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Me and my boyfriend have been dating for almost 4 months. He is mexican and I am half Apache indian and half polish and czech. We have such a good connection but latley he had been making racist jokes about me. It annoys me but when I get home and it sinks in, it truly upsets me. I can take a joke but he actually makes me feel ashamed of my culture and sometimes I get the notion that the he thinks his race is better than mine. What should I do?
Why don't you confront him about it? How can you expect him to stop if he doesn't know it's bothering you? Communication is key.
Hmm well I told him before but he's always like "Oh c'mon I was just joking!" But I just wonder, does anyone know of any racism between native americans and mexicans?
This guy either : a) doesn't have any racial sensitivity.
b) is disrespectful to you and your heritage.
c) is an idiot.
d) all of the above.
If you've told him, and he KNOWS that this makes you feel uncomfortable, you should cut him loose. Find someone who will respect and love you. Don't settle for anything less than what you feel you deserve.
I vote D- all of the above.
There is no way that I'd be with someone that makes racial jokes about me. Not cool. There is no way to justify it.
It's hurtful and you need to tell him... on your way out the door.
These "jokes" are the early signs of abusive behavior. Saying something hurtful and then insisting it is a joke is classic abuser behavior. It's a giant red flag. I would be especially worried if he shows any other signs of being controlling, such as discouraging you from seeing friends on your own, putting down family (his or yours), insisting on sex when you don't want it, or any of a long series of controlling behaviors.
I think you should break up with him, as it will be much easier now than later. This kind of treatment is insidious and gradually breaks down yourself esteem, as you've already noticed.
Wow I never would have seen it that way. Good point. It just seems that most guys like to make racial comments to seem funny. I mean, he does it with everyone so sometimes it confuses me if he truly means it (which he says he doesn't) :confused:Quote:
Originally Posted by asking
In some cultures, men don't treat women with much respect because they're considered "lesser" beings, even if they share their opinions and displeasure in such treatment.
If he's not willing to listen to you now on a simple issue, and consider your feelings, chances are he's not going to care about your feelings when it comes to big and important issues.
The important thing is you don't think it's funny, you've told him it makes you feel bad, and he keeps doing it. What does that tell you?Quote:
Originally Posted by dolly210
If you want to test his sense of humor, think of something he's sensitive about and then tease him about it for a week or so. Just keep bringing it up about as often as he teases you about your ethnic background. Make sure you laugh when you do it. I'm guessing that at best he'll put on a good face and then find an excuse to pick a fight within a short time. Worst case, he'll get angry immediately.
I don't usually recommend anything so mean, but it would tell you if he really thinks this stuff is funny or if it's only funny when he's doing it to you.
Girl, you need to drop him. That isn't going to change, I can tell you that now. If he is doing it now and doesn't notice it hurts you, he isn't worth it. You deserve someone who will love you for who you are, not pull you down.
Essentially what he's doing is utterly disrespectful and shows an alarming disregard for your feelings.
You've asked him to stop, he tells you that he's joking. In other words - what's wrong with you? Can't you take a joke?
He's not listening, which is red flag number two.
Tell him straight to stop the racist jokes. If he keeps making excuses about how it's your problem I'd be walking out the door.
Treat yourself with the respect you deserve, even if he won't!
No - "most" guys make racial jokes because they are racists. I am funny... and never make racial jokes.Quote:
Originally Posted by dolly210
Dump his loser butt.
OP,
I don't think you necessarily need to drop him. Some people are not sensitive about making that type of jokes. I work with a group of male engineers, they joke about everything, gender, race etc. They may come across as idiots! Lol
I talk to one once that some jokes are not nice, he said " sometimes, we talk sh*t, we don't even know what we are talking about..."
LOL
Oh well
Nope, they *always* know what they (we men) are talking about.Quote:
Originally Posted by CFZD
Quote:
Originally Posted by NeedKarma
See, that's an example! ;)
Of what?Quote:
Originally Posted by CFZD
Again! ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by NeedKarma
You are a confusing person.
Quote:
Originally Posted by NeedKarma
You must be a man then.:rolleyes:
You're a good example of why a good man will shy away from a woman who plays head games.
Don't get emotional, let it go, you are a MAN!;)Quote:
Originally Posted by NeedKarma
It is totally different for a bunch of guys to get together and joke about thingsQuote:
Originally Posted by CFZD
Than belittling your girlfriend. So you are comparing apples to avacodos here.
