 |
OK so my boyfriend moved in last month and I guess most of my family dislikes him because he's not afraid to speak his mind and voice his opinion so I love him and I would leave my family for him but I love my family too and he don't want me to leave him or my family any advice?:confused:
I'm sure you are going to disagree on this with me, but PLEASE wait to get pregnant! You are a young girl You have your whole life ahead of you, and lots of time. Live your childhood, and stop thinking that a baby will fix everything. I have read your other posts, and it seems to me that you... eat, sleep, and think, BABY!
You need to have a stable life, and the means to support a baby. Don't bring another baby into this world until you understand this. A baby is a lot of work! You cannot hand your baby off to your mother, boyfriend (who will not likely stay around), or someone else when you are tired, sick, or plain worn out! You will be a mother 24 hrs a day, 7 days a week, for at least the next 18 years, and they don't even go away after that!
A baby doesn't STAY a baby! It requires A lot of money. The average cost of raising a baby until age 18 is a quarter of a million dollars! Think about that... seriously! Also, a baby needs an educated mother, who is able to care for his/her needs, because a baby cannot take care of itself.
I'm sure you think you are ready to have a baby, and you are living the fantasy of the "happy family!!!" Daddy comes home, baby is happy and sleeping peacefully, you have had a wonderful day, and you greet Daddy at the door with a big smile, and all is well in the world!
Reality check! Daddy comes home... if he even does! Daddy has a shower, and goes out with his boyz! Baby is screaming, and has a fever! Daddy won't answer his cell phone because he is at the club! Mommy has no milk or food for Baby. Mommy has no money to buy diapers. Mommy has no car, because Daddy took it to the club to pick up Bambi, Mommy has no health insurance to take baby to Dr. Daddy comes home drunk, and passes out. Mommy is still listening to Baby scream. Daddy gets annoyed and tells Mommy to shut Baby up, because he has a headache.
I'm not saying all of this happens in every situation, but it is most likely to happen with young girls getting pregnant, and not knowing the work involved in caring for a child.
Please take a second look at your situation, and think about it some more. Your parents hate your boyfriend already, you are not responsible enough to even know how pregnancy happens, you don't know your own body, and you certainly don't know enough about sex, and how you can get pregnant.
I have no idea why your parents are allowing your boyfriend to live with you in their house, but I see a bad pattern here. I think it is up to you to break this pattern, and educate yourself first. Go to school, get the information you need to raise a child, and wait until you are emotionally and financially capable of raising another human!
Go to school, ask questions and be informed. Go to your Dr. and ask questions and be informed. Go to planned parenthood, and ask questions and be informed!!
Unless and until you do those things and more, you have no right bringing another innocent child into this crazy world!
I would only hope that you don't read this and ignore it! This will probably make you mad, but you have to face the reality of your happily ever after world!
You need to go and read the rules and regulations of this site my dear! The "disagree" you gave me was not only rude, but it surely shows your age! You cannot give a "disagree" just because it pissed you off! Do not tell me to "piss off!" I was very fair with you! Again, read the rules and regulations, if in fact you can follow rules! A "disagree" must be a factually incorrect post. My answer to you was not factually incorrect, I was giving you some advice that was worthy of sitting down and considering. Your comment proves my point, that you are not ready to bring an innocent child into this world. I hope you do some growing up, before you are in charge of helping a baby to do the same.Quote:
Originally Posted by Dreams of lies
The truth hurts doesn't it! If you want coddling, go somewhere else. You asked for advice, and you got it. I have better things to do with my time sweetheart.
You have also talked about your eating disorders, your alcohol problems, suicide, and other various problems. I also don't understand why you are teenage girl, but have a grown man on your avi?. hmmmm. Seek help from a professional before it's too late!
Don't care about what your family thinks. What's important in this matter is what you think about him and whether he makes you happy and vice versa.
Steph... are you actually encouraging that this girl leaves?
I mean, she DOES live under the family's roof... family rules... right?
It's one thing if she's 26 and is able to move out, but her immaturity immediately tells me she's a teenager.
I find that generally when my family and friends hate a guy I'm dating, they're usually right. They can see things more clearly than you can. I think that you should talk to your family about exactly WHY they don't like him. Its one thing to speak your opinion, but its another to make everyone hate you for it.
