Hi,

I had been single for the past two years after a very bad relationship until I met a woman 10 years older then me and married, we just clicked, it was obvious we both liked each other straight away. She was upfront about being married from the start, I'd never normally get involved with someone already taken but it just felt right. We've met up everyday since we've 1st met over 2 months ago and she has said she loves me and I feel very strongly about her too. We recently had a fight over something I can't even remember and its just caused us to argue over the stupidest things and now she has gone cold. She's suggested that we see less of each other. She's said her feelings for me haven't changed but that we got too serious too quick. I don't know what to do for the best. I know I shouldn't have got involved in the first place but I don't want to finish it. Is it doomed to fail?

Yes, it is doomed to fail. You are going to catch a lot of flack for getting involved with a married woman. You both are cheaters! You say it just felt right... what exactly feels right about doing something like this? I think you both should sit down and talk to the husband... maybe the three of you can come to a rational decision that works best for all. This way, everyone can be happy... tell me she doesn't have children?

Of course it's doomed to fail, it was from the get go... She's MARRIED. Let her go and find someone who is actually available.

No she doesn't have any children

She is still married. If you want her, wait until the divorce is final.

Yes, you will fail in this attempt.

This will ruin her marriage and your actions will ruin her family.

She is a cheater and you are an enabler.

Walk away, just walk away.

Who said anything about a divorce? Do they plan on getting a divorce?

I said something about a divorce. He should not be dating a married woman. If he wants to continue to date her, wait until her divorce is final or move on.

I know you said something about divorce. My point is, he never said that the woman he was involved with is even considering divorce. You said, "Wait until the divorce is final," which implies that they are in the process of getting a divorce. That is why I asked the question, because I saw nothing even mentioned of her contemplating such a thing... sorry for the confusion.

I just meant that he should not be dating a married woman. LOL

True! The thread is over and the answers you need are now clear... quit dating her and find someone who isn't married... and someone who wouldn't cheat for that matter.

She hasn't mentioned divorce. She said she was in a sexless marriage not a loveless one. We don't talk about her marriage at all when we are together.

Of course you don't talk about her marriage - she's cheating, she SHOULD be ashamed... you should be too.

Who cares if it's a sexless marriage - that doesn't give her the right to have an affair.

Run man, run.

No respect.

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Originally Posted by oldenoughtoknow

she said she was in a sexless marriage

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That's the same excuse all cheaters give.

They still love each other, but since they don't have sex anymore then it is all right that she has sex with another guy :rolleyes: I bet she even got permission from her husband on this...

Yeah, leave this broad alone. She is wayward, dishonest and even though she might have good qualities, she is not relationship material with anyone right now. If you're looking for someone who is truly unavailable and unable to commit, there are many singles out there who only want no-strings-attached. Let's say she left her spouse for you: yeah, it'd be fun for a little while, but then you'd get paranoid, wondering if she's going to do to you what she's done to her husband: BETRAYL. Cheating is ugly and there's nothing sexy and exciting about a clandestine affair. It's nerve-wracking and it hacks at your conscience. Not to mention the creation of negative karma. Go have fun with other un-married people.

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But it just felt right

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No it didn't, you were a horn dog, and got a cheap thrill, that was easy. That doesn't make it right, as helping someone cheat never is.

This relationship will only cause pain, not happiness.

Find someone that can be there 100%, devoted to you!

Messing around with a married woman can only lead to the husband chasing you around with bat.

What a wonderful man you are! Saving this poor woman from a loveless, sexless marriage! Then after two months, you get into an argument that you can't even remember what is was about, and she goes cold! She wanted a boy toy, you wanted a cougar. As soon as problems came up, she wasn't having fun anymore. She probably has to deal with problems at home too! Poor girl! God forbid a marriage would have any problems! It's suppose to be a bed of roses isn't it? When it isn't, well then it's time to go find someone else on the side for some "fun!"

She should be ashamed of herself... you should be ashamed of yourself... and you both need to get your morals in check. How long do you think it would be before she cheated on you? My crystal ball says, the first chance she got!

I don't see it as me saving her, and I don't like her because of her age. She was unhappy and so was I, this isn't just a sex thing. We bring a bit of happiness to each other.

Well isn't it nice that both of you can have a little of happiness. I wonder how happy that makes her husband? I bet she has children too doesn't she? I bet they would be proud of Mommy! After all, it is about her happiness isn't it? And you are happy to help out! SHE IS A MARRIED WOMAN! Plain and simple! It's too bad that you don't understand that, and you are willing to help her break her vows for you own personal selfish reasons. I don't care how you look at it. It's WRONG! But you seem to be quite proud to be involved in ruining other peoples lives!

