Ask Me Help Desk - Boyfriend pushing me to get a breast lift done

BF pushing me to get a breast lift done

I am 20 and my breasts have been sagging since I was 18, when I lost a lot of weight. My boyfriend has for quite a long time been asking me(frequently) if I could get a breast lift done in the future. As of now I don't have the money but should I consider this in the future? Is he being reasonable? I know I look bad because of the drooping boobs but I don't feel comfortable with the idea of getting surgery done. I have told him this but I know he finds the boobs really unattractive and I suppose most other guys would find it a dealbreaker?

It's your own body, you shouldn't do something you are not comfortable with. And you especially shouldn't do something to your own body to please him. It seems quite selfish on his part, would he get a surgical penis enlargement if you asked him?

But isn't this a problem I would face with future bfs if I leave him? Guys would find it a turn off

It depends on the guys, I don't really look at breast to determine if a women is hot or not. It's a matter of which types of guys you want to be with. My ex had quite a lot of physical problems but I didn't tell her anything because I loved her as she was. Besides you can always fool men by putting push up bra.

As guys we also have insecurity issues so don't worry about that. You should be confident and that is a huge turn on.

I really think you should do what you want to do. You probably have in your mind what you want to do right? Which you said you don't feel comfortable with getting surgery, so don't do it.
If he really loves you then he can live with it. If not another guy will love you for your other qualities instead of your breast. I think he is just being selfish.

Any guy who finds something as minor as that a dealbreaker isn't worth your time or consideration.

Has he been telling, or even implying, you that no other guy would want to be with you because of it? If so, then that is a clear sign of a controlling personality and emotional manipulation and abuse. I would strongly suggest reconsidering any relationship with someone who wants you to change the way you look just to please them.

Men on other forums have said that most men would be turned off

Well... I suggest that you do what makes you comfortable. Are you comfortable with your breasts? If you are, then I am sure some young man will come along who will accept you for who you are. If he truly loves you, he will realize its not your fault. Talk about it and make a decision together- as long as it makes you comfortable.

If,you are comfortable with your body then,you are blessed because most women aren't.He want's you to have an invasive and possibly dangerous surgery.AND he expects you to pay for it? What a jerk.You are young. I hope that you'll find a kind man and lose this dude.good-luck.

Quote:

Originally Posted by darknessandmist

men on other forums have said that most men would be turned off

Then they are shallow, insensitive, idiots. Anyone who truly cares about you won't let something so petty ruin a relationship.

That being said, surgery on your breasts at this point in your life is not a good idea. There is still a very good chance that your breasts will grow for the next several years. I'm almost 23 and have gained almost 2 cup sizes in the last 2-3 years.

Who cares if they are sagging. So you lift them for him. He will find something else on you not good enough. What if your butt gets to big, what happens if your hair turns grey or falls out, what happens... if he doesn't love how you are now then find someone who does. He is young. You will learn as you grow older life happens. Your body changes, babies are born, age, sickness or whatever it may be. Someone will love you for those changes and I can tell you it won't be him.

Quote:

Originally Posted by darknessandmist

men on other forums have said that most men would be turned off

I want to tell you something,I have had 4 children and breast fed them all,I have stretch marks that look like a map on my body,I was also burned when I was younger,I was also once 17 stone and lost that weight...

Last night I stood fully naked in full lighting and said to my boyfriend,are you ready for bed..

He did not puke at the sight of me,he did not cringe,he chased me up the stairs...

Be confident in yourself it shines through,sexyness is a state of mind.

I don't have anything to add about getting them done... that's a personal choice.

However, if you do, I would wait until you have finished having kids. That is going to take a bit of a toll on the goodies and likely undo anything you have done now.

My wife wants to have hers done. I would love it if she did. But it won't change how I feel about her even one bit. But it will help her feel more confident in her appearance... and you can't put a price tag on that. In short - if he loves you he will love you no matter what.

Tell him to go screw himself.

If YOU do not want to do this, then you absolutely should not.

It's NOT a deal-breaker. MOST women's breasts are not that perky after a bit--and the bigger they are to start with, the less the likelihood that they'll stay perky.

