My ex and I are on a break, or we're just broken up I guess you could say. Its supposed to be so we can see if we can stop fighting and be together again after some time. Anyway, this started about a month ago and since then I've met a couple girls that I haven't done much with (kissed one) but I guess you could say I am dating one and talking to another. I still love my ex girlfriend and would love for us to work things out and be together, however I'm totally willing to accept it if it is truly over... but she hasn't told me that yet. We're on no contact right now, but I think she'll try and contact me as she usually does once in a while. If she does, should I let her know about these girls that I met or just hide it? And if I let her know about them, should I bring it up on my own or let her ask me about it (if she even asks) and tell her that I'm just dating them. I want her to miss me but at the same time I don't want her to think that there's no chance for us if I'm dating...

WAIT for her to contact you - AND yes KEEP dating!! So important. Be busy, change your life, workout, go out with friends all the time...

" at the same time I don't want her to think that theres no chance for us if im dating.." - that's the last thing you should worry about.

PLEASE read this topic here NOW!! :

Useful Information ( 1 2 3 )
Sphyncx

Yeah I know about the whole keeping busy stuff and moving on with your life, but what I'm not sure about is whether I should let her KNOW that I'm dating these girls... should I mention it only if she brings it up or should I bring it up on my own? Reason I ask is because when we broke up she mentioned that she doesn't want anyone else and she doesn't want to be with anyone right now, that she wants time to fix herself and see if we can stop fighting. She says the last thing she wants is to jump in another relationship. So I don't want to look like the bad guy by starting to date other girls...

She should find out - BUT NOT FROM YOU!! That's approval seeking and she would see that as a ploy - never works. Maybe one of your friends tells - OR she calls you and wants to get together on a Friday night and THEN you can say I can't I am going on a date. Or I am out the door right now, going on a date.

It sounds weird, but a lot of this stuff just won't make sense until after the fact.

"she mentioned that she doesn't want anyone else and she doesn't want to be with anyone right now" - I've had that line before - unfortunately, there probably was another guy. Sorry for the tough love - but woman are SO concerned about NOT hurting your feelings.

"Fix here self" - that's a good one, as she goes on a date the next night.

Go out with other woman - when you think of her, throw it away and think of something FUN - sports, hobbies, drinking, working out etc.

I think Wildcat21 has pretty much summed it up for you. Don't let her know your dating other people, even if she does ask. Besides, you think she really needs time to recollect herself, please. When most women state they need "time" it is most likely they have already interested themselves in someone else. So move on and have the time of your life with these new girls you have met. Why let the party go sour because of your ex. If these girls are willing to give you the attention that your ex didn't, why refuse it. ;)

"state they need "time" it is most likely they have already interested themselves in someone else" I agree 100% - 90% of the time she is interested in another guy. Most woman go from guy to guy - they will stay with until someone else 'better' comes along - especially if you screw things up like being needy and clingy, smothering, too 'nice', give away ALL your power etc.

SOMETIMES - "I need space" means this as well. Butsoemtimes space means YOU'RE smothering them - back off and they will lcome back to you.

Ok I understand what I need to do... though I really don't think the reason was because it was another guy. She was in all long relationships, (2yr,2yr,3yr and 1yr wit me). Add to that, I was the one who initiated the break in July since she just wasn't being as nice as she used to be with me. Couple weeks after I initiated it, and we still saw each other she didn't want to go back to being boyfriend and girlfriend even though I wanted to work things out with her. She works a very busy schedule at work (with girls) and even if I asked her if she wants to date others, she said if I wanted that I would tell you and trust me I would tell you and that she wouldn't put herself through this if she didn't want to be with me.

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Originally Posted by Wildcat21

"state they need "time" it is most likely they have already interested themselves in someone else" I agree 100% - 90% of the time she is interested in another guy. Most woman go from guy to guy - they will stay with until someone else 'better' comes along - especially if you screw things up like being needy and clingy, smothering, too 'nice', give away ALL your power etc.

SOMETIMES - "I need space" means this as well. Butsoemtimes space means YOU'RE smothering them - back off and they wil lcome back to you.

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Exactly - great info

Hi,
Continue dating, meeting new people. It's a very health way to go.
Don't contact your ex, let that person decide what to do.
If they do contact you, be truthful, and don't hold back anything, and be honest.
If it's meant to be, it will work out. If not, then you are making new friends.
Best of luck,
fredg

"I was the one who initiated the break in July since
she just wasn't being as nice as she used to be with me. "

Another tell tale sign she is seeing someone else.

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Originally Posted by Wildcat21

"I was the one who initiated the break in July since
she just wasn't being as nice as she used to be with me. "

Another tell tale sign she is seeing someone else.

