys but, up until this point, I've never actually had the guts to do so. So, I'm just going to try to take the encouragement that you guys gave me to finally blurt out the truth (as hard as it may be).
    The good thing is that I haven't seen and/or come in contact with that guy in a while. :D




    Bright... he wouldn't think he was so nice if you told him about the touching hair incident. He may be using dad to get closer to you.
    Carry mace with you or a small can of hairspray. Mace his face and run.
  • Jul 20, 2010, 03:03 PM
    Just_Another_Lemming

    Even though you haven't seen the guy in while, it doesn't mean he isn't watching for you. Please don't forget to show your father everything we have written.

    Post back and let us know how it goes. We are all very worried about you.

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