I had been dating my ex for a year and 2 months... :( We fought about meaningless things, the usual stuff why didn't you hangout with me, past mistakes, even me leaving her in the town we grew up in (college). So she missed me a ton... but like I said we fought, during christmas break everything took a turn for the worst I was mad we didn't spend time together, she was mad that I was getting mad, not to mention being jealous... 3 weeks ago I got the its over for now speech... and "lets be friends" I did the texting like crazy and called more than I did when we dated probably altogether. Now I hear she is "talking" with a guy from my town and he plays the sweet guy, but he has a history of getting what he wants ( not rape) but yeah. I realized when it was over that I missed her more than what I thought. I would like another chance with her if you have ANY advice I would love to hear it. Btw we have gone our separate ways and seeing if not talking will fix anything.

Before I offer any advice, I would highly suggest looking up previous threads titled "Can/How/Will I get my ex back?" or some variation of the above mentioned words.

I just feel like I am regurgitating my own words sometimes. I also want to ask, do you really just want her back now because you heard she is talking with another guy?

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Originally Posted by kctiger

Before I offer any advice, I would highly suggest looking up previous threads titled "Can/How/Will I get my ex back?" or some variation of the above mentioned words.

I just feel like I am regurgitating my own words sometimes. I also want to ask, do you realy just want her back now because you heard she is talking with another guy?

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No, I wanted her back before I heard that... I have been thinking about how much she means to me and what not, but I don't know if she is thinking about me. I feel like there is a reason why we were together and now that she's gone... and I see how stupid I was I just need help on the steps I should take to show her I am changing and I am the guy for her. Does that help?

The problem you have is she knew this relationship was over months ago. Women hold onto a guy until the holidays are over and then get rid of him. Women start the new year fresh and she has done that.

Furthermore you can't ever win her or anyone else over because you not at point where you are comfortable with yourself. You have work on your own issues and bring you confidence up, because right now your grasping at straws.

Strictly No Contact with her at all!!

Look these are only experiences but might help...

I recently got back with my ex, I still love her and wanted to make it work but it didn't. HUGELY SUPRISINGLY! lol

I went back and we had a great couple of weeks... then the fights started again, the mistrust, the hurt and all the rest of the less than enjoyable feelings that caused the break up to begin with.

I would not recommend it, to say the least.

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Originally Posted by chuff

The problem you have is she knew this relationship was over months ago. Women hold onto a guy until the holidays are over and then get rid of him. Women start the new year fresh and she has done that.

Furthermore you can't ever win her or anyone else over because you not at point where you are comfortable with yourself. You have work on your own issues and bring you confidence up, because right now your grasping at straws.

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That is so true your right. I have been going about this the wrong way thanks. But will she want me back, or will she see this guy is better than me or what? I'll move on if need be but we just stopped talking completely this week so... is the book closed or not yet is there still a chance?

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Strictly No Contact with her at all!!!!!

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There is no contact as of earlier this Monday so I am already there, will she miss me?

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Originally Posted by neverme

Look these are only experiences but might help...

I recently got back with my ex, I still love her and wanted to make it work but it didn't. HUGELY SUPRISINGLY! lol

I went back and we had a great couple of weeks......then the fights started again, the mistrust, the hurt and all the rest of the less than enjoyable feelings that caused the break up to begin with.

I would not recommend it, to say the least.

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That sux man and I understand the advice... But as you tried to make it work and it didn't, I have to try and know for myself and try to get another chance, how did you get another chance anyway.

yeah I have to say, I've also had a relationship where we broke up and got back together (okay we were extreme and did this about three times) first couple of weeks are great... but then the fighting starts back up...

why?

This is my theory (lol of course I can be wong!)

Two people who have a history can't start a fresh, not really, even if both parts say: hey lets start all over again and forget the past! The past doesn't go anywhere, its just there... and evey piece of it is a part of you somehow.

As for marks remark. Yeah it is true I'm afraid, at least for me, I have broken up with both my x bfs, and when I did, I was emotionally ready to let go.at least partly (in my case, I was the only one who tried both times to make the relationship work, and in the end I had to realize in case no.1 it wasn't going to, in case 2 it wasn't going to and it worth it!)

