I knew going in that if I were to get her, it will take time and patience. So none of this should come as a surprise to me. She had a boyfriend and even if she were to break up, I would have to wait a while, to avoid being her rebound.

Maybe from that line ("stop wasting time on her") means that the road ahead of me is a dead end. But she literally just broke up with her boyfriend for less than two weeks when she told me that. We can't expect her to jump into a relationship with me.

Thanks for all the responses. I do appreciate the fact that everyone wants me to get her over quicker so that I can move on quicker. Like I said, my brain understands what you are saying, but my heart is telling me the opposite.

Giving up on her is the easy way out. None of the successes in my life have come easy, so I still believe.

We get that a lot, and I can understand your feelings. You are not alone, as we all have been through the same thing, many of us a few times, LOL.

All we say is, cope with your feelings in a positive way, and make good decisions for yourself based on fact, and not just feelings, and that's what No Contact does for you, along with staying busy, and being good to yourself.

Believe it or not, after the healing process, most people here don't want the ex back, because they have found happiness with the way things have turned out, and can see the options and opportunities that life has for us.

I am confident, so shall you.

You've made the unfortunate mistake of 'getting her' as a goal in your life. Now mind you, I've been there before and I've made the same mistake - so when I come to you in this manner I may seem harsh but its not out of disrespect for you. Things will NEVER turn out the way you want if you make 'getting someone' a goal in your life. You should be living a happy, stable, and fufilling life without anyone - first and foremost. If someone comes along that is wonderful and fantastic person and ADDS VALUE to your already existing life, then that's all the better.

is true that successes in life often do not come easy - but you have to have realistic and attainable goals to begin with. If you want to be the CEO of a major corporation its not impossible but it takes a lot of work. Goals like these are attainable and you actually have a chance to succeed at them.

Is giving up truly the easy way out? I believe the answer to that question is irrevalent - instead you should be asking if that is the correct question or not. Is a relationship with a specific person a 'success'? I would have to answer no - but it can be a blessing. There's a clear distinction between things that can benefit your life and things you can succeed at.

UnluckyDucky, I appreciate you being so direct. Some people are more harsh, some people are less harsh. But it's good to have diversity so that we can see all point of views.

I'm just not ready to give up on her and I know that I will regret it if I don't try again. I am aware that we might never end up together, but I'm not prepared to live with such a regret.

To me, the pain of rejection is less than the pain of regret.

My question to you is if you really truly feel this way, are you prepared to take the steps necessary to even have a chance at her?

If so, my advice to you is to do the following:

* Make yourself the #1 priority in your life.

* Develop a healthy and attractive lifestyle. Go to the gym. Work out. Get yourself some dandy new clothes.

* Go out and explore life. Find new hobbies and interests. This well help you find out what you really want in life and in a potential mate.

Maybe you're not ready to let go of her completely yet. That's fine, your heart is still feeling the emotions. But if you take these steps I've mentioned and say if she does come around to you, you'll be even more interesting to her and have a good life going for you regardless of the outcome. Can you honestly say you have anything to lose by doing these steps? :)

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Originally Posted by I wish

Giving up on her is the easy way out.

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Actually it's the opposite , by not giving up on her your just taking the easy way out.

Giving up on her now is harder because then you have to start dealing with the pain straight away , your just delaying the process.

I think we have a different definition of giving up. By giving up, all I have to do is stop talking to her and turn my attention to other things. There are plenty of other things I would rather do than feel this kind of pain, so it won't be too hard to get over it.

I might sound like a robot, but I'm only going to give up with her when I feel like I have no more hope. If there's no hope, then there's no pain.

But I choose to keep the hope alive. It's looking bleak right now and I have to do the NC thing. Because of NC, I can't talk to her nor matter how badly I want to. So I have to learn patience. Just learning patience can be dreadful. Do I really need to list all the things that are causing me pain?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by I wish

Do I really need to list all the things that are causing me pain?

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Wouldn't hurt!!

1) Don't get to talk to her nor matter how much I want. Not only do I like her, but she was a good friend and we confided in each other a lot (minus her boyfriend stuff). So it feels like I lost a friend.

2) Since I'm doing the NC, nor matter how hard I resist, I will want to read her old emails or think about our past conversations thinking about what I did wrong, instead of focusing what I should do next.

3) Reflecting on the past in this situation is painful since we never dated, so we don't even have any happy memories. So what's left? Friendly moments and painful moments? I can't help but remember all those moments where I wanted to take a step closer to her but I couldn't because of her boyfriend.

3) It kind of kills me that she dated an idiot and I never got my chance.

4) There's so much I wanted to do to court her, but I didn't even do any of it because she has a boyfriend. So there's so much unfinished business, which will lead to regrets in the future. I'm not sure about other people, but regret is one of the most painful things for me.

5) I have no idea how long it will take before I can make my next move, so every day feels like an eternity.

6) My days are going fine until I see things that reminds me of her and it reminds me of the pain.

As for "giving up," I would give up because none of these things on the list bothers me anymore = no pain.

UPDATE:

I finally broke the no contact rule April 5, cause I felt ready to talk to her again. I was ready to accept that she will only see me as a friend and I wanted to rebuild the friendship.