She is being verbally abused and I think there is an underlying cause here.
Like he may have very little respect for her or women in general.
I think the problem is him and this is only one aspect of his general over all attitude.
She needs to dump him because he isn't going to wake up and start treating her with the respect she deserves.
There is no emotional about it.Quote:
Originally Posted by CFZD
Your comment comes off like you are playing word games to tie NK's hands
But I know that ain't going to happen.
And I am woman
Hmm interesting conversation
Well yesterday I had a serious talk to him about it, and I didn't sugarcoat anything.
Because not only did heinsult my race, but he told me things aboutother girls and him that I really didn't want to know about.
He pretty much shut up when I just let loose about everything... and he felt genuinly sorry. Aparently he really didn't mean any of it and promises to be more careful about running his mouth.
But this was a very long conversation I had with him. It turned into talking about his past aches and pains and confusion about himself.
I guess I will just have to see what will come from all this
As long as he makes progress in his behavior you will have something to look forward to.
As long as he doesn't let it go in one ear and out the other.
As long as he didn't say things just to brush you off this time, just so he can do it again in the future.
Don't put up with his insensitivity. He should definitely show you more respect. I'm glad that you confronted him about your feelings. It's better that you stand up for yourself and get what you want.
OP,Quote:
Originally Posted by dolly210
That's very good. Some people don't think before they talk ( we all do sometimes, not intentionally). I am glad he is even more opened up.
:)
Him talking about other girls is REALLY low, disrespectful, has a low self image and immature. IF you wanted the conversation too then that is another thing but for some reason he is treating you like $H!T sorry but that is the ONLY appropriate word I can come up with.
SO he claims he is genuinely sorry.
SO if he is then he will NOT do it again.
IF he continues I would take it that he really doesn't know what love is and dump him.
IF he loves you then it will be simple for him to break the 'habit'
CFZD agrees: I was joking. Don't worry.
I am not worried
But filling the thread with joking is, to say the very least, distracting.
Also, '' I was joking'' in cases like this often comes off as a lame attempt to just change up the meaning of how you meant what you said.
Well, from what I see among interracial dating. It's always the guys who are the non-white. Sometimes, it is due to insecurities, they insult the White race. Appearently, he is dating you so, that means he likes you and find you attractive including your race. Otherwise, he could have stuck to his own race and date a Mexican girl. And you have apache Indian in your blood? But, I bet you look White though right? Also, true Mexican culture and Native American culture share many traits and values. I think you should just ask him why he is making jokes rather than keeping it in you and letting it effect you persoanlly!
Quote:
Originally Posted by holyangel17
WHAT? I would find this no less racist if any other race were included here.
It's "always the guys who arenon-white ... they insult the White race."
I find this very offensive.
As far as the racist jokes, yes, the boyfriend is out of line. Any "joke" that hurts or upsets anyone is out of line.
How is that being racist towards White race? Maybe, I should not have stated it exactly like that. Let me rephrase it then: In an interracial relationship, the higher percentage of men are non-white. The females tend to be White. It does not mean anything racist! It's because from a psychological perspective, women are more understanding, accepting, and mature to understand different cultures and point of views. I learned this in my undergraduate Psychology class. It was called Multicultural Family Psychology.Please do not get offended; I know how one can take it as a stereotype or racist comment. I should have written in a differnt way and I apoligze for that!
And I wrote it is due to insecurities, they insult the White race. I did not write non-white guys insult the white race. I wrote, "Sometimes, it is due to insecurities, they insult the White race." I am talking about insecurities here ok? NOT BEING NON WHITE!! His insecurity makes him make fun of white race relating to your issue. I am not talking about anybody else. I feel like I am justifying myself but please don't turn this into me being prejudiced.
I totally see how talk about race is such a sore subject.
I see that you have two options one get over it or two just tell that he should stop
Quote:
Originally Posted by holyangel17
And - again - you don't have anything important enough to say to justify bold and caps.
Actually I don't look white. Many people can't really tell what I am because I'm darker and my facial features are questionable. I've had people who think I'm middle eastern, south american, and eastern european (ie Hungarian). So I get stared at a lot because people can't figure out if I'm even white! HahaQuote:
Originally Posted by holyangel17
Oh and as I've said earlier, he stopped
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