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Originally Posted by ceddie13

That sux man and I understand the advice... But as you tried to make it work and it didn't, I have to try and know for myself and try to get another chance, how did you get another chance anyways.

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Eh to begin, I'm a bi woman, so the man comment... :) cheers! Lol no only joking

I didn't GET another chance, me and my ex decided that we both thought we might be able to make it work. If she doesn't feel that way then there is nothing you can do.

You can try, but you will end up more hurt and have to start the healing process all over again.

Ha cheers!!

Do you want to put your faith into an unsure thing or search for it anew? This is the time for no contact.

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Originally Posted by roxypox

yeah i have to say, i've also had a relationship where we broke up and got back together (okay we were extreme and did this about three times) first couple of weeks are great... but then the fighting starts back up....

why?

This is my theory (lol of course I can be wong!)

Two ppl who have a history can't start a fresh, not really, even if both parts say: hey lets start all over again and forget the past! The past doesn't go anywhere, its just there... and evey piece of it is a part of you somehow.

As for marks remark. yeah it is true i'm afraid, at least for me, I have broken up with both my x bfs, and when i did, i was emotionally ready to let go.at least partly (in my case, I was the only one who tried both times to make the realtionship work, and in the end i had to realize in case no.1 it wasn't going to, in case 2 it wasn't going to and it worth it!)

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Also a very good point, a little more info on the situation is, she told me that maybe on down the road we can be together but not now because she needs space. I have heard if I give her space she "will miss me" we dated for a year and she has always said before anyway she misses me and when the last time we talked last week it was still I miss you so I don't know. She has talked about this guy she is going to the dance with and how he is touchy and she doesn't like touchy guys but he's a good guy she says but he is also a guy if you date him he will "do stuff with you". So does she miss me and is she thinking about me while we are apart... and how long do I wait to talk to her... 3 weeks a month... The reason I know its not closed yet is because she hasn't let me go she said a little... any more advice friends I REALLY need it.

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Originally Posted by NItEMArE129

Do you wanna put your faith into an unsure thing or search for it anew? This is the time for no contact.

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Well of course I don't want to put my faith in a unsure thing, but I will take a chance on taking the right steps to try and be better and work things out... I have thought hard about this and all my relationships before I had a 2 year fling with this girl and I knew I needed to move on even if I liked her still and I did and I dated another girl for 8 months and she got crazy and moved on to my now ex... and this time it feels diff not because we dated longer but because as lame as this sounds we both NEVER closed the door we said the normal I'll cya around, I need space even if its meant to be lets see with separation, but there was no for sure WE ARE DONE.

Ceddie,

What does she want?

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Originally Posted by neverme

ceddie,

what does she want?

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She wants, me to give her time... she has told me I'll be fine without her... and it would make it easier for her ( to basically move on) if I did first. But most of all I think she wants me to trust her with what she's doing now ( like with the not talking and what not) because I never could go along with it I was afraid if I did she would like someone else and forget about me. Did I mention she's a senior in high school and I'm a freshman in college and we were 3 hrs from each other.

Ok, this may be hard to hear but she's done.

She doesn't want a relationship, she wants time and space to MOVE ON!

Ya, I'm sure she'd love if you moved on first (removes guilt) and then support her too. (all the emotional benefits of a boyfriend with you plus anyone else she feels like!! )

I'm sorry dude but its time to pick yourself up and move on

Dude, she doesn't want drama from you right now. In other words, she doesn't want you in her life. She's telling you to get over her subtly, but she's telling you nonetheless. Move on and move out; she's not coming back. She's found something new but doesn't want to hurt you. Why not let her live her life without a burden from you?

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Originally Posted by NItEMArE129

Dude, she doesn't want drama from you right now. In other words, she doesn't want you in her life. She's telling you to get over her subtly, but she's telling you nonetheless. Move on and move out; she's not coming back. She's found something new but doesn't want to hurt you. Why not let her live her life without a burden from you?

