Aw, you miss him... thats so normal. Makes me want to go kiss my wife.
|
Aw, you miss him... thats so normal. Makes me want to go kiss my wife.
Yes, go give her a big kiss!! I wish I could kiss him right now.
Christmas went VERY well. We exchanged gifts the Sunday before Christmas, since we had our own plans for Christmas with our own families. Prior to this, he asked me if I had my kids on Christmas, so I think that was his way of seeing if I was able to be with him on Christmas. He has been asking a lot about my kids lately, so I think that it is only a matter of time before our kids will be meeting. I am anticipating the summer, but only time will tell. I have a feeling that because our kids have not met and I had my kids on Christmas that was why he did not ask me to join him on Christmas. That's okay, as I don't want to rush that issue at the moment.
He gave me a Christmas card that read "Although this wish may be for Christmas, the love that it brings is forever". He did not sign it with Love, C, but maybe this was a baby step toward bringing the subject up. What do you think? I don't know why I am so scared about saying those three little words, as I truly feel that I do love him. I think that it is because of my divorce and the fact that I thought/was in love before and look what happened. I'm sure I'm not the only one that has felt that way. I am just unsure and scared of being hurt again. Then again, he would not have bought the card with that word in it if he did not in some way at least started to feel it. Am I reading too much into it?
On New Year's Day, I went over to his house. He has been fighting a cold for the past week or so and was just very tired. So, all we did was watch the Blackhawks/Redwings game on TV (we both enjoy sports), grabbed something to eat and then watched some more TV. I fell asleep in his arms and then left for home. Pretty uneventful. I would like to do more things than just watch TV at his house all of the time, but I knew that he was tired and just not in the mood to do much of anything. It is more important to be with him than to HAVE to do SOMETHING, but part of me is getting kind of bored with that. It's not like I want to swing from chandeliers - at least not with my knee still in recovery!! Also, it is winter and it is hard to do much of anything other than stay in doors. I think the other thing is the fact that when I go over to his house, his kids are home so we cannot be "totally alone", if you know what I mean. It's been almost 2 months now since we have been able to do that. Maybe I'm afraid of our relationship becoming stagnant. It's been awhile since we have gone OUT to do anything. My girlfriend wants the four of us (C and I, and her and C's brother) to do something on Sunday, so I know that all is not lost. I know that he feels bad about leaving his son alone, and part of me feels bad that his son would be left alone, but we still need to be alone sometimes. I don't want his son to resent me in any way, but I also don't want to start resenting the fact that he may be using the fact that his son is alone at home and that is why we are not doing anything more lately.
Okay, I think that I am rambling, which is a pretty good indication that I am starting to get tired. Just let me know what you think about what I am feeling. I think that I am pretty normal about what I am feeling, but it is always good to get someone else's perspective on it.
Omigosh, Mom are you getting horny?? Stay out of chandeliers as this is for the younger crowd(?) and you could get hurt again, hmmmmmm how did you hurt that knee again, honestly??
Most youngsters don't really understand how life gets in the way of fun and intimacy sometimes and your feelings are quit normal.
To answer your question, I hurt my knee at work when I slipped on ice by the ice machine when I was leaving. I broke my knee cap and had to have pins and wires put in to put it back together. But, nothing keeps me down for too long!!
In regard to being horny, well, yes I am. However, I just love spending time with him, even if it is just sitting on the couch. At least we are together and cuddling. But of course he is a little apprehensive about kissing because he never knows when his son will walk in. That is more of what I am talking about. Hey, I can totally understand that and that is why I would like to be alone with him so that we don't have to worry about "getting caught", you know what I mean?
But, I will take the spending time with him even if his kids are around rather than not being able to spend anytime with him. What I would really like to do is to go on a weekend trip with him sometime so that we don't have to worry about anyone else, schedules, etc. We've talked about it but our schedules makes it hard for us. If this is meant to be, then there will be time for all of that later. So, I will continue to remain patient and just feel blessed that I have this special man in my life.
Honey, you bring joy to my heart. I've been under the weather lately and also busy with my family over the holidays and getting ready for my brother's visit. He is coming to see me from Las Vegas in less than two weeks and I'm just so excited.
I have not been on this site as much as I would like lately, but when I read a thread like this one, it warms my heart.
You are a very special lady and I am proud of the way you've advanced in this relationship. With the insecurities of jobs, everyone's future in general, and all the bad news from the media, life today is hard enough when you are alone and raising children without a special person to be able to share some 'hug' time with.
I really feel good about this and think you two will go far in bonding the circle - even with the children and that is important in making this complete - and my gut feeling tells me that you are heading there in due time.
Even though I have been busy and will continue to be for a while, I still think about you and wish you all the best.