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Or maybe he turned into a wuss? I remember when I turned into a wuss my ex stopped asking me if I missed her all the time, stopped being as affecionate, etc, etc.

When we use to fight I would always win, and she would always end the conversation "I never want to talk to you again" and hang up. I would say "okay". Then she would call back 2 minutes later.

Woman are repulsed by soft men.

That's great on the fights. Just say - "Ok, bye"

Yeah man... I did turn into a wuss and only near the end did I realize it. The first half of the relationship, where she treated me awesome, I cared about her but in the same sense I didn't care what she did. I knew she loved me and pretty much nothing I did would make her different. The 2nd half of the relationship was where I actually showed that I needed her at times and got jealous certain times and questioned her about things like why she was acting differently... That's when she stopped being as affectionate and caring. Its like the roles were reversed! I am pretty sure if I just chilled out and was the way I initially was I wouldn't be posting here now :)

The funny thing is, she's the one who always wanted me to show that I cared or reply to her emails or get her cards, things that she always did and I never, but when I actually did do those things, I guess it just screwed me over! Lol... Live and learn!

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Originally Posted by neospice

Yeah man... I did turn into a wuss and only near the end did I realize it. The first half of the relationship, where she treated me awesome, I cared about her but in the same sense i didn't care what she did. I knew she loved me and pretty much nothing I did would make her different. The 2nd half of the relationship was where I actually showed that I needed her at times and got jealous certain times and questioned her about things like why she was acting differently... Thats when she stopped being as affectionate and caring. Its like the roles were reversed! I am pretty sure if I just chilled out and was the way I initially was I wouldn't be posting here now :)

The funny thing is, she's the one who always wanted me to show that I cared or reply to her emails or get her cards, things that she always did and I never, but when I actually did do those things, I guess it just screwed me over! lol... Live and learn!

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Exactly man, same lesson I learned

Lol... so I'm on this dating site and so is my ex girlfriend. My status has been single since we broke up, but just recently I changed it to 'Dating'. Anyway, the next day my girlfriend text messages me asking why I changed my status to dating (I guess that means she must be checking it often). I didn't reply. She texts me again asking me to tell her what's going on so she 'doesn't stress herself trying to be a better person' for me... I didn't reply again. I get phone call from a private # and I just assumed it was her trying to see if I wasn't replying to her but still had my phone with me. I didn't answer. I got a 2nd private call AGAIN about 10 minutes later.

How should I play this? Should I continue not answering/replying? I find it funny that a girl who has been a complete lately and yet turns down my attempts to fix the relationship is now all of a sudden concerned if I start dating someone.

Now I do love this girl still, and I would love to be with her but ONLY IF she can be the same person that she USED to be, when we were good and I suppose when I wasn't being wussy :P

Perfect! You did not respond! - you are a busy guy!! I am sure you used to answer the phone immediately or call back or text back immediately. Seriously - call her in like 4 or 5 days.

Jealousy is a big way to change her heart.

Being needy and clingy is horrendous for a relationship. Woman are repulsed by it! She cahnged because you changed - stop being insecure and do others in your life. IF you play it right she will come back.

Be a man about this - you NEED the attitude right now that you don't care.

Cards and gifts and compliments should be RATIONED! Fewer e-mails and text. Don't call all the time and keep the calls SHORT.

A lot of those requests and questions from woman ARE TESTS!! She wants to see if you a wuss. Woman DOn't FEEL safe with Wussies.

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Originally Posted by neospice

Lol... so I'm on this dating site and so is my ex gf. My status has been single since we broke up, but just recently I changed it to 'Dating'. Anyways, the next day my gf text messages me asking why I changed my status to dating (I guess that means she must be checking it often). I didn't reply. She texts me again asking me to tell her whats goin on so she 'doesn't stress herself trying to be a better person' for me... I didn't reply again. I get phone call from a private # and i just assumed it was her trying to see if I wasn't replying to her but still had my phone with me. I didn't answer. I got a 2nd private call AGAIN about 10 mins later.

How should I play this? Should i continue not answering/replying? I find it funny that a girl who has been a complete lately and yet turns down my attempts to fix the relationship is now all of a sudden concerned if i start dating someone.

Now I do love this girl still, and I would love to be with her but ONLY IF she can be the same person that she USED to be, when we were good and I suppose when i wasn't bein wussy :P

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Similar to me, I know how to play it now. Don't reply and keep her guessing. It will eat at her

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Originally Posted by kingping

Similar to me, I know how to play it now. Don't reply and keep her guessing. It will eat at her

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By the way I noticed my ex who dumped me drive by my house twice this week. Who know's how many times I didn't notice. If she emails or calls I will just ignore it.