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All right yeah it was hard to hear... I guess she is done and has moved on. I guess that answers the missing me question, and the if there is a chance of getting another chance question. I guess I have caused drama, thanks for the help any other advice or steps to move on?

Hey I need a little advice, me and my ex did the basic split for the first time with no talking this Monday and haven't talked since. She is going with this guy to the school dance and before we stopped talking of course I made the why you going with him and just over christmas break you said he was annoying and touchy. He has been asking me every time my status with her changed what's with you two I wouldn't tell details to him because I'm not that type of person. But I never knew why he kept asking... well I hear they are always walking in the hall together and she said before how he said he will be there if she ever needs to talk and when I talked to my friend ( female) about the guy because she had some flings and cheated on her boyfriend while he was at west point with this guy. She told me that, everything I was telling her, are the same things he said to her and since she droped him nov in the doing stuff with him while she is dating my friend that he doesn't try to talk to her any more. But my ex doesn't see this. He started macking a lot more when we stopped being official and now he has her going to the dance with him and she agreed to hanging with him AFTER the dance. Besides will she ever come back to me or find me the better guy for her( she never said it was over) for GOOD just I need time. So will my fear of them doing whatever happen or will she see him for who he really is? I need advice ALL DAY because the dance is tomorrow and I'm getting nervous.

I need time,is a nice way of blowing someone off.She is trying not to hurt your feelings.If this guy is a player,that is for her to find out on her own.If she is old enough to date,she is old enough to accept responsibility for her mistakes.

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Originally Posted by artlady

I need time,is a nice way of blowing someone off.She is trying not to hurt your feelings.If this guy is a player,that is for her to find out on her own.If she is old enough to date,she is old enough to accept responsibility for her mistakes.

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Yeah I've def used it before, I know we all say this and I could be in denial but, I just feel like since I'm long distance and that guy said all the right things when we were having a bad time that maybe that's why she is moving on. NOT because she likes him but because he is comforting her while we fought. Also your right she will learn from the mistake, but I got to know is there a way to fix me and her, and if she does see this guy for what he is will be come back or what?

Give her the cold shoulder and see her reaction - do not be there for her.

Read my thread and you will see what 'I need time and space' really means.

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Originally Posted by ardahk

Give her the cold shoulder and see her reaction - do not be there for her.

Read my thread and you will see what 'I need time and space' really means.

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Ok will do, we haven't talked for 4 days I have this txt ready saying hey just saying hey even though we aren't talking. Jw if we could talk sometime not now but whenever your ready maybe about the weather. Is that BAD or is that a OK txt.

If I were you I really wouldn't text her - she is going to a dance with this guy after telling you she didn't like him.. doesn't that make you angry? - use that to help you not text and not reply when she does and then reply after an hour etc - just don't be as available but at the same time you can't do this with the hope that something will start up again.

Just don't talk to her, don't be rude or cold but just give her the impression you are fine because to be honest nothing is the end of the world but the end of the world - everything else we always find a way to live with.

Dude, she is being really nice about this break up, and has moved on to enjoy herself.

Don't text or contact her in any way, and move on with your life.

Its so over, now accept it, and save your dignity some humiliation, and your ego some misery, and pain. Leave her alone and delete the text!!!

Sadly your right the text was dumb, and she was nice about the break up. I guess its SUPER hard to let go I mean a year and 2 months done in 3 weeks even though up until last weekend I got the I miss you and flirty texts. Its time to face it I guess. Anyone want to explain why players like that guy get what they want and leave us good guys out in the cold or girls?

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Originally Posted by ceddie13

Sadly your right the txt was dumb, and she was nice about the break up. I guess its SUPER hard to let go I mean a year and 2 months done in 3 weeks even though up until last weekend I got the i miss you and flirty txts. its time to face it I guess. anyone wanna explain why players like that guy get what they want and leave us good guys out in the cold or girls?

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Only with a mentality like that, will this be true. Your emotions are clouding your judgement right now. Please, don't think like that... believe me, it isn't true.