Sending you special vibes and lots of hugs,
All love that has not friendship for its base, is like a mansion built upon the sand. - Ella Wheeler Wilcox
http://www.postsmile.com/img/love/2553.gif
Keep on doing what you're doing with patience and warmth, and you'll be rewarded. You deserve it!
Thanks to all for all of the encouragement that I have been getting from you. It definitely helps!!
C came over yesterday at 3 and we hung out for a little while at my place until it was time to meet his brother and my friend for dinner at the restaurant. We had a good time. We then went back to my place and started to watch a movie. We finally had some alone time. I had to make the first move, as he seemed to be just content in holding me on the couch. Maybe that was what he was waiting for. Later in the night, I finally turned to him and said, "I want to say something to you." His eyes were closed and then he opened them and looked at me and asked, "What is that?" I took a small breath and said, "I love you." He made a sound similar to "Uuuhhhmm" (can't seem to spell it right) and then a slight giggle similar to "huhuh". He then gave me a squeeze and closed his eyes with a smile on his face. There was silence after that, but he continued to hold me close. After about 10 minutes like that, he asked me, "Honey, what time is it?" I told him that it was 10:15, which is right about the time that he would normally say that he had to go. I kind of became sad because I knew that it was time for him to go. I flicked on the hall light for him to see better and discovered that the light bulb went out (this was a different hall light from the one that I wrote about a while ago). Normally I don't cuss, but I did at this point. I think I was a little bit frustrated over the fact that he did not respond in the way that I had hoped he would when I said those three little words, and now I had to change the f*****g lightbulb. All he said was, "Sweetie, go and get me a lightbulb and I'll change it for you." When he said that, I could not help but remember Tal's comment about the fact that men usually like to do things instead of say things. That put a smile on my face as I went to get the lightbulbs.
After he changed them, I walked him to the door, we gave each other a kiss and a great big hug. He told me that he would call me later, which has meant the next day in the past. I never made any further comments on his reaction and figured I never would. I felt that the time was right for me to state my feelings and now at least it is out there.
I immediately called one of my friends, who told me that this was typical for a guy and not to read too much into it. She reminded me that he did not bolt out the door, did not sit up shocked and he continued to hold me close.
About 10 minutes after I got off the phone with her (about 40 minutes after he left), he called me to let me know that he got home safe, which is something that he has never done before. Let me correct that, he did call me once before, but that was because I specifically asked him to because when he was leaving, it was snowing really bad and I told him that I would not be able to fall asleep unless I knew that he got home safe. But other than that ONE time, he has never done this.
After thinking about it all day today, I have decided that I will not tell him that I love him again until/unless he says it to me. For one thing, I told him I loved him and now he knows I do. Second, I don't want to make him more uncomfortable and in some way force him to say something that he either does not feel yet, or is too uncomfortable to say at this time. Third, if/when he says it, I want him to say it because he means it, not just to say it because he thinks he has to. I know that when I said it, I meant it and I want it to be the same for him.
In no way do I regret saying it. However, I would be lying if I said that his lack of a response that included words did not make me sad in a way. I do feel as though a weight has been lifted off my shoulders because I already said it for the first time. It is always hardest to do something for the first time. I will just continue to show him that I love him and when he is ready to say those words to me, I know that he will mean them.
It's true. Men are more about action than words, especially when it's a person they care about. If after hearing the three magic works he was this good to you, then no, you shouldn't look into it too much. There could be many reasons he didn't reply --only he knows why-- but his actions say he cares about you very much. Don't say the word again, it will be his turn now. If the words take time to come, just go by his actions towards you until they do.
I was hoping that I was thinking and doing the right things.
He did not call tonight, but that really did not surprise me. I'm sure that he expects that I would bring the subject of what I said last night up and he just wanted to lay low. Then again, I really don't know what he is thinking/saying to himself. Like I said before, and like the advice that I received, I will not say it again, and I will not bring up the subject at all. If he wants to say it, he will say it. I will just continue with "business as usual". The subject will only come up if HE wants to bring it up. I said what I had to say and I certainly don't regret it. The ball is in his court.
Geeez Mom, he did say he loves you!! A grunt, and a smile means "I love you too!":rolleyes: Darn females, they never pay attention to what they are supposed too!! Make it so bad, he changed your light bulb too?? :eek: There it is you just weren't listening, I mean what's a guy supposed to do?? Take out the garbage, and do windows too?? :confused:
The lady doth protest too much! :cool:
I enjoyed that so much!
