So me and this guy are "friends." I put the quotations because we've kissed and made out many times before, but a few weeks ago I told him that I just wanted to be normal friends. He said okay. But we still flirted and made sexual comments toward each other, and he even asked if I wanted to have sex. I said no because I wasn't going to have sex with someone who didn't even like me and he understood and he promised and promised that was not the reason he was talking to me.

Anyway, so even though we're just friends, we still have this flirty, sexual relationship going on... like we were hanging out on the couch, and he just lifts my shirt up and starts like feeling my hips and stomach, I don't know. Then he stuck his hand down my pants and said "are we coming to the point where I can undress you now?" (Which is an inside joke.) and then he said he was just kidding, but he kept touching my hips and then he bit my hip bone (he always bites me... ) and said "that was absolutely necessary." but he can also be sweet and caring, for example when I was going through a tough time he was right there to talk to me. And when we're hanging out he'll hug me or hold me or just give comforting touches like stroking my arms, like it's not just about sex.

So ANYWAY now that you have a feel for our relationship, we were sitting on the couch, and he picks my legs up so they were on his lap and then we were just talking and he leaned in and kissed me RIGHT on the edge of my lips. I wanted to kill him because it was so close to a real kiss and I have been dying to kiss him again. Anyway, he was like "that was a nice kiss on the cheek..." even though it wasn't my cheek so I thought maybe he missed. But then when we were saying goodbye he did it again. Plus he's kissed me on the cheek before, and definitely didn't miss.
So why would he do that? Just to tease me? OH and we were never anything more than friends. Even when we've made out and done stuff, it's still just been friends. He never has said anything about having any feelings for me and he's not the type who gets in relationships. He's even told me he has trouble starting relationships and that he thinks they take too many f***s to be in.

So, anyway, why did he just barely kiss me like that? Why is he teasing me? I would think that he just wanted sex but if that were the case why would he keep talking to me even after I told him he wasn't going to get it. And also if he just wanted a sexual relationship why does he act so caring and stuff?

He's wearing you down.

Friends don't make out and allow liberties with their bodies. He is doing it because you let him. He doesn't care you keep saying no to sex but let him feel you up.

Guys are always nice when they want your body, and he is wearing you down because it fun, and you may give in if he can get more and more.

You are not friends, you are friends with benefits, and make out buddies.

Hello Aum,

How long have you known this boy? That is the first thing I would like to know, as well as how old you both are. Based on what you have said the previous comments explain very well what is occurring. He has already stated that he has no interest in pursuing intercourse but if this were completely true he would not be touching you in the sexual way he currently is. I don't believe that you should let this type of action continue. Anyway the fact that he said that a relationship “takes too many f**ks” tells me that he is far more interested in the physical aspect of things than the emotional portion. This shows an immaturity and foolishness on his part. Regardless he continues his actions the same way a child tests their parents by doing things and seeing if they can get away with it. The moment you stop allowing him to make these actions the sooner he will stop playing with your emotions through these disrespectful actions. Goodluck, and keep us updated!

-fdsaqwerish

Why are you allowing this? This is not a friendship it is a twisted game you are playing. Stop. This is you allowing it, not him.

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Why are you allowing this? This is not a friendship it is a twisted game you are playing. Stop. This is you allowing it, not him.

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I don't know. I like him so much so that's why I allow it I guess, because if only for a few moments I can pretend he actually cares for me the way I care for him... which judging by the answers, he doesn't.

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Originally Posted by fdsaqwerish

Hello Aum,

How long have you known this boy? That is the first thing i would like to know, as well as how old you both are. Based on what you have said the previous comments explain very well what is occurring. He has already stated that he has no interest in pursuing intercourse but if this were completely true he would not be touching you in the sexual way he currently is. I don’t believe that you should let this type of action continue. Anyway the fact that he said that a relationship “takes too many f**ks” tells me that he is far more interested in the physical aspect of things than the emotional portion. This shows an immaturity and foolishness on his part. Regardless he continues his actions the same way a child tests their parents by doing things and seeing if they can get away with it. The moment you stop allowing him to make these actions the sooner he will stop playing with your emotions through these disrespectful actions. Goodluck, and keep us updated!

-fdsaqwerish

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I think you hit it spot on. I realize if I stop letting him do this to me he won't try to anymore. But it's really hard because Im extremely sexually attracted to him and I have strong feelings for him so my willpower is basically nonexistent. I don't know how well ill be able to make him stop when that's the last thing I want him to do. But I'll try.

