First off, some of you may remember that my girlfriend and I split about 2 months ago and things are actually going well with that. No contact works wonders, though I still miss her from time to time.

So anyway, there's this girl I'm interested in. She's actually a friend of my friend's, and they hooked up before so it's going to be sloppy seconds, but whatever... she's a nice girl, and I like her... haha... I'm willing to look past this fact... lol.

The first time I met her was when me and my buddy went and helped her move her mattress and stuff into her new apartment. Since hooking up with her, my buddy finds this girl to be annoying and wants nothing to do with her but be a friend. So I end up talking to this girl and we hit it off... lots in common, I like her personality, the whole nine yards. Good stuff.

Then, this past weekend, I met her again. Me and my friend (same guy) went out with this other girl and this other guy, and the girl I like met up with us later on that night, so it was me, my friend, this other guy, and 2 girls. We had a beer each (so nobody was drunk) and went on the dance floor where we were dancing as a group and eventually me and this girl start dancing.

Now, I'm not a big club guy, so I don't know if this is normal, but she was pretty much all over me. We started giving each other some space, but then we moved in closer, she was feeling on my butt, my back, arms, chest, and she kind of snuggled her head into me. I had my head down by her neck too. At one point we kind of made eye contact while our foreheads touched and I asked her if she was having a good time and she says yeah. She's moving her hands all over me and so am I on her, really feeling it.

I was afraid to kiss or whatever because I didn't want it to blow up in my face in front of friends. But she didn't dance with anyone else and stayed with me the whole night.

Is there something here? Or am I just being too hopeful/naive?

Be hopeful :D this sounds good.

Im female and from personal experience I wouldn't dance with I guy the way she did if I didn't fancy him 1 bit.

When I first meet my hubby that's how it started in clubs, we would dance so close together, and I wouldn't dance with any other guy and vice-versa.
He was scared to kiss me for the same reasons you gave (so he tells me now hehe) and even I was scared to do so for exactly the same reason. No one likes to be rejected and ESP in front of people and friends.

I would count this as a good start, go with flow BUT don't rush. When the right time comes to try kiss you WILL know it :)

Good Luck.

If you were with your friend, and your friend ditched her, and she's all over you, in front of him... Well, I guess be optimistic - but maybe she's trying make a point?

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Originally Posted by starryeyed

If you were with your friend, and your friend ditched her, and she's all over you, in front of him... Well, I guess be optimistic - but maybe she's trying make a point?

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Well, here is where it gets a bit complicated. See, the girl who I like just hooked up with my friend randomly one night when they were both drunk. No attraction there whatsoever. Furthermore, this girl set my buddy up with a girlfriend of hers, who was the second girl with us that night. Kind of confusing, but no, I doubt the girl I liked was trying to make my friend jealous.

Maybe she's just really touchy?

Don't analyze this so much. Go with the flow. If she doesn't like you, so what, you've only hung out thrice. If she does, awesome.

If you think too much, analyze so much, this early on, you'll blow it. Honestly, caution should only come if there is some major flag. This sounds pretty good. Also, GOING SLOW does not equal OVERANALYZE everything. Girls do that, much better than guys. So don't try it.

GO WITH THE FLOW!

Well it definitely seems like there is some interest there.

Im also glad that your feeling better.

But Pat, your still only 2 months out of a 6 year relationship. I know at this stage you are only dancing and having a good time. That's good. But Keep it that way.

Having been dumped by my 7 year girlfriend about 5 motnhs ago I know that after 2 months there was no way I could get into too much with another girl.. NO WAY!

Even now I don't really feel like it. Yeah sure after 2 months I was dancing and stuff with other girls and having a bit of fun, but never anything more.

I would really advice against going after this girl as far as looking for a relationshiop with her right now.

You need time to grieve.. let your emotion cal down. Work on yourself etc...

Sorry to bring all this up as I know it wasn't your question. But I just remember your first post and you were struggling a lot with your ex. Which is fair enough considering you were with her for 6 years.

