Ask Me Help Desk - Should I trust him?

Should I trust him?

I have a hard time trusting people in general but I'm dating my ex again after 3 years of not talking we broke up the 1st time 3 years ago because he cheated on me and I don't take that crap but I took him back a 2nd time and the same thing happened and now I'm dating him again 3 years later for the 3rd time and he seems like he's changed and its truly amazing its shocking but I don't know if I can trust him or if I should contiune with him he makes me happy he says I make him happy but you know the old saying once a cheater always a cheater but its different now what should I do??

Let me see, he is a cheat and you are gulible.

Why in the world after two times would you take this person back again.

Of couse he will cheat again and again, if he is not cheating on someone else being with you.

Think of the words, move on, you are wanting the past to work out for some reason

The answer here is so painfully obvious its hard to see... the old forest through the trees effect, I imagine.

Allow me to chop a few of them down for you?

I feel like I know firsthard a good deal about what is involved with making a profound personal change in one's life, having done so on several levels.

Look closely at him now in your mind and please, in order to give you a better answer, find and list the details about him that makes it so different now? A sort of "that was then and this is now" inventory.

If you cannot make a reasonable list of this, then perhaps there is little difference and you have again fallen into the wishful thinking trap like you did in the past. I hope this helps to better identify where the problem really is or at least sheds some light in offering another way to think about it. Thanks for posting.

What is the old saying.
Screw me once shame on me
Screw me twice shame on you
Screw me three times I am an idiot

Insanity-Doing the same thing over and over and EXPECTING different results!

Quote:

Originally Posted by sugars_hot15

i have a hard time trusting people in general but im dating my ex again after 3 years of not talking we broke up the 1st time 3 years ago bcuz he cheated on me and i dont take that crap but i took him back a 2nd time and the same thing happened and now im dating him again 3 years later for the 3rd time and he seems like hes changed and its truly amazing its shocking but i dont know if i can trust him or if i should contiune with him he makes me happy he says i make him happy but u know the old saying once a cheater always a cheater but its different now what should i do???

I so wouldn't go down that line if I were in your shoes.
I believe everyone may deserve a second chance DEPENDING on the circumstances!

Im sure he makes you happy... he has you twisted round his little finger and knows you fell for him AGAIN.
He says he is happy with you because he knows he can do what the hell he likes and proabably thinks that if he had to cheat again, you would forgive him AGAIN.

Be wise love, and get rid of him before he breaks your heart again!

The thing is dear, even if you do stay with for whatever reason, think about it, how happy are you going to be?
You'll be asking yourself all sorts of questions.
1. If he late back from work.
2. If he wants a boys night out.

All these things, I mean the list could go on and on!

I doubt you will ever be happy with him, love is important but if there is NO trust, there's no relationship.

These guys exist - they are out there thousands upon thousand of them - and certain women are attracted to them - I presume - like a drug. These same women unfortunately - hardly ever learn - and the guys - while women are throwing themselves at them are hardly going to change.

Slightly off topic but along the same lines --- how many women do you know who finally divorced their husbands after years of abuse and beatings then go on to marry another man with exactly the same tendencies.

These days I just observe and generally save my breath. ;)

As they say, "fool me once, shame on you ; fool me twice, shame on me." He cheated on you not once, but twice. I'd be very leery about this one ; don't set yourself up for getting hurt yet again. Frankly I'd scratch this one off the list.

Quote:

Originally Posted by sugars_hot15

i have a hard time trusting people in general but im dating my ex again after 3 years of not talking we broke up the 1st time 3 years ago bcuz he cheated on me and i dont take that crap but i took him back a 2nd time and the same thing happened and now im dating him again 3 years later for the 3rd time and he seems like hes changed and its truly amazing its shocking but i dont know if i can trust him or if i should contiune with him he makes me happy he says i make him happy but u know the old saying once a cheater always a cheater but its different now what should i do???

I think you should leave him alone because you gave him more than enough chances. Don't let him play you. You deserve better than that!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by sugars_hot15

...now im dating him again 3 years later for the 3rd time and he seems like hes changed ... once a cheater always a cheater but its different now what should i do???

:confused:

I am completely flabbergasted at how you can convince yourself that this might actually be workable...

Tal, your definition of insanity is great advice!! LOVE IT!!

If you can handle having your heart broken again then stay with him but he will do it again. He knows he can get away with it so why not, he won't lose you because you always take him back.