Hey, Tal, yes I was listening!! Remember what I wrote about when I went downstairs to get the lightbulb? I was thinking about what you mentioned about guys doing things to show that they love someone. I actually smiled while walking down the stairs when I remembered this. So, maybe he won't vocalize it for a while, oh well. I know that he cares otherwise he would have bolted out the door and sat up in shocked silence.
Like I said in the past, I am using this thread as a way of getting my thoughts out there for therapy and insight for me, as well as a way to hopefully help someone else out there who may be experiencing the same things as I am. Males and females have different perspectives and different ways of showing and telling the other person how they feel. This thread has really helped me to understand these differences. I hope that it also helps someone else in the process.
Quote:
In no way do I regret saying it. However, I would be lying if I said that his lack of a response that included words did not make me sad in a way. I do feel as though a weight has been lifted off my shoulders because I already said it for the first time. It is always hardest to do something for the first time. I will just continue to show him that I love him and when he is ready to say those words to me, I know that he will mean them.
This is normal for any couple. They think about it at the same time, but generally expect the other to say those three little words first, and naturally all think that they should not reply right away with the same because it might come across as not sincere. Just wait, the ball is in his court, and you should not dwell on this. You said what you felt and that makes things easier for you and you can be more relaxed.
The best thing to do is to enjoy the quality time with him and also with the rest of your families when possible as this also builds the bond. By the time you turn around, your relationship and it's progress will be unstoppable - and you both will have the support from your children. Remember nothing is totally perfect, but it sure can get close.
Continued best wishes in this for you dear and keep us posted.
http://www.postsmile.com/img/love/2517.gif
YES DEAR!!! Now those are the words you should cherish with all your heart!:eek:
It is very normal with you are feeling. I have been through this situation and to be honest it doesn't have an easy answer. The question is how truly serious are you about this man? If you are thinking in terms of marriage, etc then the time is right for the kids to be around each other. However, I want you to consider a few things. What role does each of your ex's play? Are they in the picture in a big time way, a little, or not at all. How will you two deal with that? Second, in the way they are raised. To be honest, my last relationship came to an end mainly because we had two different philosophies on raising children. She did not have custody of her kids so when they came for a visit, she was afraid to be a parent and told them yes to everything. She was more into being a friend than a parent. I believe you want to have a good relationship with your child and you want them to be able to talk to you about anything, etc but parents are not their child's "friend". You don't discipline your friends. In the end, because our children were raised differently it did not work. It is interesting but some women actually have a problem dating single men with children, I don't get it.
Good luck!
We actually have a similar parenting style, so that is not really the issue. I have primary custody of my kids and he has primary custody of his kids, so sometimes this causes us not to be able to see a lot of each other. However, this has forced us to have more phone conversations, which I wouldn't trade for the world. Why is that? Well, it has forced us to TALK to each other and get to know each other that way. In the few so called dating situations that I had after my divorce, I felt that the guys had trouble with the fact that I was with my kids a lot and I did not have a lot of free time to date. Therefore, the relationships fizzled, if you could even call them true relationships. So the fact that my guy has a very similar schedule to me makes it very nice. We both understand our commitment to our kids and it makes us understand each other and appreciate the time that we do have together.
Like I said, I know his kids and he knows mine. We just have to introduce our kids to each other. I have a feeling that this will take place this summer. He has an inground swimming pool in his backyard and he had mentioned that this might be a good way for the kids to meet and allow them to be involved in having fun while getting to know each other, etc. However, we will need to wait until the summer, which in the grand scheme of things will be here before we know it.
I'm not in a rush, so I am just going to remain patient and when it happens it will happen. In the meantime, I'm going with the flow. His kids are becoming more comfortable with me, as I am becoming more comfortable with them in that I am not nervous about what to talk about, etc. One step at a time.
I'm also not in a rush because I personally don't want to get married for a long while, if in fact that is where this is going. I can definitely see a future with C and I often dream of spending the rest of my life with him. However, I don't want to uproot either one of our kids from their school surroundings. That means that nothing will be happening for another 6 years at the earliest. That is just fine with me. Again, I don't know what the future holds, but I would say that it continues to grow more serious with each passing month.
I forgot to add the fact that C's ex is almost non-existent in their childrens' lives. She takes them from time to time, but NEVER for more than 24 hours. It is really sad because I really feel that she is missing out on so much and she will only regret it later when it is too late. My ex on the other hand keeps a tally for EVERYTHING. Everything has to be equal. Although I have the kids 60% of the time, if I have them for an extra 2 hours one day for a party, I need to make that 2 hours up to him. It is really ridiculous. However, I'm not going to stress over it and I just accept it. At least I can say that I don't have to worry about him not following through on visitation because I swear that he has the divorce decree laminated in his wallet.