For you to go after this new girl now I'm pretty sure it would just be some rebound thing that would end messy and you will end up back at square one.

So go with the flow here but also go REAL SLOW.

You still need time to get over your ex. I don't think 3 months after a 6 year relationship is enough.

But if it is only danicng and having a good time and both parties know and understand that then that's OK! As long as that is all it is and she knows it as well!

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Originally Posted by Skell

Well it definitely seems like there is some interest there.

Im also glad that your feeling better.

But Pat, your still only 2 months out of a 6 year relationship. I know at this stage you are only dancing and having a good time. Thats good. but Keep it that way.

Having been dumped by my 7 year gf about 5 motnhs ago i know that after 2 months there was no way i could get into too much with another girl.. NO WAY!!

Even now i dont really feel like it. Yeah sure after 2 months i was dancing and stuff with other girls and having a bit of fun, but never anything more.

I would really advice against going after this girl as far as looking for a relationshiop with her right now.

You need time to grieve.. let your emotion cal down. work on yourself etc....

Sorry to bring all this up as i know it wasnt your question. But i just remember your first post and you were struggling alot with your ex. Which is fair enough considering you were with her for 6 years.

For you to go after this new girl now im pretty sure it would just be some rebound thing that would end messy and you will end up back at square one.

So go with the flow here but also go REAL SLOW.

you still need time to get over your ex. I dont think 3 months after a 6 year relationship is enough.

But if it is only danicng and having a good time and both parties know and understand that then thats ok! as long as that is all it is and she knows it as well!

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I know I overanalyze things WAY too much. Obsessively so. And that's why I'm posting my weird thoughts online, so people in real life won't look at me and think I'm a girl in disguise... lol. :)

Yeah, I'm not looking for a relationship with this girl. Nor was I with that other girl I met 2 weeks ago. By the way, I stopped talking to that other girl. After a few conversations, I wasn't attracted anymore... lol... wasn't much "up there"... haha.

This new girl though, she's a bit more interesting. More brains, more perk, more personality... good stuff. If anything, I'd like to go on a few dates or whatever, just let her know somehow that I'm interested, and not just the asexual guy that visits my buddy in the city every weekend.

The question is how to play this right. Yes, go slow of course, but how should I do it.. What does feel it out mean? Like, next time we are dancing close or whatever, make eye contact and just go in for a kiss?

Remember, RELATIONSHIPS are serious, sometimes good, sometimes bad. DATING is fun. You're DATING now. Have fun. Let her ask the questions about where things are going. She will. If you guys date for awhile, she will. At that time, you must be honest and tell her about your baggage, if she already doesn't know.

Right now, you're dating, kiss, have fun, DON'T BE TOO SERIOUS. Don't think too much. HAVE FUN. She sounds like she's just having fun too. Enjoy it.

Just be fun, Be yourself, make her laugh. Smile.

This should be completely fun.

Go in for the kiss. If she pulls away who cares. Just laugh! No loss to you. There are heaps of girls that would die for a kiss with you.

You're the MAN. Play it cool, be fun and I'm sure everything will go good.

Just don't think too much and watch not to get caught up in it all and then the next thing your in a relationship that you can't control or slow down.

Now that would end badly for sure! And it isn't fun as you know!

Hmm... I have to laugh. But, while dating and going slow, just make sure you don't hurt this chic. I'd say teach her something. That is what has always made me like a guy. If a guy can teach me something, cool or useful, make her feel smart, some girls are smart and know it, many don't. Keep her laughing, but not obviously so, obvious trying too hard guys can be cute for a moment but grow old fast. When in doubt wait it out, go slow... when a guy moves too fast, I think he is just about sex and doesn't care about me, but if you move too slow I think He isn't attracted to me. Don't wait 3 days to call. Call when you say you will call. If you say I'll call you tomorrow, then call tomorrow. IF you say soon, then call soon. There is nothing more irritating than when a guy doesn't call when he says he will. A lot of chiks (blame the media) have poorer self esteem than we may always let on. Move slow, take your time, have fun. Maybe don't go for a make out kiss? Maybe a simple kiss on the lips, then wait for her to respond. IF you do this too soon you will probably freak her out. (if she is like me).
Don't panic. This sounds good so far. Just be careful, move cautiously, and go with the flow.