Initially, I wanted to call to wish her good luck on her exams and keep the conversation short. When she picked up, she actually sounded happy to hear from me, which caught me off guard. I was expecting the call to go to voicemail and I would leave a short message. The conversation ended with her telling me how she's stressed been cause she still can't find a co-op and she's overloaded with school work. So I told her to send me her CV so that I can help her out and that I'll talk to her after her exams, which is the end of April.

One of my friends might be able to help me out, so I had to call her again the same night to confirm which job she applied for. Then, I went to sleep and when I woke up this morning, I saw that she left me a message asking me if she could send her terms papers for me to correct.

I am so confused. I'm guessing that I should not read too much into all this and see it as it is. I've offered to help her out with her co-op job a few months ago and she said she'll take my offer when she gets desperate. And it's not the first time that I will correct her papers.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by I wish

UPDATE:


I am so confused. I'm guessing that I should not read too much into all this and see it as it is. I've offered to help her out with her co-op job a few months ago and she said she'll take my offer when she gets desperate. And it's not the first time that I will correct her papers.

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This is EXACTLY why you aren't ready to be friends with her... you have just completely gone against every piece of advice we have offered. You are living in a dream world if you think you can just be her friend!

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Originally Posted by kctiger

This is EXACTLY why you aren't ready to be friends with her...you have just completely gone against every piece of advice we have offered. You are living in a dream world if you think you can just be her friend!

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I have accepted that nothing more than friendship can happen between us. But at the same time, I wasn't even expecting her to be able to be a regular friend. I thought that she would just ignore my call and that I would leave a voicemail.

Are you saying that we can never ever be friends?

I'm confused because she picked up. Does this mean she's ready to put my feelings behind us and move forward as being regular friends?

What advice did not I follow? Wasn't I suppose to accept that she rejected me and move on?

There is no point in being her friend... NONE! Especially when everything she does throws you for a loop. We have told you to not be friends with her until you are over it... you aren't over it, at all. Until you can talk to her without over analyzing ever single thing she does, you shouldn't try and be her friend. It is like trying to play mind games with your heart.

Hi I wish,

I know exactly what you are going through, but KC is correct. (I had to spread the rep!).

I went through something very similar with an ex boyfriend. I wanted so badly to be 'friends' with him again, and extended myself as you are doing (by offering to help check her papers, etc). On the surface I was trying to be altruistic but really I wanted to have the door open again and in a way expected him to hear my voice, see my kindness, and come back to me; reconsider. But that didn't happen. My point being is as much as it hurts, you must for your own good and happiness, let her go. I know it is a cliche' but time will heal you. When you get the urge to reach out to her, come here and talk with us instead.

You're right about how I'm over-analysing her actions. I was caught off guard, cause some girls can't stay friends with guys and I was expecting her to be the same.

But, I've been leading a different type of life. Many of my close girl friends are girls that I used to have feelings for. I let them know but they didn't feel the same way. Because the tension is gone, we definitely have a stronger friendship.

As for leaving the door open. Like I said, I've already accepted that she doesn't like me more than a friend so I'm not expecting anything more than a friendship. I wouldn't throw away a friendship just because the person doesn't feel the same way about me. You have to respect your friends, not hold it against them and stop yourself from being their friend.

I agree, nobody wants to throw away a friendship. But, she is making you analyze things again, which doesn't benefit you at all. I think you should at least give it more time (for you to heal more) and then possibly have a friendship down the road. But now, it is too soon.

Time will tell whether your ready, or not! Let us know.

Wow, I just re-read all the posts from beginning to end. I feel like I'm in a better position to understand what you guys said to be earlier. I just wanted to say that I'm glad that I posted my problem. I want to thank everyone who helped me out.

I admit, I was not able to fully follow all the advices early on. I was definitely suffering, but it was a necessary process for me to heal.

Now, I find myself giving the same advice to other people as you did for me. Funny how things turned out.

As for an update on my situation. I called her last weekend to wish her good luck on her exams. I was expecting the call to go to voicemail and just leave a short message. But she actually picked up and seemed pretty happy to hear from me. She did most of the talking, telling me that she still hasn't found a co-op job yet and that she's really stressed with school. I offered to help her find a job, so I'm looking but it's tough in this economy. She also sent me her essay so that I can help her correct (I've corrected her essays before, so nothing new).

Anyway, all this to say, I'm glad that I can talk to her normally again. Like you all said, she knows how I feel, if she wanted something to happen, she will let me know. But I'm not going to wait around for her anymore.

I know it sounds like I healed pretty fast, but remember we never dated, so there's no history between us.

But feel free to continue the harshness, cause it works!

She can be your friend.

Find someone else for a relationship.

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Originally Posted by Ash123

She can be your friend.

Find someone else for a relationship.

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I think so too. Two weeks ago, we spoke on the phone for a few minutes and she seemed fine. I texted her a few days later to wish her good luck on her exams and replied in 2 minutes to thank me. Then last Friday, I wanted to confied in her, so I called (she has call display) and texted her, but I haven't receive any response and it's already Monday. She might be busy, but she could have at least had the courtesy to tell me she's busy, right?

I feel like she only responds when she feels like it. I want to move on from her, everything feels so pointless with her now. I already blocked her on IM. I'm thinking of blocking her on Facebook, even though we don't use that to communicate, but does it look too suspicious? It will look like I don't even want to be friends with her, but I have no choice if I want to move on right?

If she calls or emails, I won't respond.