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Originally Posted by Wildcat21

A lot of those requests and questions from woman ARE TESTS!!!! She wants to see if you a wuss. Woman DOn't FEEL safe with Wussies.

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I was passing tests left and right at first and got a lot of nookie, then when I turned wussy I barely got any. I would say the things that appeared she didn't want to hear. She would get mad at first but then always cave. Good lesson learned.

Happens ALL the time. Cool in the beginning - then we lose it. For some reason we have to be all nice and put woman way before us.

Got to learn this stuff. We aren't born with this knowledge.

Hey - driving by - maybe you have a stalker? Haha

I got a call from her today when she called with a private # and I picked up not knowing it was her... she asked why I changed my status to dating, and I told her I didn't want to talk about this now cause I was with a friend. She asks me what friend and I told her the name (some guy) and she's like well I just wanted to go on, I basically just cut it short and said I didn't want to talk about it now and said bye. She texts me about an hour later saying that if I'm seeing people she would like to know cause there is no point in trying to make herself better or make things work when I am out looking for other people and leading her to think that I am waiting for her, and that she wants to know what the deal is...

I didn't reply to that, not sure if I should or what... I want to be with her but I know if I say that its going to screw things up, so I got to still play the game lOl... Two weeks ago when I asked her to meet up with me for 1 hour to sit down and discuss our problems she didn't want that at all, that she wasn't ready to see me. Now why the hell does she care if Im dating someone else? She's the one that didn't want to work things out before when I did! She even told me that I don't have to wait around on her and if I wanted someone else she's not holding me back! Should I reply to her and say yeah I'm starting to date people and that she suggested it and that she should date others too or should I not say anything or say something different?

Hi,
Good message about finding someone else from everyone.
I do wish you the best, and good friends are all around... all one has to do is find them.
fredg

"Two weeks ago when I asked her to meet up with me for 1 hour to sit down and discuss our problems she didn't want that at all" - I think because you put Pressure on her - woman don't want pressure.

WHEN you ask for clarification in a relationship - YOU ALWAYS SET THE RELATIONSHIP BACK!!

It looks like you're handling it right. She is coming to you. I'd wait a day or two and keep her guessing.

Woman HATE predictablity - SHOW you care going forward - DON'T SAY IT!!

This will take time - I think she cares for you. She just doesn't want a Wuss. You guys do need to sit down and talk - REMEMBER to listen!! Listen!!

But, for now - LESS IS MORE - give her less of yourself - don't be mean, but you're a busy guy. The less you give of yourself, the more she wants you.

Well she kept calling and stuff, and finally I answered on my work phone cause it rings a lot and I told her that I met people and that I was dating... she just hung up and then texts me. She says that she doesn't care I'm dating and that I should have told her and that there are guys out there that wanted to date her but she didn't do anything and now she's going to start calling them and move on. Then she went on this rant about how I'm this loser blah blah, lol... For someone who doesn't care, it seems like she's getting awfully mad about it saying that I'll get what I deserve lol... she's the one who didn't want to work things out, yet now she's getting all crazy!

Wow. That's interesting - she is jealous.

Don't respond - lay low for a while. If you play this right you will get her back.

Not respond is the best way OR you could say - is that how you really feel?

More tests.

Remember - People want what they can't have - always.

Here is the deal - don't ever cave into to her - don't let her manipulate her now. Never - bad for business.

She is testing you again. She needs a strong man. Don't take ANY of that crap from her ever. I think not responding says a lot to her. Or - Sending her a take saying - "Ok, bye" - that's it.

Haha what does she expect u to not date again?

She expected him to sit around and thro a pitty party for himself. He did the right thing. Now she's pissed off that he is dating again.

She's mad because he is regaining all his power back. The same power she wants him to have bacause she doesn't want a Wuss.

It doesn't make sense - they are in the bizzaro world.

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Originally Posted by Wildcat21

She expected him to sit around and thro a pitty party for himself. He did the right thing. Now she's pissed off that he is dating again.

She's mad because he is regaining all his power back. The same power she wants him to have bacause she doesn't want a Wuss.

It doesn't make sense - they are in the bizzaro world.

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Makes sense now... it wouldn't have a few weeks ago

It's good you've learned about this.

Here is a great site:

http://www.relationships.blog-city.com

You want to get deep and really learn. Read all the articles. Make sure to check out the downloads and brief case. Some nice suprises there.