Ask him if he's willing to have unnecessary surgery on his penis to please you. Bet the answer is not only "no", but "HELL, no!"

Bottom line: Do what makes YOU comfortable with your body. Any guy that decides that not having perfect boobs is a dealbreaker isn't worth having---because what happens if you get breast cancer and lose them both? Should you be worth less for not having perfect breasts THEN?

If he'd abandon you for that, then he's not worth you to start with.

If you're that self conscious about it, Just try a nice push-up bra. It's better then cutting up your body just because a temporary boyfriend feels like it's un-attractive. Your breasts do not make you into a woman, you could have boobs the size of a walnut and you'd still be beautiful. What matters is how you feel about yourself. If you exude confidence and your wonderful personality, it will outshine anything that people would pick at on the outside. Really.

I suppose not every guy would tell me that he's turned off, but it certainly would be a turn off though?

I would not consider it a turn off... but also not a turn on. Love has little to do with your breasts though and if it's that much of an issue with him, he has bigger issues.

Honey, after weight fluctuation and having had a baby, my DDD breasts are no longer "perky" and require a good support bra to be where they're supposed to be.

My husband can't get enough of them.

Believe me--it's NOT about your boobs. It's about finding a guy who appreciates you for YOU.

You should, however, see a counselor about your insecurities---THOSE are a bigger turn-off for most people than sagging boobs would be.

Quote:

Originally Posted by darknessandmist

I suppose not every guy would tell me that he's turned off, but it certainly would be a turn off though?

No guy worth being in your life would be turned off by something so trivial. In 10 or 20 years your breasts would start to sag anyway, if you have anything larger than a B cup. Would you get the same procedure done again then to fix something that happens naturally over time.

Would you get a nose job just to please a guy? It's the same concept.

Quote:

Originally Posted by darknessandmist

men on other forums have said that most men would be turned off

Hello darkness:

The best piece of a$$ I ever had was from the ugliest girl I knew. Funny - after a while she didn't look so ugly.. In fact, she looked damn pretty. You need to find yourself a guy like me.

excon

Quote:

Originally Posted by excon

Hello darkness:

The best piece of a$$ I ever had was from the ugliest girl I knew. Funny - after a while she didn't look so ugly.. In fact, she looked damn pretty. You need to find yourself a guy like me.

excon

Hmm that's a bit different

Quote:

Originally Posted by darknessandmist

hmm that's a bit different

Not if you know excon its not. ;)

Your boyfriend needs to spend an afternoon doing bra fittings. Boobs are boobs. Some boobs sag at puberty, some are perky at age 88, many are not equal in size, some are full of stretch marks but are not saggy, some have discoloration, some have scars, some are cone shaped, some look like squished oranges, others are missing one due to cancer, boobs come in all shapes and sizes.

I presume your boyfriend hasn't experienced a lot of boobery. YOU are normal, what you have is what you have. He should be grateful you are healthy, happy and hold far more important attributes than the shape of your boobs.

Gawd, is he that superficial, really?

He should love you and accept you just the way you are!
Don't feel like you have todo anything which you don't feel comfertable with, if you was to consider it in the future do it for you self not for him!

Do not let your boyfriend tell you what to do. If he really loves you he loves you for all that you are,including your body. Don't do anything to your body that you don't want to , cause it's yours!

Who care's about what other men think there not the ones who have got to look in the mirror and see it everyday if it doesn't bother you (which it shouldnt) then stop worrying about what other people think!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jake2008

Your boyfriend needs to spend an afternoon doing bra fittings. Boobs are boobs. Some boobs sag at puberty, some are perky at age 88, many are not equal in size, some are full of stretch marks but are not saggy, some have discoloration, some have scars, some are cone shaped, some look like squished oranges, others are missing one due to cancer, boobs come in all shapes and sizes.

I presume your boyfriend hasn't experienced a lot of boobery. YOU are normal, what you have is what you have. He should be grateful you are healthy, happy and hold far more important attributes than the shape of your boobs.

Gawd, is he that superficial, really??

He's been with other women before, I wonder if they all had perfect breasts or what. At my age sagging is abnormal I guess.

