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I've been messing with a married guy for the last 3 yrs... and even though I know he's married I love him and I believe he loves me... I put up with his crap, but he doesn't want me to date/talk to another man even though he's married and lives with his wife... I tried to leave him a few times, but he ends up buying me back... why is he so selfish? Why can't I have someone on the side too? How do I leave him for good?
He ends up buying you back? Are you serious? I'm sorry I'm trying very hard to not judge you right now but it sounds as if you have no backbone.
Of course this guy is selfish he is married and cheating on his wife with you. He doesn't want you to see anyone else because he is selfish.
How do you leave him? You decide that you can't be bought. You decide that you might actually love yourself just a little bit more then him. You grow a backbone and decide that you are worth more then being someone's whore.
Why is he so selfish? -----> He is having his cake and eating it too.
Get out of this relationship as fast a you can! I am surprised that you have tolerated it for as long as you have. You are filling yourself up with false promises the longer you stay in this situation. He clearly has no desire to leave what he has for you, you are better than that!
The hardest thing for you to do is go "cold turkey" immediately... walk away and NEVER look back. He can chase you or even try to "buy" you back again... ignore him. He will not give you that big of a fight. He has a lot to lose here...
Spend your time healing and improving yourself... you will eventually forget about this... also never go into a situation where you are "the other person" it never works out, EVER!
Why is he so selfish? - Because you have given him license to be. He can have his cake and eat it too.Quote:
Originally Posted by kaharie96
How do you leave him for good? - Start caring about yourself, realize that you are messing with some body's husband and you are wasting yourself with a man who is basically buying you. Get some self esteem. Karma is a "B" so you'd better be real careful.
When you get tired of being a paid piece of tail, a booty call, you will leave.
Girl if that man loved you, he would leave you alone so you could have a healthy relationship. He he loved you, he would be yours. Love has nothing to do with this. You are being used. Do you want to spend the rest of life being the other woman , with a man that belongs to someone else?
Wow. You discust me. Women like you discust me. Don't you know that he gets it from you but he will always be going back to her. She is his comfort zone, and his love lies with her. Get over it, you're his, but he will never be yours.
I am not mad at you leiden... thats real talk and a real eye opener... I want to leave him, and I have before, but he always seem to get me back... I feel bad for his wife and son often... he cries for me not to leave him... and I fall for it over and over again... he's much older than me, and that's an advantage for him... he's 24ys older than me...
But you realize its all manipulation though right? Its part of the married man/mistress game for him to beg the mistress to leave to end his pain of loving her and his wife and being torn or whatever the lame statement is.
This man is sucking your freedom. This man is preventing you from getting healthy and getting into a healthy relationship.
Cut out contact with him. Change your phone number. Move. Do whatever it takes.
In my opinion women who get wrapped up in affairs have some very serious self-esteem, boundary, self-worth and intimacy issues. In order to insure that once you leave this guy you stay away and don't get wrapped up in another affair you need to seek some professional counseling.
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Do you think this is all you deserve? Some pathetic scraps of love and attention? Do you have any love for yourself at all?
You're emotions about the situation don't help the situation until you act on them.
I hope he is paying plenty of money, I am not sure what the going rate is for the local hookers but you need to be sure he is paying up enough for his romp in the park with you.
Oh my god this guy really knows how to play with your emotions, he has your sympathy on his family. He is only out for a "good time", he has no real emotional attachment to you or even any long term plans for that matter. You need do walk away from this as fast as you can, before you destroy yourself even more. You are losing pieces of who you really are as you go... stop the pain NOW!
That's so mean fr... I need advice on leaving and your insulting me... I didn't know he was maried until four months of dating him... it was to late... we had already slept together and I had strong feelings for him at that point...
But kaharie you stayed 2 years and 8 months after you found out he was married. You can leave at any time the only thing that is stopping you from leaving is you. You are completely in your own way in this situation. If you really wanted to be done with him you would be.
Change your phone number. If he shows up at your house don't answer. If he keeps it up call the cops and get a nuisance order. Move.
You need to decide that you actually love yourself and reclaim your life and kick this guy far, far away from your life
I have one word for you sister "FLOORMAT". The only reason I say this is because that is what you are doing/becoming. You should have more respect for yourself, then others will follow suit. Don't waste your time, by giving all your time to one person who isn't going to devote it all to you. Don't be dumb-you deserve better!Quote:
Originally Posted by kaharie96
Yes I do Glinda... it's deeper than you all know... feel trapped... I feel he needs me and if I leave him its not going to be good for me... he tells me if he finds out I've been with anoher man he 's going to "F" me up!. I really want OUT but I don't know where to start
Don't feel bad for his wife and son, they have him. He is and older guy, old enough to be your father and he is manipulating and using you. He has you so dependent you can see your way without him.Quote:
Originally Posted by kaharie96
You better start ignoring those tears and care more for yourself than he does. He knows if you leave ,his young piece will be gone and he likely won't be able get another. He will use you until he uses you up. You are wasting your youth on this old fart and he is treating you like a prostitue, a call girl.
Oh well see, this man does not love you. He does not need you, he thinks he owns you. This is all about ego. You need to just walk away. If he approaches you, you get and Order Of Protection against him.Quote:
Originally Posted by kaharie96
Don't let him play your heart strings... if he had true emotions and respect... he would not be fooling around on his wife. Sweetie, he doesn't love you. You are a conveinence for him. If you weren't there, he'd find someone else... and quite frankly you deserve better. You deserve the opportunity to be in a real relationship and not just a fling. Give yourself the chance to be truly happy... leave him. He is not good for you, nor will he ever be. Relocate if you need to for a fresh start, but leave him... for good.