I think the most important thing here is that she has realized now that I'm not going to wait around for her and that I'm moving on with my life. I've regained my personal power in that I don't need her anymore, even though I may WANT her. At the same time though, I don't know if she'll come running back to me wanting to get back with me because I think she is thinking that we are done for good now that I have started dating... She is really angry and trying to piss me off by saying some mean stuff. I just shrug it off, and say 'k bye'. For me I'm just happy because she doesn't have this grip on me where I was waiting around and trying to be mr good guy hoping she would say lets get back together. I would like to work things out but at the same time, if it doesn't happen, I am happy with it and can move on with my life so I'm not going to stress over it.

" I think she is thinking that we are done for good now that I have started dating." - that should never bother you. And she WANTS you to think that. I really think that if you get in your head that you've moved and do what your doing NOW - and know what you know. They tend to come back.

She may realize that you're a good guy, don't take her sh--, don't stoop to her level and insult her back... that she WILL realize you're a guy she needs to hang around with.

What t ever floats your boat pal. Just don't shove that Jesus crap down our throats if were not interested.

Please go to the religion board. We don't need to be preached to. This is real world stuff. If some one needs religion they will find you there. What you posted was worthless - but I guess it makes you feel good.

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Originally Posted by Wildcat21

Please go to the religion board. We don't need to be preached to. This is real world stuff. If some one needs religion they will find you there. What you posted was worthless - but I guess it makes you feel good.

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Haha - well said

Well last text I got from her was yesterday telling me that she's so mad cause I didn't tell her I was seeing other people (but I wasn't, I just started) and that payback's a b*tch. (lol, crazy?) She thinks that I lead her on thinking that I was waiting for her to fix herself and that she wasn't seeing anyone and that I screwed it up now. I just said whatever, bye and that was that cause I didn't want to talk anymore.

Yes we were on a break and supposedly she wasn't seeing anyone and neither was I, but at the same time she didn't want to work things out when I asked her to. If she thinks I'm just going to sit and wait around for her to make up her mind if she wants to be with me foget that. I wouldn't have started dating if she actually had shown some effort to work things out and I'm not going to put my life on hold until she's ready, yet she tried to turn it around on me like I'm the bad guy now for not waiting on her to make up her mind.

What were you supposed to do? WAIT? Wait for her to tell you SHE found someone else?

A good guy would Date. A guy comfortable with himself would. The 'Nice Guy' would wait - like the soft guy on the other thread who has been waiting 8 months. Yuck!

You know 'fix herself' most often means find another guy.

Something isn't right here. I truly think she was trying to make it with another guy she was attracted to and wanted you as an alternative if that didn't work out.

DO NOT insult her or play her games.

"I wouldn't have started dating if she actually had shown some effort to work things out and I'm not gonna put my life on hold until she's ready, yet she tried to turn it around on me like i'm the bad guy now for not waiting on her to make up her mind."

I actually don't say this very often - but did you tell her that? I wouldn't put in a way you show your feelings or that you care at this point - but she put you in this spot.

Show strength though. She wants you to be the old agreeable guy she can control - but she REALLY doesn't want that guy - tests.

She wants to see how you handle the be-atch.

Well, I had to text her today because every 2nd Friday she gets paid and she owes me money so I have to see how much she's giving me... anyway, we get into this thing and she calls me and we have this fight, and I kept hangin up cause I just want to be civil and not fight and she kept calling back and all I wanted is some of my money and she has to be stubborn about it... anyway, we finally end it and she texts me after saying something about getting my money, and that she's upset that I moved on not because I moved on but because 'i never said anything and it hurts because this whole time I was trying to make myself better you were talking to people and actually looking for someone else'. I told her I wasn't doing that but when I asked her to meet up and she didn't want to that I said forget it and was open to meeting girls and I did. She says 'you think a month is enough to move on after a year relationship? Have fun with your gfs cause it isn't going to last' I told her I'm not looking for lasting relationships, and I'm just having fun and that she's the one who made me move on. She says that she didn't want to be with me and she wanted to see if we could change while we took a break but I already moved on. I basically just repeated that I moved on because I wasn't waiting on anyone, and I'm just having fun now. She said that she didn't want to see me cause she needed to think things through first but that I jumped the gone and now its done. I just replied 'Ok' and that's it.

It seems that even though she says she hates me, she is really pissed that I moved on. She was also asking me things on the phone like, who I went out with on a certain night, and I said friends, and she was like WHO... thinking I was out with a girl when I wasn't. She even sometimes threatens me like if she sees me she's going to get so mad... lol, strange.

Woman are so bizarre. This is a part I STILL don't get - they break with you, don't want to be with you, but still lead you on, and get pissed you date other people. WHY?

I wouldn't share much information going forward. They are all tests - give her funny answers.