At any rate, my boyfriend thinks that my ex is a total arse (which he is), but he understands that he is an ex for a reason and he does not judge me for any of that. He just feels sorry that my kids have to deal with the crud that they have to deal with regarding him. I simply just laugh it off.
So, although our exes can try to make our lives difficult, my boyfriend and I just laugh over the situations that we have to deal with regarding them, thank God that we don't have to deal with them on a daily basis anymore and feel blessed that we have each other in our lives. Ultimately, it is up to C and I to determine how much we want to allow our exes to impact our current lives. We may bring up the subject of "Get this..." end of discussion and laugh. Giving it more than that is giving our exes too much power over us. Again, they are exes for a reason.
Okay, I am probably over thinking this, but I wanted to at least get my thoughts and feelings out there. At work today, I talked about how I told my boyfriend that I loved him after our date on Sunday and how he responded to it. I had some interesting responses from my co-workers. I spoke with mostly guys, but there were some females.
One of the girls that I talked to said that since he was so hurt by his ex wife, he probably is very hesitant to say those words, but maybe he is feeling the same way but just can't say them.
One of the guys that I talked to said that you can be dating a guy for 1, 2 or more years and he may still not be love the person that he is with. I say that is crazy. I mean, if you are with a person for that period (I know, in a lifetime that is only a drop in the bucket) you MUST have strong feelings for that person, right? Then again, this guy is still in his early 20s, so what does he know (I guess).
The second guy who was present said that he told his wife that he loved her after only knowing her 9 days. I don't think that this is normal either, but whatever. At any rate, both of the guys said that I should not pressure him into saying I love you and that he will say it when he is ready. They both said that the most important thing is that he still treated me well afterwards and that it is the actions that speak louder than words. Again, that is what the guys on this thread have been saying all along and that makes total sense to me.
However, the thing that sits way back in my head and the thought that I cannot get rid of is the comment by the young guy who said that it is possible to be with someone for years and not be in love with them. Now I'm worried that maybe my boyfriend does not love me and that he never will. Yes, Tal. There goes my mind again.
Here is the suggestion that one of the guys said that I should do. He mentioned that "You have to talk about the elephant in the room". I have heard this saying once before, but never understood the meaning. It was explained to me that now there will be an uncomfortableness between us and that I should just come out and say what is on my mind regarding the situation.
So, with that said, here are my thoughts:
When I said that I loved him, I meant it. It was not just because we were just intimate, it's because I have been wanting to say it for a while. Following are the reasons that I love him: I love being with him, talking to him, doing things with him, holding his hand, smiling with him, laughing with him, snuggling with him. I love how he looks at me, thinks about me and does things for me and of course when he holds me and caresses my hand. I love him for the considerate person that he is, how he always seems to order exactly what I ordered and his other quirky traits. I love how he is such a good dad to his kids and how he treats my kids and the rest of my family when he is around them. I love how he helps people in need and always seems to do the morally right thing. The most important reason is BECAUSE I DO.
Here is what I would like to tell him:
"I sense a little bit of uneasiness after what I said on Sunday night. I just wanted to let you know that I said what I said because I meant it. However, I am aware that maybe this made you feel a little uncomfortable and that was not my intent. I knew that when I said it there was a possibility that you would not respond in the same way. And I want to let you know that I am okay with that. You now know how I feel and I don't want you to feel forced to say it if you do not mean it. In fact, I don't want to hear those words unless you 100% mean them."
OR should I just keep my gob shut and not say anything? Come on guys, help me out!! I don't want what I said on Sunday to negatively effect our relationship in any way. I also don't want to create any further tension and problems because of my uneasiness and need to know how he feels. I want to express to him in some way that I don't want him to feel pressure about what I said and that my feelings are still the same no matter what.
Probably so.Quote:
Originally Posted by Mom of 2
That would be my advice.Quote:
OR should I just keep my gob shut and not say anything?
Mom, we all have to acknowledge our feelings the best way we know how. So relax, and just enjoy getting more familiar with him, and his ways, and basically enjoy yourself while the process works the way it will. Its about how you deal with things, and your attitude about it. Life is 99% attitude and maybe 1 % whats going on, so always know how you feel, just don't expect others to react as you want, or need. Thats keeping it real.
You are still in learning phase, and high expectations, assuming, and presuming, will be your enemy as you work together to build a basis for honest communications, and expressions.
Try not to get stuck on to much thinking, or processing every little thing for its meaning. ( getting carried away by feelings and overlooking fact! ) Stepping back from the relationship, will keep you focused, and balanced, as you deal with your feelings on a daily basis.
Yes Mom, there are other things in your life that you shouldn't ignore, while your missing Dude. I know your high energy, always thinking, but take a break from the brain, sometimes and RELAX.
