Ask Me Help Desk - Going on a cruise, maybe

Going on a cruise, maybe

Hi, just to start I'm 31, an my girlfriend is 30.. tonight we where just sitting around the house watching TV.. she was on the laptop on Facebook chatting, an I asked to use it after.. he's our background.. we have only been dating a month, but she says I'm perfect an the one , we've talkd about marriage, she said if I asked her should would say yes... so, its going great.. well she has been in jury duty an really likes it.. this is where it gets interseting,. so tonight after she was done I used her laptop an it was still on Facebook, I looked at a couple messages from her an this guy.. the guys a DA for our big city in buffal ny, well it said she made him smile an stuff.. I got a little bent out of shape and asked her who this guy was an asked if we are done with.. she said no but was upset, she asked me to leave for the night, there was no fighting but I could tell she was upset at me, an now she thinks I go through her stuff when she's not around... can somebody give me some advice? I'm kind of confused, an don't know what to expect to hear from her tomorrow.. I had told her today I also had booked a cruise for us , an that's where I planned to propose to her?! Somebody help?

Am I going to get dumped tomorrow?

Any woman out there, if you can answer a quick question? On accident I seen my gfs Facebook page.. I looked an questioned her about a guy on it.. she was mad an asked me too leave for the night... what should I expect to hear from her tomorrow?

Here is my take on it.

If both of you are in a relationship it is okay for you to read her Facebook messages (anybody who disagrees with me needs to realize that marrige was brought up in all of this) I just want to say that.

I think you had every right to ask her what the messaged were in reference to and not just blow up on her calling her a cheater, you talked to her without losing your cool (atleast the post made me think).

Looking at it from your point of view, if the girl I liked was saying "oh, you make me smile" I would raise an eyebrow.

Just give her time and don't rush into marrige. Check up in a day or two and talk to her about it, let her know where you stand.

Yes your right, there was no blowing up, she was a little upset at me, an asked m to leave for the night.. not to blame this on her mensteraul cycle but it started today.. earlier in the night we both went out an fun with both sides of her family, an she was introducing me as her boyfriend to everybody I hadn't meet.. by the way it was her idea for the cruise, I got it for her birthday as a surprise, an told her as I was leaving..

I think she's hiding something. There is no reason for her to act so defensive.

Sarah

Well I know that , but she talked about marriage an she tells me how much she loves me, really this hurts..

How old are you?

Quote:

Originally Posted by colonel7

well i know that , but she talked about marraige an she tells me how much she loves me, really this hurts..

Girls lie too.

Sarah

She was probably hurt that you felt that you felt she had ill intentions with the boy on her face book page...

On the other hand...

She could be hiding something... why make it public on your Facebook page though, hmmm

She could just be annoyed that you don't trust her t think she may be seeing another guy, or she could be unfaithful. You won't know until you talk to her.

I am a guy and I know it hurts, I have been in your shoes.
I think that she thinks that you feel insecure and that you don't trust her.
Jealousy can be a killer to many relationships.
If you want to marry her then your trust has to be 100%.

There a couple of ways to look at this.
1. she had a mild flirtation with this guy,nothing in it,and freaked a little when you saw.

2.she got annoyed you looked,and overreacted.

3.theres something going on.

4.well,just be honest about how you feel about it.. turn it around and try to get her to see your point of view.how would she feel?

Yeah we are both 30, I'm thinking it was a mild flirtation.. I left her house last night an gave the silent treatment.. an I woke up to a couple texts saying that she was sorry, an I love you so much... so where do I go from here

The ball is firmly in your court. Talk to her,see what the story is.you know her well,you'll know if she's telling the truth.

But I will say this,if you both sort it out,leave it.
Don't bring it back up in a fight.

Good luck,hope it all works out for you both.

You had no right to snoop.
I am assuming this is the first test in your relationship and you failed.
I would not try to bribe her with a trip and I would not propose anything except an explanation of why you felt entitled to breach her trust by snooping.
You best have a good excuse or you may be cruising solo.

I see some red flags here, not just the snooping, but only dating for a month and talking about marriage. It takes a long time to get to know a person and earn trust to where you can decide if you want to be with them the rest of your life. Do you always push for quick attachments and violate privacy? If I were her, I would be very wary.

First, I've merged your threads. As noted you shouldn't start a separate thread for the same issue.

Second, I think some of the answers here have never seen Facebook. When you log onto your Facebook page, you can see recent messages. So I doubt if there was an real snooping, the message may have sort of leaped out.

Third, I have to wonder about a relationship of only a month where marriage was already being discussed. That just seems way too soon.

Finally, I'm very concerned about a DA or ADA corresponding with someone on jury duty. I'll assume that he's not on the case she's serving on, but it still seems highly irregular.

Actually the da ada whatever he was, was part of the hearings, that's what she told me, now just yesterday she said she wants to take a break? Just some time to cool off.. the night before she was talking about wedding songs an stuff like that?? I'm so confused now

Not only are you confused, but she's completely confused about what she wants.

I think it's best that you guys stayed away from each other for a while to let things cool down. There was a breach of trust on your part for snooping around. But she also seems to have something to hide.

Take the break, avoid contacting her. Both of you can cool down, reflect on what's happened, and then when you find each other, you will be objective when making decisions.

OK, well ill take your advice, but earlier today I sent her some flowers, an wrote an apology to her.. I haven't spoken to her in two days, its killing me.

Do girls like apologys?

Today I gave some flowers an wrote an apology to my gf/exgf, don't know what she is... do girls actually like that stuff? It came from the heart

I don't like apologies if they are for repeated offenses or something that didn't offend me to begin with.