Given your history the worst thing you could do is jump into a serious relationship. Dating is for fun and seeing if the two of you are a good fit. Most of all fun,which means enjoying going and doing things you like. Why is she the only one your dating? Do I see You obsessing over her in a couple of weeks or can you take it as it comes?

I'm not looking for a serious relationship right now. I don't think suggested that I was...

Anyway, I'm not even dating this girl. I basically met her once, met her twice, and on the second time, we danced and got kind of close and I was just wondering if it meant anything or if it was just dancing. That's all I wanted to know.

If it's more than "just dancing" I'd like to know what I should do to make a move and turn this into fun, carefree dating. That's what I need advice on.

But I understand all of your concerns, and agree 100%. There is no way in hell I'm getting into a relationship anytime soon. Probably not for a year... lol.

Make sure you stay in control and set the pace be fun but stay honest. Not good to lead a good girl on.

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Originally Posted by PatBateman

I know I overanalyze things WAY too much. Obsessively so. And that's why I'm posting my wierd thoughts online, so people in real life won't look at me and think I'm a girl in disguise...lol. :)
?

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Ha! I'm so emotional that I've often wondered if my brain was supposed to be programmed to be a woman's and I was a guy in disquise.

A little update...

So last night, I was sitting online, and all of a sudden I get an IM from this girl. Only reason why I knew it was her was because I've seen her screen name in her Facebook profile, and I guess she saw my screen name in my profile. So she decided to randomly IM me... good thing I guess right, since she's initiating conversation...

We talk about random stuff, our career goals, her friends back in California, etc, and I ask her what she's doing tomorrow night, and it turns out that both of us had made plans to go to this girl's housewarming party. So I suppose I'm seeing this girl tonight and see where it goes from here.

I think this is good... right?

BTW, the other girl I met (the one I met in the club) asked me to go over her dorm tomorrow night to drink and watch movies and she asked me if I wanted to sleep over but I turned it down and said let's just keep it to the bar/club scene for now so we can get to know each other better. I guess we'll see where that one goes too.

Some of you may think I'm doing very well, and in some ways I guess I am, having TWO girls that I can "work on" at the same time. But I will say that I've never felt more guilty and just downright depressed in my entire life. It's messed up.

Dude you have to get over that guilt/depression stuff by way of a doctor or FUN, I mean there are some that would kill for your life. Shake it up man.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Dude you have to get over that guilt/depression stuff by way of a doctor or FUN, I mean there are some that would kill for your life. Shake it up man.

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I will try to relax and have fun tonight. This is all just very new to me. Before I met my girlfriend, I was very shy and introverted. She kind of brought me out of my shell a bit, but still, I am a little behind socially. I don't look that bad, since I workout and stuff, and I can be funny when I'm around people I know, so I guess I don't have a problem attracting girls... but keeping them interested... that's another story.

I'm a guy who has the body of a 22 year old (which I am 22 btw), but with the social and dating skills of a 16 year old...

May I suggest less party more constructive activity. I know 22 is that age but volunteering for something worth while will boost the self-esteem 100 notches and I don't know your personal habits but alcohol IS a depressant. Balance your life and see if you feel better, you know a different crowd, places. And stop worrying everything will come together.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by PatBateman

I know I overanalyze things WAY too much. Obsessively so. And that's why I'm posting my wierd thoughts online, so people in real life won't look at me and think I'm a girl in disguise...lol. :)

Yeah, I'm not looking for a relationship with this girl. Nor was I with that other girl I met 2 weeks ago. By the way, I stopped talking to that other girl. After a few conversations, I wasn't attracted anymore...lol...wasn't much "up there"...haha.