Too much thinking is as bad as not enough, so balance!!!
Great plan.Quote:
OR should I just keep my gob shut and not say anything?
Thanks for the advice. That was what my original plan was to do before my co-workers made the suggestion of bringing the subject up for discussion again.
You guys have never steered me wrong!!
Mom of 2, I have been out of pocket for awhile but have been catching up. I agree that you said what was on your heart and it is out there. His response was not negative.
You ask should you just leave it alone and "keep your mouth shut"... I would suggest definitely, just blow it off for now. Next conversation, just visit as usual. It will take pressure off him to respond. I believe he knows you meant it. He may need time to digest it even though I know he has known for sometime already. His actions seem to prove his feelings. It is as Tal said. My husband is one of those men who, if we are in a stressful time, he will do anything and everything around the house where as I want to "talk it out". He is not much of a talker and uncomfortable with that... Just relax as you have done so many times before and let this develop in its fullness. I would not mention this to him at this time... no. You and I are alike in many ways as we discussed early on in the posts. I just know a women (I am referring to me) can talk a subject to death!! LOL Too much talk sometmes takes the specialness (?) away from the subject at hand. (Not being critical of your thinking of what you might want to say to him, as I have that need to do the same! LOL Just trying to give best advice for now.)
Give it time. Best for you and for him right now. Any discussion would again, bring it up and probably make him feel he needs to respond. But you want it real when it happens. I think he will find a creative way of saying this to you very soon.
The fact that he has his children as much as he does, may make him a little less in a hurry to say the words, not knowing how fast that might lead in another direction.
Keep us posted. He seems considerate and loving. I think he will make it a special time when he does decide to say those words. You've come a long way Mom of 2 and I am so proud of you!! :)
The majority of the people who I have talked to about this have told me not to say another word about it unless he brings it up. So, as I originally planned, I am not going to say another word about it.
He called me last night around 9 p.m. which is a little bit early for him. I had just gotten home from dinner with a girlfriend of mine and then called my grandma. While I was talking to her (boy can she talk), he called. I normally would tell my grandma (or whoever I was talking to) that I had to go because another call was coming through. But, I decided to finish my conversation with her and then would call him back. I know, it is a little bit of game playing, but quite frankly, I did want to finish my conversation with my grandma. I also did want him to miss me/wonder a little bit, too!! I called him back within 30 minutes, so it really wasn't that bad. That's about the extent of my game playing.
Our conversation went very smoothly, talking about eachother's day, what we did, etc. It felt like the same pattern of speech before I made my proclamation. Near the end of our conversation, he asked if I had my kids this weekend - because of the Christmas holiday, he wasn't quite sure if this was my regular weekend or if it was next week. He sounded a little disappointed that it was my weekend with the kids, which leads me to believe that he is starting to miss me more and more. Hmmmmm!!
The conversation ended, and although he seemed to hesitate, I did not and I just said goodnight. Could it be that he was waiting for me to say it again? Only he will know for sure. All that I know and can promise is that I will not say those three little words again until I hear them from him or he brings up the subject. I don't want to make him any more uncomfortable than he might be at this point. He knows how I feel and that is what is important. Once he is able to say it, though, I am one who would say it all of the time. Until then, I'm keeping my mouth shut!!
I honestly believe with everything that you have told us about this that he was caught a bit off guard from your omission. He probably had a lot of things run through his head the minute he heard you say "I love you" and with everything that was running through his head he knew he had not responded in adequate time so he continued with his silence.
Now he has probably been reflecting on the situation just as much as you have if not more and he is now waiting for the appropriate way to assure you that the feelings are mutual.
Admissions of love are very difficult as the fear of rejection is always there whether you feel secure you will not be rejected. Not hearing "I love you" back is very difficult, but I think it was more of the element of surprise that got him.
Hold tight, he is looking for the way to tell you and you can probably expect a card or flowers if he still continues to be too scared to say it out loud at this point. Once this elephant is out of the bag then it won't be such an elephant anymore.
Don't make this a big deal.
Nope. I'm not going to make it a big deal. I have a feeling that it is going to take him a while to say those words. What kind of surprises me is that he has absolutely no problem with calling me Sweetie, Sweetheart, Honey, etc. which some men can never bring themselves to say. When he said this during the first week we were dating, I thought, "Wow, he's not afraid to express his feelings." HA! It's amazing that sometimes what we think we see at first is totally different than what actually is.
Don't get me wrong, I am so happy with the type of person he is and I don't want him to change one iota. I am the one who has to get used to how he communicates. I have control of myself and how I react to my surroundings.
Thanks again for all of the good advice. I feel that we are moving along in the right direction.