Hello again, d:

GIRL! Stand up for yourself. You sound like you think you'll NEVER have another boyfriend. Don't chase after men. If they don't like what you got, throw 'em to the curb.

Saggy, schmaggy! I MEANT what I said earlier... Attractive TO ME, is how a girl carries herself, how SEXY she is, how CONFIDENT she is, how SMART she is. There are LOTS of very sexy women who AREN'T, in fact, the prettiest... Indeed, there's a lot of pretty women out there who aren't sexy at all.

excon

Quote:

Originally Posted by darknessandmist

he's been with other women before, I wonder if they all had perfect breasts or what. at my age sagging is abnormal i guess.

No, it's not. Take the word of a 22 year old lesbian who spent high school in drama and choir and college living in a dorm and has seen a LOT of boobs. The bigger they are, the sooner they sag. If you loose a considerable amount of weight, they sag anyway. There is nothing wrong with having saggy boobs at any age. It happens and it doesn't make you any less attractive.

Then why do guys expect all women to have perky breasts? I saw this site 007b.com which has non sexual images of women’s breasts and 90% of the women with large breasts had saggy ones.

Quote:

Originally Posted by darknessandmist

Then why do guys expect all women to have perky breasts? I saw this site 007b.com which has non sexual images of women’s breasts and 90% of the women with large breasts had saggy ones.

Stop looking at those sites!

Not all men expect women to have the perfect perky breasts,just like woman don't expect all men to have an 8 inch penis.

Are your breasts the sum of you?

I'm sure you have physical features that you think is attractive,not your boyfriend,but you!

Quote:

Originally Posted by darknessandmist

Then why do guys expect all women to have perky breasts? I saw this site 007b.com which has non sexual images of women's breasts and 90% of the women with large breasts had saggy ones.

That's because they're REAL! Real boobs sag. Fake boobs don't. Men who expect all women to have perfect, perky breasts have been looking at too much porn.

MEN don't expect women to have perky boobs.

BOYS do.

1. Stop looking into sites that make you question yourself and yourself worth and how you look, at least for now!
2. don't have your breasts done, unless you want it done!!
3. Maybe your boyfriend should either back off, or get kicked to the curb?

Personally I have small breasts, it never bothered me though, maybe a little when I was 15-16, but I would never get them done. Because I don't want to get them done. If any BF of mine had ever started to pressure me (frequently, like your write in your OP) to have them done... I'd start asking myself some of the questions you're asking; Will every guy think that way and see me that way? Are my look of my breast the only thing that matters? At least for a second, but I'm more then two small boobs..

If your BF is so obsessed with the way your breasts look, he isn't really worth it is he? And I agree with excon, it does seem as if you're think that you'll never get another BF... You will! There are plenty of little fishies in this great big sea of a world.

Your BF does come of as immature!

The thing is, and I do believe you'll experience this! What Excon wrote is true!

Quote:

Originally Posted by excon

Hello again, d:

GIRL! Stand up for yourself. You sound like you think you'll NEVER have another boyfriend. Don't chase after men. If they don't like what you got, throw 'em to the curb.

Saggy, schmaggy! I MEANT what I said earlier... Attractive TO ME, is how a girl carries herself, how SEXY she is, how CONFIDENT she is, how SMART she is. There are LOTS of very sexy women who AREN'T, in fact, the prettiest... Indeed, there's a lot of pretty women out there who aren't sexy at all.

excon

What he writes here, is my personal experience as well, and I've also seen many a girlfriend experience the same thing! Its not the way your boobs look, or if you have the perfect butt, or a flat stomach that matters! Its who you are as a person, its your personality, its your interests, it's the way you carry yourself in this world that matters! (although it should be said that some people never grow up and will always think that looks matters, but those people can be avoided and/or discarded!)

Just think about it; Is it your boobs a man has to live with? Or is it you as a whole?

Also, my impression after reading this thread is that it seems to me that your BF and his attitude towards your boobs and the look of them has gotten under your skin... is it giving you a low selfconfidence? Because that would be a shame!