This new girl though, she's a bit more interesting. More brains, more perk, more personality...good stuff. If anything, I'd like to go on a few dates or whatever, just let her know somehow that I'm interested, and not just the asexual guy that visits my buddy in the city every weekend.

The question is how to play this right. Yes, go slow of course, but how should I do it...? What does feel it out mean? Like, next time we are dancing close or whatever, make eye contact and just go in for a kiss?

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If you aren't looking to catch a fish, then why are you fishing? See, the thing is you aren't right with you, and until you are right with you, you won't be right with someone else. And someone else can't make you right either. It really is just that simple. And all the over analyzing, sifting through the soap opera and acquiring dating techniques in the world isn't going to change you either... and I would be willing to bet some part of you knows it too when you stop running from yourself long enough to listen. You lost a long term relationship and you still need to find out why. It is important to know what your part in it was.

In the period of grieving that follows that loss, you have a goldren opportunity to do some really honest soul searching. This time is an invitation to learn some things about yourself and the world and catch up that 16 year old on some very important things. So that when you do return to the land of the dating, you are more whole, more healed and in better shape than before. Or you can ignore all this, look to distract yourself to avoid any of this process, learn nothing and take into the next real relationship all this unfinished business. Your choice.

Excellent advice Val, I think you deserve at least a hundred greenies for that but I can only applaud---clapity clap clap. The gent could do well to heed every word you said.

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Originally Posted by PatBateman

I will try to relax and have fun tonight. This is all just very new to me. Before I met my girlfriend, I was very shy and introverted. She kinda brought me out of my shell a bit, but still, I am a little behind socially. I don't look that bad, since I workout and stuff, and I can be funny when I'm around people I know, so I guess I don't have a problem attracting girls...but keeping them interested...that's another story.

I'm a guy who has the body of a 22 year old (which I am 22 btw), but with the social and dating skills of a 16 year old...

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Pat, I'm going to be 30 in December and I have the social skills of a 16 year old. I'm so hard headed I'm just figuring it out now. I wish I had a forum like this 10 or even 15 years ago. The funny thing is I've had some very attractive and very interesting women approach me (as I've been to afraid to approach them) over the years and I've just never known what to say. Finally looking back now, I've realized that I've chased many away by my words or actions in an attempt to have them like me. The worst part is as I've looked back thinking how stupid some of the things I did must have appeared to them. I was a total wuss being pushed over by these women. Please learn now. I'd seriously give thousands of dollars to be able to be 22 and have the kind of outlet that you have now. I know this sounds like a parent saying this but 22 is so young. You have no idea how much your going to learn and how much living you have ahead of you for the next 8 years. Don't be beating yourself up at 22 for not "getting it" because I'm just starting to at 30.

As others are going to tell you, take things slow and easy and get to know her little by little. Limit your contact with her and the time you spend together. Keep in mind that your friend has already given you a heads-up that she's "annoying." Granted, you don't have to make all your decisions based on other peoples' opinions ; you're certainly free to form your own. However, you might want to have a heart-to-heart chat with your friend and grill him a little and find out as much as you can about her. That might alert you to some red flags to watch out for.

I have been trying to express what Val said in her post all along.
Brilliant Val. Just Brilliant.
Pat read it over and over.
There is a lot for you to think about if you are honest with yourself!!

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Originally Posted by PatBateman

I'm not looking for a serious relationship right now. I don't think I suggested that I was...But I understand all of your concerns, and agree 100%. There is no way in hell I'm getting into a relationship anytime soon. Probably not for a year...lol.

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So tell me Pat, since you are looking... I mean what happens when you meet some amazingly nice girl that you dated but oops, didn't mean to. Are you telling her, "wait, I'm not ready, you'll have to wait a year for me????"

And then we get a post from some genuinely sad girl asking if we can help her sort out what this really really wonderful guy said about having to wait when she doesn't understand what went wrong, except his ex called and he just isn't himself anymore??

I mean, it just happens that way or what?

I hope you don't think I am kidding here...