You are in control of this. He does it because you let him. A person who cares does not disrespect you this way

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

You are in control of this. He does it because you let him. A person who cares does not disrespect you this way

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I know but I really like him so of course I'm going to let him kiss me and stuff. It's just I need to find enough strength to tell him either to date me or to stop teasing me like this and grow up

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Originally Posted by aummmm

I know but I really like him so of course I'm gonna let him kiss me and stuff. it's just I need to find enough strength to tell him either to date me or to stop teasing me like this and grow up

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He will never date you and will not stop teasing until you say no. You are only fresh meat to be chewed on and spit out until he finds a real relationship.

You will end up having sex and he will just see you for sex, and not dating, that is called in the adult world a "friend with benefits"

He wants to have sex with you, and will at some point, just seeing how far he can go each time

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

He will never date you and will not stop teasing until you say no. You are only fresh meat to be chewed on and spit out until he finds a real relationship.

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Okay, I completely agree with you. But what's funny is I asked this same question on another site, and everyone there tells me that he wants a relationship with me and that he likes me but won't do anything because I said I wanted to be normal friends. However after reading all the comments on this site, your explanation seems way more likely. I understand I have to stop letting him do this to me if I want anything to come out of our relationship

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Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

you will end up having sex and he will just see you for sex, and not dating, that is called in the adult world a "friend with benefits"

He wants to have sex with you, and will at some point, just seeing how far he can go each time

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I know what it's called... and I told him I wouldn't have sex with him. And he said that it was fine because he didn't even expect me to kiss him. If he didn't expect me to kiss him, why would he have the notion that I would have sex with him.

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Originally Posted by aummmm

I know what it's called...and I told him I wouldn't have sex with him. and he said that it was fine because he didn't even expect me to kiss him. if he didn't expect me to kiss him, why would he have the notion that I would have sex with him.

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He's wearing you down.

He can make out with you and feel you up, and have someone(S) on the side for sex. And that's not cheating.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

He can make out with you and feel you up, and have someone(S) on the side for sex. And thats not cheating.

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Wait, we haven't made out since before I said I wanted to be friends. Ever since I said I wanted to be friends, he hasn't tried anything but that little kiss before. I never gave him the impression that we could be friends with benefits and he never implied he wanted to be. That's why I'm so confused

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

He's wearing you down.

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I guess so, but like I said he hasn't tried anything since I told him I wanted to be "normal" friends and that I didn't want to have sex. He hasn't brought it up again, and we have been friends, but the reason I'm confused is that he still flirts with me and does all that stuff. I think I'm best just telling him straight up that I'm done with his bull to be honest haha

He has told you he doesn't want a relationship because it takes too many times having sex. You love the attention of normal friends, make out buddy, and FWB, but are afraid. That's the confusion, because you have no clue what you are to HIM.

Ask him,and then make a decision what you want to do about it. Hands Off, no matter what he says........................PERIOD!!!

End of confusion!!!!!!!!!!

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Originally Posted by talaniman

He has told you he doesn't want a relationship because it takes too many times having sex. You love the attention of normal friends, make out buddy, and FWB, but are afraid. Thats the confusion, because you have no clue what you are to HIM.

Ask him,and then make a decision what you want to do about it. Hands Off, no matter what he says........................PERIOD!!!

End of confusion!!!!!!!!!!

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OKAY ONE LAST THING, he actually has told me he wanted a relationship. Assuming that meant dating, but I wasn't sure, I asked him what he meant and he said he wanted to be friends and he wanted to be there for me. Then the next day, he kissed me. That's not the only time he's told me he's wanted a relationship either, so I guess he must think "relationship" means friendship. I don't know. But I won't let him get away with anything anymore. From now on we're completely platonic unless he actually wants to date.

Does dating mean he can kiss and feel you up?

Does dating mean he can see other people to hang with, and feel up, or have sex with?

These are things YOU need to know and be clear about, with NO confusion, with anyone not just him.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Does dating mean he can kiss and feel you up?

Does dating mean he can see other people to hang with, and feel up, or have sex with?

These are things YOU need to know and be clear about, with NO confusion, with anyone not just him.

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Dating means for me that were exclusive and he's only seeing me and we would call each other boyfriend and girlfriend or whatever. I think next time he tries anything Im going to tell him that either he needs to make up his mind and decide if he wants a relationship with me, or if he just wants to be friends. And if he doesn't want either then I'm going to have to just stop talking to him altogether.

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Originally Posted by aummmm

I know but I really like him so of course I'm gonna let him kiss me and stuff. it's just I need to find enough strength to tell him either to date me or to stop teasing me like this and grow up

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You are the one who needs to grow up. You need to be able to say "no, you will not do this to me." He wants a friends with benefits relationship. You need to decide if that is what you want. If you don't tell him to keep his hands off you.