As soon as I walked into work today, my manager, who is one of the guys that I was consulting with about this, asked how things were going. When I told him that everything was fine, he had a look of relief on his face. He then told me that he was talking over my situation with his wife and she told him to tell me NOT to say anything and he was worried that I said something and that he was sorry that he gave me what he called bad advice. I told him that I had decided not to say anything and that I was just going to ride it out, etc.
Another male coworker overheard the conversation and kind of interjected something that I found enlightening. When I mentioned that I was still just a little bit sad about not hearing the words from him, he said, "Why is that?" He mentioned that he had a similar conversation with his 8 year old son about saying I love you. He then asked me if when I say "I love you" to my kids, do I want/demand them to say it back to me? I replied, "Well, no. I tell them that I love them to make them feel good about themselves and of course because I want to remind them that I do and that I mean it. But, it certainly does not hurt me when they don't repeat it back because I know that they love me." Then the light went on. The coworker turned to me and smiled and said, "Then why would it be any different with your boyfriend? If you want/demand a response, then that is not real unconditional love."
I just wanted to pass that on, as I thought it was a very enlightening perspective.
I still have not uttered those words again and he has not said them either.
I spoke with my friend today (the one who is dating my boyfriend's brother). I mentioned the fact that I had told him that I loved him and to get her feelings on it. She said that she is surprised that it took me so long to say those words and that it is quite evident to both her and her boyfriend that we both love each other. She promised me that she would not say anything to her boyfriend about this for obvious reasons. She mentioned to me that although she has been "a apart of their family" for awhile, she really does not know what makes my boyfriend tick and why he may be so nervous about saying it. In fact, she said, "What is there NOT to love about you? Don't worry, at least you KNOW that WE love you!!!" I had to laugh about that. I know that he does and that for his own reasons, he has not said anything. Oh well, I have not changed from my game plan of not saying anything until he says something. He called me tonight and we talked for a little bit without any sort of uneasiness.
Why would he be uneasy? He knows how you feel, and after a year, he knows how he feels. The next 6 months to a year, is getting to know if what you each feel is love, as you will be defining what you mean to each other and getting a deeper understanding of what you mean by your words.
His definition of love may be different than yours. This is where you pay close attention, as you learn each others language.
Its also where you really find out the things about each other that will cause you the most conflict, and needs the most honest communications, as the red flags start to appear after you get comfortable enough to relax, and be yourselves.
This is the part you slow down, and pay attention to each other, and do the real listening, and the plain talk, as if there is a plan to be made this is it.
Always remember, there is no hurry, and its important now more than ever to keep your life balanced, and not become dependent on each other, but learn each other on a deeper level.
I write this, not to discourage you, but to caution you not to get carried away, and stay alert.
Its important to see how well you work together through honest communications, to see what the long term effects, and goals are, and if he opens up to you. If he does not, there is no long term, and this is something he must do.
Why is it important? Because you CANNOT build anything on assuming things are going great in the direction you want, or presume he feels as you do, nice as he may act.
Your getting close to the people he loves, and cares about, but that doesn't mean your getting close to him, so make sure he has the room to make sure you know his feelings, that are deeper than his action, and are clear about what he wants from you. That means pay attention.
If in doubt, ASK never assume.
Just because your thrilled, don't assume he is. There is no hurry. Enjoy the process.
Had to 'spread it' again.Quote:
Originally Posted by jrebel7
Mom of 2 - I agree what Rebby said. Don't worry about it and just enjoy the quality time together. From what I gather, you are the only one feeling uneasy currently, so just relax honey...
http://www.postsmile.com/img/magic/14.gif
Enjoy having a good time. All the reasons you explained really speak for themselves when you described how he treats you.
I have to vent. Maybe I am blowing this out of proportion and worrying too much. Me worry? NEVER!! Ha!
The last time that we talked was on Monday. At the end of the conversation, he said, "Good night sweetie. I'll call you tomorrow night." The next night came and went without a phone call. I did not sweat it because I figured that he must have fallen asleep or something like that. The next night came and went and no phone call. However, I work on Wednesday nights and he normally does not call on the nights that I work because I cannot take phone calls and I usually don't get out of work until rather late. Again, I figured no big deal. The next night came and went without a phone call - and no phone call during the day either, which is something that he does if he did not call me the night before. This is when I started worrying that something was going on. I called him during the day the next day, but it went to voicemail. The night came and went and still no phone call. Again, this is a night that I work, so I figured that was the reason. Yesterday morning I decided to text him at 1 p.m. to see how he was, to let him know that I did not want to call him and disturb anything that he was in the middle of, etc. and that I missed him. No response. By the way, sometimes he responds to texts by texting back and sometimes he calls me in response, but nothing at all happened this time. I called him about an hour after I left the text that I just wanted to say hi before going to work, but it went to voicemail again (after ringing several times). There has still not been any response from him. We usually get together on Sundays, but we have not talked about it at all. I don't want to assume anything that we will be seeing each other, but I would very much like to see him. I am worried that maybe I freaked him out and that he no longer wants a relationship. Then my mind started wandering and thought, is there ANY way that he could have seen my posts on this site, put two and two together that I was posting things on the site about us, got ticked off and wants nothing to do with me? I know I'm reaching, but I have to put down what I am thinking. If that is the case, then I would have course stop with this thread because I do not want to make him uncomfortable, etc. Would that be possible for him to find this thread without being a member? I have not used our names, but the situations are specific enough that if he did read this, he would have to know.