Just my opinon.

Sarah

Yes. I like an apology. But only one.

I don't like apology after apology after apology.

Mistakes happen. Habits are made.

WAY TOO MUCH DRAMA FOR A ONE MONTH RELATIONSHIP.

Why in the world after one month are you ready to propose?

OK , I just read your message , I took the flowers earlier in the morn.. she said a couple days away is what she needed.. an I total respect that.. yet what I wrote to her is what she wants to hear, an what I needed to do.. yet I'm not all to blame, she's the one who asked me about marriage, she asked me to move in, an just this past weekend she was talking to both our moms, an joking who would be the better grandmother of our kids!!

She asked me how long do you need to be in a relationship before you think to get married.. I said 10-12 months, she said she could spot it right away.. 2 weeks ago she said if I proposed to her on her birthday may 14 she would say yes...

Quote:

Originally Posted by colonel7

ok, well ill take ur advice, but earlier today i sent her some flowers, an wrote an apology to her.. i havent spoken to her in two days, its killing me.

That's not going to help your situation. She doesn't need attention from you, she needs space from you. You're doing the exact opposite of what she wants and needs. This could mess you up because she will think that you can't respect her wishes. If you can't do something as simple as give her space, then how can she count on you to do something more important? Just stay away until BOTH of you are ready to face each other again.

Apologies are fine if that's what they are looking for. But in your situation, she's not looking for an apology, she's looking for a break.

Quote:

Originally Posted by colonel7

ok , i just read your message , i took the flowers earlier inthe morn.. she said a couple days away is what she needed.. an i total respect that.. yet what i wrote to her is what she wants to hear, an what i needed to do.. yet im not all to blame, shes the one who asked me about marriage, she asked me to move in, an just this past weekend she was talking to both our moms, an joking who would be the better grandmother of our kids!!!

If she tells you to jump off a building will you do that too?

Don't you have any self-control? She's obviously very confused abuot her feelings. One day she's at one extreme and the next day she's at the other extreme. But for some reason, you keep focusing on one extreme, without realizing that she is confused. Just leave her alone until she sorts it out.

Yes this only happened once.. an I made it clear that it will never hppen again.. she apolgized to me on Saturday saying she has trust issues an is working on them

OK.. I will, I will keep you in contact with what happens

How about acting like a 31 yo and not a flighty head strung teenager.

This about a immature and childish as it gets.

TOO MUCH DRAMA FOR ONE MONTH.

Leave her alone. Spend some time on you.

Okay, it is good that you apology and hopefully it was a heart felt one but once you apology that is it. That's all you can do and the receiver of the apology can it accept it or not.

It sounds like she is battling her own issues so you need to gjve her what she asked for space. That is all you can do.

Well she just replied too me just now, she said "thank you for the flowers and the note. i appreciate the truth, i dont know about 2nd chances, my head is spinning, you can get your things, let me know when." the note I gave her I pored my heart into it... and I get that? What should I do?

Quote:

Originally Posted by colonel7

i dont know about 2nd chances, my head is spinning

What part of her being confused do you not understand? She's just being polite by thanking you, don't see it as anything more... leave her alone already

Quote:

Originally Posted by colonel7

you can get your things, let me know when

That means she wants to get rid of your stuff so that she can get you out of her mind

It's time to move on...

Quote:

Originally Posted by colonel7

well she just replied too me just now, she said "thank you for the flowers and the note. i appreciate the truth, i dont know about 2nd chances, my head is spinning, you can get your things, let me know when." the note i gave her i pored my heart into it... and i get that?! what should i do?

Get your things and move on because she doesn't want you.

Yep give up on her it sounds like she has made some decisions that do not include you.
When girls talk about marriage when you first meet they are talking from emotion and the newness of something they want to work but then reality sets in and they change their mind.

To break or not to break

Threads merged

My exgf wants to take a break.. we got into an argument yesterday, an now she says don't bother her anymore... two days before that she said she wants to get married? I haven't tried to get in contact with her, she also said her parents where mad at me, I just wrote the parents an apology letter.. because they had nothing to do with the break, I also ran into one of her exs, just 10 minutes ago, he said she's crazy an broke up with her because of her ever constant mood swings.. I'm not desperate, I love this woman, an I can go out tonight an meet a new woman with no problem.. what do I do?

Well give her time if that is what she is asking for. If going out is what you feel like doing they its simple do it. Maybe she will come around in time and you'll still be available.

If she is having constant mood swings maybe there is a deeper issue going on with her.
Have you ever discussed this with her, does she take any medications?

Give her space, she needs time to cool off. If she wants to renew the relationship she will contact you.

It's hard when that happens because she obviously needs space but on the other hand if she doesn't hear from you for days she might think you don't care. It's impossible to say what is going on in her mind. You could try messaging her in in a few days and see if she replies, if she doesn't then don't contact her further until she contacts you.
The letter to her parents was very kind though, not many people would think of that.

Ok thank you for the help. She thinks that I lied to her. I didn't tell her the complete truth. I bought a house an I never told her that it was my grandmothers. I kept telling her that it was a couple. But there is some other reasons. Like I might be losen my job at the post office, I never meant to hurt her. She has been cheated on in her past 5 relationships. An I would never do that to her. Her birthday is coming up may 14th an I bought her a heart shaped diamond necklace. She said not to leave anything at her door. Do I give it to her? I love this girl more than anything in life. I hope her parents can accept my apology too. Because I said the same thing to them about the house. Ughh I wish I could turn back the clock an make it right. Any advice?

Hold on to that necklace for now, don't give it to her until you know things are resolved between you. She might take it as you trying to buy your way out of the situation.