Besides the fact that he cheated, that's cute he still wanted to date after 3 years!

Quote:

Originally Posted by luv2dance12298

besides the fact that he cheated, thats cute he still wanted to date after 3 years!

Its far far from cute... what are you like!! :eek:
He cheated on her twice.. its not cute but it's a huge risk she is taking!

Maybe that post was sarcasm? I could be wrong!

What do you expect after 2 times? Your doing it to yourself. It is your decision to make.

Quote:

Originally Posted by YeloDasy

maybe that post was sarcasm?? I could be wrong!

I took it that way too Dasy but that just goes to show us how difficult "tone" is here... :p

I think if he cheated on you once and you guys broke and this was the 2nd time you guys where going, id say give him a chance. But this is the third time around. What everyone else has said I'm in agreement with... this seems to be a pattern- he's going out with you and he thinks something better came along so he's going to put you on the back burner, see what else is out there and if he can't find anything, he's got you there to go back to. It is hard to walk away from some one that you really want things to work out with, but realize that he may have changed for the time being because there's nothing else out there right now ( and I'm not trying to put you down, please don't take this as that. I'm just trying to prove a point)

If you can't be with him without trusting him then you need to leave regardless of whether he cheated or not. The worry will only strain the relationship. If he is a changed man, you accusing him of cheating will make him cheat.

Hun, Once a cheat always a cheat, Specially when they have done it 3 times. I have a hard time trusting men too.. and its hard to distinguish the truth from the bull.. but your heart will let you know! And if you are asking its because you already know so just follow your intuitions... GOODLUCK

Your heart is what is getting you into this situation. LOVE IS BLIND. Sit back, open your eyes and seriously think about what you want to do.

Quote:

Originally Posted by sugars_hot15

i have a hard time trusting people in general but im dating my ex again after 3 years of not talking we broke up the 1st time 3 years ago bcuz he cheated on me and i dont take that crap but i took him back a 2nd time and the same thing happened and now im dating him again 3 years later for the 3rd time and he seems like hes changed and its truly amazing its shocking but i dont know if i can trust him or if i should contiune with him he makes me happy he says i make him happy but u know the old saying once a cheater always a cheater but its different now what should i do???

I think that you should trust him but keep him close to you and try talking to him about that. That way you could find out if he really loves you. Also make sure you tell him that honestly that is the last time that you will get him back, and that there will be no more chances. The point is for him to understand if he loves you for real. ;)

I think that once one party oF the relationship has cheated, then its pointless trying and trying. Even if bless her luck he won't ever cheat on her again, the relationship by far won't ever ever be the same.
How could you trust that person?
As I said even if he never cheated again on her, what kind of a relationship it will be?
1. If you argue, that topic will definitley arise again.
2. If he is late from work, your mind will start playing loads of tricks on you.
3. If he goes out with his buddies you will be driving yourself mad at home wondering what on earth he is up to...
4. If his mobile rings and takes the call in private you will wondering again who's on the other end of the phone...

Its not worthed... MOVE ON.

I agree Tal... its so not worthed... you will be heading down another road of heart ache.

Quote:

Originally Posted by sugars_hot15

i have a hard time trusting people in general but im dating my ex again after 3 years of not talking we broke up the 1st time 3 years ago bcuz he cheated on me and i dont take that crap but i took him back a 2nd time and the same thing happened and now im dating him again 3 years later for the 3rd time and he seems like hes changed and its truly amazing its shocking but i dont know if i can trust him or if i should contiune with him he makes me happy he says i make him happy but u know the old saying once a cheater always a cheater but its different now what should i do???

Well, you have started a new relationship, you need to try to trust each other... but considering the history it might not be a bad idea to have you eyes open, maybe talk to him about your fears, see what he has to say, you'll feel better to get it off your chest and share it with the one you love. Love is worth the try

I had the same thing happen to me with a guy. That's why I never truly said I love you to a guy. Guys are to hard to trust. They are always lying about everything!I went back for the guy a second time like you did but after that breakup,I moved on. He pissed me off so badly. I didn't want to be hurt anymore and if you don't than you should just forget about this guy. If you want to keep this relationship still going right now, then that's your choice. But if he does it again, you better move on from his stupid ! Try someone else who is true to you and you can actually trust in. it's hard, trust me, but you'll find someone soon. Open your eyes.

Guys are not the only gender to lie... it's the type of preson that lies, not a specific gender. I think it may be that guys just get caught more often in their lies than women do.