Then go to your local police station and tell them that this man is threatening you and want to a restraining order against him.Quote:
Originally Posted by kaharie96
Then you call the phone company and change your phone number and make it unlisted.
You are only in as deep as you want to be. You should've left when you found out he was married but that is moot.
His threats are more then likely empty and an attempt to keep you docile.
Why not call his wife? Tell her everything that has been going on. Tell her how he is abusing you (which is he doing verbally) and you have been trying to leave him and he won't let you and you don't know what to do.
You have options BUT you are cutting yourself off at the knees.
I have a question... why are you so drawn to this older man? Does the age intrigue you? Does he remind you of your father? Why are you so drawn to him?
Your right Glinda...
Kaharie, You have a "trump card" here... tell his wife everything. I would suggest doing what Glinda wrote about first. He has you so wrapped around his finger... you have given him all of your control and power. It's time you start getting it back!
It sounds to me as if this man has beaten you down mentally and verbally to the point where you fear to leave and feel it is impossible.
Why don't you call the National Domestic Violence hotline and get help in planning your escape
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) - Break the silence, make the call.
You can get a protection order with the threat he gave you about "f" you up... the wife thing might be a good option. However, don't let him know that you are going to do it... don't use it as a threat. Also, have you considered relocating... it may give you an additional element of safety. Also, if you are telling the wife... be prepared that she may not believe you. You might want some additional proof. Also, I would probably be in a different city, calling from a blocked number before I called the wife... especially with the threat he made.
Star... he lied about his age... he told he was 38when we met... then I found out he was really 49... he doesn't look his age... matter of fact he's really sexy to be 52... great body... tall dark and really handsome
And he is also a cheater, a liar, a manipulator, an abuser. Wow what a great catch. Sounds really sexy to me.Quote:
Originally Posted by kaharie96
So what are you going to do here kaharie? Keep thinking about a dreamy user this guy is or recognize that is a filthy, disgusting human being and get rid of him?
I wouldn't talk to his wife, that might really set him off. And if you have been with hin that long, I'll bet she knows. At any rate, go to the police. Get an order of protection against him and just leave. Has he been physically abusive to you before?
Call that hot line Glenda gave you.
Do you have any family or friends you can get support from in this situation or has this guy alienated you from everyone in your life?
Confused... thank you so much... your words are so incouranging... I am glad you guys aren't beating me down over this, because I really need the help and advice
Well I hope you seek and find the help you need. It's time you took your life back.
I wish you the best
Please call the hotline. They will provide so much help. They will help you plan an escape route and help you get out of this. I believe the helpline is open all day every day. Please don't delay calling.
Do you have any friends or family that can help you through this... or are you afraid to talk to them about it? We are here to support you... but with this type of situation, having some non-virtual friends could be good too.
No he hasn't been abursive except in the bed... he's into that whole submission thing... Glenda I am going to find the strength to leave him soon... it's an addiction on my behalf and now that I can say it I can begin to move on
Your so very welcome... we are all here to help...
Do you have family or friends that you could stay with for a while? Far away?
You need to break free from him, your relationship started under false pretenses and lies. It may have been fun at first with no obligation from either side, but in the end someone gets hurt... it was you. I'm sure you are a good person, everyone is. Wake up and experience life the way you were meant to... under your own terms. Believe me you will be asking yourself "why didn't I do this sooner". You only get one chance... don't waste anymore time on this guy...
My friends and family never approved of our relationship and I don't really want to hear the "toldyou so's"
But he has been abusive. Verbally and emotionally and mentally. Tell you if you leave he will f yo up is verbal abuse. Manipulating you is emotional abuse. This is how this starts. It will snowball. I fear that as he feels you starting to slip from his grasp he may escalate. Please start to figure out what to do.Quote:
Originally Posted by kaharie96
Do you have family or friends who live in another town? Any way you could get away for a few days and plan your escape from him?
I'm glad you can admit that this guy is an addiction. So you need to detox and get this guy out of your system. You will be surprised how much strength you will be able to pull from inside of you when the moment calls for it. As you plan out what to do and initiate each step your strength will grow and you will just keep going. You can do this. You need to do this. This guy is terrible. I can only imagine what he puts his poor wife and child through.
Would you rather hear I told you so now or when you're in the hospital from him beating the heck out of you.Quote:
Originally Posted by kaharie96
Pride is not needed in this situation. You need help and support from those closest to you. Tell them you know they were right but gloating will not help you and that's what you need - help.
Your going to have to hear the whole "I told you so's" sooner or later. It's time now to swallow your pride, admit to your mistake and start with a new beginning. No matter what happens or how you are judged... you family will ALWAYS be there for you. That will never change... who knows they may have been preparing themselves for this exact circumstance already. You can do it, you know you can...
Okay the whole submission in bed thing means that that is what he is not getting at home. It usually means that he feels inferior to his wife... she may be a high professional, etc. I know it is tough to face the possible I told you so... but your safety is in danger here. I know you don't think so, but with what he has said it is. I can bet that if your family knew what he said, they would rather you come to them then end up in a body bag. Please sweetie call that number of the hotline. You are in a very dangerous situation.
Oh and the whole wanting you to be submissive means that he desparately wants to gain power of something... you. He will do and say anything to get what he wants. You MUST get out NOW!
Thanks so much guys... on my way to a better me! Taking the trash out... and not looking back
I'm sending you a million streams of positive energy. I know you can get through this!
Again I want to tell you I'm proud of you for making your first steps. I know its hard and I hope you feel really good about yourself right now.
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