Quote:

Originally Posted by roxypox

Also, my impression after reading this thread is that it seems to me that your BF and his attitude towards your boobs and the look of them has gotten under your skin... is it giving you a low selfconfidence? because that would be a shame!!

Yes, it has affected myself confidence deeply

Quote:

Originally Posted by darknessandmist

yes, it has affected my self confidence deeply

If something your boyfriend says or does affects yourself confidence, he isn't a very good boyfriend and you should consider replacing him. Its his job as a boyfriend to boost your confidence, not selfishly beat it down.

HUGE difference between him liking perky breasts and him being a douchebag.

This isn't about him liking perky...

Roxy has a good point there, and no wonder you say yourself esteem is deeply affected.

I wonder how your boyfriend would feel if he thought you were disappointed every time you were intimate, because his member was not quite up to par. If you continuously made remarks about it, and suggested he get surgery (yes, apparently there is surgery), and frequently let it be known that you are unhappy with the size of it.

This isn't the same as complaining about the colour of the nailpolish you are wearing, or the new haircut, or about the burnt roast in the oven. All those things are easy enough to fix or change, and are purely superficial.

But, he is making an issue out of something that not only shouldn't be an issue at all, but is deeply personal and considered to be a 'fault' that needs surgery to correct. It seems okay for him to hit you with this psychologically, knowing, or at least he should know, that his comments really hurt, very deeply, and affect how you see yourself. Are you supposed to feel grateful that he puts up with saggy boobs, or happy that he goes a day or two without mentioning how unappy he is with the shape of them?

Bullies operate this way. They find something that hurts another person, and they torment them with it.

He is not the type of man I'd ever have anything to do with. Will he 'settle' for you if you don't have surgery? Or will he continue to bully you until you crack and get it done.

My advice to you is to think seriously about a long term relationship with a man who would not only see you as having physical 'faults', which is utter nonsense, but doesn't have the sense God gave a flea to realize his behaviour is causing you to take a nose dive with your confidence and self-image.

Please think about your future with a man like that before you really start believing there is something wrong with you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by darknessandmist

yes, it has affected my self confidence deeply

I find this very sad! That your boyfriend who is supposed to be there for you and with you is causing this, cause he is causing this!

You are prob not going to like what I have to say, but it might be a good idea to:

A) find a way to make him stop

B) Let go of him

The way he is treating you and the way its making you feel is NOT good on any level.

From what you say in the OP your breasts 'sag' because you lost a lot of weight, I'm guessing that you lost a lot of weight because you made a conscious decision to do so. The more I think about his behavior the more I see just HOW unreasonable it is.

And Jake has a good point, he is a bully, in stead of focusing on all the positive sides of you, he is attacking a side that is making you feel uncomfortable and giving you low confidence.

I have several suggestions as to how to work on yourself confidence and to raise your sense of self worth, and I am going to give those suggestions to you, but in all honesty I think that he seems to be a waste of your time...

One thing you can do to raise yourself confidence is to have a little note book...

This book is meant as something positive, something that in the end is a celebration of you, and something you write for you. I have such a book myself. Almost a year ago (2 of October, YEY me!) I broke up with a BF of mine who treated me pretty bad! At the end of our relationship he had broken myself confidence and my sense of self worth was pretty low, and when I started making that book... I found it hard at first, but today I'm really glad I made it!

I call this the book of self improvement: (lol wiches have the book of shadows I have the book of self improvement ;))

So what you can do is start of by making several lists, 2 types of lists once a week, and 1 list that you make each day:

Each day:
Make a list with 3 decisions you are happy about (that you've made that day!)

Each week:
Make a list with 5 things you are happy about with your looks and personality.

Make a list with 3 to 5 things that you are happy about in general in your life (directly involving you.

E.g. I have really good friends:

I read on AMHD the other day that your friends can be seen as a mirror of you (Sorry, can't remember who wrote that) but I lkinda like it; if you have really good friends, it must mean that you are a good friends... and remember not only did you CHOOSE your friends, THEY CHOSE you as well!

Or my boss told me I do a great job..

And so on... if you catch my drift; hope this was of some help!

Roxy

Thanks for that roxy.
I will do all that.