I assumed she was over 18, that's why I wrote that she can decide what she feels is right and what makes her happy rather than following her family's opinions. But as you say, if she's under 18, then I'm not encouraging her to leave. Not at all. Then family comes first and he can wait.Quote:
Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny
First what do you mean by "speaking his mind" if he is in your parents house he is expected to be respectful and not talking back to people in their own home. Also if he is a minor ( not sure of the ages) he needs to learn to keep him mouth shut to adults at times.
"Dreams of lies", I do research before answering questions a lot of times. I go back and read prior posts. You haven't been on here for long, and in that time, as I mentioned in my last post, you have had problems with eating disorders, suicide, alcohol, and so on. I don't think you have gotten that all figured out and gotten the help that you need in this short amount of time.
I am a member of this board, as are you. If you don't like my advice, then don't take it. It only shows your lack of maturity when you throw a hissy fit, because someone that cares about people and doesn't want to see them make a mistake and throw a baby into the mix, takes the time to answer your question.
I don't need to get your nasty private messages. I didn't just fall off the turnip truck my girl, and I was trying to give you advice. Believe me, there are other people on here that actually ask for help because they want opinions... not just someone to agree with them. If this is the case, try a site like AGREEWITHME.COM Coming Soon! There probably is one out there somewhere.
No more childish PM's please and thank you!
User is 16.
On the other thread, she is trying to have a child.
... ruh roh (that's uh oh in scooby doo)
Why does it have to be an either or?
You being 16 what is the pressing issue of having to have one or the other?
Are your parents telling you you have to break up?
Trying to get pregnant WILL only create more problems
Then your parents WILL really hate him.
You need to wait and get your priorities straight.
Having a baby at 16 only ruins your life especially when you don't want to have to make a decision between your parents and your boyfriend!
Personally if I were your parents I wouldn't even let him live there. Do they know what's going on? Do they know you're trying to get pregnant? They probably don't, which mean that they hate him for other reasons, just goes to show that parental instinct is not a myth.
Sorry, can't blame Mom and Dad, actually, I can, why the heck are they allowing the two of you to essentially live together at your age?
OP, you need to get your priorities straight before you mess up you life to the point that it's beyond repair.
Yup, trying out tough love, hope it works.
You are correct, I missed the part about him living there, no way a boy would move in to be with a 16 year old girl. What are those parents thinking, and him being disrespectful, he should be kicked to the curb in the morning in my book
I wouldn't even wait until morning. ;)
Ur bf needs to understand he's not the king of the house. Theres a big difference between "speaking in mind" and being rude. If a daughters Bf living with me raises his voice towards me, ignores my presence,act like he owns the home, his clothes will sure fly out the window!!!! Ur family hates him? All of them? Ask urselfQuote:
Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck
Time for a reality check. Money does not grow on trees and I'm not trying to be rude, I'm just being honest. I'm 23 and I have a little one of my own and believe me you are way too young to even consider have children. If its true that you're only 16 then you're body is not mature enough to be having baby's. Trust me its best that you wait. I understand how you feel about wanting a family and I don't blame you but you're young. Please enjoy your life while you still canQuote:
Originally Posted by Dreams of lies
?? Not following why the difference between trying to get pregnant WILL only create more problems
Then your parents WILL really hate him.
You need to wait and get your priorities straight.
Having a baby at 16 only ruins your life especially when you don't want to have to make a decision between your parents and your boyfriend!
Is any different than Time for a reality check. Money does not grow on trees and I'm not trying to be rude, I'm just being honest. I'm 23 and I have a little one of my own and believe me you are way too young to even consider have children. If its true that you're only 16 then you're body is not mature enough to be having baby's. Trust me its best that you wait. I understand how you feel about wanting a family and I don't blame you but you're young. Please enjoy your life while you still can.
I know many girls 13 on through 18 who have had babies and 6 babies later their body was the least of their problems.
Quote:
Originally Posted by N0help4u
Life experience is needed to be in the position to raise a well rounded and stable child. The reason there are so many so called "bad kids" out there, is because they were raised by someone who didn't have any parenting skills, and had a baby to fill a void in their own life. A baby should not be born with a job! A baby does not fix problems, he/she adds to the problems and makes them worse. They are not to be used as pawns to fix other things!
Good advice NH!