Is it just me or are all the young people thinking about is hooking up and partying? I wish I had that luxury when I was young. I've been working and in school since I was 16 and even when I could date I got dumped for one reason or another but hell, I was to busy to really have time to sit on a pity pot or think up ways to get her back, there was just too much to doand places to be and people to see.. Just don't ask me about the 80's I really ain't to sharp about that decade, but the point is where do the youngsters even find the time for all these crazy relationships? Sorry I'm just feeling OLD.

End of rant back to normal programming

Im 23 Tal, and I'm like you. Been working and studying since the age of 16. And I don't really have time for all these "crazy" relationships. And so far I haven't had any. Only the one long term partner of 7 years..
But now I'm single and had a couple of completely innocent dates, I do have to agree. It definitely seems crazy and it is something that I guess I will have to deal with.
Having been with the one girlfriend from the age of 16 until just recently I suppose I'm a little out of touch. But I certainly don't like what I see so far.

I have had a couple of dates so far since breaking up with my ex. This is simply to meet new people and enjoy a females company. I have been completely honest with them about my situation from the begginning. But it seems to have to be one extreme or the other. They want me to be in a full blown relationship from day 1 with them which, I can't give now. I tell them this and they still won't listen and expect a full commitment so I have no option but to run!
It is insane.
It seems to be the case here with Pat as far as his thoughts towards girls.
My mates are the same and they always seem to be jumping from girl to girl and it never lasts.
SLOW IS THE GO! Its just hard finding someone who also has this philosophy from what I can see!

Here is a little update guys...

Saturday night we were at this girl's house watching college football, cuddled up on the couch. After the game was over, we left the rest of the crowd for some privacy up on the rooftop, where we talked some more and she asked me to keep her warm as we watched the skyline of the city and the stars and whatnot... lol. She asked me to walk her back to her apartment which was 30 min away and we talked the whole way, holding hands, etc. She invites me in for the night.

So we're sitting there, completely sober (we both only had 2 beers the whole night) and just talking about everything. Turns out we had so much in common and then some... we agreed on various social viewpoints, logic, and other beliefs. I felt like I had known her for years.

She tells me that she liked me when we first met several weeks ago when I helped her move stuff with a friend of mine for her new apartment. She added that she thought I was different because I didn't rush her into making out and that I wasn't aggressive. She said she felt comforable around me, etc. Good stuff.

After several hours of talking, I give her a kiss and say something like "that wasn't rushed, was it?" She says no, gets on me, and we make out and feel each other up and down and whatever for the rest of the night, sleeping for a few minutes in between. She tells me that if I didn't stop kissing her neck that I'd better be prepared for the "consequences"... lol. So I stopped, because I didn't want to have sex, and we keep going, doing what we've been doing.

We finally get up around 10am, and go out for pancakes. Then we walked back to my buddy's place to get my stuff and so I can shower, and we go back to her apartment with my friend and some of her friends, and we all watch the Pats game while she cuddled up to me in front of everyone.

I had to leave after the game, so we exchange numbers and she says she wants to have sushi with me mid week in the city. When I get home and sign online, I put up an away message and she IMs me right away and says something like sweet dreams, I'll talk to you soon.

I didn't reply to her IM right away, but the next day we chatted a bit after I got back from work and we talked about our days, the presidential speech, etc.

What is going on here? What's next? Should I be worried about codependency issues between myself or her? She knows about my ex... and actually a lot more about me since I guess she's done her research.

Please advise...

??

First of all, is this your first time to have a girl friend? Secondly, just think how your prior relationship ended. Would you want to have the same retrospective? And most of all you should be enthusiastic... it's hopeful and there's nothing to worry about. There might be chances that both of you will tend to like too much of each other. However, codependecy is always part of the equation unless you want to just sleep with her. I think both of you are on the same new territory. I wouldn't be alarmed if she wants to have sushi with you. Take it as a positive step. Forget the past. Always good to start fresh if you really want the person.

