Ask Me Help Desk - Messed up relationship

Messed up relationship

I've been with this guy for about 3 months so far, and I really, really love him. He says he loves me too, but we barely talk to each other. We used to talk almost all the time non-stop. We'd stay up till 4AM just chatting with each other. But then my parents found out about him and got pissed at me, so they banned me from talking to him. He's two years older than me, and is Japanese (making my parents hate him. One, for being older than me. Two, for not being Chinese like I am. They hate almost anyone who isn't Chinese. So racist of them). I still talk to him without my parents knowing though, but our conversations are short, just "Hey.", "How are you?", "Okay.". That kind of stuff. I miss him so much but since we almost are never speaking, I'm going after other people's attention. My best friend's little brother happens to have a crush on me, so I'm just constantly flirting with him. I have no feelings for his little brother but I'm just in need of attention, so I'm even willing to do that. I'm not cheating on my boyfriend, but the fact that I'm always searching for David's (my best friend's little brother) attention makes me feel extremely guilty. I'm in such a mess, and I want to tell David what I feel, and tell my boyfriend I miss him, but every time I try, I can't seem to say anything. What the hell should I do?

here's for one thing, when ever you get the chance to talk with him, make sure it was worth the while. You're parents shouldn't hate him for race but try to talk to them about it. Just tel them to give them one chance, and if that doesn't work out. Well, you have a couple options. You could talk to them behind their backs, you could come out to them, and say *if he is your world" and u dont xactly have to say this way, but u could say something like this "I have real feelings with this guy, and that he means "almost"(optional) everything to me, and u accepting it or not will not change how I feel about him. But I just wish that u were their to support me" Somthin like that mite help, u could try that, or completely rebel on their thots, or * I hate saying this * u could listen to your parents break up with him, but if u rele like *or love* him, I recommend u do not do the last one

Hope I helped and good luck

Sincerely
Sin (Cyn)

Culture clashes are always a huge barrier in a relationship. We can't tell you what to do, but we can ask you questions so that it can direct your thoughts in a helpful direction. There are some questions that you should consider:

1) How important is your parents' opinion? If they are in the highest priority, then you can basically stop reading and try to find a way to get over the guy instead of trying to force the relationship.

2) If your parents opinion is important, but not as important as love for a significant other, then you're going to need to confront your parents. Explain to them that you understand that they are completely against the relationship, but it's what you want, whether you have their approval or not. This is going to put a lot of strain in your relationship because you will constantly be at odds with your family. Not the most ideal situation, but you'll have to compromise somehow to be together.

3) If your parents' opinion won't ever change because of their stubbornness, then you're just going to have to accept that and find a way around it, instead of trying to convince them otherwise. You'll just have to find ways to adapt to their disapproval and make the best out of a bad situation.

4) One possibility to gain your parent's approval is patience. Give them time to realize that you are happy with this person. Once they see their daughter happy, it will sink into their minds eventually (but it might take quite a bit of time). Another thing you can do is allow them to get to know your significant other slowly. But I repeat, give them small doses of him so as to not overload them. Remember, for them to accept your relationship, it's going to take a lot of time (and keep in mind it might never even happen), so that's why it's better to give them small doses to slowly wear them down.

I'm sure other people will have other ideas, but these are some factors to take into consideration.

He's hiding something

It's getting closer to my birthday, so posting this sucks. Anyway...

My boyfriend and I lately, don't talk so much anymore. He keeps talking to one of my friends, who I know has a major crush on him. It seems like they get along quite well, and I'm glad that they are. But as it gets closer to my birthday, he doesn't want to talk to me anymore, and she doesn't want anything to do with me either. At first I thought: "Oh..They're probably trying to plan a surprise partly like they did last year.", but they don't act like they are. They keep whispering about something, then when I ask them about it, my boyfriend says: "I'll tell you AFTER your birthday."

That.. doesn't... sound... too... good. Before I jump to conclusions, can someone post their opinion on this?

Sounds more like he's planning a surprise party, but he's not very good at hiding it because he has no reason to treat you differently or ignore you this way.

I'd say be patient and wait until after your birthday.

Quote:

Originally Posted by I wish

Sounds more like he's planning a surprise party, but he's not very good at hiding it because he has no reason to treat you differently or ignore you this way.

I'd say be patient and wait until after your bday.

Heh... he was just a friend from last year, and while we were still just friends, he acted normal. But now... he's completely ignoring me. He won't talk to me, answer the phone, read my email... or if he does, he's not replying...

When is your birthday? How much longer do you have to wait? He did say that he will explain after your birthday. So you'll just have to wait.

Quote:

Originally Posted by I wish

When is your bday? How much longer do you have to wait? He did say that he will explain after your bday. So you'll just have to wait.

Well.. it's the 24th... At least I think so? Well.. I don't know my birthday so I'm assuming it's 24th. That's in four more days... He said to wait, and I am *trying* to... but I've been waiting a whole week... What does he have to say?