To answer your original question. "Is it doomed to fail" Without a doubt in my mind the answer is YES!!

Just an update, I finished with her today, although there were tears and she begged me not to leave, I stook by my guns and I've learnt my lesson. As I read your replies I knew you guys were right, I just didn't want to accept it, I tried convincing myself that it was OK but ultimately I knew deep down. I deleted her number and cut all ties with her. Time for NC.

Very smart move. You will be proud of yourself and thankful that you did this.

Best wishes and happy holidays. :)

I feel terrible right now, but that's my own fault.

You are doing the right thing. Morally!

You shouldn't feel bad. You should feel good that you are thinking about other people besides yourself.

Hats off to you sir! You feel bad now, but in time you will realize this was the best decision for everyone involved.

I just read your post today and I am happy about the decision you made.

Stick to NC, no matter how many times she calls, texts, e-mails, etc.

The emotions that your feelings is normal and you have to take it day by day but no matter what, don't give in.

Why would you want to be a home wrecker? How would you feel if your wife and you were married did that to you... It's not going to work.. so forget it.

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Originally Posted by sully123

Why would you want to be a home wrecker? How would you feel if your wife and you were married did that to you.... It's not going to work.. so forget it.

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That is exactly what he is saying. He broke it off with her.

Yes, southerngalps, but he is still questioning it.. That to me, tells me he isn't through with it..

Well, yes. I'm sure anyone stupid enough to be with a married person will question breaking it off.

At least he is on the right track :)

No, I know I made a mistake and won't go back there, its just hard is all.

Keep yourself busy, get involved with new things, as hard as it sounds. Meet new people.. and stay away from married ones.. they rarely leave their husbands...

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Originally Posted by sully123

Keep yourself busy, get involved with new things, as hard as it sounds. Meet new people.. and stay away from married ones.. they rarely leave their husbands...

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And even if they do - they'll leave you too one day.

People tell you and show you who they are.

Run!

Hello

If you're a prick then I say go right ahead and continue trying to get things to work.

If not there's two things you should consider:

A: She's married. How would you feel if your companion was unfaithful to you?
B: Once a cheater always a cheater. You do not engage with women/guys that have a tendency to be unfaithful.

Speaking from my own experience, my first girlfriend was married when we started dating. I was still in college; she had dropped out. She separated and divorced him and we were together for a while, but she went through serious depression and got a lot of flak from her family. She broke up with me when I started grad school, eventually marrying the guy she dumped me for (and this too later collapsed).

It was a rocky relationship and I carry regrets about the circumstances to this day, although she and I are still good friends.

I know its been a while but an here's an update.

This was my original post

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ml#post1422305


Sorry for the long post.

I tried no contact but after a week of constant texts begging me to talk to her I broke no contact, she said if she couldn't have a relationship could we at least be friends.

I tried to explain how hard that would be to me but I could see she needed me so tried to keep my texts friendly but short and never encourage her.

I tried to get her to sort out her relationship and start looking after herself and to give up drinking. So after a few weeks of on-off again I knew I had to finish it for good and realised me actually talking to her was stopping us both from moving on and getting over each other. I told her as much and she said she was getting away for the weekend to clear her head. I turned my mobile off and tried to get my own head in order too. I turned on my phone after a couple of days and it was full of texts from her. She asked for closure as to why I finished. She wanted to know why ended it so I tell her I wanted her so bad but couldn't have her and it hurts and its best if we don't do the friends thing just go no contact. I hear nothing for a couple of hours and get a text saying she has finished with her bloke and we can be together if I want her. Talk about a complete surprise, a week before and throughout the 'relationship' she had told me she would never leave him.

I asked her to come round to talk about it face to face. She turns up completely drunk and crying wanting to know why I had made her leave him and then not want her. So I asked her what was said and why she had done it. To which she replied does it matter? I asked her why had she left him now and not earlier to which she replied ' I didn't want you then, I was happy for things to carry on as they were but after realising I would lose you for good and this is the only way we could be together I left him'

I love her so much but I don't know where I stand with her, she cries constantly and says she can't live without me. I'm so confused all these months she said she didn't want me and now today after always saying she doesn't want children she mentions wanting to have kids with me , I don't even know if she was joking. My heart says go for it but my head says hang on a minute. What a mess, I know I got myself into this mess and people won't agree with it morally I would still like to hear your input