I think you should leave the ladies alone period if you cannot get past the lust and be straight up honest. If you don't have the confidence to date and have fun you shouldn't do it. If you cannot handle lust then you should not date. If you cannot be honest and stand your ground in the wake of that lust don't date. If it is fun your looking for and lust, I think any one can understand as long as your honest and up front so open your mouth before you open her legs and make sure she isn't some poor insecure female who will stalk you and rip up your clothes if she doesn't get what she wants. Set the pace if they can't follow or can't fit move on.

Couldn't rep you tal but well said.

Pat, just by the questions you are asking here, you aren't ready. This isn't fun for you. You are so stressed and worried about all this that it is a sign that you aren't ready.

And that's only what people have been trying to tell you from your first thread. The thread where you told us that you were dumped after 6 years, 2 months later found a new girl and felt worse.

Same storey. 6 years is a long time. You should still in a way be grieving that and getting over that. Learning about yourself again.
Sure have a few dates but don't be getting so uptight and serious about things so quick.

I personally think you need a bit of time just for yourself. No girls. Learn to enjoy your own company and learn a bit about yourself that you may have lost in that 6 years.

Read my first thread for a similar experience to you. Its been 6 months now and I'm feeling so much better. After 3 months I was no hope of getting into anything else. Im still not really, but I learnt so much about myself in this period and I'm actually learning to love myself again after hating myself just after the break up. It took TIME though!

Reflect on what went wrong in the last relationship and see how you could have done things better.
Or you know what will happen? You will rush in with this new girl, it will be amazing for about 6 months and then you will be back on here asking us again why you aren't happy or why she has left you.

We see it time and again.

Don't say you weren't warned though!

BUt if you do want to pursue things with her, please please just go slow and still take some time for yourself.

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Originally Posted by Skell

Couldnt rep ya tal but well said.

Pat, just by the questions you are asking here, you arent ready. this isnt fun for you. You are so stressed and worried about all this that it is a sign that you arent ready.

And thats only what people have been trying to tell you from your first thread. The thread where you told us that you were dumped after 6 years, 2 months later found a new girl and felt worse.

Same storey. 6 years is a long time. You should still in a way be grieving that and getting over that. Learning about yourself again.
Sure have a few dates but dont be getting so uptight and serious about things so quick.

I personally think you need a bit of time just for yourself. No girls. Learn to enjoy your own company and learn a bit about yourself that you may have lost in that 6 years.

Read my first thread for a similar experience to you. Its been 6 months now and im feeling so much better. After 3 months i was no hope of getting into anything else. Im still not really, but i learnt so much about myself in this period and im actually learning to love myself again after hating myself just after the break up. It took TIME though!

Reflect on what went wrong in the last relationship and see how you could have done things better.
Or you know what will happen?? You will rush in with this new girl, it will be amazing for about 6 months and then you will be back on here asking us again why you arent happy or why she has left you.

We see it time and again.

Dont say you werent warned though!

BUt if you do want to pursue things with her, please please just go slow and still take some time for yourself.

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What do you mean by going slow? Do you mean holding off on sex? Or just like, don't be calling her every day or hanging out every week?

Basically, don't treat her like the immediate replacement for my ex and expect her to pick up where we left off?

If you have sex don't mistake lust for love and just cause this female gives you a lot of good attention, don't start moving your stuff over to her place. She can be part of your life but not all of it, keep yourself balanced between the other parts of your life and her and by no means smother her with calls or see her all day everyday you do have a life remember.Give as much attention to the other things in your life, job,school,family,friends,hobbies as you do to her,BALANCE!! And above all do not sit by the phone and chew your nails waiting for her to call. Pay attention to how she treats and reacts to you so you can give equally. If its all you, a bad sign. Don't tell your life story all at once give a little take a little and listen don't just hear, remember she is watching you. Never let them see you sweat -COMMUNICATE, utmost is believe in yourself so you don't fall for anything CONFIDENCE... (that will be a $50 consultation fee... cash please)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by talaniman