Quote:

Originally Posted by I wish

Culture clashes are always a huge barrier in a relationship. We can't tell you what to do, but we can ask you questions so that it can direct your thoughts in a helpful direction. There are some questions that you should consider:

1) How important is your parents' opinion? If they are in the highest priority, then you can basically stop reading and try to find a way to get over the guy instead of trying to force the relationship.

2) If your parents opinion is important, but not as important as love for a significant other, then you're going to need to confront your parents. Explain to them that you understand that they are completely against the relationship, but it's what you want, whether you have their approval or not. This is going to put a lot of strain in your relationship because you will constantly be at odds with your family. Not the most ideal situation, but you'll have to compromise somehow to be together.

3) If your parents' opinion won't ever change because of their stubborness, then you're just going to have to accept that and find a way around it, instead of trying to convince them otherwise. You'll just have to find ways to adapt to their disapproval and make the best out of a bad situation.

4) One possibility to gain your parent's approval is patience. Give them time to realize that you are happy with this person. Once they see their daughter happy, it will sink into their minds eventually (but it might take quite a bit of time). Another thing you can do is allow them to get to know your significant other slowly. But I repeat, give them small doses of him so as to not overload them. Remember, for them to accept your relationship, it's going to take a lot of time (and keep in mind it might never even happen), so that's why it's better to give them small doses to slowly wear them down.

I'm sure other people will have other ideas, but these are some factors to take into consideration.

1. My parents don't mean much to me. But they *are* in control of my life now, so I might as well make an effort to be nice to them.

2. They wouldn't understand anything at all... They just blew up at me.

3. I hope that there *is* a way around it.

4. I've been with him for two months only. They found out the first three weeks. But since they're slow, I'm trying to let them adjust to him. But he almost never comes over anyway. It's only when I'm talking to him on the phone or email then do they explode. If they see me walking with them, they get angrier. Then again... I have to wait for them to get over it. They found out rather abruptly anyway...

Here's the problem. You've already confronted him about it. He said to wait until after your birthday. A week sounds ridiculous.

So here are your options left (since you already confronted him):

1) Wait the extra 3 days

2) Break up with him

Quote:

Originally Posted by KikiGirl13

Well..it's the 24th...At least I think so? Well..I don't know my birthday so I'm assuming it's 24th. That's in four more days.... He said to wait, and I am *trying* to...but I've been waiting a whole week.... What does he have to say?

You don't know when your birthday is? :S

Quote:

Originally Posted by pixiegurl

you don't know when your birthday is?? :S

Nope :) That's why all my friends start fussing around the estimated time...
But my boyfriend is ignoring me completely. I tried to get him to talk to me, but all he did was say: "I'll talk to you later." He seems to have time for other people though... just not me. I wonder why... He never acted this way before...

Quote:

Originally Posted by I wish

Here's the problem. You've already confronted him about it. He said to wait until after your birthday. A week sounds ridiculous.

So here are your options left (since you already confronted him):

1) Wait the extra 3 days

2) Break up with him

I think I'll chose the first option. But I'm worried is all...

I'm dating twins

I knew that he was hiding something, but I didn't know... that... he was a twin. It turns out that my boyfriend and his twin have been switching places with each other. I never noticed until... he told me. They are identical and even act like each other. Then I found out, they've both been dating me. Now they're having me choose one of them. I doubt that both of them could have been in "love" with me, which is something they both claim.
Now what do I do? I'm all confused...

Leave them alone because this is fishy and who knows how many females they did this to.

Why do this to someone?

Obviously neither really cares about you, because if one of them cared, they would not allow the other brother to do something like this.

Leave them both, you deserve better.

Show them both the door!

That is a nasty thing to do and would be even worse if you had any type of intimate relationship with them.

If either of them cared about you at all,they never would have deceived you this way.

It sounds like something from a bad soap opera.

Lose them both,neither one is worthy of anything but a swift kick in the keister.

Had to spread the rep Iwish but I agree.

They are low down and have been lying to you. Lying wouldn't be acceptable even if it was only one guy so it's definitely not okay in this situation.

To sum it up: they've been making a fool of you all this time.

Your decision?- choose yourself. Love yourself enough to not let guys play with your heart like this.

Quote:

Originally Posted by KikiGirl13

Now what do I do?

You drop both of them like a hot potato. It isn't a joke to play with someone's feelings. It is apparent that neither one of them likes you and they are only toying with your emotions. How cruel can some people be?

I thought that I cared... but now I'm just damn pissed. I'm trying to talk to them right now. My boyfriend says: I really care. I really do. But his twin says: Right, he's just joking isn't he? And then they both go: CHOOSE.. How cruel can they be?

Just hang up the phone and never talk to them again. They are cruel. Remember... what comes around goes around. They will get theirs!

Now, on one hand. I do find this funny(if it happened on TV) but this is not TV, it's real life with real feelings involved.