I guess I will have to wait and see if I hear from him tomorrow. I don't want to chase him down, but I need to know what is going on. I am hoping that there is a very good reason for what is going on. I am just very surprised that it is going on 6 days without ANY communication with him. I think that he had to travel for work, but I can't remember what days that was for. It makes me sad, but I will go on. I just need to know WHAT is going on. I just hope that nothing seriously bad has happened to him or anyone else in his family.
I'm not looking for advice. However, if you have any advice to give, feel free to provide it. Has anyone else been in this situation? At this point, I don't know what to think. Does anyone think that I scared him off? I am just confused because he was just showing the signs of slowly moving forward and I thought that I was taking his lead. I was not looking for a relationship with anyone and then I met him. Even when I met him, I initially did not think of a relationship with him but was just going with the flow. I am going through so many emotions right now; a mixture of madness and sadness, while also at the same time I am missing him soooo much!!
Mom of 2, bless your heart! I was on my way to bed when I saw this pop up. Just wanted you to know you aren't alone at this moment, I am thinking about you and your situation. I would contact the sister-in-law just to make sure he was not in an accident or maybe has been ill this week. There have been some nasty virus's going around that really hang on. That would rule out one possibility.
I have no answers and like you many questions. I doubt very seriously he has knowledge of this site and thread, unless you shared with the sister-in-law that you mention at times? That would be the only connection I can think of but even so, I believe as well as he has communicated with you thus far, he would have taken time to discuss this with you. If he has found out, and is upset, he might need time to digest it. Even though names aren't mentioned, it could make one feel vulnerable but the things you have shared have been so precious, if he has read them, surely he could see the progression of your feelings and your reason for posting so I wouldn't worry about that.
Does he usually call when he goes out of town on business? If not, that is probably where he is.
At any rate, try not to panic. I know the tendency would be to do so with as much as you care for him. One thing to keep in mind is that IF he is leaving you alone because of your proclamation of love that one time, I would be a bit concerned, as far into this relationship as you are, of his communication skills in a relationship and could be a red flag.
If you find out he is healthy and just not in touch, give it a few more days. Other's will be on here later I'm sure. Tal will give better advice than I. I have been out of the dating arena a long time. LOL The guy really has not seemed like a game player. That is a good thing.
Expect the best, prepare for the worst but keep your spirits high, knowing you are worthy of being loved and of hearing it from a person who you have given so much time and energy and love to and have given he and his family much respect. Give yourself as much respect as you have given him. You are a special lady! I will be checking back. Try not to fret too much. When he does get in contact, give him time to say what he has to say... as it could have been a business trip... because once words are said, they can't be taken back so choose your path wisely as you have been doing throughout this whole relationship.
Believe and know this, you and your little ones will be okay with or without this person. You are an amazing lady!
Thanks, Rebbie!! I am embarrassed at how much I have allowed this to affect me. Sometimes I feel like crying, but I can't. I feel like crying out of frustration, as well as for missing him and not being able to contact him.
I will try and expect the best - you probably already know that I am preparing for the worst, as I always seem to do that. Sometimes I hate this because it can really make you a pessimistic person, which I don't want to be.
Yes, I am sure that Tal will be on here soon. I am sooo looking forward to what he has to say. One of the things he will probably say is for me to not make a big deal out of this. And ordinary guy, if he responds, will probably say that I am thinking way too much over this.
The one thing that I have to remember is the fact that the last words that we said to each other were sweet without any negativity. OHHHH, the power that his phone calls (or the lack thereof) have over me stinks!! I am so afraid of being hurt again - that is what is really going on. After my divorce, I did not want to date ANYONE because of this. I told myself that I would rather be alone than to be hurt again. I now know that I really don't want to be alone, that I love being with him and knowing that he cares about what happens to me, etc. I have my kids, but sometimes I need another adult to be there for/with me. Friends and family can only go so far. By the way, my coworkers have noticed that I have lacked my skippy step for the past few days and they asked me if anything was wrong. I just told them that I was tired and worried about how my job phone-interview went on Friday (I think it went well - they said that they would definitely be in contact with me next week, as they told me that the next steps would be to decide who would be coming in to have a formal interview at their company office).