And what happens when the mom who wanted a baby at 16 suddenly at 18 or 21 says "Hey, I wanna go out and party like all my friends who don't have kids!" and then they pawn the child off on whoever while they go have fun because their friends are. Or they grow up (key word here) resenting the child they had at 16 because they 'felt deprived of their childhood' when it was their own fault because they wanted to have a child.
Meant to give a disagree:Quote:
Originally Posted by Miller11
You gave out disagrees but then you turned around and said that she should wait.
One disagree you said if she can afford a baby then she deserves one.
When it sounds like this 16 year old girl's boyfriend is not supporting himself since he 'moved in'.
And it sounds like that means with HER parents. Therefore they are living off her parents, even if not doesn't sound like he is supporting anything. So how can you say she should have a baby and then go on to reply here that she should wait.
Then disagree because I say she could ruin her life because it looks like she is considering getting pregnant to 'fix' her problems between her parents and her boyfriend which very likely would do the opposite and backfire and then she would have to live with the consequences.
Maybe you should read some of her other posts from the past 4 months
Here is one
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/pregna...ed-187559.html
Make up your mind please.
You can't help who you love so your going to continue loving him. So be it. Who's dating him? You or your family? Doesn't matter if they like him or not. All that matters is that he makes you happy and he loves YOU!Quote:
Originally Posted by Dreams of lies
Apparently you have not read through this thread have you?! I would suggest that you do that before giving such a general answer.Quote:
Originally Posted by greyaura
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rockstar714
I don't have friends
Quote:
Originally Posted by greyaura
Thank you so much :-)
I don't know why you wasted all of our "free" time, if you were going to get mad at everyone who gave you the "wrong" answer. You already had your mind made up, and you really weren't looking for advice. You were looking for someone to pat you on the head, and tell you that everything you're doing is just wonderful and peachy.Quote:
Originally Posted by Dreams of lies
As far as not having any friends, maybe you should sit down and think about your part in that situation. Could it be that you don't give people the respect that they deserve, so they may not trust you enough to be your friend? Everyone deserves friends, including you, and I'm sorry that you don't have any. Could it be that you tell even complete strangers to pi$$ off?
You don't need to have a baby at your age, and give it a job right off the bat. His/her job would be to fulfill something in you, that you feel is missing. A baby shouldn't be born into this world with the expectations of fixing YOU! I would only hope that you would give that some thought, and work on yourself and your life first.
That was my last shot at this. I will move on to someone who honestly wants to hear and is appreciative of good solid advice. Good luck to you.
Starby, I agree 100%, will give you a greenie in a minute, after I speak my mind.
OP, grow up. I realize that at the age of 16 that will be hard to do, but, if you are honestly thinking of bringing a poor defenseless child into this world, then honey, you need to grow up. From what I've read, you still have a ways to go before that happens.
Okay, tough time, and you're going to hate this. You are neither mature enough, stable enough, or intelligent enough, to bring another life into this world. I wouldn't even trust you to babysit my kids, much less have one of your own.
I've read your other posts, do you really think that a baby should be born to a mother with as many problems as you? Who are you having a baby for? You, you, you, selfish, which is what I expect from a 16 year old, this is also why most 16 year olds don't make good parents.
Get your head out of the sand, and welcome to reality. Babies are forever, yes FOREVER, you need to clothe them, feed them, care for them, and love them. You may love them, but the other things are just as important. At the age of 16 you can't possibly provide what a child will need. This is your need, not a babies.
I was 28 when I had my first child, it's hard dear, and I had a wonderful stable marriage, income and allot of help, it's hard! Why are you so desperate to have a child?
Get a fish, if it lives for 5 years, then you should consider getting a dog. Wait until you are older to have a child.
Yup, I was harsh, why, because believe or not, I was once 16. I was trouble with a capital T, yes, I was, and I had to learn things the hard way. Do you really want to go down that road? There are things you can take back, things you can learn from, baby, that's forever. Think about it, I know that there is intelligence there, use it, you won't regret it.
I hope I get through, but, remembering 16, well I guess I'll look forward to your reddie, but maybe, just maybe, you'll listen and learn before it's too late.
Why did I do this, well, because I care, so think about that, read my post again, and try and understand.
I wish you luck.
| All times are GMT -7. The time now is 01:38 AM. |