Carry on... :cool:

Well this guy is and heck I got the lets not mess around speech and That's all that guy wants to do. Right now mentally I am not great because I have to face the fact its over, not another chance or anything. She's really over me wow.

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Originally Posted by ceddie13

well this guy is and heck I got the lets not mess around speech and THATS all that guy wants to do. right now mentally I am not great because I have to face the fact its over, not another chance or anything. Shes really over me wow.

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It's a hard pill to swallow, I know. Eventually, you will bounce back, and not have the loser's mentality that is haunting you right now. You are a good guy, and good guys win, period! I know it sucks to go through this now, but it makes you such a better person in the end. EVERYONE MUST experience heartbreak at least once in their life. Better to get it over with now.

I guess its hard to believe she threw away, our relationship, our friendship, and heck basically anything we had for a guy she really BARELY knows. I miss her a ton, rite now NC is what I'm doing, heck I have been to the heart broken stage with a ex and chasing that girl for 2 years was ROUGH, but then my now ex came and it was great and she isn't the type to get over something SUPER fast especially this but everything isn't making sense, I will move on I just need answers.

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Originally Posted by ceddie13

I guess its hard to believe she threw away, our realtionship, our friendship, and heck basically anything we had for a guy she really BARELY knows. I miss her a ton, rite now NC is what i'm doing, heck I have been to the heart broken stage with a ex and chasing that girl for 2 years was ROUGH, but then my now ex came and it was great and she isn't the type to get over something SUPER fast especially this but everything isn't making sense, I will move on I just need answers.

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well, personally I believe that every person in your life: good or bad, is a gift... an opportunity to learn, love, make mistakes, fall down, get back up and grow. And sadly, sometimes we don't get answers! No matter how hard that is to swallow. Its just the way it is. And its painful and it can be sad.

I totally sympathies with the thoughts that you have now, how she threw it all away, B/c that is basically what she did!

DId you chase your x girlfriend for 2 years after it was over? Did I understand that correctly?

maybe its time to learn from that! And not put yourself through the same strain as you did back then. To go around for 2 years, chasing a love that's dead and gone is a LONG time to be doing that. This time you have the opportunity to start the healing at an earlier stage...

Hay Ceddie,They say nice guys finish last and when it comes to many young girls I think this is true.My eldest son is one of those nice respectful polite guys and he had been dumped on for real losers before.On the other hand my youngest who has a devil may care attitude has girls flocking to him so go figure.
I think they think they can rehabilitate them or something.I don't get the mindset but I know it happens.They like the bad boys.Don't let that make you be something you are not.Some nice girl will appreciate you ,stay cool and be yourself!

What artlady says is so true! There are girls/women out there who appreciates the qualities that you have. And you will find someone like that, lol usually when you're not looking.

Yeah someone will and that's going to be great. I just feel upset which I know is common and I need to move on and be happy, but right now it sux way too much and on top of that I lost my best friend. I knew my other relationships were over at certain times my 2 year thing she kept me along and I moved on when I was ready, same thing with my second to last girlfriend I saw it was more of a your cheating on me which I wasn't thing and BAM I knew it was over. But this no matter how much we fought, and we both wanted to be together, it would get better then something usually with other people we never fought with each other like its your fault people always got in the middle and we would fight about that. If its truly over with no chance of fixing anything and this guy and her date ( which they aren't) for however long heck they could get married then I will move on. Its been REALLY 4 days of NC, and we have flirted text for a long time even before the separate ways thing. She's def not the type to string me along nore lie to me, but if it was OVER she would have told me, and also if she was done and thought we weren't she would have just said we aren't I'm sorry I like someone else like I asked. I may never get my answers and that's fine, but right now I'm on what if's and those SUCk so if I get a shot and I fail then I fail but if I don't for awhile I will wonder what if. I don't know what to do besides NC and of course move on.

You are still stuck on Fantasy Island. When I throw you the rope, hang tight, so we can get out of there man!

OK, I'll hang tight

NC is always hard at first, YES! Hang tight! And grab a hold of KC's rope! You can get through this!

Oh I will