Come on Tal, hurry with your response!! Ha ha!!
Mom, don't feel embarrassed that you feel so much passion for life, for your children, for this guy. Think what the world would be like if we all guarded ourselves so we would never get hurt... think of all the joys we would miss along the way. I do, however, understand your concern that you might get hurt again but look at it this way, if you can for just a minute... what if you don't get hurt! That's a positive approach and difficult to do with so many unknowns. I am not trying to be flippant, just hoping to help you see, there may be a positive outcome.
You didn't mention if you have checked with his sis-n-law yet!
Try to get some rest. Night time is always the hardest when our imaginations work overtime. Morning will come and with morning, possible answers. When a person is overtired, it is harder to be positive, at least, I find that to be true. Best to you!
Okay. Good night, Rebbie!!
By the way, I forgot to answer whether I talked to my friend. No I have not. I did not even think to do that until right before I left for work. Because I needed to get to work and did not have time for a long conversation, which is what would have resulted in my calling her, I decided to wait until Sunday - IF he does not call me.
I will definitely be posting tomorrow in order to give all of you status on what ends of happening tomorrow. It is my sincere wish that I AM blowing this out of proportion and that nothing is wrong. If I do talk to him tomorrow, I will tell him that I was worried about him because we did not talk for so many days, but I will definitely NOT reprimand him for it!! Most likely, there is a good reason for his not calling.
Thanks again for caring so much and responding so quickly. It's great to have such good friends out there, even if we have not officially met.
Stop calling, stop worrying. You have no choice but to wait. It will be interesting to see how you handle this glitch. Contrary to popular belief, its times like these that bring out the best, or worst in us. Now back off, and carry on with your life, as you have done enough, and you must be patient, and get the facts.
Yep, you were all right. He ended up calling me early this morning, apologized that he had a hectic week. I did a lot of unnecessary worrying. Called him back after his call, as I did not hear my phone ring when he called. Just said I was returning his call. So, at least I know/think that it had nothing to do with me. I feel stupid but a lot better. Thanks for the advice!! I have just had a stressful week and I found out that I was depending a little too much on his phone calls/contact to make me feel better. That is not a wise thing to do and I feel ashamed for it. That is bordering on codependency, which is something that I don't want to have to deal with. I think I was a little nervous because of my admission of love to him 2 weeks ago. That is what was on the back of my mind. Believe me, I learned my lesson.
Thanks!!
Good for you Mom of 2, you have done well. As someone with an overactive imagination, I could identify a little bit too much last night to give you too much input! Tal was here as I knew he would be. All is well with the world!!
Don't ever feel stupid Little One. The only thing I might suggest is not sharing with the friend how upset you got. Not because of her not being a good friend, I know she is, but she might tell your man's brother. He probably doesn't need to know you were feeling so upset... at least not now. (Just a thought)
As C.S. Lewis said to a son when asked, "But what do we do now?"... Mr. Lewis said, "We carry on, we just carry on." (Different scenario, the little boy's mother had passed but my sister and I when going through stressful situations, always remind each other that we are to just "carry on" with life, moving forward. Yea for you Little One. Proud of you.
Yes, we must carry on.
If there is any piece of advice/knowledge that I gleaned from this episode it is... Don't assume anything. Don't allow anything to upset you until you know ALL of the answers. Just because there is no news, it is does not mean that is a bad thing.
In regard to my friend, I know that there is a possibility that she would say something to her boyfriend about any situation that I tell her about. So, I will heed your advice and refrain from saying anything to her about this.
Got to spread it again, Rebby, but you did super here and Mom of 2 knows it, I'm sure. Same goes for you Tal..Quote:
Originally Posted by jrebel7
http://www.postsmile.com/img/love/2552.gif
Mom... just relax and let things happen. Don't be so spontaneous in your thoughts of failure, stop the panic trip. This is new to him as well as it is to you, and you have to ride that wave. When you get panic attacks, just think of his sweet words, remember the fun you have and think positive. Give yourself and him the benefit of doubt. You can tell us all, as we have been following, but keep all others out of it (easier said than done) and just stay cool.
You are doing great, like Rebby said, so don't flip out on us now, OK... This is a good lesson in patience nothing more, nothing less.
http://www.postsmile.com/img/love/2620.gif
Have a great weekend.
| All times are GMT -7. The time now is 10:39 AM. |