Drop them both, both emotional and physically. I don't normally condone hitting, but in this instance, I wouldn't hold it against your character if you did, heck I want to for what they did.

Quote:

Originally Posted by liz28

Leave them alone because this is fishy and who knows how many females they did this to.

Why do this to someone?

I'm the seconded. Only second because I'm his (their) second girlfriend.

Quote:

Originally Posted by KikiGirl13

I'm the seconded. Only second because I'm his (their) second girlfriend.

You can't be THEIR girlfriend. Have you asked your mother about this situation? What advice does she give?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

Now, on one hand. I do find this funny(if it happened on TV) but this is not TV, it's real life with real feelings involved.

Drop them both, both emotional and physically. I don't normally condone hitting, but in this instance, I wouldn't hold it against your character if you did, heck I want to for what they did.

It's real life. Real life sucks. If I were on TV, and this were a show, you could laugh. It seems funny, but it isn't. We (all three of us?) went out to places, I went over (but they made sure that there was only one of them at home. One person per place, so I wouldn't notice) to their house, and... ended up... doing something's... Well... rather one of them pressured me into it. So yeah, I have feelings for him (them?).

I'm trying to drop them, but I still love them (?). It's hard to break up with someone, even if they are dumbass liars.

Quote:

Originally Posted by J_9

You can't be THEIR girlfriend. Have you asked your mother about this situation? What advice does she give?

My mother hates him (them?) all because he's (they're?) Japanese ( does that have to do with it?) and I'm Chinese (World War II?).

Quote:

Originally Posted by KikiGirl13

I'm trying to drop them, but I still love them (?). It's hard to break up with someone, even if they are dumbass liars.

What? "dumbass liars" makes it easier to break up with them...

Have more self-respect. Have more self-esteem. You don't deserve to be treated this way.

Leave them both alone and move on. This won't be their last time pulling a stunt like this.

It sounds like they like games.
They both dated you without telling you. This is a major violation.

Then to top it out they want you to choose a winner. Then I bet whoever you choice will end up dumping you. Then their move on to their next victim. They are playing a dangerous game.

Move on and don't look back.

Quote:

Originally Posted by I wish

What? "dumbass liars" makes it easier to break up with them...

Have more self-respect. Have more self-esteem. You don't deserve to be treated this way.

Doubt it... When peolple get pissed, they tend to even maim the one they love the most. It's just the way people are.

I'm seeing them BOTH on Monday. I guess I dumping one or both of them. Find someone new. Some who'd care.

What, what

So you are still considering dating one of them?

Please tell me why?

Quote:

Originally Posted by KikiGirl13

Doubt it.... When peolple get pissed, they tend to even maim the one they love the most. It's just the way people are.

I'm seeing them BOTH on Monday. I guess I dumping one or both of them. Find someone new. Some who'd care.

The rest of your post contradicts the last two lines. How can you love either of them? You don't even know who is who? How do you love someone that you don't know? Do you even know what's their names? How do you dump one but not the other? How can you possibibly know who you are in love with? You couldn't even tell them apart...

Anyway... how about you focus on your last two sentences... "Find someone new" and "Some who'd care"

Quote:

Originally Posted by KikiGirl13

Doubt it.... When peolple get pissed, they tend to even maim the one they love the most. It's just the way people are.

I'm seeing them BOTH on Monday. I guess I dumping one or both of them. Find someone new. Some who'd care.

Speak for yourself because if it was me I would have left after I gave they both a piece of my mind. They are going do this to wrong person and end up getting seriously beat up.

Love? When did love enter the picture? You don't even know who you love because you don't know either one of them, please.

Dump them both! You don't know either one of them because they both played you. Don't you get it?

Quote:

Originally Posted by KikiGirl13

I'm the seconded. Only second because I'm his (their) second girlfriend.

How do you know that is true?
Dump them both. How in the world could you ever trust either one again, and they have the nerve to tell you to choose. Choose to walk away from both of the creeps.

Quote:

Originally Posted by KikiGirl13

Doubt it.... When peolple get pissed, they tend to even maim the one they love the most. It's just the way people are.

I'm seeing them BOTH on Monday. I guess I dumping one or both of them. Find someone new. Some who'd care.

It seems like they are enjoying u,actually they plan in advance the date so that they can make sure one of them is not at home or wherever you go, get out of this as soon as possible its better for your future also.find a guy who cares about u

He might be waiting until after your birthday to say he's dating your friend?

Gee I thought you only forgot birth day dates when you got to be my age.

Since he said wait until after your birthday I would say he is planning a surprise for you.
If he is planning to break up with you then I would really tell him off for putting you through this and not telling you before your birthday. But I wouldn't assume anything and wait and see.

How old are you?

She's been dating a twin.

Quote:

artlady agrees: Are you shaking you head in disbelief? I can't stop mine!

This is why the bunny bangs it's head. LOL

Same person who doesn't know her own birthday.