If you have sex don't mistake lust for love and just cause this female gives you a lot of good attention, don't start moving your stuff over to her place. She can be part of your life but not all of it, keep yourself balanced between the other parts of your life and her and by no means smother her with calls or see her all day everyday you do have a life remember.Give as much attention to the other things in your life, job,school,family,friends,hobbies as you do to her,BALANCE!!!! And above all do not sit by the phone and chew your nails waiting for her to call. Pay attention to how she treats and reacts to you so you can give equally. If its all you, a bad sign. Don't tell your life story all at once give alittle take a little and listen don't just hear, remember she is watching you. Never let em see you sweat -COMMUNICATE, utmost is believe in yourself so you don't fall for anything CONFIDENCE.......(that will be a $50 consultation fee....cash please)

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Oh, I'm doing pretty damn good so far... hehe. I don't initiate contact all the time, and I definitely play the whole "give and take" thing. It's not all me, so don't worry... I'm not being some sad little puppy dog, following her around.

What I didn't understand about your post was the lust/love thing. See, me being totally new at this, my impression is that this girl wants me, and me only. She wants to date me, and possibly start a relationship.

BUT... and this is a big BUT...

I imagine things are different at this age (22-25) and it's not just about tapping a girl on the shoulder at the school dance, getting her number, taking her to the movies, and boom- you are girlfriend and boyfriend.

I make myself nervous when I think of "what we have" and I keep telling myself you have nothing, and just go out and have fun... carefree, get-to-know-each-other, baggage-free fun.

It takes a while to tell the difference, but when the lust is gone and there is nothing else the relationship fizzles. When its love there will be a lot of other things that will keep the relationship alive. That's one reason you take your time and go slow to find out is it love or just sex and the other things between you that spark the relationship. Sometimes the lust last forever but the relationship is otherwise dead.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by talaniman

It takes a while to tell the difference, but when the lust is gone and there is nothing else the relationship fizzles. When its love there will be a lot of other things that will keep the relationship alive. Thats one reason you take your time and go slow to find out is it love or just sex and the other things between you that spark the relationship. Sometimes the lust last forever but the relationship is otherwise dead.

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Whoa... please don't use the word "relationship"... lol... not ready for that now, nor will I be even several more months from now.

I only want to date this new girl and just kind of be friends I guess. I've told her this already, and she's cool with it. If in time, we both feel that we want more of a commitment then fine, but as of now, we've only seen each other 3 times over the course of a month, with the third time getting a little hot and heavy... hehe.

She asked me if we're still going out to dinner tonight, so I guess that's a good sign- she's still interested and eager to go out. I think I'll make good on my initial suggestion for dinner... lol.

I want to take a good month or two and get to know her on little dates like this... keeping things short.

I was thinking one really good date would be to take her for a day trip to NYC since she's never been to New York before. But I won't get ahead of myself... we'll see how dinner does tonight.

Well that sounds good Pat,

You asked what I meant by taking it slow and what Tal's answer said was spot on. Reasd tal's post for what taking it slow means.

But it seems as though you are doing this.
Seeing her 3 times in a months is definitely not breaking any speed dating records so good for you.

As long as you have told her your situation and been honest that right now you aren't looking for a relationship and she is fine with that then all well and good.

You seem to have a good handle on things. Little dates everynow and then to get to know her. I like your thinking and I'm sure everyone else here would suggest you do it this way. But keep it this way for while. Im sure she will enjoy her time with you a lot more if it isn't so frequent!

So don't fall into the trap of speeding things up out of lust for her. Keep it at a pace your comfortable with and keep being honest with her and you'll go fine!

Remember though that you still have a lot of learning to do about yourself at this stage. Don't forget YOU!!

As has been said before, just continue to take things slow and easy. Don't rush and don't ever become needy or clingy. Have a life that doesn't just revolve around her. It sounds like you're off to a good start so just continue to keep things on an even keel.

You are on the right track! I bet you are better than some of this guys here. Just teasing.

Sit on it for a while, if she does it again while he is there, I'd question it.